pls I need advice from matured minds, I have been married for nine years and I have not felt any form of a beautiful conjugal relationship. Right from the first day I practically beg my hubby to sleep with me and it's becoming frustrating, I am from a Good christain home and due to this I don't want to commit adultery, my hubby is making things to difficult for me, first he said he wanted one child I thought it was a joke till I gave birth to my first son and he said that was it. I had to trick him to getting another one now I'm stuck with just two boys he doesn't even want to consider having a female child, then as the only son he allows his parents call the shot in our home. I am honestly tired, I am just 32yrs of age petite and attractive I go out and meet other guys but won't want to have anything to do because I am married but in my home I'm starved for his responsiblity he hasn't touched me for close to two years. Is divorce the way out to this madness of so called marriage...

^ ^ ^ ^Didn't you guys talk about the no of kids you would have before getting married? How would you trick a man into giving him kids?

Why isn't he interested in romance and intimacy? You said it started from day one...does that mean he was never attracted to you from the beginning? Like even right after marriage

Story sounds fishy but seems like you might be saying the truth cos the write-up is not that coherent. So, i'm confused.

Op,can u explain urself well?who knows though its a faceless forum u might get a practicable answer.
I sincerly feel for u.let pple not make assumptions.

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^ ^Didn't you guys talk about the no of kids you would have before getting married? How would you trick a man into giving him kids?

Why isn't he interested in romance and intimacy? You said it started from day one...does that mean he was never attracted to you from the beginning? Like even right after marriage

Story sounds fishy but seems like you might be saying the truth cos the write-up is not that coherent. So, i'm confused.

like I said he wanted just one child he told me when we were courting but I felt he was joking, he didn't say it seriously oh, then on our wedding night I found out he wasn't experienced at all, that's okay with me but he is not just willing to learn and sometimes uses isex as a punishment when we have misunderstanding. He sees being intimate as hard work and as an ibo man would'nt want to allow it rub his ego..

In my opinion as a Christian,rather than commit adultery,just take a walk.u'll die of frustration cos from ur story,he does care.if u hv a heart to heart talk with him on the issue and he still doesn't budge,den i think u shld walk away.he must have issues he feels ashamed to talk about.homosexuals behave like that too.so put it in prayers,speak with him about it and if the situation is still d same,walk away.

You gave an ambiguous and not too detailed situation. Can you calmly try to describe the real issues you are battling with your husband? Is it mainly sex-ual starvation or total lack of affection/attention?

I will advise that you both see a marriage counselor together for a proper counsel especially about sex-ual matters. I do not want to ignorantly deduce that the big problem with you here is about lack/inadequate intimacy with your husband. I do read Funmi Akingbade's column on Saturday Punch, I think she will be in a good position to help both you and your husband out in this area.

You can get a Saturday punch and check sex and sex-uality section for her contact details. Get counsel and I believe you will get a solution.

It is well with your home.

bellong: You gave an ambiguous and not too detailed situation. Can you calmly try to describe the real issues you are battling with your husband? Is it mainly sex-ual starvation or total lack of affection/attention?

I will advise that you both see a marriage counselor together for a proper counsel especially about sex-ual matters. I do not want to ignorantly deduce that the big problem with you here is about lack/inadequate intimacy with your husband. I do read Funmi Akingbade's column on Saturday Punch, I think she will be in a good position to help both you and your husband out in this area.

You can get a Saturday punch and check sex and sex-uality section for her contact details. Get counsel and I believe you will get a solution.

It is well with your home.

bellong this is the second time i am concurring with your post. Your advise on this thread is also very wise and sensible. @op biblically, you can only divorce when your husband sleeps with another woman. Any other reason should be sorted out for, before drastic decision will be taken. Bellong advise is very okay. Please do give it a try.

CC just gave u a matured advice.
There is more goin on but I think that for it to hv degeneratd to this level,u also bears d blame.
R u ibo?,if no is ur answer,why do u deduct that igbo men r proud?
Did u enter into ur marriage with dis mindset?
Hv u bn bruisin his ego? Hv u taken any initiative whatsoever to build ur sex life?
R u 2 still in lv?
Did u enter into marriage subtly?
Is there another woman by d side?
Might he by any chance hvin secondary impotency?
My dear,as u can c,there is a lot of ?s only u can answer
D best counsellin is one bw d two of u.like CC said,u hv to start afresh.u know ur hubby,approach him with a diff mindset,apologise for ur earlier mistake.most importantly pray for wisdom
It will take time.be patience.one step at a time.

G. A. Y perhaps? This story seems quite hard to believe.

Maybe he's getting it elsewhere

prettyirene: pls I need advice from matured minds, I have been married for nine years and I have not felt any form of a beautiful conjugal relationship. Right from the first day I practically beg my hubby to sleep with me and it's becoming frustrating, I am from a Good christain home and due to this I don't want to commit adultery, my hubby is making things to difficult for me, first he said he wanted one child I thought it was a joke till I gave birth to my first son and he said that was it. I had to trick him to getting another one now I'm stuck with just two boys he doesn't even want to consider having a female child, then as the only son he allows his parents call the shot in our home. I am honestly tired, I am just 32yrs of age petite and attractive I go out and meet other guys but won't want to have anything to do because I am married but in my home I'm starved for his responsiblity he hasn't touched me for close to two years. Is divorce the way out to this madness of so called marriage...

he wanted just one child!
you tricked him into getting 2 kids. he knew he got tricked and he doesn't want to get tricked again into getting number 3.

serve your punishment & stop moaning!

coogar:

he wanted just one child!
you tricked him into getting 2 kids. he knew he got tricked and he doesn't want to get tricked again into getting number 3.

serve your punishment & stop moaning!

And this part?

prettyirene: pls I need advice from matured minds, I have been married for nine years and I have not felt any form of a beautiful conjugal relationship. Right from the first day I practically beg my hubby to sleep with me and it's becoming frustrating, I am from a Good christain home and due to this I don't want to commit adultery, my hubby is making things to difficult for me, first he said he wanted one child I thought it was a joke till I gave birth to my first son and he said that was it. I had to trick him to getting another one now I'm stuck with just two boys he doesn't even want to consider having a female child, then as the only son he allows his parents call the shot in our home. I am honestly tired, I am just 32yrs of age petite and attractive I go out and meet other guys but won't want to have anything to do because I am married but in my home I'm starved for his responsiblity he hasn't touched me for close to two years. Is divorce the way out to this madness of so called marriage...

ileobatojo:
And this part?

that part is just sugarcoating to sweeten the story.
come on - by now you should have learnt how to separate the chaff from the wheat!

she said her hubby wanted only one child and yet she practically begged him to slëep with her from day one. how did the husband expect to get his one child in the first place if he had to be begged to havë sex?

was he going to shït the baby out of his rectum?

ileoba, answers on a postcard please.....

I have never heard of a man whose libido is this low.. He probably has medical issues he is too shy to let you into.
But two years sha?
What have you guys been doing since?

slimyem: I have never heard of a man whose libido is this low.. He probably has medical issues he is too shy to let you into.
But two years sha?
What have you guys been doing since?

Point of correction, NINE not TWO!

slimyem: I have never heard of a man whose libido is this low.. He probably has medical issues he is too shy to let you into.
But two years sha?
What have you guys been doing since?

This might be a case of more than low libido.there is so much more goin on here.I think d man was lured and forced into d union cos I can't imagine a married man that's not ready to devour his wife at least that initial time.
He is not emotionally connected at all.
I know a case exactly like this.
If d union is not favourable to u 2,why not call it quit? Free urself and the man 2.there is no need livin in such an agony.
just saying sha...

alutacontinua:

Point of correction, NINE not TWO!

see below..

he hasn't
touched me for close to two years.

.

kreami diva: In my opinion as a Christian,rather than commit adultery,just take a walk.u'll die of frustration cos from ur story,he does care.if u hv a heart to heart talk with him on the issue and he still doesn't budge,den i think u shld walk away.he must have issues he feels ashamed to talk about.homosexuals behave like that too.so put it in prayers,speak with him about it and if the situation is still d same,walk away.

Your husband must be a bi-sexu

2 years of drought? Lawdy! He can't be serious. Get a boyfriend.

coogar:

that part is just sugarcoating to sweeten the story.
come on - by now you should have learnt how to separate the chaff from the wheat!

she said her hubby wanted only one child and yet she practically begged him to slëep with her from day one. how did the husband expect to get his one child in the first place if he had to be begged to havë sex?

was he going to shït the baby out of his rectum?

ileoba, answers on a postcard please.....

Rotfl!


Ok genius, I know it's not easy for you to understand deep concepts such as these but wanting a child does not equate to being interested in sex. The sex could just be a necessary means to an end. For a real life example, see Michael Jackson.

ileobatojo:
Rotfl!

hahaha....
you can say nonsense all in the name of trying to sound intelligent!

Ok genius, I know it's not easy for you to understand deep concepts such as these but wanting a child does not equate to being interested in sex.

and it doesn't equate to bring practically begged to have sëx from day one. use your horse sense when reading and learn to trash out the fiction in a story!

The sex could just be a necessary means to an end. For a real life example, see Michael Jackson.

except that it wasn't the case here according to the poster. she said hubby wanted one child from the start but she had to keep begging him to have sëx.....how would he have achieved having a baby if he's being begged to have sëx?

it's either the op is lying about having to beg him or she's lying the hubby wanted one child from the outset. those are two contradicting angles. then again, reports told is MJ had intense sëx and enjoyed sëx with lisa -contrary to the nonsense you are trying to propagate here.

ileoba, once again....you got schooled!

coogar:

ileoba, once again....you got schooled!

That's purely a dream....Which by the way, will never come true!

coogar:

and it doesn't equate to bring practically begged to have sëx from day one.

It doesn't equate to it. It also doesn't exclude it.

coogar:

except that it wasn't the case here according to the poster. she said hubby wanted one child from the start but she had to keep begging him to have sëx.....how would he have achieved having a baby if he's being begged to have sëx?

Olodo! So what you're saying is, the desire to have one child equates to a huge libido, or even any kind of libido at all? Forget libido, does it equate to sexual attraction? Or attraction to the opposite sex, period? What does it take to have one child? Does it take more than keeping it up for 1 minute? So according to you, the fact that he has one child makes him a raging sex addict? Lawd help me!

coogar:

it's either the op is lying about having to beg him or she's lying the hubby wanted one child from the outset. those are two contradicting angles.

It's contradictory only to those who have refused to use their God given brain cells!

@op, are youi sure you are very truthful and honest with what you wrote here, if yes, then,find a way of communicating with your hubby during his less busy period, tell him all our grieviances, tell him how you have been enduring the marriage instead of enjoying the marriage, tell him how he has been starving you of love,romance and s...ex, tell him everything that is bothering you, not with a raised voice but with all sincerity and humility. Above all, tell him you are determine to take a walk if hes not ready to change, the responses he would give you determines your next line of action.
For example, if he tells you that, if you want to go, you are free, then, it means the love is absolutely not there again and then, you are free, but if he comes up with some reasonable explainations, it means your marriage can still be worked on, and that means you need a lot of patience and need to tolerate him more while the two of you strive to make your marriage more blissful.
May God help you both

Thanks every one for your advice but the truth is from day one , I have begged, I have talked in private and in public, we have even gone for marriage counselling but nothing seems to be working! Becos of this issue it has caused a lot of disrespect and resentment toward him from me, I'm always angry. We separated initially for some time but reconcile thinking things would work out but it remains the same. I have even spoken to my mum and big aunt but what everyone says is endure becos of the kids.. How long will one endure I'm just open because I need people in similar condition to advice me on what to do..

So we till have such men in this era?

This issue seems like a case of a homosexual man still in the closet.
He was seperated for a reason from his wife, they got reconciled & he is still in such quandary.
Ask him point blank if he is into you or not. I didn't read anything about cheating from the Op, so I guess hubby might just not be into WOMEN at all.
No beating around the bush, put ur questions directly, "hubby, what exactly do you want? Should I stay or go?"
Let him have some time to think it out.
Married Life is too good to endure for this long because of issues such as this.

Baba Oyo: This issue seems like a case of a homosexual man still in the closet.
He was seperated for a reason from his wife, they got reconciled & he is still in such quandary.
Ask him point blank if he is into you or not. I didn't read anything about cheating from the Op, so I guess hubby might just not be into WOMEN at all.
No beating around the bush, put ur questions directly, "hubby, what exactly do you want? Should I stay or go?"
Let him have some time to think it out.
Married Life is too good to endure for this long because of issues such as this.

Lool, my thoughts exactly. Seems to me someone just wanted a child to fulfill all righteousness with his family, and preferably a boy. So he doesn't need anymore from OP, neither does he need the sex. If this were to be this case, then it is sad. Because of the level of deception and emotional abuse this poor OP would have been through. This is why I advocate freedom of gays, though not necessarily in case of marriage. But I think they should be free to be themselves to save everyone from trouble and heartache. The guy doesn't like sex with women, period. OP was most likely arranged for him by family or hastily married. Arranged marriages can go any direction. The spouse may be mentally challenged, gay, or a good guy with badluck in relationships. Anything can happen in such situations.

andyanders:

Your husband must be a bi-sexu

.Nna Andy wetin i do u naw?which one be my husband and bi-sexual again for my comment : Na wah o. I hv read stories and i know the profile of gay men.no be by experience!

Baba Oyo: This issue seems like a case of a homosexual man still in the closet..

my thoughts exactly too.