NIGERIAN HORROR STORY













EXT. DUPLEX-DUSK- ESTABLISHING

Outside a cream-painted duplex is an expensive car parked in the garage with interlocking bricks forming various patterns on the floor of the surrounding within the gate.

INT. (DOWNSTAIRS) SITTING ROOM – DUSK

Inside the exquisite sitting room of the house are some wedding pictures and works of art splashed on the white walls, settees are well-arranged, a centre table made of glass and a plasma TV hanged on the wall.

MARY, twenty-eight, a tall and slim, dark-complexioned woman with pointed nose is standing beside the centre table wearing a gown, staring at a paper in her hand with little anxiety written on her pretty face. She sighs heavily and gently rubs her belly with her right hand.
There is a knock at the door. Mary looks towards the door.

MARY
(Folds the paper)
Who is that?

There is no response. She drops the paper on the centre table and opens the door to find MADAM Q- sixty-two, a fair-complexioned woman of average height and wearing a brown dress, at the doorpost.

MARY
(Forces a smile)
Good evening, ma.

MADAM Q
Evening.

There is an awkward silence.

MARY
I’m sorry…I don’t think I know…

MADAM Q
(Cuts in)
Of course, you don’t know me.

Beat.

But I know you. I live in this estate too.

MARY
Really? Pardon my ignorance. Come in, please.

MADAM Q
Don’t bother. I just decided to come see…if we are fine.

MARY
Of course, ma. What even gives you the impression that we aren’t?

MADAM Q
What gives me such impression? I had a feast at my place last week and most people on your street showed up except you and some others.

MARY
Oh…I’m sorry. Well, I didn’t get an invitation or something…

MADAM Q
(Interrupts)
-Nobody got an invitation. They just…came.

MARY
That’s…that’s weird.

MADAM Q
(Raises her voice a bit)
‘Weird’ is the word, Mary.

MARY
You know my name? How is that?

MADAM Q
(Shrugs her shoulder)
Let’s just say the walls have ears.

Mary nods gently with a thin smile.

MADAM Q (CONT’D)
I will be seeing you some other time.

MARY
It was nice meeting you, ma. I can’t remember you telling me your name.

MADAM Q
Call me Q…Madam Q. Greet your husband for me.

MARY
I’ll do.

MADAM Q
Hmm-hmm. Nice house by the way.

MARY
Thanks ma.

Madam Q walks towards the gate, admiring the surrounding and leaves. Mary sighs and closes the door. She walks towards the dining room and pauses all of a sudden; holding her belly and looks down her legs in fear- blood has started streaming and dropping on the floor.

MARY
(Sobs)
Not again…not again! Oh my God.

She struggles to sit on the settee, picks her phone on the sofa and dials a number amidst panic.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE- DAY

Inside a medium-sized room, is a well-furnished table with well-arranged old and new files placed on it.

DOCTOR KAYODE, forty-one, a good-looking man in stripped shirt and black pant trousers is seated opposite JAYE, thirty, a very tall man, wearing a T-shirt and jeans.

DOCTOR KAYODE
So, your wife would be discharged tomorrow morning.

JAYE
Alright sir.

DOCTOR KAYODE
Ensure she takes her drugs as prescribed and have a lot of rest too. You also have to assure her that all will be well because spontaneous abortion could be traumatic at times.

JAYE
That’s true.

DOCTOR KAYODE
And you know women, they are very emotional. But I’m still baffled with how she lost this one.

(Checks through some files on his table and picks one. He flips through it.)

DOCTOR KAYODE (CONT’D)
We carried out most of the tests few weeks ago- her blood pressure wasn’t too high, no signs of diabetes or any other disease that could pose a threat to the baby and she wasn’t even feeling feverish.

JAYE
And we even stopped having sex immediately her pregnancy test came positive…

DOCTOR KAYODE
Well, that’s a myth. But you have to remain hopeful and also keep praying. You know, doctors deal with medical problems…not metaphysical ones...

JAYE
My wife and I don’t believe in metaphysical…stuff.



EXT. DUPLEX- DAY

A Jeep drives through an open gate into the spacious compound. Jaye, wearing a short-sleeved shirt on blue jeans, parks the car and quickly alights to lock the gate. He sees Madam Q, in black skirt and red blouse, standing by the roadside in front of his house, gazing at him impassively. He stares at her and closes the gate.

INT. (DOWNSTAIRS) SITTING ROOM- DAY

Jaye helps Mary, who looks worn-out in her ‘Ankara’ dress, carry her bag as they get into the sitting room. He helps her to sit down and also sits beside her.

JAYE
Sorry, ehn. So, how do you feel?

MARY
(Softly)
Better.

JAYE
That’s good. I want you to know that…

MARY
Spare me the message, dear. I am not a kid. This is the fourth time I’m having miscarriage and…I know this is a bad statement…but I’m getting used to it already. I just wish my mother or yours was alive to have a mother-to-daughter talk with me in this trying period.

JAYE
Hm-hm.

MARY
But, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.

JAYE
Yeah, I know but I’m not going to my place of work today. I have to stay with you…

MARY
Come on…

JAYE
It’s the least I can do.
(Holds her two hands)
Look into my eyes, we go through this together. And when we have our baby, we’ll celebrate it together too. Mary, I love you.

MARY
(Smiles)
By the way, it’s high time we got a gatekeeper.

JAYE
I am comfortable with opening the gate. I want us to have our babies before we start having a gatekeeper and even maids. If you feel lonely, you can visit Laide or go shopping.

MARY
Okay then.

JAYE
So, what should I prepare for you?

MARY
Any ‘light’ food is okay.

JAYE
Toast bread and tea?


MARY
That’s my darling.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. (UPSTAIRS) BEDROOM- DUSK

Mary is fast asleep on the bed while Jaye is seated beside her, stroking her hair gently.

INT. (DOWNSTAIRS) SITTING ROOM- DUSK

The door to the sitting room opens all of a sudden.

INT. (UPSTAIRS) BEDROOM- DUSK

Jaye hears the sound of the door to the sitting room getting closed and stands up from the bed, walking anxiously downstairs.

INT. (DOWNSTAIRS) DINING ROOM- DUSK

Jaye walks gently into the dining room and finds Madam Q seated comfortably on one of the chairs, staring at him.

JAYE
(Breathes heavily)
God, you scared me.

MADAM Q
Really? Which robber breaks into a house by 7p.m?

JAYE
I thought I asked you not to come here.

MADAM Q
Believe me, I have my reasons. Why don’t you sit down?

Jaye sits down gently on one of the dining chairs.


JAYE
What do you want? At least, four are out of the way, three left.

MADAM Q
I know.

JAYE
(Lowers his voice)
Then, why are you here again? Haven’t my wife been through enough misery?

MADAM Q
You’re asking me like I’m responsible for her misfortune. Where is she?

JAYE
She is fast asleep.

MADAM Q
Deeply asleep?

JAYE
I slipped some pills into her tea.

MADAM Q
Better.

INT. (UPSTAIRS) BEDROOM- DUSK

Mary gradually opens her sleepy eyes and yawns, stretching her aching body. She sits up on the bed and stares at the round clock on the wall. It’s 7.10 p.m. She cleans her eyes and puts on her brown slippers lying beside the bed and leaves for the staircase.

INTERCUT BETWEEN (DOWNSTAIRS) DINING ROOM AND (UPSTAIRS) STAIRCASE

MADAM Q
(Looks round the dining room)
It’s not an ordinary feat for a young man like you to be this rich without coming at a cost.

JAYE
And I am paying the cost as agreed. Your members already have four, what else?

MADAM Q
Things have changed.

JAYE
(Angrily, but at a taciturn voice)
What has changed?

Mary is at the staircase, listening to them.

MADAM Q
I just want you to know that we don’t want the rest of your babies. Mature blood is needed.

Beat.

We want her.

JAYE
Are you serious? You…you want my wife? Then, why did I agree to this when I can’t spend my money with the one I love?

MADAM Q
The person you make go through the pains and trauma of miscarriage four times- the one you love?
(Chuckles)
Don’t deceive yourself, Jaye. What you’ve ever loved is money.

Mary sobs at the staircase.

MADAM Q
Well, I'm not dead; so you should have known there was no future with Mary.

JAYE
But this is betrayal of trust. You and your people agreed that after seven babies, I would be free as regards commitments.

MADAM Q
(Impassively)
There is no contract in the spiritual realm, son. The powerful only control the less powerful. We are coming for your wife next.


JAYE
Oh my God.


MADAM Q
(Gesticulates)
There are many beautiful women out there who are ready to enjoy all this with you. I’m sure you don’t want to go back to abject poverty. You want to have a life where business booms and everyone thinks you are a genius; where eating five square meals a day isn’t a problem; where your children can go to the best of schools and your wants can be met, not just your needs.
(Looks into his eyes)
First true love is a powerful sacrifice but this is for a greater good, son. Mary will just be the sacrificial lamb.

MARY
Oh my God!

Madam Q and Jaye look towards the staircase swiftly.

MADAM Q
(Angrily, to Jaye)
I thought you said she was asleep!

JAYE
(Stands up, looks bemused)
I…I didn’t know…

MARY
(Sobs)
Jaye! How can you do this to me?!

JAYE
(Walks towards the staircase)
Mary, come here…

Mary runs frantically into the bedroom and locks the door. She turns back and sees Madam Q standing at a corner, in the bedroom!


MARY
How…how did you get here? Madam…Q?

MADAM Q
(Beams a wicked smile, walks towards her)
You’ll never know.

Mary screams (O.S) as the scene fades black.


-ELEVEN MONTHS LATER-


INT. DINING ROOM- DUSK

In the exquisite sitting room, dating pictures of Jaye and Sade are splashed on the white walls.

SADE, twenty-nine, a tall, dark-complexioned woman, wearing an ‘Adire’ gown, is busy setting the table in the dining room. Jaye, in a T-shirt and knickers, walks down the stairs and hugs her from behind. He pecks her repeatedly.

SADE
Oh…dear, let me finish now. Your mother must not meet us in this position oh.

JAYE
Come on, you are my wife already. Oluwasade temi nikan [My one and only Sade].


SADE
(Rolls her eyes)
Now, let me get the juice from the kitchen.

There is a knock at the door to the sitting room; Sade pauses.

SADE
(Whispers)

I think that’s Mama.

Jaye nods.

DISSOLVE TO:

Jaye, Sade and Madam Q, who is in Iro and Buba, are eating white rice and fried stew with glasses of juice to wash it down.

MADAM Q
(To Sade)
So, what more do you know about my son?

SADE
Well, I know his favourite dish is Pounded yam with Ogbono. And…yes, he also told me about how he lost his wife last year to miscarriage. I’m so sorry…

Madam Q and Jaye take furtive glances at each other.

MADAM Q
(To Sade, in a gloomy tone)
Oh…Mary, God bless her soul. It was such a devastating period for us, especially him because her death came as a rude shock but, we’re trying our best to move on.
(Sips some juice)
I know you’re God-sent ‘cos it has been difficult for my son to find a woman that would fill Mary’s strange shoes.

SADE
(Smiles broadly)
Thank you, ma.

MADAM Q
(Raises her glass of juice up)
To new beginning…

Jaye and Sade raise their glasses too.

JAYE AND SADE
To new beginning…

Their glasses clink amidst laughter. Mary is standing at the corner of the dining room in her blood-stained Ankara, with tears running down her pretty face.



FADE OUT


"What should scare you isn't evil itself; but rather, the fact that the closest person to you may be capable of doing it"

Oh Poor Mary.
I actually held my breath to the point where she caught them talking then it felt Nollywood-ish for a split sec n i went back to being scared again

Good one Sholay

sholay2011:
In the exquisite sitting room, dating pictures of Jaye and Alice are splashed on the white walls.

SADE, twenty-nine, a tall, dark-complexioned woman, wearing an ‘Adire’ gown, is busy setting the table in the dining room. Jaye, in a T-shirt and knickers, walks down the stairs and hugs her from behind. He pecks her repeatedly.

Nice one Sholay.

Just the bit above is confusing. From pictures on the wall he is dating 'Alice'... but married or is getting married to Sade?
Also I wonder why if Madam Q is his mother then howcome Mary never met her for years on end?

VillageBoi:

Nice one Sholay.

Just the bit above is confusing. From pictures on the wall he is dating 'Alice'... but married or is getting married to Sade?
Also I wonder why if Madam Q is his mother then howcome Mary never met her for years on end?

Thanks very much bro.

Yeah, I forgot to edit that part...I actually used 'Alice' before I changed it to 'Sade'. I've corrected it.

If you noticed, Jaye actually lied to Mary about his mother being dead ( that was why she said: " i wish my mother OR YOURS was alive to have a mother-to-daughter talk with me in this trying period), whereas it was part of a plan his mother forced without him seeing the need for it. His mother really saw 'Mary' as 'smth dt wud pass away' and a new wife in affluence would be the real deal.

I hope I have not confused you more sha. Tnx.

uj_sizzle: Oh Poor Mary.
I actually held my breath to the point where she caught them talking then it felt Nollywood-ish for a split sec n i went back to being scared again

Good one Sholay

Lol. Tnx for the comment. I actually wanted to scare nairalanders

The story is a modified version of what was rumoured to have happened to a woman in our neighbourhood when I was a child.

sholay2011:
Lol. Tnx for the comment. I actually wanted to scare nairalanders

The story is a modified version of what was rumoured to have happened to a woman in our neighbourhood when I was a child.

It really happened? damn! I hope they get punished

uj_sizzle:
It really happened? damn! I hope they get punished

The police can't just arrest ppl for 'metaphysical' tinz lyk dis without concrete proof. And as ppl will say: "It's just a rumour".

But there is no smoke without fire....most tymz.

sholay2011:
Thanks very much bro.

Yeah, I forgot to edit that part...I actually used 'Alice' before I changed it to 'Sade'. I've corrected it.

If you noticed, Jaye actually lied to Mary about his mother being dead ( that was why she said: " i wish my mother OR YOURS was alive to have a mother-to-daughter talk with me in this trying period), whereas it was part of a plan his mother forced without him seeing the need for it. His mother really saw 'Mary' as 'smth dt wud pass away' and a new wife in affluence would be the real deal.

I hope I have not confused you more sha. Tnx.

Nah it's cool... it was an initial name used. Glad it's been corrected.

Just piecing the logic together... tiny things to look at. Since he had already been forced to lie to Mary that his mother was dead... he really should have known that Mary was never going to remain in his life.
I think a line of dialogue when Mary was on the staircase could plug that logical hole there - it would be the reveal and Madam Q could say something along the lines of -

"Well I'm not dead; so you must have known there was never going to be a future with Mary..." and if you want you can add to it (could be a bit OTT) "...First true love is a more powerful sacrifice."
It just that the reveal '11 months later' is a bit 'late' & could make people question about Mary and Jaye 'really' not knowing what was going to happen.

But I really like it a lot. You write some quirky little shorts that are very good. Again, nice one!

Hmmmm... AFRICAN!!!!!
Very interesting... Nice one SHOLAY!!!

VillageBoi:

Nah it's cool... it was an initial name used. Glad it's been corrected.

Just piecing the logic together... tiny things to look at. Since he had already been forced to lie to Mary that his mother was dead... he really should have known that Mary was never going to remain in his life.
I think a line of dialogue when Mary was on the staircase could plug that logical hole there - it would be the reveal and Madam Q could say something along the lines of -

"Well I'm not dead; so you must have known there was never going to be a future with Mary..." and if you want you can add to it (could be a bit OTT) "...First true love is a more powerful sacrifice."
It just that the reveal '11 months later' is a bit 'late' & could make people question about Mary and Jaye 'really' not knowing what was going to happen.

But I really like it a lot. You write some quirky little shorts that are very good. Again, nice one!

Bro, you make too much sense. Adding your suggestion right away.


I'm glad you like it.

tunapa2009: Hmmmm... AFRICAN!!!!!
Very interesting... Nice one SHOLAY!!!

Tnx bro.

sholay2011:
Bro, you make too much sense. Adding your suggestion right away.
I'm glad you like it.

No problem, it's just looking for the loopholes and then filling them in... but I can pretty much guess this is a first draft; possibly a 'quick' 2nd draft just because you changed the initial name Alice to Sade - Sade is a nicer name too

The second bit of the dialogue from Madam Q "First true love is a more powerful sacrifice." just reinforces the fact that this guy loved money more than anything else and has now paid a 'much heavier price' that he initially bargained.

Of course I like the script. It is very good!

AH.!
Our favorite one izz getting better.
It's a good story well written.
----
OKAY.
-:I think you made use of too many parentheticals:
(Cuts in)
(Chuckles)
(Interrupts)
(Forces a smile)
(Folds the paper)
(Smiles broadly)
(Shrugs her shoulder)
(Breathes heavily)
(Rolls her eyes)
(Stands up, looks bemused)
(Looks around and lowers his voice)
(Angrily, but at a taciturn voice)
(Lowers his voice)
(Holds her two hands)
(Softly)
(Interrupts softly)...
...wait 'interrupts softly..?' couldn't you have made it obvious from the choice of words?
...the ones that didn't make the list above are OK.
...Some parentheticals made the list above because they were used more than ones.
----
-:A trick some students use is to try to convert some of them into action lines. e.g:
(Stands up, looks bemused), (Walks towards the staircase), (Mildly places his two hands on his forehead) and (Beams a wicked smile, walks towards her) can all be put in the action line with of course some modifications.
----
NOW:
-: A Parenthetical is a direction for the character, that is either attitude or action-oriented.
-:It should be used only when necessary and totally unavoidable.
-:I think you used them too many times and it looks like you were telling the characters how to DELIVER their lines -- which ofcourse is the director's job (and everyone knows not to toy with the director's turf).
-:parentheticals should be used sparringly because they are mostly frowned at, by judges who don't like them being over-used.
----
There is this common saying among jurists -- "if you need a parenthetical to show what is happening in a dialogue, then it probably just needs a good re-write.!"

^^^^^ Thank you very much for the elucidation. Didn't see it that way. Would try fixing some of them. E se gan prof.

.

IMO i'm just LMAO. ** no offense bro, just making use of the abbs u thought me**. Good one, this short is more qualified as a feature, but too SHORT to be a feature. As far as oga villageboi has commented before me, i don't think i got more to say. But i'm very surprised why oga villageboi said nothing abt the VISUAL aspect of the script, like showing not telling. No camera 'SHOTS' and 'we see' concept that oga villageboi showed us in his scripts. 'we see' concept is very important but not kind of naija thing, but the SHOTS concept is a must add in scriptwriting as far as naija and the world are concern. I know that ur script formatting changed when u pasted it here, assuming u didn't disclose to us that it's a short script, i wud have mistaken it as a stageplay. Frankly speaking, this is the 2nd best SHORT i've read here, first is MOTHERING HEIGHTS, u and oga villageboi are good story tellers, but i promise to be better as far as NL is concern. This is a pretty good tale but don't let script formatting to make ur writing look bad.

joeydozzy: *standing ovation for sholay*

but why ghost? I hate ghosts

Lol. But I didn't mention the word 'ghost' naa thruout the script. Tnx for d comment.

.

tony ayo: IMO i'm just LMAO. ** no offense bro, just making use of the abbs u thought me**. Good one, this short is more qualified as a feature, but too SHORT to be a feature. As far as oga villageboi has commented before me, i don't think i got more to say. But i'm very surprised why oga villageboi said nothing abt the VISUAL aspect of the script, like showing not telling. No camera 'SHOTS' and 'we see' concept that oga villageboi showed us in his scripts. 'we see' concept is very important but not kind of naija thing, but the SHOTS concept is a must add in scriptwriting as far as naija and the world are concern. I know that ur script formatting changed when u pasted it here, assuming u didn't disclose to us that it's a short script, i wud have mistaken it as a stageplay. Frankly speaking, this is the 2nd best SHORT i've read here, first is MOTHERING HEIGHTS, u and oga villageboi are good story tellers, but i promise to be better as far as NL is concern. This is a pretty good tale but don't let script formatting to make ur writing look bad.

I appreciate your comment bro. But pls, try giving examples from the script...don't just state a problem in which I won't actually know how to correct.

What makes you think the short is more 'qualified' as a feature? Is it because of d 11 mnths later thingy? Lol.
Where was I 'telling' instead of 'showing'? Pls, point it out.
You talked about camera shots. Most directors don't 'gbadun' a scriptwriter already being too specific about camera shots UNLESS IT IS NECESSARY with respect to the story.

Script formatting may make my writing look bad? Lol. Make I no talk

But tnx for ur comment.

sholay2011:
I appreciate your comment bro. But pls, try giving examples from the script...don't just state a problem in which I won't actually know how to correct.

What makes you think the short is more 'qualified' as a feature? Is it because of d 11 mnths later thingy? Lol.
Where was I 'telling' instead of 'showing'? Pls, point it out.
You talked about camera shots. Most directors don't 'gbadun' a scriptwriter already being too specific about camera shots UNLESS IT IS NECESSARY with respect to the story.

Script formatting may make my writing look bad? Lol. Make I no talk

But tnx for ur comment.

It's like u didn't understand what i said abt the short being a feature. I meant that it'll be of more fun as a feature not that the script is SUPPOSE to be a feature. Abt not 'showing' in ur script, what u did throughout ur script was telling, u didn't show any single thing, i know u'll try to prove me wrong cos i'm tony ayo not villageboi. Who said that naija producers don't gbadun camera shots? Following my research, naija producers will look n pass ur scripts if there are no camera shots, it's over using it is where the problem comes in like what mr prof said concerning ur parentheticals, unless the producer will write n direct his script.

tony ayo:
It's like u didn't understand what i said abt the short being a feature. I meant that it'll be of more fun as a feature not that the script is SUPPOSE to be a feature. Abt not 'showing' in ur script, what u did throughout ur script was telling, u didn't show any single thing, i know u'll try to prove me wrong cos i'm tony ayo not villageboi. Who said that naija producers don't gbadun camera shots? Following my research, naija producers will look n pass ur scripts if there are no camera shots, it's over using it is where the problem comes in like what mr prof said concerning ur parentheticals, unless the producer will write n direct his script.

Your 'advice' is well-noted and would be given consideration where appropriate. Thanks.

@SOM!!...I see you oh

Sholay, do supply a pdf of this script na.

semid4lyfe: Dear Lord! Sholay, this is BRILLIANT. You absolutely killed it this time

Interesting, fascinating, riveting and I never saw any of it coming.

Also, important for me. . .it is "authentically african" (apology to Chimamanda) and relatable.

I still dey look for loopholes & wetin to criticize but I never see. Maybe the Title cos "Horror" depicts something scary, of intense fear or dread and I didn't feel any of those emotions reading this BUT that has no reflection on the story itself.

For me, this is the best script I've read on Nairaland. I'll limit my remaining comments to the score card

9/10



[size=4pt]N.B: At the appointed time, your ministry will be moved to the permanent site [/size]

I am humbled oo. Thanks, I'm glad you like it. So, d story wasn't 'horrific'? Okay na.

Lol@permanent site. *In Yuzedo's voice* Tenk

Briareos: Sholay, do supply a pdf of this script na.

I would look into that, papa mod.

sholay2011:
I would look into that, papa mod.

FinalDraft will help you convert it to pdf.

This is absolutely perfect!!!! Nice one.

mufex: This is absolutely perfect!!!! Nice one.

I appreciate your feedback bro. Thanks.

should this fall under 'horror' genre? Seems to me more like a fantasy...

This script is really beautiful! The plot is very cool and I like it!

I really love Madam Q's character! Her lines are 'tight' as well! I think FUNLOLA AOFIYEBI will act that role perfectly . The dialogue is also beautifully written except just two parts...which sounds quite cheesy.

1.

JAYE:
Are you serious? You…you want my wife? Then, why did I agree to this when I can’t spend my money with the one I love?

I dunno why, but I just don't like that reply. It is too fast paced IMO.
It could have been splitted for madam q to say something before 'then why did I agree to....'

2.

MARY:
How…how did you get here? Madam…Q?

Lol...this is really crappy. I don't see anyone in Mary's condition at that particular point in time saying this! A 'shocky' and 'screwed up' Facial expression could've been more appropriate.


Afterall said. Sholay! This is nice!