The Bible says the only time a christian should divorce is if there is adultery, what if there is physical abuse?

then get a divorce. I dont think the bible admonishes you to remain in a marriage where your life is in danger.

4 Him:

then get a divorce. I don't think the bible admonishes you to remain in a marriage where your life is in danger.

good talk, thanks

I am usually blessed by people who state their convictions succinctly and boldly.

However, let me add a few:

leirop:

The Bible says the only time a christian should divorce is if there is adultery, what if there is physical abuse?

It seems that we have narrowed what the Bible actually teaches. Adultery is not the ONLY time (or reason for) a Christian divorcing. 1 Corinthians 7 details the various issues involved in divorce questions as well. What about the question of beliefs - "If any brother hath a wife that believeth not" (as in v. 12)? There are cases when people have been divorced on grounds of whether they had different worldviews - and verse 12 (in my opinion, at least) suggests that sometimes these disagreements may be so heated as to involved physical abuses.

In such cases, is it then Biblical to be separated? The answer is given in verse 15 - "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."

Just my thoughts.

syrup:

I am usually blessed by people who state their convictions succinctly and boldly.

However, let me add a few:

It seems that we have narrowed what the Bible actually teaches. Adultery is not the ONLY time (or reason for) a Christian divorcing. 1 Corinthians 7 details the various issues involved in divorce questions as well. What about the question of beliefs - "If any brother hath a wife that believeth not" (as in v. 12)? There are cases when people have been divorced on grounds of whether they had different worldviews - and verse 12 (in my opinion, at least) suggests that sometimes these disagreements may be so heated as to involved physical abuses.

In such cases, is it then Biblical to be separated? The answer is given in verse 15 - "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."

Just my thoughts.

thanks a lot dear, but if u read the 1 Corinthians 10-13, it explains that if the wife does NOT BELIEVE AND SHE IS WILLING TO LIVE WITH HIM, LET HIM NOT DIVORCE HER, and the next verse explains the same for the husband that does not delieve. What it did not say was that the believer should walk away, it said if the unbeliever wants to walk away. The only part of the bible that specifically talks about the believer walking away is if there is adultery, and that is why i asked my question. And i understand the seperation, but my issue is divorcing, because one cannot re-marry if one is just seperated. Please let me know your thoughts.

leirop:

thanks a lot dear, but if u read the 1 Corinthians 10-13, it explains that if the wife does NOT BELIEVE AND SHE IS WILLING TO LIVE WITH HIM, LET HIM NOT DIVORCE HER, and the next verse explains the same for the husband that does not delieve. What it did not say was that the believer should walk away, it said if the unbeliever wants to walk away. The only part of the bible that specifically talks about the believer walking away is if there is adultery, and that is why i asked my question. Please let me know your thoughts.

Not everything is written in black and white in the bible, you shld be able to let the Holy spirit guide you to taking the right decision.
Even though the bible doesnt say the believing party can leave a marriage, i believe strongly that also applies. What if the unbelieving party were a member of a secret cult? Would you sit there because the bible didnt give you express permission to leave?

Hi dear,

Just wanted to say that I think if you believe your life is at risk and there is no other way out except a divorce then go for it.  Al,so read the story of Juanita Bynum the famous American preacher who reecently divorced her husband on the bsisof physical abuse.

Juanita Bynum isnt a great example to use.

@leirop,

Good reply - I appreciate your points.

leirop:

thanks a lot dear, but if u read the 1 Corinthians 10-13, it explains that if the wife does NOT BELIEVE AND SHE IS WILLING TO LIVE WITH HIM, LET HIM NOT DIVORCE HER, and the next verse explains the same for the husband that does not delieve.

We are both agreed there. The point I tried to make earlier was that "adultery" was not the only time (or reason for) a Christian divorcing. By extension, it seems to me that physical abuse leading to irreconciliable differences (such as "believer" vs "unbeliever" are also highlighted.

Although, it is a question of who walks away from the marriage - the Christian of the unbeliever? Certainly, the apostle makes clear that if the unbeliever seeks to either (a) remain (1 Cor. 7:12), or (b) depart (1 Cor. 7:15), the believer is not to force the opposite.

In practice, what would someone say to this situation: A man has clear evidence that his wife cheated on him. Rather than seek divorce "as the Bible says", he sought to forgive her and continue his marriage (I know the couple). Some of my Christian friends were averse and opined that the brother should have divorced her rather than forgive her. He already had answered that just as Christ did not condemn the adulterous woman in John 8, so he has asked God to give him the faith to cherish his wife. What would you say?

leirop:

What it did not say was that the believer should walk away, it said if the unbeliever wants to walk away.

True.

leirop:

The only part of the bible that specifically talks about the believer walking away is if there is adultery, and that is why i asked my question.

I follow your line of reason.

leirop:

And i understand the seperation, but my issue is divorcing, because one cannot re-marry if one is just seperated. Please let me know your thoughts.

Okay, here are my thoughts (this is personal and does not reflect what our pastor teaches):

I believe that one can re-marry. My reasons are based on the following:

(a) In John 8, Christ forgave the woman caught in the very act; and when He said that she should go and sin no more, I suppose that it did not mean that the woman in question was to remain unmarried.

(b) what about the woman in John 4? She had had 5 husbands and the man she was with was not her husband (v. 18). What would she do - divorce and remain unmarried - or remarry?

Whatever the take on this (we all have our various persuasions), I am persuaded that Christians can re-marry in some circumstances.

(a) If the Christian walks away, he/she should remain unmarried or seek to be reconciled to their spouses.

(b) If the divorce is irrecinciliable (especially if it was an unbeliever who walks away), then it seems (to me) that verse 15 does not hold a believer bound under such cases.

What do you think? Please share.

@4Him,

4 Him:

What if the unbelieving party were a member of a secret cult? Would you sit there because the bible didnt give you express permission to leave?

Hmm, that's a food for thought.

Rather than duck that one, let me share something small. In theory we may say we shall remain (depending on the situation); but in practice, many people might opt for the door out!

Another thought crosses my mind: what if the unbeliever seeks to remain in the marriage but believes in a worldview that he can jump from bed to bed without qualms. Ladies, what shall you do?

_{I know I am a lady as well. . . but I'm scratching my head now. Please help!}

syrup:

@4Him,

Hmm, that's a food for thought.

Rather than duck that one, let me share something small. In theory we may say we shall remain (depending on the situation); but in practice, many people might opt for the door out!

Another thought crosses my mind: what if the unbeliever seeks to remain in the marriage but believes in a worldview that he can jump from bed to bed without qualms. Ladies, what shall you do?

_{I know I am a lady as well. . . but I'm scratching my head now. Please help!}

that is already adultery. thankfully the bible has given a leeway out of such marriages.

4 Him:

that is already adultery. thankfully the bible has given a leeway out of such marriages.

Okay. But here is the problem - the unbelieving partner who loves other woman than his own wife does not want a divorce! Infact, he seriously refuses a divorce! Worse than that, he is always screaming out 1 Corinthians 7:13 - "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him."

Does the leeway still apply?

syrup:

@leirop,

Good reply - I appreciate your points.

We are both agreed there. The point I tried to make earlier was that "adultery" was not the only time (or reason for) a Christian divorcing. By extension, it seems to me that physical abuse leading to irreconciliable differences (such as "believer" vs "unbeliever" are also highlighted.

Although, it is a question of who walks away from the marriage - the Christian of the unbeliever? Certainly, the apostle makes clear that if the unbeliever seeks to either (a) remain (1 Cor. 7:12), or (b) depart (1 Cor. 7:15), the believer is not to force the opposite.

In practice, what would someone say to this situation: A man has clear evidence that his wife cheated on him. Rather than seek divorce "as the Bible says", he sought to forgive her and continue his marriage (I know the couple). Some of my Christian friends were averse and opined that the brother should have divorced her rather than forgive her. He already had answered that just as Christ did not condemn the adulterous woman in John 8, so he has asked God to give him the faith to cherish his wife. What would you say?

True.

I follow your line of reason.

Okay, here are my thoughts (this is personal and does not reflect what our pastor teaches):

I believe that one can re-marry. My reasons are based on the following:

(a) In John 8, Christ forgave the woman caught in the very act; and when He said that she should go and sin no more, I suppose that it did not mean that the woman in question was to remain unmarried.

(b) what about the woman in John 4? She had had 5 husbands and the man she was with was not her husband (v. 18). What would she do - divorce and remain unmarried - or remarry?

Whatever the take on this (we all have our various persuasions), I am persuaded that Christians can re-marry in some circumstances.

(a) If the Christian walks away, he/she should remain unmarried or seek to be reconciled to their spouses.

(b) If the divorce is irrecinciliable (especially if it was an unbeliever who walks away), then it seems (to me) that verse 15 does not hold a believer bound under such cases.

What do you think? Please share.

thanks a lot, sorry my reply is a little late. b4 i continue, i want u to know i asked this question because i really want to know the answer. i also believe that christians can divorce bc of reasons other than adultery, the only problem is on what basis do we draw the line.
anyway to answer ur questions
as per the woman in John 8, i really don't understand what ur point is, pls explain.

the woman is John 5 will have to go bck to her original husband, which is the 1st husband. but i get ur point. i think the other marraiges will have to be nullified cause GOD will probably not recognize them, just my thot.

if the unbeliever walks away and starts the divorce process, then it is fine.

@leirop,

leirop:

thanks a lot, sorry my reply is a little late. before i continue, i want u to know i asked this question because i really want to know the answer. i also believe that christians can divorce bc of reasons other than adultery, the only problem is on what basis do we draw the line.

Agreed _{(but who knows - we may be wrong?)}

leirop:

anyway to answer your questions
as per the woman in John 8, i really don't understand what your point is, please explain.

The woman was caught in adultery. Would she re-marry or remain unmarried? I think you answered it subsequently, though.

leirop:

the woman is John 5 will have to go bck to her original husband, which is the 1st husband. but i get your point. i think the other marraiges will have to be nullified cause GOD will probably not recognize them, just my thot.

I feel the same way.

leirop:

if the unbeliever walks away and starts the divorce process, then it is fine.

I concur. What still baffles me is whether the Christian in this case could then re-marry (a different partner)?

syrup:


I concur. What still baffles me is whether the Christian in this case could then re-marry (a different partner)?

most definitely, she is no longer under bondage

is the husby a christian??

if yes has she talkrd to her pastor about this issue?

syrup:

Okay. But here is the problem - the unbelieving partner who loves other woman than his own wife does not want a divorce! Infact, he seriously refuses a divorce! Worse than that, he is always screaming out 1 Corinthians 7:13 - "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him."

Does the leeway still apply?

I strongly believe it still applies. I think we need to be careful to decipher what was Paul's personal opinion and what is actually scripture.
Remember Paul talks about it being better we did not even marry at all!

If your spouse is an unbeliever and you have valid reasons to separate from her after trying ur best to save the marriage then i think you can leave, you wont be bound to her.
Its if the spouse is a believer that complicates issues.

If your husband is a drunk and irresponsible father who can put you in harms way, u're better off leaving him even if he be pleased to dwell with you (since he can always use you as his faithful doormat).

Dont remember "Born Again Christians" being made of "Stones, Bricks or Metals" I certainly know dat they r "Humans" 2 . . . . So b d Judge

@4Him,

4 Him:

I strongly believe it still applies. I think we need to be careful to decipher what was Paul's personal opinion and what is actually scripture.

Reading carefully, it is difficulty to see that one's 'personal opinions' in that chapter. The reason why I say this is because quite often we fail to see the whole picture and might be making the mistake of hinging our thought on a few lines in a verse. Elsewhere we read of "all scripture" as being inspired by God (2 Tim. 3:16), and if the rule applies that "scripture cannot be broken" (John 10:35), where do we draw the line between one's personal opinions and "scripture"?

4 Him:

Remember Paul talks about it being better we did not even marry at all!

I'm not quite sure that's what he proposed. Although he expressed the point that he would that all men were even as himself (v. 7), yet he also pointed out that it were "better" to marry than to burn (v. 9). Perhaps I might be mistaken?

4 Him:

If your spouse is an unbeliever and you have valid reasons to separate from her after trying your best to save the marriage then i think you can leave, you wont be bound to her.

I concur - as long as there is a 'valid' reason.

4 Him:

Its if the spouse is a believer that complicates issues.

True.

4 Him:

If your husband is a drunk and irresponsible father who can put you in harms way, u're better off leaving him even if he be pleased to dwell with you (since he can always use you as his faithful doormat).

I especially like the way believers reason on this forum - especially because you guys always seek to be practical rather than remain with theories. On this note, I think the question here would be whether the believing spouse who leaves is then "free" to marry someone else?

Welcome back Syrup, it's a pleasure to read your reasoned discourse. Even more so seeing as there's a distinct lack of it on this thread nowadays.

This discussion has progressed somewhat so I'll share my thoughts in bullet point. I stand to be challenged of course, it's been a while.

1. Christian marriage is for life
2. Divorce is only permissable - not obligatory - where there is adultery
3. Divorce for adultery is never better than 2nd best, mercy triumphs over judgement
4. Divorce means that one refuses to forgive and or/one refuses to repent. Condemning both to singlehood.
5. To marry a divorcee is not allowed, its a sin
6. Remarriage is permissable only in the event of death. "Till death do us part"
7. Seperation is a burden that may have to be carried. Hopefully as a possible precursor to reconcilliation.

Why does it always have to be extreme "life in danger abuse" used to justify man made avenues for divorce? Biblically that is at best grounds for seperation. Knowing you cannot willfully divorce and remarry should lead you to bring all of your might into seeking healing and effecting reconcilliation. Hopefully this aligns with my points above.

Either you shouldn't or you can't.

God bless
TV

ps ~ to answer the question posed, NO!

Hi TV01!

It's been quite an age. I just logged out to take a break when I saw yours! Glad to see that several good friends are still challenging our thinking on the forum - bless God for all you guys!

I enjoyed your contributions - and this one is to be remembered for a long time to come:

TV01:

3. Divorce for adultery is never better than 2nd best, mercy triumphs over judgement

Good word.

Thank you all for such blessings.

Thanks tv for giving it as scriptures direct.
Perhaps I should add that adultery is not only when one is involved in the actual act - but LOOKING unto a woman to lust is considered adultery. So a spouse caught in the act of 'lookery' would result in our getting divorced - & in no time, there would be no marriages to contract. Just a lighter, albeit true, view of possible outcomes should we follow earlier postulations.
Dear poster, marriage is for life - even when you later discover your spouse to be a cultist. God hates separation. Should you decide to separate/divorce, (perhaps spouse is a dangerous psycho, given to murderous fits, etc) then YOU MUST REMAIN UNMARRIED otherwise you get reconciled to your spouse - you can remarry only if he/she dies. Simply therefore, virtues a la Galatians 5: 22,23 coupled with prayer should help in reining in difficult mates & keeping your union a blessed one.
Cheers and God bless

Thanks tv for giving it as scriptures direct.
Perhaps I should add that adultery is not only when one is involved in the actual act - but LOOKING unto a woman to lust is considered adultery. So a spouse caught in the act of 'lookery' would result in our getting divorced - & in no time, there would be no marriages to contract. Just a lighter, albeit true, view of possible outcomes should we follow earlier postulations.
Dear poster, marriage is for life - even when you later discover your spouse to be a cultist. God hates separation. Should you decide to separate/divorce, (perhaps spouse is a dangerous psycho, given to murderous fits, etc) then YOU MUST REMAIN UNMARRIED otherwise you get reconciled to your spouse - you can remarry only if he/she dies. Simply therefore, virtues a la Galatians 5: 22,23 coupled with prayer should help in reining in difficult mates & keeping your union a blessed one.
Cheers and God bless

The Bible says in Malachi 3:16 that God hates divorce because it covers those
involved with violence. This scripture is used in most churches to stop mostly ladies
from moving away sometimes from very bad marriages. Yet in my opinion, God hates Divorce
but loves the divorcee becuase divorced or not you are still His child and he does not despise you
just because you left an abusive marriage.

The scripture in 1st corinthians says if the unbeliever leaves, then the believing partner
is not bound - suggesting (only in my opinion) freedom from the law of marriage, whereby the law says
you can only remarry after death of a spouse.

Scriptures can be translated in many ways and many times we translate them to suit
our situations, but I believe the best thing to do is just pray and allow the Spirit of God to give you guidance.

eezzy:

but I believe the best thing to do is just pray and allow the Spirit of God to give you guidance.

I agree, although I doubt that anything contradictory to scripture will come forth. But I do know that sometimes a mere literal interpretation or academic understanding can be way off the mark.

eezzy:

Scriptures can be translated in many ways and many times we translate them to suit

Again true. Even an honest approach without illumination can be wrong. But an interpretation by one in a "bad marriage" is hardly likely to be right.

eezzy:

The scripture in 1st corinthians says if the unbeliever leaves, then the believing partner
is not bound - suggesting (only in my opinion) freedom from the law of marriage, whereby the law says
you can only remarry after death of a spouse.

Pause for thought here. This is one area I wonder about. Ideally a true practising - let alone living Christian - should not marry outside the faith. But what if it was prior to conversion? or if one partner falls away? What if he or she moves on too remarry? even a number of times? So in truth, some case may not be open and shut doctrinally - and hopefully all Xtians should seek guidance and ideally be Spirit led, before and during. Some scenarios would be unthinkable, let alone unbearable. Even living by scripture alone, I think the starting point should always be "ideal".

eezzy:

This scripture is used in most churches to stop mostly ladies
from moving away sometimes from very bad marriages. Yet in my opinion, God hates Divorce
but loves the divorcee becuase divorced or not you are still His child and he does not despise you
just because you left an abusive marriage.

I question some of the thinking here. Particularly the "most churches" and "mostly ladies" bits. Generalisations at best.

I abhor and decry physical violence - especially men against the weaker vessels and I have seen it live - but it cuts both ways.
Abuse is relative and difficult to define in some cases. Women wage war differently and I had my eyes opened to provocation and goading in another real life case. Abuse was her aim as it meant the law sided with her and she agitated and when the abuse didn't happen, she made it up. Please don't let's generalise.

In a marriage - entered into with a sacrificial love mindset - of true professing Xtians, who would enter planning abuse of any sort? And if it came, it would be a challenge and time of dependance on the Lord. Again I acknowledge difficult scenarios.

Some people think a limited budget is abuse. I know of people who leave for multitude of reasons but dress it up abuse. I don't think saying God loves the divorcee but hates divorce quite cuts it. There is to much of a sense of selfish desire behind a lot of cases.

Pray tell, what is a "bad marriage" who defines that? I shudder at that. There will be trying times, challenges. If you are committed to it you persevere and endure. What of barreness? Impotency? or all the others possible - Lord have mercy - scenarios. A "bad marriage" has many perspectives. A good one is one built on sound Christian principles, practice, but ultimately faith in and dependance on The Lord.

Think deeply, you marry and there are trying times, so you leave, not temporary seperation whilst seeking healing, but divorce. Who did you trust to start with? Who are you trusting through it. Does the love and power of God only kick in after divorce?

To often it's about what we want our own desires our own image. God did not instutute a bad institution and He can certainly fix "bad marriages".

Thanks for sharing.

God bless
TV

If you are abused, turn your left cheek. When you die, you will to go heaven.
And you will die. Beaten to death as a result of your fervent and godly stupidity.

Seun:

Beaten to death as a result of your fervent and godly stupidity.

Lol, Seun. It really doesn't have to degenerate to that, does it?

If you are abused, turn your left cheek. When you die, you will to go heaven.
And you will die. Beaten to death as a result of your fervent and godly stupidity

Lmao. seems like the Nigerian way to live

If we only loved our spouses as Christ loved the church we wont even be discussing this issue in the first place. Divorce is usually not the first problem, it started long before.

4 Him:

If we only loved our spouses as Christ loved the church we wont even be discussing this issue in the first place. Divorce is usually not the first problem, it started long before.

A pertinent point methinks. Although I would say that contradicts with some of the points you made before. If that mindset is there bofore and during - by God's grace and tender mercies -  there will be no after!

Way too many - in my opinion anyway - erroneously discursive points such as "bad marriage", "abusive marriage", "valid reasons to leave". The relatonship was almost certainly bad or rocky before it was solemnised. Escape routes are then sought - twisting or re-interpreting scripture to fit - after the fact.

It would be way more honest if people seeking divorce were to point to error/sin before or when they got married. Does something perfect or merely good suddenly turn bad? Surely good would get better?  When it goes wrong after the fact, it's hypocritical and plain blasphemous when all of a sudden the marriage is bad or there are reasons to leave. Ergo the relationship was in all likelihood never good, or there were not sufficient reason or proof to tie the knot in the first place.

The bible doesnt espouse divorce - pun intended - for any reason. What it espouses is biblically based (or even better Spirit-led) wedded union.
In reading left to right - yes I know some scripts do - nonsense can be made of the divine beauty and order of scripture.
Starting a discussion about proper Christian marriage from the perspective of divorce can lead astray!

I take issue with some earlier comments. I'll try and attend to those next time permitting.

God bless
TV

My Lord!
Tv01 long time,we had a great time back in some other threads with my old name
welcome back

sheniqua:

My Lord!
Tv01 long time,we had a great time back in some other threads with my old name
welcome back

Hi Sheniqua, normally I would ask aka? to save myself the embarrassment, but I'll take a risk. Dru is that you?