Comedy video of the month
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1l6r-h70UU

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#006600][/color1
LAUGHING AT MY PAINS PART ONE

by whatdnewssay · February 15, 2016

A TALE OF DAPO BELLO (@BLARKRAIMEZ)

Chapter 1:

Approximately five years after my graduation from the university. Fixing me in any company’s pay roll seems so difficult like parting the Red sea. There are fierce looking employers that would not stop bombarding me with useless questions during interviews; “what have you been doing since 2010?…Are you saying in, the last 5 years you cannot come up with a plan that will put food on your table?”

Are they not aware Barclay’s premiership and UEFA Champions league have been engaging thousands of Nigerian graduates?



Please tell this man to check my CV again; I’m from Osun State. Our dear Governor, Aregbesola, did not pay a dime since eight months. How can you say “We are so sorry, 25 is the maximum age for this position” if you are not foolish enough to check my graduating age, NYSC, Msc. and PhD in view status? Do you still need to be told I was just 22 when I had my first degree?

To avoid interviews and fake vacancies on the social network, my uncle forced me to register with a recruiting firm called PSS at Okota. Excluding N2000 transportation from Ikorodu, this company promised to give me four job postings at N3,500. What is Hmm?…Yea I lied to my uncle, the tfare is not more than N900 to and fro. U wan blame me? How I wan buy lacasera and gala in scotching sun and bobo for his battalion kids? God should postpone his coming back to at least when I got a job, then the judgment couldn’t be fairer.

Unlike every recruiting firm with queues, my first day at PSS was somehow different. Just a stone throw from the popular Cele bustop via mile 2 badagary expressway, I spent almost 30 minute locating the office. It is not as big as my Uncle and his friend portrayed it… “Dapo this company will surely get you a job, they have found job for more than 50 people I know, if this company couldn’t get you a job, it means it is a spiritual attack from home and you should just stop looking for job.”

If you knew my uncle you would not believe this statement. He once told me I couldn’t get a job in access bank because I dint do accounting. He could have fixed me in fly emirate if only I was a woman. His friend could have given me a job but am over qualified. Zenon oil was recruiting if only I had a first class blah blah blah………………. Uncle, please! Am jobless today because Nigeria is not doing something right, plus you are not connected sir.

Inside the PSS office, I met only the owner. If I cannot see the other staff how do I access the workforce? In front of him, I saw avalanche of CVs and he keep scratching the legions of pimples that used his face as abode. I thought within me, do I stand a job position with this man’s pimples population and oversized suit? Well, don’t let me judge the book by the cover. After the total payment, he told me to go home and before evening my first posting will be sent to my mail. With so much enthusiasm, I waited for the mail like the astrologers awaiting the emergence of the eclipse. The first posting was Montaigne’s place opposite four point Sheraton, Sand field, Victoria Island Lagos. I used almost all my data to check what they do.

Gosh! They are beautician and major in distribution of some designers’ products. In my mind, I was like, will securing a job here fulfill my dream of owning a range rover sport, will I be selling whitening cream, perfumes in buses and Molue, considering the location they should pay well, is it truly that am finally getting a job after all this years?

DIARY OF A DESTINED NIGERIAN ACCOUNTANT. a story that talked about a Yoruba family. Based on the father influencing his second daughter to reading accounting in the University while her dreams was to becoming a writer. she did very well studying her Dads course in school, graduating with top honors and securing a very good job that she later became the arrow head of the company, but along the way, she abandoned her marriage and success to pursue her dreams of been a writer, when she saw her husband was going to hold her down to fulfilling her dreams just as her father. Well, it didn't turn out well as she'd imagined, so now she is writing in her diary after many years of no success in the air, telling her life time story one evening she came back from work.(so interesting and captivating, it will blow your mind and imaginations away)

A story well told and written by ASELENI WODO
and this story has been chosen along side other stories in the world to compete for a world writing competition


Naira-landers, please, he is one of our own (a Nigerian) and he has pleaded for a massive support in the SHORT STORY COMPETITION he has applied for. please it will give us the opportunity of recognition in the world. he is competing with the world and right now he is lagging behind other countries in the world because he hasn't got enough vote. the first guy is ahead with 2k likes from facebook, the second guy already has 1.5k likes form FB, and the third has 1.2k likes from FB, and he is only with 748 likes from FB. please and please again, he has pleaded with us to help he out win this competition so that he could go out their and tell the world that there is more to what they are seeing in this country. He knows people here with just one one of every one's vote he is already a winner, that is why he has pleaded with me to help him share this post with all NAIRALANDERS. TO VOTE FOR HIM, please simply follow this link, http://www.stptax.com/twisted-tax-tales/diary-destined-nigerian-accountant/ scroll down to the bottom and like his short story just to increase his likes from FB so that he could come out the winner - its Twixted Tax Tales competition... means a whole lot to him. thanks. (Please note that, opera mini does not work in this link, use UC web, Chrome or any other browser) its for love... NA BEG I DEY BEG OH...

Ofego lost his
luggage at JFK airport,
and he reported at
the airline office.
When he
was asked for the content
of the luggage, he said personal effect like clothes,
and drug.
He was asked to
wait, while the officer
picked up his phone and dialed
a number.
Within a few
minutes two policemen came in and Ofego
was pointed to.
He was handcuffed and whisked
away.
At the police
station, the following
conversations ensued between Ofego and
the American Police.

AMERICAN POLICE: How did you come about the drug
in your possession?

OFEGO: I was given.

AMERICAN POLICE: Who
gave it to you
?OFEGO: My
Doctor na!

AMERICAN POLICE:- Your Doctor gave you the drug?

OFEGO:- Yes, I had
malaria and my doctor
gave me Chloroquine
and Paracetamol, Piriton
and some blood tonic. AMERICAN POLICE: That is
medicine, your
medication. Is that what you declared
that you are having in your
luggage?
OFEGO: Yes, is it a
crime to have Drug in
my bag?

AMERICAN POLICE: I'm
sorry sir, your arrest was
effected because you claimed you have DRUG in
your luggage, but now, I
understand that you
refer to your medication
as drug, here in America
we call it MEDICATION and we refer to NARCOTIC
substances as DRUG. You
are hereby released, but
mind your Word, when
you talk, while you are in
America.
OFEGO: So the word
we use in Nigeria means
another thing in America,
this America is something else oh.
Download This Very Funny Video http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

LIFE IS TURN BY TURN!!!

Eleven years ago, Diego
Simeone played alongside
Fernando Torres at
Atlectico Madrid in Spain.
Then, Torres was the Club Captain despite being far
younger than Simeone;
Torres was in charge of
the dressing room in the
absence of the coaches. He
was so influential that he even had a say on the
team selection.

Fast forward eleven years
later, Diego Simeone is
now Fernando Torres'
coach. This came at a point when Torres had
journeyed from Spain to
England and Italy with his
career almost dead as he
has being rejected by
Chelsea and AC Milan. But Diego Simeone
brought him back to
Athletico Madrid and thus
resuscitated his career.
Now: If Torres was rude or disrespectful to Simeone
as the Club Captain eleven years ago, would he have
had the opportunity to
play at the 2016 UEFA
Champions League Finals?
In 2005, Diego Simeone
was under Torres. He did
what Torres ordered.
In 2016, Torres now takes
orders from Simeone.
Life is like a COIN thrown up in the air. You can't
really predict which side
will turn up. No one stays
TOP forever. NO ONE
KNOWS TOMORROW.
You might be the Boss today. But when
tomorrow comes,
someone you 'bossed'
might become your boss.

In 1985, Dazuki arrested
Buhari. In 2016, Buhari arrested
Dazuki.
In 1995, El Mustapha
arrested Obasanjo on the
orders of General Abacha.
In 1999, Obasanjo arrested El Mustapha and he spent eight
years in jail.

Moral Lesson: Treat everyone
with respect because
there will always be a
tomorrow. A Boss today might
become a Subordinate
tomorrow.
Always use your powers and
position cautiously and for
the benefit of all. Always stand for what is
right, fair and just.
Like I always tell people, "Treat the towel with
care because the same place you use in cleaning
your ass today might be
the same place you will
use in cleaning your face
tomorrow" one love!.

Download This Very Funny Video Don't Kill Me (NJUWO Episode 6) Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

"Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video, Download & Enjoy With Joy http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1

Akpos was being asked a question which he couldn't Answer. The question was " Which food does Monkey like so much" A. Sugarcane B. Butter C. Banana D. Yam The conversation goes thus: Akpos:This Question is too Hard sef,Let me call someone. Presenter: Who do you want to call? Akpos: Ogaga! Phone rings!!!! Presenter: Hello Ogaga your Friend Akpos is here on the hot seat, he needs your help to win N5m Ogaga: ye! Presenter:Akpos you have 30secs, your time starts now akpos: ogaga!! How is your family? Your Wife nko? Ogaga, which food do you like most? Ogaga: Banana na. Akpos: Are you sure? Ogaga: am...... Akpos: Oga presenter, your card is finish, recharge, let me call him back. Presenter: Haha! Your time is up! Will you go with your friend? Akpos: yes. Presenter: Why? Akpos: He resembles Monkey, that is why. After winning N5 MILLION. Presenter: How much will you give to your friend? Akpos: How much kee? Monkey don't eat money. I will give him Banana.

Very funny and hilarious, this is how comedy should look like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1l6r-h70UU

This is a story about four
people named,
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to
be done
and Everybody was asked
to do it.
Everybody was sure
Somebody would do it. Anybody
could have
done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry
about that
because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody wouldn't do it.
It
ended up that Everybody
blamed
Somebody when actually Nobody
asked Anybody.
"Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1

FUNNY THINGS ABOUT NIGERIANS . We love
arriving late to an occasion just
because we feel others would arrive late too-
We flash with private number.
We are very loud especially when we aretalking on the phone
We wear sun glasses at night
We run in the rain even though we are already wet
We answer questions with questions.
We always use 'o' at the end of word
We call every elderly family friend uncle or aunty
Some of us will go to ghana for 1wk &come back with American or British
accent
Welove to crush chicken bones
Calcium things
Our mums especially would
force us to eat even if we aren't hungry or when we're sick
We love to invite people to occasions some1else invited us to. If someone die in Nigeria,
we don't believe it is
natural Village must be involved. Our Mothers remind us they carried our
pregnancy for nine month when we refuse to go on errands for them
We see u awake in the
morning and ask u "u
don wake?"

Two men and a woman went into a
bar. "What is your name?" The
barman asked the first man. "Tejiri" Was the reply. "How had
your day been Tejiri?". "
Great! I've been in and out of pool all day, What more could a man want?". "
What's your name?" He aske
d the second man. "Tega". Was the reply. "And I've been in and
out of pool all day as well." He then turned to the woman and said, "I suppose yo
u are Tema." "No." She said
batting her eyelids, "My
name is pool!!!
"Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1

Three men were waiting
at Heaven's Gate. The Angel
said, "Okay, guys, pretty
much anything goes up
here, but whatever you
do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity
with the ugliest women in
the universe."
So they all agreed and were
admitted in. The first guy
made it a week before he lied about how rich he was
on Earth. Bam! Right at
his side appeared the
ugliest woman he had
ever seen.
The second guy made it another couple weeks
before he lied about how
smart he is. Bam! At his
side appeared the second
ugliest woman in the
universe. So the first two guys were
walking around with their
monsters of women when
they saw their third friend
walking with the most beautiful woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys
said in unison, "How did
you land with this babe
when we got stuck with
these nasty women?"
He nudged the babe and said, "Tell them." She said
to the first two guys, "I
lied."
"Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1

Where Is My Wife Oh (NJUWO Episode Very Funny Video. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1

One rainy day,
an old man was standing
with a book for sale.

Ofego came to
buy.

He bought the book for 2,000 Naira.
The
old man advised,
"DON'T OPEN THE LAST PAGE
OF THE BOOK otherwise
YOU'll face problem".
Ofego finished the book with great fear but didn't
open the last page.

But, after a week, out of curiousity, he
opened the last page and he almost fainted with what he saw.He saw
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Selling Price: 20 Naira
HAHAHAHAHA!!! This Video Has Finished Me With Laugh Oh, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1

This template will give your blog the SEO features it well deserves. Easy to edit and blend with the lowest html knowledge.

Here are some of the features :
http://bloggerpays..ae/2016/06/novinture-magazine-style-blogger.html?m=1

free instagram followers

Ofego: I have the perfect son.

James: Does he smoke?

Ofego: No, he doesn't.

James: Does he drink whiskey?
Ofego: No, he doesn't.

James: Does he ever come
home late?

Ofego: No, he doesn't.

James: I guess you really do
have the perfect son. How old is he?

Ofego: He will be three months
old next tuesday.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! This Video Has Finished Me With Laugh Oh, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1

JOKE OF THE WEEK FROM A KELLY-U COMEDY.
A boy met a girl, after a little conversation,the boy
wanted to leave,then he said to the girl
boy: Sorry, I didn't get ur name.
Girl: OK. I'm Dike Sandra Thelma Vera, u can call me
(DSTV):/
Boy: (I no fit carry last) well I'm ..http://kellyucomedy..com.ng/2016/06/joke-of-week-from-kelly-u-comedy.html?m=0

Oh My God! This Video Is Something Else. Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html Click Below To Watch it on Youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPQCnRkqnQ8&itct=CCcQpDAYACITCIDQibXLpc0CFcgPFgod1zAPK1IFbmp1d28%3D&client=mv-google&gl=NG&hl=en

Heavenly call to Hell.........

Heavenly call to Hell.........

Heavenly call to Hell.........
One day as Jesus was strolling round heaven, he came to the kitchen and heard the angels shouting at some poeple, he asked , Angels wats the matter.
Angels; God its this Nigerians o, they dont obey instructions , they dont follow queues
GOD; angels please bear with they, they are so dear to me.
Angels yes God.
God now decided to call devil in hell to see how hwe his doing
Phone rings ring ring
devil; hello sir
GOD; hello lucifer how are you doing overthere
devil; sir am fine, sir sir sir pls call me back in 10 min i want to attend to an issue here sir
GOD; lucifr are you ok
devil; no sir, call dropssss
10 min later phone rings
devil; GOD sir pls call me back, sir the issue has turned into a crisis, please i need to attend to it urgently sir..... call dropssssss
15 min later Call rings
Devil; Sir
GOD; lucifer hope you are ok over there
devil; sir no ooooo,
GOD; whats the issue
devil; God its this Nigerians ooooo, they have turned hell fire upsidedown, they have bribed my angels, they have quench all the fire here, they have installed boreholes every where, they have installed air conditions every where, the ncold that is catching me here is very terrible, i dont know where they got chicken from, Olamide is currently holding a mega concert in the furnace chamber, i dont know what to do, please come and take them to heaven sir.
GOD, please take it easy with them, they are very special to me........

A teacher asked the class
to name things that end
with 'tor' that eat
things.
The first little boy said,
"Alligator." "Very good, that's a big
word."
The second boy said,
"Predator."
"Yes, that's another big
word. Well done." Ofego said,
"Romance-Machine,
Auntie."

After nearly falling off
her chair, she said,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat
anything."

"Well my Dad knows a
lady named Chioma that
has one and she says it
eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) This Video Is So Funny, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html

NEW VIDEO

Touch Not My Annointed -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDZq8xwQ6r0

enjoy | share | subscribe

Teacher: who can make a sentence with the word STRESS? Mary: You are causing me more STRESS John: I hate STRESS Akpos: Yesterday i saw our teacher and our headmiSTRESS making love in her office. The Teacher fainted!

A Radio Station 93.7 FM
was running a
competition to find
contestants who could
come up with words that
were not found in any English Dictionary, yet
could still be used in a
sentence that would make
logical sense. The prize
was
a trip to Sheraton Hotel Lagos for a week.
The DJ had many
callers;

DJ: "93.7FM, what's your
name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's
Ofego."

DJ: "Ofego, what is your
word?"

Caller: "Goan, spelt G-O-A-
N, pronounced 'go-an'." DJ: "We are just checking
that (pause) and you are
correct, Ofego, 'goan' is
certainly a word not
found in the English
Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for
two to Lagos, is: What
sentence can you use that
word in that would make
logical sense?"

Caller: "Goan f*ck yourself!"

At this point, the DJ cut
the caller short and
announced that there is
no place for that sort of
language on a family show.

After many more
unsuccessful calls, the DJ
took the following caller:

DJ: "93.7 FM, what's your
name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's
Obuka."

DJ: "Obuka, what is your
word?"

Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-
E, pronounced 'smee'." DJ: "We are checking that
(pause) and you are
correct,
Obuka. 'Smee' is certainly a
word not found in the
English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a
trip for two to Lagos, is:
What sentence can you
use that word in that
would make logical
sense?" Caller: "Smee again! Goan
f*ck yourself!"
Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) This Video Is So Funny, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html

njuwo:
WOMAN: My Husband is not
interested in sex. DOCTOR: Ok!
give these pills to
him.Everyday, put 1 pill in his
tea. the woman did and they
had sex which they enjoyed.
Next day she puts 2 pills in his
tea and they enjoyed much
more sex. 3rd day, she
emptied the whole bottle in
his tea. …Two days later
Doctor called to know the
progress. Son picked and
replied: "Mom is in coma at de
moment, Aunt is in hospital,
Maid is suing Dad for rape, My
own ass hurts and bleeding
and Dad is still running naked
in de garden, shouting Bingo!
Bingo!! Bingo!!! but the dogs
are no where to be found

Lmfaooooooo

Facebook page with 128,000 likes for sale at a cheaper rate. Call or Whatsapp + 2 3 4 8 0 5 4 5 1 5 7 6 1 serious minded persons only pls.