pls read this short story care, i need some criticism and how well i should put my writing before i publish em.i wrote this under pressure.

THE STORY OF NADIA

(A cry for help)

Left to die on the street by the one person who she thought would always be there to protect and guide her every move, Nadia have always been hunted by the thought that her mother left her when she was barely 7 years of age, she could not understand why any mother would abandon the child she carried for nine months in her belly.

As a young girl, Nadia was vulnerable and left at the mercy of the street, she struggled to survive on her own, and she ate anything she could find and also begged her way through starvation.

One day, Nadia swore that it would be her lives work to find and kill her mother, but little did she know that a greater surprise awaits her.

At 9 years of age, Nadia was kidnapped by some street gangs and sold to human traffickers who buy and train girls into becoming assassins.

A young and beautiful girl caught in a world of cruelty, all she could think about as she was being taken to her new home was: “mother this is all you fault and I must make you pay for it”, everything in Nadia’s life only made her more heart hardened.

All through Nadia’s life on the street, she never for once thought of the real reason why her mother might have left her there; she only had negative view about her mother and the day she will finally meet her.

The only clue Nadia had about her mother was the picture that her mother left in her pocket, Nadia and her mother were hugging and smiling in the picture, they seemed like a very happy and cheerful family, Nadia could not remember anything about her father, she just imagined he was dead.

After driving for miles, the kidnappers finally arrived at Nadia’s buyers place, the place was in the middle of nowhere, in the entrance to the compound was a huge gate with armed guards standing on the fence close to the gate, it was like a prison. As the kidnappers drove closer, the guards on recognizing their car opened the gate and the kidnappers drove in with their bus, when they arrived closer to the building they stopped the truck, came out, untied Nadia and dragged her out from the boot of the bus.

The place had a large compound with a special section that looked like military training site.

As the kidnappers brought Nadia inside the two storey building, she saw other girls inside the house, the girls were all looking at her with pity, Nadia knew that her life had changed forever but she could not understand one thing: “the girls in the house all looked relaxed instead of crying to go home”, they were all little girls of about 7 to 14 years of age.

The kidnappers who were huge, about 6ft tall and dark in complexion noticing their client was not there, dragged Nadia by her hair and went upstairs to the clients office, the pain was a sudden rush for Nadia as she cried but no one to help this poor, innocent little girl from the horror she was experiencing.

When they got to the clients office , they saw her sitting by the window, she was a young lady of about 28 years of age, 5.4ft tall, blue eyes, red lips and skinny.

When the young lady saw Nadia, she asked the men if she was the new girl, and the men nodded their head.

The young lady was known as the punisher, none of the girls knew her real name not even the people she had business transactions with. She was like a ghost with no identity.

The lady walked majestically towards Nadia and asked her name but Nadia was just sobbing and afraid, the lady removed handkerchief from her pocket and wiped Nadia’s tears., Nadia now feeling like the lady cared then stopped crying and immediately the lady slapped Nadia really hard that Nadia fell to the ground and the lady said:

“When I ask you a question next time, make sure to answer me without delay or you will be losing one of your tiny fingers next. Take her outside and tie her in front of the building, she added.

The kidnappers dragged Nadia in front of the building and tied her up. It was really horrible and sad the way the punisher treated girls as young as Nadia.

After the punisher gave the men their money, they entered their bus and drove back to town.

The punisher was the only one who trained the little girls on her own special way. When any of the girls turns 14 or looks 14 was transferred from the camp to a town mile away and they never returned.

Sometimes the remaining girls were molested by the guards.

At such young age, the girls were thought to believe that the whole world did not care about them.

For 30 minutes, Nadia was left tied in front of the building; she was so hungry and tired that she fell unconscious. When the punisher noticed Nadia was unconscious she told the older girls to go, untie and bring her inside. The girls did as they were told.

The punisher then poured water on Nadia and she immediately “jumped up”.

Looking so tired and frustrated, Nadia cried for help but no one was there to recue this little girl.

Angered by what Nadia did, the punisher dragged Nadia by her hair and took her to a store in the inner section of the house and locked her up, she then told Nadia that “this is where she will be staying until she was ready to be useful”.

A day passed by and no one came to open the door for Nadia, the store was a very huge place where the girls kept their old stuffs.

Later that day, the punisher went to the store and opened the door for Nadia; the punisher wanted to be sure Nadia had learnt her lesson, so she decided to taste her by asking Nadia her name and Nadia looking tired and hungry said:

“My name is Nadia”.

The punisher then laughed in a tricky way and told Nadia to follow her to her new room.

When they got to the room, 3 young girls were inside; two of the girls are about 9 years of age and the other 10 years old.

“Sasha, Nadia will be staying here with you girls” said the punisher

And she left.

The room was painted in white and there were 4 beds on the floor.

Sasha lying on one of the bed said:

“Nice to meet you Nadia” pointing at the other two girls she added:

“This is Haley and that is Rachael, you should go shower over there because you stink”.

“Thank you, I need to shower now” said Nadia and she went into the bathroom.

“Come on Sasha, must you be mean to everyone all the time?” asked Haley.

“Trust me, I only want her not to feel too comfortable staying here” Sasha replied.

Sasha was about 3.4ft tall, blue eyes, long hair and red lips.

Haley was a brave girl and always stood up against the way Sasha treated people.

“The both of you like to argue and it makes me sick, sometimes I just feel like killing you two” Said Rachael.

They all laughed.

After about 5 minutes time, Nadia was done bathing, and she came out of the bathroom looking different. Looking so surprised, Haley looked at Sasha and said:

“Nadia is a pretty girl”.

“Yeah I guess she is” replied Sasha. She then gave Nadia some cloths to put on.

Later that day the whole girls were summoned to come and eat, the girls only ate once a day and the remaining time, they spend training; it was a daily routine for them.

The dining room was a large room with a very long table that contained the whole 30 children in the place.

The punisher hired only 5 maids to help cook and wash for the children but she paid the maids really well that none of them thought of leaving.

The girls all ate their rice and meat gently without talking, and also drank the juice the maids served them; the girls were so disciplined by the punisher on table manner.

After eating, the girls all left for their training ground.

While in the training ground, Nadia walked close to Haley and whispered:

“Why do you all keep obeying the punisher, why won’t you all escape?

“Are you crazy? Haven’t you seen the guards everywhere?

“Yeah I have but there must be a way”

“Yeah there’s one way; it is an underground cave beneath the store, it leads outside but the punisher will kill anyone who she suspects was thinking of escaping” Said Haley.

As they kept talking, the punisher then arrive the training ground.

“Keep silent the punisher is here” Haley added.

Haley thought that Nadia’s idea to escape was stupid because the whole place was heavily guarded and the punisher herself was especially skilled in martial art.

“Sasha you will be training with Nadia” said the punisher”.

“Come on, every rest of you, get your partner and start training” she added.

The remaining girls choose their partners and they started training, the girls fought really well that the punisher was pleased with how well each of them have gotten.

Nadia was still new to the training technique, it was not just any street or girly stuff she was used to, it was tough and deadly training

After training for hours, the punisher told the girls to go inside, wash up and rest.

The girls all left, as Nadia was walking by, the punisher told her she was good at today’s training but should try harder next time. Nadia didn’t say a word and pass her by.

The punisher saw Nadia more different than other girls; she noticed how Nadia had hatred for everyone.

When the girls went back to their various rooms, Sasha walked up to Nadia and said:

“Wow seems the punisher is already starting to like you”

“Huh, she disgust me and I feel like killing her”

“Well don’t let her hear you say that or she will be the one cutting your head off” Sasha replied while laughing.

Later that night, while Nadia was sleeping, she saw her mother in a dream crying for help with blood all over her body.

Nadia immediately woke up, she couldn’t understand why she had such dream about her mother but neither the less, it didn’t stopped her from wishing for the day she will finally track and kill her mother, it was like an inbuilt hatred she had for the woman who gave birth to her.

To Nadia it was not about revenge, it was about writing her mother’s wrong, right.

After weeks of hard work and training, Nadia was finally good at martial art and defense; this made the punisher so surprised at how fast Nadia caught up with the training even the hardest techniques.

Throughout Nadia’s training, all she had in mind was to kill her mother but this time one person was added to her death list, she also swore to kill the punisher.

Such a young girl but had the “heart of a lion”, Nadia always trained really hard even after the training session was over.

4 years later it was time for Sasha to be transferred to another facility because she had reached the required age. Sasha had become really tough and was no longer afraid of being moved, she had been expecting it for years.

As Sasha was parking her luggage in the room, Haley, Rachael and Nadia walked up to her and ask her if she was afraid, Sasha smiled and said she was not afraid.

She then picked up her bags and the girls all hugged themselves, it was so emotional for all of them, they had gotten used to one another being in same room all this years.

“Would we ever meet you again?” Haley asked while crying.

“I hope destiny will bring us all back together, I love you all” said Sasha and she then walked out of the room.

Some of the other girls were so eager to turn 14, so they will be transferred, but other were afraid of what the future hold for them, they knew their next phase in life would be more dangerous because the punisher would not put them through a deadly training and just let them go free.

After seeing that Sasha had been transferred, Nadia was eager to know where they had taken her to, she went to meet the punisher in her office, when she got there, she noticed someone was in the office, Nadia silently walked close to the door and started listening to their conversation.

Nadia had something that shocked her; the punisher was also reselling them but this time for millions and at their new place they will become assassins, fighting themselves to death to entertain eager millionaires in an underground fight club.

Nadia was “carried away in thoughts” that she didn’t know when the punisher and the man in the room had finish discussing, walked towards the door and opened it.

not yet finished...

Keep going

The title of the story is great!
The names nadia u've used nd all just perfect..

I'd love to read more

*following

#im not really good in literature but I think u've used nadia too many times can't u replace it with she/her in some passages?

Wow... Plz bring it on

Thank God am not late

Ride on.... Nice story and very interesting

really nyc story though it reminds me of Nikita, that punisher might just be like percy or amanda. And i tot u said nadia's mum abandon her when she was a baby and she wanted to kill her. Bt the part of the dream didnt match with that

Sorry for returning replies late... I will update the remaining story soon.. Thanks for the comments

Mynd_44: Keep going

thanks will complete it soon

joywendy: really nyc story though it reminds me of Nikita, that punisher might just be like percy or amanda. And i tot u said nadia's mum abandon her when she was a baby and she wanted to kill her. Bt the part of the dream didnt match with that

. Thanks,I will modify it as soon as possible.thanks for following the story

Wesslier: Wow... Plz bring it on

thanks will update soon..thanks for following

Joanee: Ride on.... Nice story and very interesting

thanks joan for reading and comment

nadia_SA: The title of the story is great!
The names nadia u've used nd all just perfect..

I'd love to read more

*following

#im not really good in literature but I think u've used nadia too many times can't u replace it with she/her in some passages?

thanks. Will sure try to modify it and thanks for following the story

Second posting:

Nadia had something that shocked her; the punisher was also reselling them but this time for millions and at their new place they will become assassins, fighting themselves to death to entertain eager millionaires in an underground fight club.

Nadia was “carried away in thoughts” that she didn’t know when the punisher and the man in the room had finish discussing, walked towards the door and opened it.

When the punisher saw Nadia, she was angry that Nadia was eavesdropping on her conversation. She told Nadia to wait for her while she then accompanied the man down to his car.

After sometime, the punisher returned upstairs and met Nadia still waiting for her, she just went inside her office and took a scissors and  she dragged Nadia downstairs by her hair, she called 3 of the older girls to hold Nadia really tight, while she then took the scissors on her hand and cut off Nadia’s tiny finger and then she said.

“I was starting to like you but not anymore, next time you make me angry I am going to kill you”

She told the 3 girls to drag Nadia to the store and lock her up.

The pain was like a sudden rush for Nadia as they dragged and locked her up, she was bleeding all over the floor and crying.

While in the store, Nadia remembered what Haley told her about an underground passage leading outside of their camp, Nadia decided to look around.

Luckily for her, she saw the passage and traced it to the outside tunnel, she was so happy to finally be out of the camp, as she was about to run away she  remembered that she had no place to go and the whole area looked deserted, she then went back through the tunnel and back to the store.

The next day, the punisher came to open the door for Nadia and said:

“Hope this time you won’t be giving any more troubles”

Nadia ignored her and went back to her room upstairs.

When Haley and Rachael saw her, they were surprised because they did not know she was locked up since yesterday, they asked Nadia what had happened to her but Nadia still tired and dirty ignored them and went into the shower.

Later that day, when Nadia felt better, she then went and sat on the bed where Haley and Rachael were, and she said:

“Am sorry for earlier today, I was really weak to talk” she then told the girls what had happened to her the previous day. Nadia then showed them her hand that had the missing finger.

“Oh that is horrible, am sorry, we didn’t know you went through all that” said Haley.

“Am fine now, anyway I saw the underground tunnel in the store and I traced it to outside of the camp” said Nadia.

Immediately on hearing this Rachael became angry and said:

“Are you crazy, do you want the punisher to hunt you down and kill you, besides, outside there is no man’s land”

“Come on, you think am that stupid, I had other plans, when we turn 14 and get transferred, I plan on coming back through the tunnel and killing the punisher, so if you guys are with me, we could all do it as team”.

Haley and Rachael thought the idea was stupid but agreed to help Nadia out when the time comes.

The girls kept going through so much training for months and had gotten much better in the skills of martial arts.

It was now finally time for Haley, Rachael and Nadia to be transferred.

The day of the transfer, they packed all their cloths into their box and went to the bus that will take them to the new place; as they were leaving Nadia saw the punisher upstairs looking through her window.  Nadia looked at her with an eye for revenge.

After 3 hours of driving, the guards finally brought the girls to their new place, the place was close to a casino, the guards packed at a lonely street close to the casino and brought the girls out, they took their box and went through an underground tunnel there, after walking for some time they came across  an iron security door.

The men waited in front of the door and the guards at the other side, seeing it was their bosses’ business partner’s guards, opened the door for them.

The punishers’ guards then took the girls by their hand and walked inside, the facility was a huge place and everything in white color, the facilities guards accompanied them to where their boss was.

Their boss was a Whiteman of about 5.6ft tall, blue eye, average weight.

“Welcome to your new home girls, my name is Jim” the man said to the girls.

He then told the both his guards and the punishers guards to go.

The man was a nice man and treated the girls much better than the punisher did, it made the girls think that the facility might be better for them but little did they know it was like worse than they  can imagine.

After talking to the girls and making them feel welcome, Jim personally took the girls to their new room; they were the only two to be staying in the room.

After Jim left them, to their greatest surprise they saw Sasha walk into their room, on seeing her, the girls immediately hugged her.

“Wow we are so happy to see you” Haley said.

“Me too, but wish you guys never came here because this place is a nightmare” replied Sasha.

“What happens here?” Nadia asked.

“They make us fight in a cage why people bet on who will survive, it is a fight to the death and they also make us assassin people outside of here”

“That’s horrible, I don’t want to kill anyone” Rachael added.

“Anyway, I have to go now, need to go prepare for tonight’s fight” Sasha said and left.

The girls immediately knew that this phase of their life would be a dangerous and deadly one; they just believed that no matter what happens,  they had to survive.

After the girls finished resting and eating, the guards then came to their room and told them that they would be fighting later in the night for the millionaires that pay and bet to watch them.

Around 8pm in the night, the guards returned and took them to the place, the cage were they will be fighting is about 20 minutes walk from where their room  was, in the same underground facility, as they walked to the place they saw other girls their age and beyond training.

After sometime, they finally got to the cage, they saw about 6 girls in the cage including Sasha, and they saw the audience sitting and waiting for the game to get started.

The guards then pushed them inside the cage and gave them weapons.

The whole girls in the cage then started fighting, the rules was that only 5 out of the 10 girls had to survive.

They fought fiercely and very well, and some could not survive, it was then down to 5 girls. They were: Sasha, Haley, Rachael, Nadia and a girl named cutney.

The remaining girls that survived the fight were all stained with blood as they walked through the cage and back to their room.

Sasha have always survived the fight to death and was good in assassinating people she was told to kill, the audience already knew how good she was and some always bet on her winning.

The audience which comprised of both rich men and women, after watching the games and claiming their winnings then stood up and went back to the casino.

There was an elevator from the underground facility that leads directly to the casino, that was how Jim wanted them to come and go without passing through the other side of the tunnel which looked like deserted underground train lane.

Jim was the owner of the casino, which was why it was easy to build both the underground facility and elevator leading into the casino.

Jim was pleased on how well Nadia fought which made him decide to send her on a mission to kill one of his clients’ enemies who his client wanted dead.

Jim was paid really well to send the girls to kill people.

 It was easy to use the girls because no one would expect such young girls to be assassins and it made it easy for the girls to penetrate high security armed guards.

The next day, Jim summoned Nadia and gave her some information about who he wanted her to kill. Nadia already expected that, she then collected the file and went back to her room to prepare for the mission.

While in the room getting ready for her first mission, Haley walked up to her and asked her what Jim told her.

“He gave me an assignment to kill this man on this picture” Nadia said pointing on the picture on the bed.

“So this is now our new phase in life” said Haley.

“well we don’t really have a chance and why do you care about the people we are asked to kill, the world is all full of wicked people” Nadia said and left with the man’s information, the picture and a small bag where she kept some weapon.

After killing the man, Nadia returned back to the facility, Jim was pleased with how smoothly everything went.

For so many years the whole girls kept training, assassinating people, entertaining the rich men and women by fighting to the death.

They were no longer the frightened little girls which were kidnapped from the street, they had become brutal themselves.

Jim always claimed to be a man of his word, he makes deal with the girls that once they turn 20, they could either take 5 million dollars and leave or continue to work for him and get millions more, some decided to work for him, some left with the money he offered, others never survived up to age 20 to make their choice.

After some years, it was now time for Sasha to make her choice, she then chooses to start a new life, and Jim granted her the wish.

Sasha was now about 6ft tall, slim, beautiful with blue eyes, long hair, and shinny teeth.

As she was about to leave the place, Nadia, Rachael and Haley ran towards her and hugged her, Sasha promised to send them her new address.

Sasha did not know where to start her new life from, being so rich and yet had no family to share with, she took a cab and went to a hotel where she decided to be staying till she gets a new place.

Back in the facility, Nadia had become the new favorite girl for Jim since Sasha had decided to go. Nadia was also a beautiful girls of about 5.7ft tall, slim, blue eyes and long hair that she tired with a rope.

Jim called Nadia and gave her a new assignment to kill a top government official, she took the information about the woman who Jim wanted dead and left.

She succeeded in killing the woman but was shot on her arm, she came back bleeding, as she walked inside the facility, she fainted.

The guards then took her to the inner clinic in the facility.

After the doctors there removed the bullet, she was feeling better, when she woke up, she saw Rachael by her bed side waiting for her to wake.

She asked Rachael what had happened and Rachael narrated the story to her.

One year later, the time was finally here for Nadia, Haley and Rachael to make a choice on whether to leave or stay.

Nadia decided to stay and continue to work for Jim but Rachael and Haley said it was time for them to start a new life. They were both surprised at Nadia’s decision.

As Haley and Rachael were getting ready to go, Nadia went and ask Jim if she could be given 5 days off to go and get things done. Jim agreed and she left with Haley and Rachael.

While in the cab going to a hotel where they will be staying for some time, Haley broke the silence by asking Nadia why she was with them after deciding to remain and work for Jim.

“I want to fulfill some promises I made to myself” Nadia replied.

“What promises?” Rachael asked.

“Well I promised to track and kill my mother” Nadia replied.

“Come on, why you have such hatred, you could have just collected the money Jim offered and start new life, and she’s your mother no matter what she had done” said Haley.

“I don’t need your opinion, I already made up my mind, anyway before killing my mother, we have one more thing we need to do as a team” said Nadia.

“What is that?” they asked.

“We have to kill the punisher” said Nadia.

“Ok that we can help you with”.

At this time, the cab finally arrives in front of the hotel and the girls went in and booked a room.

The next day, the girls decided to visit Sasha in the address she sent for them months ago.

When they got there, they were happy as when they saw Sasha; Sasha was surprised to see them but was glad, she then welcomed them in.

Sasha was now married with a baby boy, she told the girls how she met her husband and how it was like a love at first site. They were happy for her.

They told Sasha of their plan to kill the punisher and she agreed to go with them.

She told her husband, Nadia’s mother was dead and she had to help Nadia arrange the funeral for 4 days, the husband was an understanding man and agreed.

The next day, the girls prepared, took a big truck and drove to the punishers’ camp.

Nadia remembered where the other way to the tunnel that lead to punishers store was. The girls were so prepared though they did not expect any major fight because the guards were always for from the main building.

Luckily for the girls, the punisher never locks the door of the store except if she was punishing someone.

When the girls got inside they went to the punishers’ office and killed her silently, they then recued the girls in the camp and they all went back through the tunnel without being noticed.

After they successfully transferred the little girls back to boarding school in the town,  they  gave the principal of the school 3 million dollars and told her there are girls in the truck that need help, and they left immediately.

Meanwhile Nadia already traced where her mother was staying, she took a gun and went to the place, as she walked in immediately, she saw her mother and started beating her up without asking anything, the mother didn’t talk and kept pointing at a box under the chair, Nadia didn’t check it out and then shot her.

Nadia felt happy that she had accomplished her promise, she then decided to check out the box, she saw some picture of her and her mother and also a letter. She opened letter and in it her mother wrote:

“Dear my sweetest daughter, I wrote this letter for you with a weeping heart, I always believed that destiny will bring us together,  you might be wondering why any mother would abandon her child, I never for once forgot about you, I love you so much with all my heart, your father got in trouble with some of his business partners, they threatened to kill everyone of his family, he was a good man but made bad decisions a times.

I was afraid of leaving you and anywhere I thought of keeping you, I knew they would find you except for the street, it was hard leaving you but all I did was because I love you.

When the men came back, they killed your father and asked me where you are and when I refused to reveal your where about, they cut off my tongue, beat me up and left me to die, I was in comma for years and when I woke up, I  came searching for you, but couldn’t find you anywhere. If you get this letter before I die, always know I’ve always loved you and always will.

                                                                                    

                                                                                                                      With love,

Your mother.

After reading the letter Nadia cried so hard, she regretted what she had done but it was too late to undo it, she could not live with herself.

Now she knew why her mother could not talk when she was beating her up, she cried for some minute thinking of all she had done and all the people she killed, she then killed herself.

                                                                                       THE END.

ah!!! DEAD, Wat of her remaining frds. And u rushed the story 2 much.

joywendy: ah!!! DEAD, Wat of her remaining frds. And u rushed the story 2 much.

yea think so,the truth is that this story was a story i wrote for a competition, and they had limit of words, so my laptop showed me it was up the limit...i hope u enjoyed the little

princeidris222: yea think so,the truth is that this story was a story i wrote for a competition, and they had limit of words, so my laptop showed me it was up the limit...i hope u enjoyed the little

yeah I did,but u can extend it for us na

joywendy: yeah I did,but u can extend it for us na

THANKS WILL TRY TO DO THAT.. CHECK OUT MY NEW POST, MAYBE U FIND IT INTERESTING..TNX AGAIN

princeidris222: THANKS WILL TRY TO DO THAT.. CHECK OUT MY NEW POST, MAYBE U FIND IT INTERESTING..TNX AGAIN

you are welcome. I will check that now.

Wow....could make a good movie you know...

I love your creativity, I hope you'd win the competition

Its kinda short and a little rushed...anyway sha it was superb..

this story looks like a film i watched and found quite interestin;NAKED WEAPON