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Add your jokes here now!!!

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.

Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying.

Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy.

You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job.

Thank you,
Yours Truly,
Ayo Powell.

A young man came into a bar and ordered a drink, after ordering it he didn't drink it immediately. Then a fat, thirsty trouble-making truck driver came and drank it.

MAN: Why did you do that? You've just helped in ruining d rest of my day!

TRUCK DRIVER: Don't worry man but I couldn't just stand there and watch you stare at your drink like that while I was thirsty...but if you want I can buy you 2 bottles.

MAN: That's not it, today is the worst day of my life first I woke up late for work then I didn't take my bath took my car which eventually broke down on the road and by the time I got to my office my secretary told me my boss wanted to see me and as I entered his office he gave me a letter and told me to get the hell out his office.

Took a cab back home and saw my wife in bed with another man, I tried to confront the man but got beat up and then I taught of the easiest way of ending my life so I poisoned my drink and you spoilt it by gulping it.

TRUCK DRIVER:

Alex Powell: HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

OldJoke Yawns

Caro was walking down the road when Akpos passed by holding a Pig.

CARO: What are you doing with this goat walking on the street.
AKPOS: [Laughing] Silly you its not a goat its a Pig.
CARO: Sorry, I was talking to the Pig!
Akpos:

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said:

VOICE: Hi, how are you?
ME: Embarrassed I'm doing fine?
VOICE: So what are you up to?
ME: Just doing the same as you , sitting here!
VOICE: Can I come over?
ME: [Annoyed] Rather busy right now!

The voice then said "Listen , I will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions."

ME: Oops!

[color=#990000][/color][b][/b]

Alex Powell: A young man came into a bar and ordered a drink, after ordering it he didn't drink it immediately. Then a fat, thirsty trouble-making truck driver came and drank it.

MAN: Why did you do that? You've just helped in ruining d rest of my day!

TRUCK DRIVER: Don't worry man but I couldn't just stand there and watch you stare at your drink like that while I was thirsty...but if you want I can buy you 2 bottles.

MAN: That's not it, today is the worst day of my life first I woke up late for work then I didn't take my bath took my car which eventually broke down on the road and by the time I got to my office my secretary told me my boss wanted to see me and as I entered his office he gave me a letter and told me to get the hell out his office.

Took a cab back home and saw my wife in bed with another man, I tried to confront the man but got beat up and then I taught of the easiest way of ending my life so I poisoned my drink and you spoilt it by gulping it.

TRUCK DRIVER:

[b]

Alex Powell: A young man came into a bar and ordered a drink, after ordering it he didn't drink it immediately. Then a fat, thirsty trouble-making truck driver came and drank it.

MAN: Why did you do that? You've just helped in ruining d rest of my day!

TRUCK DRIVER: Don't worry man but I couldn't just stand there and watch you stare at your drink like that while I was thirsty...but if you want I can buy you 2 bottles.

MAN: That's not it, today is the worst day of my life first I woke up late for work then I didn't take my bath took my car which eventually broke down on the road and by the time I got to my office my secretary told me my boss wanted to see me and as I entered his office he gave me a letter and told me to get the hell out his office.

Took a cab back home and saw my wife in bed with another man, I tried to confront the man but got beat up and then I taught of the easiest way of ending my life so I poisoned my drink and you spoilt it by gulping it.

TRUCK DRIVER:

[/b]

Alex Powell: A young man came into a bar and ordered a drink, after ordering it he didn't drink it immediately. Then a fat, thirsty trouble-making truck driver came and drank it.

MAN: Why did you do that? You've just helped in ruining d rest of my day!

TRUCK DRIVER: Don't worry man but I couldn't just stand there and watch you stare at your drink like that while I was thirsty...but if you want I can buy you 2 bottles.

MAN: That's not it, today is the worst day of my life first I woke up late for work then I didn't take my bath took my car which eventually broke down on the road and by the time I got to my office my secretary told me my boss wanted to see me and as I entered his office he gave me a letter and told me to get the hell out his office.

Took a cab back home and saw my wife in bed with another man, I tried to confront the man but got beat up and then I taught of the easiest way of ending my life so I poisoned my drink and you spoilt it by gulping it.

TRUCK DRIVER:

LOLS NICE BROH

Akpos was trying to avoid paying doctor's fee after an eyes operation, so he says, "doctor, I still can't see"

The doctor then asks a sexy young and beautiful nurse to UnCloth in front of him. Akpos then says "I can't see!"

Doctor tells nurse to open her legs again. Akpos says "doctor I can't see still."

The doctor answered "You are stupid, if you can't see, HOW COME YOU ARE HAVING AN ERECTION? Nurse, prepare his bill please!"

Girlfriend giving house directions to her Boyfriend:

"come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me,

look for flat 9A,

you'll find a lift on your right.

Then, hit 9 with ur ELBOW...

And get out of the lift you'll find my flat on left.

hit the doorbell with your ELBOW & I'll get to open the door for you"

Boy Friend: dear that seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my ELBOWS only?

Girl Friend: "OMG!! Are you coming empty handed " O_O

Boy Friend: (speechless)

A newly wed couple moves into their house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says!

WIFE: Honey, you know in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?
HUSBAND: What do I look like Mr. Plumber?

A few days go by and he comes home from work!

WIFE: Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?
HUSBAND: What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?

The next day the husband comes back home from work! The plumbing is fixed, so is the roof and so is the car! He asked his wife what happened.

WIFE: Oh, I had a handyman come fix them.
HUSBAND: How much did it cost?
WIFE: Nothing, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him!
HUSBAND: Which cake did you bake?
WIFE: Do I look like Cakes n Cream?

AKPOS: I'm coming to see you honey.

GIRL: Alright baby.

AKPOS: I love you, I can't wait to see you...I'm getting ready to leave now.

GIRL: Okay but honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know incase.

AKPOS: My car just broke down, I can't come and see you.

GIRL: Get your friend to bring you, like he always does.

AKPOS: He got shot by armed robbers so I can't come, I'm sorry.

GIRL: Oh never mind, I'm not on my period.

AKPOS: My friend has just been discharged from hospital and he has said he's okay, he's fine and he will take me now. I'm coming sweetheart.

GIRL: sh*t! I'm really on my period, just did not notice.

AKPOS: Damn! He has been shot again. I can't come!

A prostitute sued a man to court for rape.

Judge to prostitute: So when did you realize you were raped?
Prostitute [wiping away tears]: When the cheque bounced!

On a bus going from Ibadan to Lagos, the phone of a girl sitting close to me rang she picks it and said "Honey, I'm in a bus going to Abuja for the burial, I'll call you when I get there".

Another girl's phone rang, she said "Sweetheart I'm on my way to Port-Harcourt for the Masters Degree Form, pls send me Credit for the trip."

Another one's phone rang, she said..."Alhaji, sorry I'm on my way to Owerri for the interview, I'll call you later."

A man who was sitting at the back of the bus suddenly raises his voice in anger "Driver stop please park! Park this bus! Where exactly is this bus going to!!!?"

A guy was chilling with his girlfriend when she excused herself to attend to something else but left her phone behind.

A while later her phone rang and the guy looked at the caller ID...it read Maga 32, he laughed so hard then he thought about calling her phone just for kicks.

Unfortunately the caller ID read Maga 98...the guy broke down in tears!

The government announced that if you have 5 children your salary will be increased by 50 percent.

A man heard the news and said to his wife, "Darling, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids."

When he came back, he saw only one of his children remaining. He asked, "where are the others?"

His wife replied, you are not the only one who heard the news, "THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM!"

Akpos nd Isabella were the latest couple in town. One day, while strolling down the street, they came to a boutique and Isabella saw a beautiful dress.

"Akpos, can you please give me about N10,000 to buy this dress, I left my purse at home."

Akpos brings out his wallet and gives Isabella money, "Take N140 naira for transport. Go back house go bring your purse!"

Some updates fit kill person:

"To hair is human to forgive is design"
"I hate guys with low selves of steam"
"You are a blessing to your generator"
"I am a soccer for guys with six park".
"My BB charger is no longer walking"
"Anybody who supports this killings is a carnival"

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.

Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says "Oh well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The little boy says, "that won't work"

His Mom says, "WHY?"

The little boy replies "because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!"

A man comes back from work at night and heads straight to the bedroom to make love to his wife. He got into the blanket and they made a quick one.

When he is done, he goes to the kitchen only to find his wife looking for something in the fridge. He asks his wife how she quickly made it to the kitchen when they've just made love.

Alarmed, his wife says "that was my mother in the bedroom, she was tired when she arrived so I let her sleep in our room."

Wife runs to her mother and ask why she didn't say something.

Mother replies and says "you know me and your husband don't speak to each other and I wasn't going to start today!"

A boy was in bed dehydrated, so he decided to ask his father in the sitting room to get him some water

SON: Dad, can you get me some water please.
DAD: No! Go to sleep.
SON: But am thirsty, please just a cup
DAD: Not another word from you or I will come in there and spank you!
SON: Dad!
DAD: [Frustrated] Yes!
SON: While you're coming to spank me could you bring the water.

I went to a cinema with Akpos, on getting to the cinema we saw a bald guy, I showed the guy to Akpos and said "Look at fresh head, this one is good to slap, but I'm afraid of the guy's face".

Akpos then said to me "Ofego, you fear a lot, I will slap that head and nothing will happen".

I dared him to do it and he went to where the guy was sitting and gave him a HOT SLAP on his head. The guy was surprised, and wanted to react, then Akpos said "Bros Ofego, so you are here, and we have been looking for you at home!"

The guy responded "I'm not Bros Ofego, maybe we look alike", Akpos murmured "maybe."

After some minutes In the cinema, Akpos called me again and said "Ofego, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." I answered "ok"

He went to the guy, gave him a hot slap and said "Bros Ofego stop lying, I say na u be dis..." The guy said to him angrily "I'm not Bros Ofego, please, let me be". The guy then left that seat and went to the front seat.

After some minutes Akpos called me and said "Ofego, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen." This time i told him that "if anything happens, I will pretend I don't know him."

He stood up, went to the front seat, gave the guy a very hot slap and said "Bros Ofego, so na here you dey, I come dey slap another person for back!"

*Do you think Akpos will go scot-free again?*

I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.

She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.

We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, "What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!

Na so I shout "Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!"

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."