i'm looking for an editor for my story, here is a chapter of it


I REMEMBER GETTING HOME THAT DAY AND SEEING MAMA HANNAH OUTSIDE, INSTRUCTING A YOUNG MAN TO DIG 'DID YOU GET THE MONEY FROM YOUR CHURCH'? SHE ASKED, SOMEHOW I KNEW SHE KNEW I DIDN'T.

'I GOT TEN THOUSAND, WHERE IS THE CHILD'

'TEN THOUSAND, JUST TEN THOUSAND THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE BEEN IN CHURCH SINCE MORNING, WHAT COULD TEN THOSAND NAIRA DO TO US, WHERE WOULD TEN THOUSAND NAIRA TAKE US YOU WICKED WOMAN! I TOLD YOU YOUR CHURCH WOULD NOT HELP US!' SHE SCREAMED, UNTYING HER SCARF TO EXPOSE HER WHITE HAIR, AS SHE DID WHENEVER SHE WAS UPSET. HER WORKMAN STOPPED TO WATCH HER, IT WAS AMUSING, WATCHING MAMA UPSET, SHE THREW HER FAT OLD HANDS UP AND DOWN, AND PACED ABOUT,OCCASIONALLY STOPPING TO SPIT ON THE OBJECT OF HER ANNOYANCE, WHICH WAS USUALLY ME. TODAY, I DIDN'T BOTHER TO DOGDE HER SALIVA.

'keep digging' she barked at her workman, we need that pit more than you need my money.

a new thought came to me then, maybe she wanted to bury my child, maybe he was dead.

'where is the child' i asked apprehensively.

'in there with your man' she replied. once in a while it felt good to see someone who did not look at me with pity, but mama looked at me with mockery in her eyes, and sincerely, i didn't know, pity or mockery, which i preffered, i hurried into our house, in our room i saw my husband with the child.

'how is he'? i asked, with that characteristic tear that had become a permanent part of my face.

' a miracle, he is still alive'. my husband didn't look up, i think he'd grown tired of seeing the tear on my face

'what does mama need the pit for' i asked

'did you get the money from your church"

'what does mama need the pit for'

'the child needs to stay there, he is cold here''

'no, God forbid' i screamed, morbid with fear and apprehension

'if only God could hear'

My God can hear, he would see us through' i said, the lack of assurance in my voice annoyed me' you people would not put my son inside that pit'.

'he has to stay there, if he has to live' my husband said with finality. i stopped sobbing, i started to wail. mama hannah began screaming from outside ' the witch, she has figured another way to kill him is with her noise' the baby bagan to wail too. i was forced to keep quite. my husband said nothing, mama hannah stopped screaming, so did the baby. i preffered him screaming, whenever he was quite, i imagined he was dead. mama shouted

Eni, the pit is ready

my husband stood with the child

'Nne bring the lamp' i carried the giant lantern and followed him outside. the pit had been lain with grass, the workman stretched his hand for my child, i thought of people that were buried alive. i started screaming again

' you are burying him, you people are burying my son.

'witch' mama sighed. they dropped the big lamp, then the workman came out. they covered the pit with sticks, then grass. i had seen people jump into the grave of a dead person, asking to be buried with him, why didn't i do that now for my living son, i refused to think about if secretely i wanted him to die, the baby started to wail again, and so did i. i got a chair and sat beside the pit. mama hannah got hers and sat next to me

'witch, you would not eat him' she kept muttering,' i wont let you'.
i wonderd if witces ate their children, i tried to decide, if i was a witch, if i would have eaten the child rather than live the pain. my husband came by and whispered

'Nne, no matter what happens, know that that boy was better off in the pit than out in the cold'

This is nice. . .well paced, not giving too much too soon leaving the audience wanting more.

What do you need help with?

good story
cant wait to read the book.

thanks that was a compliment i need someone to help me spice it up a bit, i find it very difficult finding the right words to describe a setting. e.g the house was bursting full of people that morning, the rain made things easier for all of us, e.t.c i find it very difficult to go on. can you help.

nice one, infact everything about u that i have seen is special.

Hi,

Well I could help you with some stuff. I have a flair for writing and I love literature. You could get me
on 08060631373 or send me a mail- kehindeakintobi@yahoo.com

Nice, very nice.

you guys, thanks for all the beautiful comments, i dey feel like Obasanjo now, and my head is sweeling, i need someone to stop the swelling, by constructively criticizing the story, and another person to refer me to a link where i can find good editors and Publishers. Thank you Protocol, for that special one. those who want more of the story can find it in my blog www.wachuuk..com
wildbubble

bonjovi:

you guys, thanks for all the beautiful comments, i dey feel like Obasanjo now, and my head is sweeling, i need someone to stop the swelling, by constructively criticizing the story, and another person to refer me to a link where i can find good editors and Publishers. Thank you Protocol, for that special one.

Wildbubble?

An imposter?

I fear so

I hope not.

bonjovi:

you guys, thanks for all the beautiful comments, i dey feel like Obasanjo now, and my head is sweeling, i need someone to stop the swelling, by constructively criticizing the story, and another person to refer me to a link where i can find good editors and Publishers. Thank you Protocol, for that special one. those who want more of the story can find it in my blog www.wachuuk..com
wildbubble

stillwater:

An imposter?

Not Necessarily. She clearly has more than one ID (and most likely got carried away and posted a reply using the wrong ID). Too bad.

LOL. . .makes sense. Oh well, she's not hurting anyone so it's shouldn't matter.

wildbubble:

thanks that was a compliment i need someone to help me spice it up a bit, i find it very difficult finding the right words to describe a setting. e.g the house was bursting full of people that morning, the rain made things easier for all of us, e.t.c i find it very difficult to go on. can you help.

You know, it's funny but that's exactly my problem. . .setting the scene. What I do is concentrate on creating my characters and then create an environment that will suit them. Seriously, if you pay attention, you can hear your characters tell you what they want. . .and no, I'm not crazy. LOL.

Just work on developing a well rounded character.

About being an imposter, when i logged on to nairaland yesterday, i couldn't remember signing in, and when i posted the comment i saw Bonjovi as my name, i modified the comment and ended it with 'wildbubble' and then i signed in with my name and posted the comment again. I would say i'm sorry, to all those i made to suspect foul play, and a BIG thank you to True bit for defending me.

So who really cares to help the young girl out? She didn't ask for compliments, did she? I am looking for one so sorry I can't help you there.

you are good, i have not cn such a good work from a nigerian in a long time now, keep it up

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