Efemena_xy:

Her story is so one sided!

She's hiding stuff from us. How then can one help her based on limited information.

Una get time sha.

Sorry I was very busy at work that's why I'm just replying.

I don't know what other information you need.
I've given all I know.

Dlyna:

Sorry I was very busy at work that's why I'm just replying.

I don't know what other information you need.
I've given all I know.

Why are your aunt's against you marrying a man from Imo state? Surely you must have asked them why??

Efemena_xy:

Why are your aunt's against you marrying a man from Imo state? Surely you must have asked them why??

I honestly don't know what else you want me to say.
They want me to marry an Anambra man. I guess its because I'm the first daughter.

Dlyna:

I honestly don't know what else you want me to say.
They want me to marry an Anambra man. I guess its because I'm the first daughter.

You're not making much sense!

Your aunts say you shouldn't marry this man because he's from Imo state. You're in tears, can't eat, sleep or function and yet you didn't think to ask them why not?

You let people make life-changing decisions for you and even if these decisions don't favour you, you don't at the very least want to know why??

You're guessing...guessing isn't good enough girl. I don't know how you expect things to work out well for you, if you're afraid to ask basic questions like "why not?"

'Guessing' is a wrong word.
That's actually the reason.

Dlyna: 'Guessing' is a wrong word.
That's actually the reason.

So you're aunt's don't want you to marry this man from Imo state because you're the first daughter?

Seriously, does that make sense, even to you?

Efemena_xy:

So you're aunt's don't want you to marry this man from Imo state because you're the first daughter?

Seriously, does that make sense, even to you?

You want to go into marriage with this attitude?
You can't even make decisions for yourself.
Don't worry continue listening to them till you get old in your fathers house.

Better ask those aunties to mind their business.
If worse comes to worst get pregnant for your fiance let's see what happens.

its not just because I'm the First daughter but also because he isn't Anambra.

I know it sounds stupid that's why I'm looking for a way out.

How do I make this work?

^^ A way out of what?

A way out of this dilemma.
A way to make them approve,
And most of all a way to make this marriage happen.

Op,
Same happened to me but it was my parents that refused.They said people from his place are wicked and don't know how to marry wife.It's anambra vs Imo,anambra vs enugu,anambra vs abia etc.It never really ends.
At a point,cos of my insistence people thought my husband jazzed me cos they could't see what it was about him that made me want him at all costs.Many people called me to dissuade me,i was introduced to better looking,richer guys but i refused.
It's not like they even knew him well oo,they just held his state of origin against him.His folks came to my house and begged sef,
I stood my ground and told them that if they had said something bad about him as a person,it would have been more tolerable.I told them to ask people about him and find out about his family as a whole.My parents then went on fact finding mission oo and heard only good reports about him from even my relatives that know him.It's not like he's perfect but the man is a good and kind man.so,they started interacting with him,and got to spend time with him and his family as well.It took a while,plenty crying,i even made threats sef and in the end they capitulated.I did all this cos i had dated him and knew to a big extent that he was exactly what i was looking for.

Today,they love him soooo much and use him as example.I thank God that i struck gold in my choice of cos it would have been like film show if what they predicted came to pass.

Have you asked what their reason is?
How well do you know your fiance?How long have you known him? Is he worth the hassle?if you insist and get married to him,you have to be ready to be very mature as in if you both have any problems,you solve within yourselves, cos if he sneezes and it touches you,if you complain they'll say you were warned.Everyone will be on the lookout to hear the day you'll say that Imo man has dealt with me,or see what he did so that they'll have reason to say that it's an attribute of Imo people.

call them and speak with them,tell them about him,ask them to meet him,talk with him.Sometimes,parents see so much,much more than we that are in love so it will be very good for you to know what exactly is making them soo vehement.Then refute whatever it is with wisdom.If you are very very sure that he's what you want,you must stand your ground.At a point i was considering a lot of bad things,like eloping and even secret court marriage..

If you persevere,they will eventually see reason with you.


Good luck.

Dlyna: @chidera
Its not just Imo's
They said she doesn't want us to marry outside Anambra.

Oh! my goodness God, for no just reason? No something must be wrong somewhere, if they don't have a valid reason else where I don't support them anymore. Buy yet still I will not advice you to go ahead and marry against your parents' wish, marriage is something that last for life time so we have to be very careful about it, beside Parents blessing in marriage is very important and can lead to an extra mile.
Like I said before, God will surely come for your intervenetion right away

@efemena
I can assure you she can't give you any logical reason why her aunts are against her fiancé other than he is not from her state. That is how mad these sets of people are. Only a mumu, lily-livered mgbeke girl would take them seriously.

When oppositions like dis come in, I'd rather ask,
'Is this man God's will for me'
How do you know if these oppositions are in fact 'evil' and not a warning sign?
.
Not everything should be taken at face value. Call on God. U are not tied to d man in question yet.
Pray for God to show U his will.

stillwater: @efemena
I can assure you she can't give you any logical reason why her aunts are against her fiancé other than he is not from her state. That is how mad these sets of people are. Only a mumu, lily-livered mgbeke girl would take them seriously.

Then in that case, she's not ready to get married.

Her responses so far indicate that she is both immature and needs to develop a backbone.

If you are sure of your man then stick to him like glue, bear one thing in mind those Aunts of yours are Happily married and you didn't have a say in their choice of a spouse why must they chose yours now..I'm beginning to think that you're too young for marriage since you can't stand your ground in such matters... Omoge, use your head dis na Naija and Real Men wey wan settle down are hard to find... Don't Bleep this Opportunity cuz of Sentiments....

^^ She certainly isn't ready yet.

She needs to give it a few more years. No point rushing into marriage. If her aunts can have so much sway over her pre-marriage, then how much power would they wield over her post marriage? I bet her aunts' word would reign high over her husbands. They'd still be dictating to her, how to run her home...

Nah, she's not ready.

Efemena_xy:

So you're aunt's don't want you to marry this man from Imo state because you're the first daughter?

Seriously, does that make sense, even to you?

It makes a lot of sense,most Anambra parents prefer their daughters to marry indigenes,they have no valid reason for that.

Is there anybody like anambra man

Is anambra a state or a tribe

In the old state when anambra and enugu were one stae, was there anything like anambra man

Please explain

Seems the issue is not even about the behaviour or family history or whether he has bastards or he is a ritualist but just that he was born on thw wrong side of the bordder

You have not told us how convinced you are of this man being the person you want to spend your life with

Maybe that is God's way of slowing your love roll so you can be sure

But if you convicted in your heart that this is your flesh of flesh
You may need to go fire for fire


But if not..OYO

If your aunties have such a hold over your life and you assent to it then my submission below
Ok oooo wait for imo man abi no be the same mbaise wey dey for imo state
Soon you go dey cry say aunty no want make you marry mbaise man

Next year no idemili man

No worry when you old reach, nobody go give you brain

byvan:
It makes a lot of sense,most Anambra parents prefer their daughters to marry indigenes,they have no valid reason for that.

How does making life-changing decisions on behalf of someone for no valid reason make sense??

If you were to tell me that her aunts based their decisions purely on tribalism, then yeah, we're getting somewhere.

Efemena_xy:

How does making life-changing decisions on behalf of someone for no valid reason make sense??

If you were to tell me that her aunts based their decisions purely on tribalism, then yeah, we're getting somewhere.

Yes,the decision is purely based on tribalism,i can remember the long and unsolicited advice an elderly woman gave me about marrying my husband because he is not from Anambra.i won't tell Op what to do because people are different,if my marriage was resisted for no just reason then I would have had a registry wedding without them.May be they ll re consider and collect a bride price when they finally figure out that am not kidding.

Dlyna: @chidera
Its not just Imo's
They said she doesn't want us to marry outside Anambra.

What happens when/if National Boundary Commission re-designs anambra state, and ur place isn't called anambra anymore? Or will they still disapprove of initial anambra ppl now in another state?

If you've not broken any of ur parent's rules/laws, you not grown

1000+ likes

bknight:

What happens when/if National Boundary Commission re-designs anambra state, and ur place isn't called anambra anymore? Or will they still disapprove of initial anambra ppl now in another state?

If you've not broken any of ur parent's rules/laws, you not grown

biolabee: 1000+ likes

Efemena_xy:

You're not making much sense!

Your aunts say you shouldn't marry this man because he's from Imo state. You're in tears, can't eat, sleep or function and yet you didn't think to ask them why not?

You let people make life-changing decisions for you and even if these decisions don't favour you, you don't at the very least want to know why??

You're guessing...guessing isn't good enough girl. I don't know how you expect things to work out well for you, if you're afraid to ask basic questions like "why not?"

You probably don't understand the Anambrarians much . .

The are the most ethnic of the Igbo culture . . and very very proud of their origin. An Anambra person somehow thinks h/she is better than Igbos from other states. They believe they make better husbands and wives. So it's not entirely uncommon to see families with this type of ban . . . No marrying from outside the state.

Aside from that, many people believe Imo men (especially) are lazy and cannot take care of their wives, well not as much as an Anambra man can.

It's a load of crap, but it does exist!

Dlyna: I'm in a serious dilemma.

My Aunts don't want me to marry to my fiance because he's Imo and I'm Anambra.

They said my late mum never wanted any of her children to marry an Imo guy.
I thought it was a joke until after my fiance came to see my dad with his people.
My dad welcomed and accepted them but now my aunts have successfully convinced him otherwise.

My dad asked me to forget about the marriage.
I don't know what else to do.
I've begged, cried, talked but nothing is working.
The scary part now is that my younger sis said my mum appeared to her in her dreams and told her I shouldn't go.

My fiance is shattered and I'm lost and exhausted.
I'm really confused and don't know what to do.

As wrong as it is to generalize, there's no denying the fact that this ethnic discrimination was founded on real life experiences.

But nobody knows the man you about to marry more than yourself. Remember you have to live with him, not your Aunts.

Make your decision and stick to . . and be prepared to live with the consequences.!

Ujujoan:

You probably don't understand the Anambrarians much . .

The are the most ethnic of the Igbo culture . . and very very proud of their origin. An Anambra person somehow thinks h/she is better than Igbos from other states. They believe they make better husbands and wives. So it's not entirely uncommon to see families with this type of ban . . . No marrying from outside the state.

Aside from that, many people believe Imo men (especially) are lazy and cannot take care of their wives, well not as much as an Anambra man can.

It's a load of crap, but it does exist!

Thank you ! ! you got the main koko!!

Chidera Favour: This is very serious, but have you ever bothered to know why your late mum warned that none of you should get married to Imo people? I think that there must be a good reason for that, to the extent of appearing to your younger sister in a dream. Please am not saying that your family are 100% correct for not letting you marry your dream man but where a child is pointing to while crying either his father or mother must be there. In marriage some times, parents expecially the mum plays a great part in approving life partner, if your mum is not in support of your chosing partner try your possible best to get her convinced because if you ignore her, the marriage is 70% sure of hiting the rock. Now your mum is no more and she is not in support of the marriage, where can you see her to convince her mind? Please my sister I'm very sorry to say this, if you have tried all your possible best to get the approval of your family and didnt succide I beg you let that marriage go, pray that God should give you a partner that will be cherished by everyone. I know that it is not that easy sha! but just try you must surely get over it, in this world, nothing is too good nor too bad depending on the area you looked about it, after all the beautiful ones they said are not yet born, meaning that there is nothing that is the best thing in this world, and nothing now will happen in this world that had never happened before. Once again I pray that God will come right away to intervene in that your case.
Good luck!

Total crap abeg, its like your parents telling you that all Hausa men are Boko Haram and therefore you must not marry a Hausa man. I can't count the number of peeps that followed your kind of advise and are now cheating on their spouses cos they married who they felt would please their family members and dumped the ones they wanted to marry.

Ujujoan:


As wrong as it is to generalize, there's no denying the fact that this ethnic discrimination was founded on real life experiences.

But nobody knows the man you about to marry more than yourself. Remember you have to live with him, not your Aunts.

Make your decision and stick to . . and be prepared to live with the consequences.!

Then if that's what this is all about, it is very, very wrong.

Tarring a whole group of people with the same brush isn't very nice nor does it prove a thing. Every individual is different. Oh well, t'is not my battle but @OP's.

Like I mentioned earlier, if she hasn't got the backbone to put her feet firmly down against the odds, (i.e standing up to her aunts or at the very least, work with them and try to convince them to her way of thinking), then she really isn't ready to set sail in the matrimonial boat.

It also goes to prove that she herself isn't 100% sure of her man and has doubts about him, otherwise, she would have fought his corner...

Efemena_xy:

Then if that's what this is all about, it is very, very wrong.

Tarring a whole group of people with the same brush isn't very nice nor does it prove a thing. Every individual is different. Oh well, t'is not my battle but @OP's.

Like I mentioned earlier, if she hasn't got the backbone to put her feet firmly down against the odds, (i.e standing up to her aunts or at the very least, work with them and try to convince them to her way of thinking), then she really isn't ready to set sail in the matrimonial boat.

It also goes to prove that she herself isn't 100% sure of her man and has doubts about him, otherwise, she would have fought his corner...

I think the bolded is what she needs help on how to go about.

Efemena_xy:

Then if that's what this is all about, it is very, very wrong.

Tarring a whole group of people with the same brush isn't very nice nor does it prove a thing. Every individual is different. Oh well, t'is not my battle but @OP's.

Like I mentioned earlier, if she hasn't got the backbone to put her feet firmly down against the odds, (i.e standing up to her aunts or at the very least, work with them and try to convince them to her way of thinking), then she really isn't ready to set sail in the matrimonial boat.

It also goes to prove that she herself isn't 100% sure of her man and has doubts about him, otherwise, she would have fought his corner...

The first bolded settles it.. the second bolded is what i think is the issue..
She may have seen certain things that have tingled her senses and needs help clearing her thoughts...

Until she tells more, no one can help

@OP, do you any mature unbiased mother-figure that can give you a different perspective on marital issues.. in church or a mentor etc

alutacontinua:

I think the bolded is what she needs help on how to go about.

No.

The decision to put her foot down and fight for her man (if she really believes he's the one for her), has to come from within. It has to be a fire burning deep inside her. The fire of love for the one she believes she truly wants to spend the rest of her life with.

Telling her how to go about it only proves that she isn't ready. You don't tell / show a woman in love how to get her man. She instinctively knows what to do and how to do it, be it by-fire-by-force.