The second most difficult thing
to cope with after being
diagnosed with cancer, is to
inform your children about your
illness. Even though it may seem
easier to hide the fact from your
children, it is better to come out
with the truth. It is natural to get scared after
being diagnosed with cancer. For
those who have children, it can
become even more
overwhelming. Parents who do
not discuss their illness with
their children, refrain from doing
so with the aim of protecting
their kids from the shock, fear,
and stress of knowing that one
of their parents is seriously
unwell.
However, keeping this
information from them would
only stress such parents further,
who are trying to cope with their
illness, as well as maintain a
normal environment at home.
Children will soon realize that
things are amiss and that
something is wrong. They will
inevitably pick up clues from the
hushed and anxious
conversations, and the increased
visits to the doctor.
You must give yourself time to
cope with the news, if you think
that you're not ready to tell your
children yet, or that it is too
much pressure for you to handle.
The sooner you reveal the truth
to your children, the better it is,
so that they feel like they are
with you all the way. This Buzzle
article discusses how to tell your
children that you have cancer.
Who Should Speak to the
Children?
❖ If you're married or have a
partner, ask him/her to be there
with you while telling the
children about your illness. You
can also request your spouse to
do the talking for you, while you
are present during the
conversation. Your spouse can
help by consoling and reassuring
the children.
❖ If you are a single parent and
you think you can handle telling
your kids alone, you can do so.
However, it would be better to
ask a close family member or a
friend to support you while
talking to the children.
❖ Even if you do not want to be
the one doing the talking, your
family member or friend would
be able to handle the situation
for you, while you comfort the
children.
Have All the Details Ready
❖ Before you decide to tell your
children about your cancer, make
sure that you have collected as
much information from your
doctor about the type of cancer
you have, the stage you were
diagnosed with, the expected
treatment, and most importantly,
the prognosis.
❖ Even though you may not be
aware of everything, not leaving
out relevant information will help
reduce your children's confusion
and anxiety.
❖ You can begin the conversation
by explaining what cancer is,
how it may affect you, and what
it is doing to your health. Tell
them where the cancer is in your
body, and how it can be treated
through medication and
chemotherapy, or removed
through surgery. Depending on
the questions asked by your kids,
you may need to explain what
chemotherapy does, and how
the medication might make you
feel weak and sick on some days.
❖ Sharing specific information
pertaining to your illness will
help the children not get scared
about the things they may have
seen, read, or heard about
cancer. How to Tell Young Children and
Teenagers
❖ If your children are still young
and do not understand the
gravity of the situation, try to
explain your condition in the
form of a story. Thereafter, ask
what the story meant to them.
Encourage your children to ask
questions based on the story.
Gradually, reveal that you're the
one suffering from cancer, while
answering their questions.
❖ Since children tend to have a
vivid imagination, refrain from
using words that may give them
a scary visual.
❖ Sometimes, children start
believing that they must have
done something bad to have
caused the parent's illness. Which
is why, it is better to assure your
children that they are not
responsible in any way.
❖ Let your children know that
other members of the family
cannot catch the cancer. Most
importantly, you will have to
assure them that they are not
alone, and that the whole family
is united to make it through
these hard times.