I am getting increasingly worried and scared that some of our girls are getting so desperate in relationships and violent too.

They are now hitting, burning and attempting to kill men who they feel have hurt them real or imaginery.

When did being in a relationship become do or die?
When did fiderlity have to be enforced with violence?

If a guy doesn't love or respect you why not move on? Why resort to violence?

We will do well as a society to stop making people believe that being single is a sickness, we also need to work on the level of violence exhibited oh, this is how this starts, I hope we can nip this at the bud

A 19 year old female student of Science Laboratory Technology (SLT) Department of Osun State Polytechnic (OSPOLY) has been arrested for allegedly pouring hot water on her boyfriend shortly after his birthday at Miracle Hall, BHS area in Iree last Saturday.

According to a report by Daily Trust, the attacker Yetunde poured the hot water on Niyi Adelana because he invited other girls to his party and flirted with them right in front of her
Niyi, a Higher National Diploma (HND) II student of Computer Science, suffered serious burns and was taken to the hospital for treatment.
The Police Public Relations Officer for Osun State, DSP Folasade Odoro, confirmed the incident in a chat with Daily Trust. She said investigation was still going on and that upon completion, the girl would be charged to court

nkan be

debrief08:

According to a report by Daily Trust, the attacker Yetunde poured the hot water on Niyi Adelana because he invited other girls to his party and flirted with them right in front of her

Hahahahahahahaha, LML!

@Debrief08: Did you create this thread few min after hearing the news?? You seem to have written this post with 'emotions' still burning inside you. I think you're exaggerating.

Most actions like this have nothing to do with what the society think of single women, let's just take it for what it is- A violent act by a violent person. Even if she didn't think "relationship is a do or a die affair", she could have sill cursed harm to him before she walked away from the relationship for something even more silly. An act of violence can also be caused by rage, insecurity or pain.

Why are u creating a thread about "What is Happening with our girls" like this is a new trend or there has been a sudden increase in similar crimes in Nigeria??(Can't find any proof online) In the context of your post, we should be focusing on anger management/insecurities in both genders rather than what the society thinks of single women.

Do not blame the Nigerian society for her violence, blame her....blame her family background....

Wu Zetian:
Hahahahahahahaha, LML!

@Debrief08: Did you create this thread few min after hearing the news?? You seem to have written this post with 'emotions' still burning inside you. I think you're exaggerating.

Most actions like this have nothing to do with what the society think of single women, let's just take it for what it is- A violent act by a violent person. Even if she didn't think "relationship is a do or a die affair", she could have sill cursed harm to him before she walked away from the relationship for something even more silly. An act of violence can also be caused by rage, insecurity or pain.

Why are u creating a thread about "What is Happening with our girls" like this is a new trend or there has been a sudden increase in similar crimes in Nigeria??(Can't find any proof online) In the context of your post, we should be focusing on anger management/insecurities in both genders rather than what the society thinks of single women.

Do not blame the Nigerian society for her violence, blame her....blame her family background....

My dear this comes from a background that I have noticed.
Last time a second wife burnt her husband to death, the other time a lady poured acid abi was it kerosine, my major concern then was that ladies and even some men were hailing their actions meaning it has now become acceptable behavior that you physically hurt someone when they leave you or make you jealous. That is my worry.

The societial angle came from the explanation of the 25 year old from the other story who said she did it because her life was over @25 because the guy refused to marry her after 4 years.

My problem is not even the random acts of jealousy but the fact that it will be applauded and other girls will emulate.
How does one see the end of a relationship as the end of life willing to risk loosing her life for?

On the other thread there was a story trying to guilt men to always answer their pings or else they might be murdered or something. That is the extreme way relationships are now being viewed.
It is scary.

I am worried that we are still failing in our generation in raising our girls. We have talked severally about the boys but now our daughters are begining to act like this and we should start talking to them about managing emotions.

Desperation..........anyone who is desperate to be with someone by force can kill if anything wants to stand on his/her way.
Selfish interest/Greedy..........the guy or the lady in question might be wealthy or possess what they consider as money or flashy materials, hence, not allowing any other person to snatch him/her from them.
Charity begins at home........anyone who is raised by violent parents and has been exposed to being violent will always act violently when fighting for what he/she believes to be his or hers.
Hot temper.............it is better to live alone in a whole city than living with a hot tempered person. Hot tempered person do not think before they act, they first act and then regret their actions, some of these violent actons are carried out, out of too much anger and frustration.
Insecurity/Jealousy also plays role in this type of mess.
The society.......the way the society looks at and react to ladies who are yet to get married at certain age can make a lady be desperate in hooking up with any guy that comes their way by force, by fire.
P. S....im looking at it from both sexes'angle, its not only girls that are guilty, we have heard on so many occassions where guys beat hell out of their babes, because she said she is no longer interested in the relationship.

What can we do?
Much of it lies with the parents, we should try and inculcate good behaviours in our children, both in deed and in words and always educate our children not t be desperate about boyfriends or girlfriends.
Secondly, we should all realise that anything or anyne that belong to us will get to us easily and not by force, if one has to fight and fight and fight before getting someone, then we should look well, that someone may not really belng to us in the first place.
May God help us all.

chaircover: My dear its not just the girls. Everything is changing. The other day I came across a website where a boy was filming him and his gf having sexx. When did this kind of behavior start in Nigeria? if this boy now dumps the girl, then the girl too will want to do something to hurt him.

Its the foundation thats wrong and the seed bad, hence the bad fruit

People now do very silly things and the stakes are higher. Anything goes in relationships these days. Gone are the days of simple and respectful relationships that our parents had.

There is a thread on this family section where a wife is threatening her husband to bring home a car that her ex boyfriend bought her.

There is so much going on these days, people dont seem to know their left from their right or right from wrong anymore. Nothing is sacred. Things that people will do when I was in school and you will be called bad names, are what people openly do with pride these days

We have churches on every street corner but the morals of people are worse than when there was only one church per area.

I dont think it is just the girls . . .the boys have issues too. . . and it all stems down from society as a whole. when men old enough to be a girls father/grandfather are loitering about female hostels looking for small girls to spend the night with. The decay is everywhere and peoples have lost sense of right or wrong.

CC, I am suddenly totally depressed.
I see young girls with no means of livelyhood with 3 or 4 very expensive phones. Was it not here I complained that a neighbour tried to get me to "Hide" her daughters car ( daughter was a 200 level student then oh) so her father won't see. When I spoke to the mother and asked why she will encourage that I was tagged enemy of progress.

As you said, now everything seems to go, I really really put my hands up for the ones who see all this and choose right, at least before there were lines not to be crossed, now there are no more lines or is it the social media that makes it visible to us?

Previously when we hear crazy actions from men we become scared for our daughters, now we should also become scared for our sons.

, you have made so much so much sense.
Thanks

debrief08:

CC, I am suddenly totally depressed.
I see young girls with no means of livelyhood with 3 or 4 very expensive phones. Was it not here I complained that a neighbour tried to get me to "Hide" her daughters car ( daughter was a 200 level student then oh) so her father won't see. When I spoke to the mother and asked why she will encourage that I was tagged enemy of progress.

As you said, now everything seems to go, I really really put my hands up for the ones who see all this and choose right, at least before there were lines not to be crossed, now there are no more lines or is it the social media that makes it visible to us?

Previously when we hear crazy actions from men we become scared for our daughters, now we should also become scared for our sons.

my dear sister, so many things have gone wrong, wrong things are now celebrated, parents are not excluded, no more morals, the roles played by some parents sef is questionable, just like in my area, a 100 leve lady student came back with a car and the parents are giving testimony in church, saying God works in a mysterious way, that their daughter said the school authority gave him a car gift as the best behaved student in the school, can you imagine? Even, if they are illiterate, shouldnt they enquire from the literate ones around them?
You see students with expensive BB, cars and the parents will not bother to ask how they got money to buy them.
What of the useless old "rich" men who wouldnt allow the girls to rest nko?
The society is decayed, i tell you
but i still maintain that if all parents carry out their parental duties as expected of them, there will be more sanity in the society.
May God help us all.

When d foundation is faulty........
Morals r learnt at home,not in Nigerian church or mosque.
Phone is small sef.
In school that time, gold chains, earings,(like 3 piercing) some come to school with airport taxi. Imagine where my school is.
When pple like that marry and give birth,d circle continues.

Matrialism at its peak. Is that not what our religious pple preach.
Grab or die by fire, is that not some prayer point slogan?
Do they know d implications of this rubbish they call prayer points to youths.

CC even as grown people with Jobs and our own kids we some how have to seek approval stylisly when we want to splurge a little.

Hmmm, It will be well oh.

CC, on monday when my boy was going to school, he demanded for another biro, i asked why, he said he couldnt see its cover again, i told him that he should go and continue using the biro like that, that, that is the price he is going to pay for being careless with his biro cover, by the time he was back in the noon, he came back with another biro cover, i asked where he got it from, he said his aunty gave it to him, i immediately called the aunty on phone and she asserted to it. Now, that is just a biro cover o, can such boy bring home other things that is not his into that house? i guess no, because, he knows i will get to the root of the matter, but what do we see today? some parents call it "smartness"....heeeee, im afraid of the future o.


And as for the church, some of my church members have ran away, and when we asked why, they said our Rev. is "old school", he doesnt preach prosperity as such, they have ran to new generation churches and some of them have been moving with the trend, again, im afraid of the future o. The roles played by our "prosperity, without fear of God" pastors nowadays is nothing to write home about at all. And that is why one must personally have connection with His God. If we read the bible with open mind and understand and practise what is written therein, nobody will be able to brainwash anyone, and the society will be more sane.
May God help us all.

greatgod2012:


my dear sister, so many things have gone wrong, wrong things are now celebrated, parents are not excluded, no more morals, the roles played by some parents sef is questionable, just like in my area, a 100 leve lady student came back with a car and the parents are giving testimony in church, saying God works in a mysterious way, that their daughter said the school authority gave him a car gift as the best behaved student in the school, can you imagine? Even, if they are illiterate, shouldnt they enquire from the literate ones around them?
You see students with expensive BB, cars and the parents will not bother to ask how they got money to buy them.
What of the useless old "rich" men who wouldnt allow the girls to rest nko?
The society is decayed, i tell you
but i still maintain that if all parents carry out their parental duties as expected of them, there will be more sanity in the society.
May God help us all.

I honestly can't imagine it! It's complete madness!

As far as the "parents" are concerned, that girl doesn't have "parents". No right thinking person will condone such and then to add insult to injury, "testify" in church about their materialism yielding fruits??

chaircover: and debrief you bring back memories of boarding school to me

When I get back from school, the first thing my mum did was to empty my suitcase and check the contents. God help me if I have as much as someone else's scarf in my stuff . .even if it were a gift. God help me

I dont know if its poverty or the mentality of grab grab grab grab & me me me. The parents too have dodgy thinking so def the kids will follow suit.

Lets not also forget that if a pastor only preaches prosperity, then the brethren will mostly focus on making money, anyway how.

There are many problems in Nigeria.

(Sigh)

CC, you, I and debrief are soooo old school. Yeah, I got the exact same treatment either in front of me or behind my back - and I wasn't even a boarder, but a daytime student. So you can imagine the monitoring. Also don't forget modern technology has a hand to play with this decadence. In our days, the good old fashion way of communication was by letter writing (you go wait nearly one month for reply, thanks to NIPOST) and the odd phone call from your landline or NITEL booth. But that didn't stop people from "doing" one on their other half. I'm sure they too must have used the letter as blackmailing stuff, the same way the young ones these days video themselves and when things go wrong, upload / leak the footage onto the net. So the same principle applies, just different modes used.

@Debrief: There are so many causes for girls (and boys) behaving this way. Like many have already pointed out, the rot is based deep in the foundation itself. Society places more value on materialism, irrespective of how it's obtained, over good-old-fashioned hard work.

~ You're termed "suffer head" by society and even parents if you choose to do things the morally right why. How else do you explain a local pepper-grinding mother labelling her 21 year old fashion designer of a daughter a "failure"? Lord knows how much emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother for not going out there to prostitute herself and bring back the worldly goods of her prostituting. Obviously, this pepper-grinding mother was so incensed with her daughter's level of morality because like other low-life's her daughter had denied her the opportunity to "testify" in church too.

So if a parent brings up a child to think ill-gotten materialism is the way forward, how can you blame such girls from wanting to "deal" with their boyfriends / man friends from "straying"?

~ Irresponsibility. Nobody seems to take responsibility for their actions and society (already rotten to the core) fails to enforce these laws on people unless they're high profile cases. I bet you, for that girl in custody, if a few hands are "shaken and sorted", the case will be dropped and she'll be a free bird once again. The average policeman won't even want to show face for such issues as they famously don't get involved in "domestic tiffs". So if they don't get involved in domestic issues, what's to stop the "aggrieved" party from lashing out in the most barbaric way at their means?

Poor hot water on a guy because he invited other girls to his birthday party and was "flirting" away with them.

Biko, it's all to do with societal rot, no self-esteem issues, and abject poverty.

For all you girls out there: If a guy wants to walk, then let him walk! He's probably not worth it to start with. Haba, na do-or-die-affair?

Likewise, for my brothers out there: If your girl wants to walk, show her the door, shut it firmly behind her and move on! Life goes on.

The issue is rather complex and disturbing. If just flirting can bring about such a reaction then what would happen if she catches him in the act? Maybe a lot of television has really influenced our society more than we are willing to acknowledge, both nollywood,hollywood and netporn.

You should know Nigeria is a violent society. The men pour acid, the girls are now competing by pouring hot water, they will soon graduate to acid when they know fully the components and the safety handling procedure.

My dear, oyibo sometimes commit suicide, but since we love life alot in Naija, we resort to violence.

This might be the new trend,

Pls if you break up with someone without both agreeing to let go, you Berra go acquire some face shield

Chillisauce: You should know Nigeria is a violent society. The men pour acid, the girls are now competing by pouring hot water, they will soon graduate to acid when they know fully the components and the safety handling procedure.

My dear, oyibo sometimes commit suicide, but since we love life alot in Naija, we resort to violence.

This might be the new trend,

Pls if you break up with someone without both agreeing to let go, you Berra go acquire some face shield

greatgod2012: Desperation..........anyone who is desperate to be with someone by force can kill if anything wants to stand on his/her way.
Selfish interest/Greedy..........the guy or the lady in question might be wealthy or possess what they consider as money or flashy materials, hence, not allowing any other person to snatch him/her from them.
Charity begins at home........anyone who is raised by violent parents and has been exposed to being violent will always act violently when fighting for what he/she believes to be his or hers.
Hot temper.............it is better to live alone in a whole city than living with a hot tempered person. Hot tempered person do not think before they act, they first act and then regret their actions, some of these violent actons are carried out, out of too much anger and frustration.
Insecurity/Jealousy also plays role in this type of mess.
The society.......the way the society looks at and react to ladies who are yet to get married at certain age can make a lady be desperate in hooking up with any guy that comes their way by force, by fire.
P. S....im looking at it from both sexes'angle, its not only girls that are guilty, we have heard on so many occassions where guys beat hell out of their babes, because she said she is no longer interested in the relationship.

What can we do?
Much of it lies with the parents, we should try and inculcate good behaviours in our children, both in deed and in words and always educate our children not t be desperate about boyfriends or girlfriends.
Secondly, we should all realise that anything or anyne that belong to us will get to us easily and not by force, if one has to fight and fight and fight before getting someone, then we should look well, that someone may not really belng to us in the first place.
May God help us all.

Yeah I just woke up, I was looking for "falling in love" phrase in your list. You can never tell what you will do if you are heart broken. Some ppl handle it well, some don't.
As painful as it may be, heart break can lead to suicide etc if not properly attended to. Some need the support, some na iron heart dem get. Whatever it is, when in relationship..spell out some basic things, fall in love, fall out but try and make the other person understand with you. If you feel threatened by all means get a shield mask

Efemena_xy:

Funny but true. After cameroon, I fear Naija die! But still in love with the country ...
All safety gear in check when in Naija! You can never tell what's coming to you

Nothing is really happening to our girls jaree...!
They're just playing catch-up with boys act throughout the ages.
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Feminism, gender equality and other movements points to that direction. We shouldn't be too surprised- nature has a way of responding to stimulus with the aforementioned acidic acts.
It's well

reason being that most of our ladies go into relationship ,with the mind of getting something in return,and not necessarily because of the passion,or what they can give or contribute,and most of them arent mature to withstand the pressure,and things they see...they are of the believe that relationship is a bed of roses,not knowing it comes with a price.

am not boasting,when i was in secondary school,i called my parents wicked,i was disciplined squarely,even when my mates had phones,i never owned one till lately,i wore a low cut and somany others,even boyfriends,my mum couldn't even convince me,my dad based outside,talked sense into my thick skull,i don't have everything,but why eat my tommorow today,boys come later,study now and so help me God i will make it,parents its up to you to bend the kids now

Efe,u r shouting,I laugh in swahili!

Parents send their daughters to do ashi work.
Ur parent know they r not sponsoring ur education and yet u r in school. Upon that u still send them money.when u graduate, everybody will do thanksgiving.
I'm still laughing!!!


When I was in school and my mum was very down, if not strong moral, I was giving ticket to do runs gal.
Her sis(wealthy o!)Will call me to come and carry my mum to hospital afterall she is my mum but she is only a sis.
That I know what others r doing to make money, kai! That woman mouth is bad! I almost fall for it but I thank God for his wisdom. I became an enterpreneur overnight. Come and c me with the abokis struggling for attachment on a night bus to the north!
At times,I will stand from enugu to kano,no shifting,no breathing space. But I lvd every journey I made cos I didn't want to tow d wrong way. I had my mum's full blessing b4 she passed away.I couldn't hv asked for any other thing.
Had I listened to her,maybe I would hv been dead or......I don't even want to go there.

Parents and relatives can make one mis a step,it only take a strong xter to say no at times and mean it.

Thank u lovely sis.
OMG,I don wanna cry.

Yellow, I love you, now I understand why you were so hard on the guy on that post.
Well done. Proud of you.
Its easy for some of us to declare and shout morals because we may have never been faced with real temptation.
Bless you

yellowpawpaw: Thank u lovely sis.
OMG,I don wanna cry.

Respect here too,

I had tough parents to but no financial difficulties but I knew those who were like you in school. I always had utmost respect for their clean hustle - there are great lessons there.

Do share your story when you want to. It could inspire and encourage others.

CC, I won't cry again. Very funny woman. I dey house dey ping. Not much work today.
Deb,thanks for d compliment.
I normally comment on posts based on what has happened to me or what I hv seen around.
Sal, fine name.what's d meaning? It sounds like spanish. Yep,it was very tough. Juggling from school to d north and to c my mum. At times I will stay up to a month cos she was helpless. Will end up spending d little I had and will start afresh. When u go back to school,u must hv missed a lot.I look very soft outside but I'm one bad and tough chick inside. Life is indeed a teacher.

Thanks dear. The memory is still very fresh.

chaircover: My dear its not just the girls. Everything is changing. The other day I came across a website where a boy was filming him and his gf having sexx. When did this kind of behavior start in Nigeria? if this boy now dumps the girl, then the girl too will want to do something to hurt him.

Its the foundation thats wrong and the seed bad, hence the bad fruit

People now do very silly things and the stakes are higher. Anything goes in relationships these days. Gone are the days of simple and respectful relationships that our parents had.

There is a thread on this family section where a wife is threatening her husband to bring home a car that her ex boyfriend bought her.

There is so much going on these days, people dont seem to know their left from their right or right from wrong anymore. Nothing is sacred. Things that people will do when I was in school and you will be called bad names, are what people openly do with pride these days

We have churches on every street corner but the morals of people are worse than when there was only one church per area.

I dont think it is just the girls . . .the boys have issues too. . . and it all stems down from society as a whole. when men old enough to be a girls father/grandfather are loitering about female hostels looking for small girls to spend the night with. The decay is everywhere and peoples have lost sense of right or wrong.

infact i am equally surprised and shocked as you.about a year ago,i went to the nail studio for pedicure and i saw a little girl of 11 year old who happens to be an errand girl in that place so i became attracted to her because of her smartness.. So i called her while my nails was been fixed.i said whats your name,she said alice,i saaid how old are you,she said her age and i started up a conversation with her so she will loosen up,so i asked her what do you want to be when you grow up.i was expecting her to say lawyer,engineer,doctor,teacher or a pilot,she smiled and said hmmnnn aunty shewa,emi wa oko o meaning i am looking for husband.even the lady that was fixing my nails was shocked.i said so you dont want to go to secondary school and university,she said in yoruba abeg leave that one jare.i am looking for a man who will take care of me and satisfy me in bed.the stylist had to tell her to go.this was when i knew the girl child in naija is in trouble.this is a girl that her breasts are just popping out o.i clapped my hands in amusement that day.the truth is that the psyche of an average nigerian girl is gravitated towards anything money,sex and men.the future is no longer important for them.even teenagers too wqant to use blackberry and fix expensive hair

Girls are not smiling.

It is tough to be a girl in our world. I don't know, I have this fervent fear and feeling of not wanting to have a girl.