Be4 i could answer the topic was closed.
In Nigeria we have the Traditional wedding .There is a way a man and a woman live together that they are considered as married.
After all is wine carrying not just all about saying in front of witness that you are married.
When you have children for the man and he accepts thats it people will consider you as the "Wife" andhim as the "Husband" .
If the man calls the mother of his kids my" wife" (even if they did not carry wine or marry in church what so ever.Nobody will have the boldness tocome out and say it is not true.

Maybe some one knows better .
But if a woman packs into the boyfriends house and starts calling her self mrs Boyfriend , if the man dose not protest are the married or not.(Under traditional law.)

i don't think it's right (from the yoruba traditional background in Nigeria)

it's as good as running from home with a man
but this days we youths perform wonders,
it's wrong, except she doesn't have parents or guardian or whatever


it's wrong

but in such situation,
well if u are too far from home
ie his home, or her home
as long as a family (his or hers) is involved,
and accepted

it is ok

@mamaput

if one will be sincere, it is very wrong.
if the guy drives u out of his house where do u go.u will hv to go home and nothing will happen .u can't hold him responsible because nobody is responsible for u marry him.
at least he should hv seen ur parent for acceptance even if he can pay the dairy which is even free most time nowadays.
what l will advice u to do now is for the two of u to visit ur parent and reconcile with them for ur own interest, because l am sure they will never be happy with u and possible u might also be happy at the long run because the guy will never respect and ur entire family so nobody will be able talk to him.
u might think l am too hard, but that is the truth

As the pushy mum will say "were are the real lawyers":
No offence at Nosu .
But lets look into what the traditional law says.
I live with you i answer your name and we have a baby together In Nigeria.
I follow you to your place in xmas you come to my village at Easter. In your Village am in your family house and in my village you in my family house.
But (Big but) we never celebrated any form of marrage.
Are we married traditionally or not?
I mean i can go to courth get married and go home with out making party.
Is it not the same for traditional law if?

this is my point, l am not saying there must be a big partying./ceremony. what l meant is if ur parent don't agree with the union it is wrong and if they are , no problem u are on the right track. my emphasis is on the conception of ur parents, they must in agreement with the union.

Marriage is contracted when the dowry is paid and not when sexual intercourse occurred. So even it they cohabitate for 30 yrs, she may even born children for the man without pride price paid, they are only lovers {adulterers in christianity} and not married couple. If the man drives him out of the house, she cannot make any claim because she have not interest in the house, she is only a guest not a co owner. She can as well wake up one day and go away even with her children, they man cannot claim to be the father because, he did not marry her. Whatever she make away with in the man's house is her dividend of whoredom.

Soundmind:

Marriage is contracted when the dowry is paid and not when sexual intercourse occurred. So even it they cohabitate for 30 years, she may even born children for the man without pride price paid, they are only lovers {adulterers in christianity} and not married couple. If the man drives him out of the house, she cannot make any claim because she have not interest in the house, she is only a guest not a co owner. She can as well wake up one day and go away even with her children, they man cannot claim to be the father because, he did not marry her. Whatever she make away with in the man's house is her dividend of whoredom.

Can we have a round of applause for this brilliant answer??! Well said, soundmind!!

edatika:

but in such situation,
well if u are too far from home
ie his home, or her home
as long as a family (his or hers) is involved,
and accepted

it is ok

I just can't believe you said that!! What makes it ok? The fact that they are far from home? Isn't there any form of transportation to get back to their homes? Or can't the families of the couple carry out the traditional wedding rites in their absence?

Here in the state of Georgia in The US if a man and a woman live together and share the same address (supposedly boyfriend and girlfriend), under common law marriage they can be considered married and properties acquired during that period is distributed/shared as if they are married in court. Here it is called commn law marriage regardless of if any parent or family member concors or not.

women should have more pride in their womanhood and not go around co-habiting and bearing babies for a man who doesn't want a proper commitment.
Marriage is a contract and there are certain things to be done to validate any contract.
If he refuses to sign on the dotted lines be it at the altar, Justice of the peace or asking for your hand in a traditional setting ,he is not yet serious.
I wish ladies would stop cheapening themselves this way.

Rlst84sale:

Here in the state of Georgia in The US if a man and a woman live together and share the same address (supposedly boyfriend and girlfriend), under common law marriage they can be considered married and properties acquired during that period is distributed/shared as if they are married in court. Here it is called commn law marriage regardless of if any parent or family member concors or not.

Marriage by default.
How pathetic
Which parents wish this on their daughters.
how long does it take to go to the courthouse or Vegas drive through?
that shows how much the man values her
Keep her until she's shrivelled up and menopausal then call her commonlaw
what a name!

@sale, what law is that? they will first send the man out of the house if she call 911 for domestic violent. but if the man own the house even if you have the same address , they will send woman out if the house is in the name of the man. one of my sister was married to a man here in chicago, the man baught the house before he married the woman. the police came ans send the lady and her new baby out. they are both yoruba couple

sad.
Why couldn't the man stay with the baby?
It's bad enough leaving your home but with a small baby?

here in america, they give the baby to the mother. the man cannot take the baby

Yinka,

Please check the appropriate law for each state on certain circumstances very well, each state is different it all depends on the situation, in some cases the man may end up having custody of the kids or other way round. Notwithsatnding, here in Georgia, regardless of who calls the police they have to determine if there is imminent danger or who is at fault before they determine who should leave the house for the other. Every case depends on factors surounding the domestic dispute.

No matter what the problem is I think two people should know each other very well before they decide to take their relationship to the next level. I don't believe people should start living together except they have been married in the appropriate way talkless of having kids.

Rlst84sale:

Yinka,

Please check the appropriate law for each state on certain circumstances very well, each state is different it all depends on the situation, in some cases the man may end up having custody of the kids or other way round. Notwithsatnding, here in Georgia, regardless of who calls the police they have to determine if there is imminent danger or who is at fault before they determine who should leave the house for the other. Every case depends on factors surounding the their domestic dispute.

No matter what the problem is I think two people should know each other very well before they decide to take their relationship to the next level. I don't believe people should start living together except they have been married in the appropriate way talkless of having kids.

Usually in a domestic call, the job of the police is to seperate the 2 parties concerned at that point in time.
They are not a law court and if there's any physical evidence for instance that the woman has been hurt,the man leaves the home at least for the night.
For the woman to leave the home with a small baby she must have been the aggressor.

I don't agree with Yinka that her cousin left because the house was the man's before the marriage.
As long as they are married, the house becomes joint property.
He no longer has any claim to the house more than she does.
That is the law in the USA.

that is not true, that is what we taught me until the girl was send parking. i own my house before i married and when i divorce my house is not joint, i still have my house. no joint anything

shenique, i agree with you, this people are married for a while before they got married. there is no garantee in any marriage. sometimes this men want to do whatever they want while they are married but the woman cannot that is why we have aalot of divorcee here in american, nigerian perticularly. mostly yoruba men. you will see ibo man treating his wife like egg, holding her, treating her like a wife, respect her, cherish her. you cannot have your cake and eat it too. alot of them here in chicago will have a lovely wife with kids and also have another one outside the matrimony have her ring too having another family outside. i think most of our yoruba men here should change there attitude and there bad behavior too, expecially the one that live here in america.

no be yinka say she don marry arab abi na oyinbo before? you come dey complain about 9ja boys. carry comot jare. where your former husband now?

when una don finish una lives with all those men, una no still fit complain about them but una go dey come run mouth for 9ja guys. Make una go follow the good men o

which kind name be sheniqua? That one get meaning?

i think it is very wrong.

A lady leaving with a man, and assuming she is a wife without proper marriage or at least introduction from both families accepting each other, its very wrong and at the lady risk.

if a woman has a child for a man without traditional or legal right performance, she is not a wife she is just a sleeping mate.

the man can anytime say he his tired and have rights to send the woman packing since her pride price was not paid.

My aunt fall victim of this, she was leaving with this man and has four kids, they live in Portharcourt, and no one knows the husband or the family, he only visited us in lagos once, now the man said he hs no longer interested in my aunt and send her packing, without the kids.
its an issue going on presently at hime, but my point i prove to my mum was , she is not married to this man, so the man can prove in court . though what the man did his very wrong and wicked, but the law will favour him because there was never any legal or traditionall union between them.

in conclusion it is very wrong, and i think women should be wise enough, getting pregnant for a man does not mean automatic wife if the man do not pay the pride price and come and prostrate to marry u.
that instinct some sense in men , not to misbehave.

the trend is common this days all over the world not only Nigeria, but it is very wrong and women often suffers it and the end.

@justdumb, you must be one of those ignorant man. it is ok to express how i fell, weather married to naija, oyinbo, arab, it does not matter , what matter is women should be treated with respect in any race, any nationality. when a woman is doing well or making more money, or have her own business , it can be intimidating. i know people here that are very happily married and the one that left there wife for another woman because they have there own business, i have seen them all. they are married legally with the family involve in there marriage and the marriage went down the drain. it is just not meant to be, marriage is not garantee. pray for your soulmate. i know people here that got married second time and they are happily married with no problem because the man change his attitude about women. i did not regret been married before because maybe it is not meant to be. i am not here looking, i am here to read about what is going on in nigerian community, i have been gone from home 12yrs never visited. justdumb dont like the true, they said the truth is bitter but i will say what i feel. god bless american, there is freedom of speech. this place is for people to communicate and express there feelings not to make enemy.

yinkausa:

@justdumb, you must be one of those ignorant man. it is ok to express how i fell, weather married to naija, oyinbo, arab, it does not matter , what matter is women should be treated with respect in any race, any nationality. when a woman is doing well or making more money, or have her own business , it can be intimidating. i know people here that are very happily married and the one that left there wife for another woman because they have there own business, i have seen them all. they are married legally with the family involve in there marriage and the marriage went down the drain. it is just not meant to be, marriage is not garantee. pray for your soulmate. i know people here that got married second time and they are happily married with no problem because the man change his attitude about women. i did not regret been married before because maybe it is not meant to be. i am not here looking, i am here to read about what is going on in nigerian community, i have been gone from home 12yrs never visited. justdumb don't like the true, they said the truth is bitter but i will say what i feel. god bless american, there is freedom of speech. this place is for people to communicate and express there feelings not to make enemy.

First thing is that you need to get an English teacher now that you are in America.

Secondly, you can take your bitterness away. There are many women married happily to 9ja men and they wont touch any other nationality for anything. You should addrsss your personal problems before pointing at other people as reasons for your failure to have a settled home.

justdumb, i am educated, registered nurse. i am very happy , no regret.

@People

Be nice, afterall english is not our father's language we all learn it someway/somehow besides it doesn't depicts ultimate level of intelligence. As for the attitude thingie that sometimes comes with large vloume of monthly bills that roll in here in America so get used to it y'all, lol. God bless Naija.

yinkausa:

justdumb, i am educated, registered nurse. i am very happy , no regret.

your level of education is very obvious, isn't it?