favored gal:

this 36 years old man that i talked about, already has a child with the woman he waited for! and they got married after me! me i was 25 and dh was 29 when we walked down the aisle...! so my dear, fertility is not really about age! its the grace of God...go to the TTC thread and see for yourself...

If he is yours, he will wait, regardless of anything, including his age! that is the point i was trying to pass across

Of course I know this, the post was a comic relief to me.

It's difficult to be in school, start a marital relationship, run a household, and work . . . . under any circumstances.

If you think you know your man right now, knowing him in marriage will be slightly different when you are still trying

to figure yourself out. I mean unless you are pregnant, what's the point? You won't be able to see each other much

anyway.

Finish your education. Join the workforce. Get a steady job. Build up a reasonable savings account. Travel the world.

Do cool things. Do these things as individuals.

You are not going to see any advantages to being married as an undergraduate. Only added stress.

GET your life together first.

favored gal:

nobody prays for divorce! but thank God she was financially independent o! if she was a dependant nko? or a confused, young, pregnant student? she will stay there to be pounded and abused to her death.

my dear, this your story underscores the importance of good grades, a good degree and a sense of financial stability for every woman.

However, i appreciate your experiences as shared on the first page....its left to the OP to make a decision

It did not underscore any importance of good grade because you cannot categorically state that a single lady will make the best grades in a class .Good grades on its own won't guarantee you a job.I don't believe in time wasting,if I could achieve all my dreams before I clock 35 , don't you think I ll enjoy myself more than when I achieve them at 55?with enough focus and time on your hands,you can always achieve more.

slimmy05: Nice post, that's why a lot of men see them as liability rather than asset. Its always those from poor background that usually venture into this crap stuffs. If you come from an educated and well groomed home you won't think of indulging into marriage when your parents aint through moulding you. Be wise, finish your education and have good grades. Build a career for yourself. Don't mind all thia fairy tales. Its very hard to serve 3 masters at a time. Husband, kids, education. Life na jeje.

I know right! I can't imagine going home to tell my dad I wanna get married while still in school. Am I crazy He would never allow such. He believes its his responsibilty to train us to the level of first degree at least and more if the kid is willing. He tells us often, that he would never allow anyone to train his kids for him. No matter what.
And why do I wanna rush into marraige when am yet to fully define my path in life. If a 23year old is a graduate with a job, I'll say by all means, go ahead and get married. But when a 2nd year, 23year old is thinking about marriage, all I do is wonder what type of upbringing she got.
Abeg I do not want a man or his family to come and start telling me, they made me what I am. That priviledge is for my parents and siblings only.

Beboy23: am married as a guy to my lovely wife at the age of 26 in 300l in lautech why [/b]my wife [b]is 25 years then, having a small bussiness i did nt have much problem with my mother support,in 4ool we have our first child, which is a boy and a girl which they are twins delivered through operation, i almose[b] spend[/b] all my capital in my bussiness,but thanks to God we survive it. All my frnd in class are very proud of me...cos i did very well in my grade..i also have other two lady in my department which they are married [/b]and they are doing well..[b]all this things is about personal determination, with deremination whatever u face in marrage u willl be able to endeur, dont let me desive u u can nt marry ur certificate, just make sure there is money before u go into it... If u are nt sure financially dont try it

you attended a university?? now ASUU is right!

Dolly-Parton:
The society has taught us that marriage is the ultimate achievement a lady can have.
People are talking about being 28 and single, likes its a crime.
Why will I want to struggle through school all in the name of marriage when I can glide easily through school.
Until the day mothers start teaching their daughters self sufficciency and self dependency, we'll keep producing women with "a-woman-aint-nothing-without-marriage-mentallity" Total bullshitt!!!
And most ladies saying they got married in school, I bet 80% of you got married at that age and stage of your life because you got knocked up. And since the society frowns at child out of wedlock, I guess the best is to get married. So don't come and paint it like you actually got married willingly.

How did you manage to get such a presumptuous statistic?can't you tell that this thread isnt about getting married or staying single, both is an individual choice.The Op might not be from your school thought that says female self sufficiency before marriage,even if that self sufficiency is achieved at 60yrs.I don't know your believe about marriage but IMO, when you meet the one that compliments you,i don't see why you shouldn't do what you want to.


There is nothing wrong with a woman being married to a career but some preferred to be married to men and both are right.People's priorities differs,many still married as working class ladies and were forced to quit their jobs to carter for their kids,many working class women are still married to abusers who they end up loosing their self worth to.They still endure and pray unending for change to happen.Leaving an abusive marriage has little or nothing to do with a young pregnant student or middle aged self sufficient working class lady,nah who get mind dey leave abusive marriage.


Life itself is uncertain, its easier and enjoyable when you hold yourself to your own and God's standards, not the society's or civilization induced standards.

Dolly-Parton:

I know right! I can't imagine going home to tell my dad I wanna get married while still in school. Am I crazy He would never allow such. He believes its his responsibilty to train us to the level of first degree at least and more if the kid is willing. He tells us often, that he would never allow anyone to train his kids for him. No matter what.
And why do I wanna rush into marraige when am yet to fully define my path in life. If a 23year old is a graduate with a job, I'll say by all means, go ahead and get married. But when a 2nd year, 23year old is thinking about marriage, all I do is wonder what type of upbringing she got.
Abeg I do not want a man or his family to come and start telling me, they made me what I am. That priviledge is for my parents and siblings only.

Bless you for this post. The joy of a father is also to train the kids to his satisfactory level while she prepares for marriage. What's the rush all about? Is he the only man in the world? What happens to discovering yourself. If marriage is an ultimate achievement, I don't think anyone will venture into academics. They'll just get married and feel fulfilled. There is is more to marriage than meets the eyes. Change is one constant thing in life, what if he changes at that trying times, where your pregnant and still in school with loads of academic work? What happens if the unforseen happens? God forbids anyway. (˘^˘), pls think deeply before you venture into anything marriage. Its not all rosy as a lot of sacrifice needs to be put into it to work. Don't mind the fairy tales. THEY will not tell you the real reasons why they got married. Plenty actualy was because they took in, some because they are from poor background, some from polygamous home and wants to get out by all means, some just the joy of marriage, while some want to be a super baby woman. Think deep, think well, think wisely. God guide you in this quest.

Dolly-Parton:
The society has taught us that marriage is the ultimate achievement a lady can have.
People are talking about being 28 and single, likes its a crime.
Why will I want to struggle through school all in the name of marriage when I can glide easily through school.
Until the day mothers start teaching their daughters self sufficciency and self dependency, we'll keep producing women with "a-woman-aint-nothing-without-marriage-mentallity" Total bullshitt!!!
And most ladies saying they got married in school, I bet 80% of you got married at that age and stage of your life because you got knocked up. And since the society frowns at child out of wedlock, I guess the best is to get married. So don't come and paint it like you actually got married willingly.

you are a darling!The most sincere comment so far.

If your parents ain't through molding you at 23 , then you are potentially a goner . Some people are spewing some gibberish about early marriage being for people from poor backgrounds,whats wrong with two young lovers getting married because they want to and can?Everyone must not do it at old age.

You cannot live your child's life,if my sons find their wives at age 20 and can cater for their families,why will I object?life has no express route.

byvan: If your parents ain't through molding you at 23 , then you are potentially a goner . Some people are spewing some gibberish about early marriage being for people from poor backgrounds,whats wrong with two young lovers getting married because they want to and can?Everyone must not do it at old age.

Some people mature later than others. The fact that ur parents are done moulding u at 10 doesn't mean everyone is gonna be the same. Moulding or not moulding aside. Really why will a 23year old in 2nd year of university wanna get married? Because she loves the guy so much and wanna be with him forever? She couldn't bear to loose him? Why would I wanna complicate my life more? You highlighted the stress you went through while combining child bearing, marriage and academics. You are blessed cos u could pull through. Some are not that lucky. I won't advise anyone to put themselves through that if u can avoid it. If he loves you,he'll wait for you.

Its not easy handling Marriage and education @ the same time but then,it has to be your decision to get married.Not a decision made by Nairalanders for you and definitely not a decision made under pressure. Make ur choice well.

When you have a child that has exhibited a keen sense of responsibility, you don't have to hinder her paths because you want her school fees to come from your pocket.Parents get worried when kids are taking some certain paths but a good parent knows when to let go and we are talking of a 23yrs old here ,not a kid.

Dolly-Parton:


Some people mature later than others. The fact that ur parents are done moulding u at 10 doesn't mean everyone is gonna be the same. Moulding or not moulding aside. Really why will a 23year old in 2nd year of university wanna get married? Because she loves the guy so much and wanna be with him forever? She couldn't bear to loose him? Why would I wanna complicate my life more? You highlighted the stress you went through while combining child bearing, marriage and academics. You are blessed cos u could pull through. Some are not that lucky. I won't advise anyone to put themselves through that if u can avoid it. If he loves you,he'll wait for you.

If OP can ,why not ? ? i always catch myself smiling each time I remember I didn't waste four years of my life just getting a certificate,after which the person joins the Naija committee of job seekers.i hammered on her being sure of whom she is getting married to,stress must come,married or single,what matters is that you conquered.

byvan:



If OP can ,why not ? ? i always catch myself smiling each time I remember I didn't waste four years of my life just getting a certificate,after which the person joins the Naija committee of job seekers.i hammered on her being sure of whom she is getting married to,stress must come,married or single,what matters is that you conquered.

Oh ok I get you now. You consider schooling only a waste of time. So everyone that went into the university and graduated with only their certificate wasted their time. Classic!!! I think you closed the case yourself.
I'll say it again, the fact that it worked for you doesn't mean it'll work for others. Stress comes, wether single of married, but one is worse than the other. I personally think he should be patient enough to wait for her no matter how hot that love it. We've seen cases where the guy promised heaven and earth. Only for the challenges to come and then he realize he can't cope.
Also, some people tried it, with supportive husband and all, and they couldn't cope.
Education and child rearing shouldn't be mixed normally.

You are twisting words,no one said schooling is a waste of time but if you can kill two birds with one stone,why kill one ?she must not rear a child if she doesn't want to.

She definitely has parents, if the guy flops on his promises,parents takes over,except in cases where the guy was previously the guardian because parents can't pay the school fees.

Everyone can't be the same anyway,multitasking is just my thing,i just love to do so many things with minimal time. I rather have a pot of rice on fire, clothes in the washing machine while sweeping,instead of just doing one thing at a time . Let's just stop this back and forth,we all have spoken from our various point of views,only OP knows what she wants . A 23yrs old is a full fledged adult,old enough to take any decision she wants.i only hope she is marrying for the right reasons and not for financial assistance ,that's all.

People combine working and marriage, why not education and marriage?

byvan: She definitely has parents, if the guy flops on his promises,parents takes over,except in cases where the guy was previously the guardian because parents can't pay the school fees.

Everyone can't be the same anyway,multitasking is just my thing,i just love to do so many things with minimal time. I rather have a pot of rice on fire, clothes in the washing machine while sweeping,instead of just doing one thing at a time . Let's just stop this back and forth,we all have spoken from our various point of views,only OP knows what she wants . A 23yrs old is a full fledged adult,old enough to take any decision she wants.i only hope she is marrying for the right reasons and not for financial assistance ,that's all.

yu are just working hard to justify yur point of view which most people here doesnt buy.

yu multi-task bla bla bla , what are the circumstances that got yu into married life? societal, personal, family, circumstancial(finances), biological pressures or what?

my dear, let me ask u a question, if yu got married to yur man and yu tell him yu dont wanna get pregnant till after graduation?...c`mon grow up!, have u tot abt how he will feel couple with people talkin? its easier said than done but i bet yu, it can never be easy.

OP,
please think well before u take any decision, men can be psychologically affected when they have some person(wife or anyone) that is solely dependent on them, they can pay the bills for yu but my dear, it can never be like when u have yur own money.

Because education and working aint the same thing

Sissie: People combine working and marriage, why not education and marriage?

byvan:



It did not underscore any importance of good grade because you cannot categorically state that a single lady will make the best grades in a class .Good grades on its own won't guarantee you a job.I don't believe in time wasting,if I could achieve all my dreams before I clock 35 , don't you think I ll enjoy myself more than when I achieve them at 55?with enough focus and time on your hands,you can always achieve more.

u must be a very reasonable girl... all ur contributions are wonderful ...its even better to finish giving birth to children at 30-35... den look fresh for ur husband ever... he wont get time to look out...

Sissie: People combine working and marriage, why not education and marriage?

work and marriage is not same, the fact is that they are way on different lanes.

at work no one fgives u assisgnments, no test, no exams that yu must do or fail'
at work yu are relatively independent and can speak for yurself
at work yu dont do so much that require concentration, commitment and lesss distractions,

do yu know u can have a slight issue with yur husband in de morning of yur exams and u will fail that course?

in school, u dont have a choice, u MUST do as the school authority says or yu fail.
in school, yu are just seen as a kid, please ask married bankers in banking operations in all these new generation banks, they will tell u how they wished for a better job.

yu need to learn the art of comparison....

.

ify84:

its even better to finish giving birth to children at 30-35... den look fresh for ur husband ever... he wont get time to look out...

What the hell!!! A guy will look out if he wants to look out. And late child bearing makes u less fresh?? That's bullshitt!
And who told u, u can't be done bearing child by 30/35 even if u finished uni before starting?

ify84:

u must be a very reasonable girl... all ur contributions are wonderful ...its even better to finish giving birth to children at 30-35... den[b] look fresh for ur husband ever... he wont get time to look out[/b]...

looking fresh is just a minute reason to be considered,
looks doesnt stop a man from running outside, ATTITUDE does.

as a lady, yu look like a 16-year old with the following issues-
-nagging(top of the game)
-talkaative
-dirty
-doesnt do it well(bedroom) and not willing to learn and improve.
-unforgiving spirit
-unrealistic
-never contented............................etc

tell me wat kinda miracle will make him stick to u.

Dolly-Parton:


What the hell!!! A guy will look out if he wants to look out. And late child bearing makes u less fresh?? That's bullshitt!
And who told u, u can't be done bearing child by 30/35 even if u finished uni before starting?

Dolly P.
Yu can see the extent of reasoning of the so-called ladies that will marry at an early age.......so dumb!...no waste yur saliva abeg

Konnektions146:
Dolly P.
Yu can see the extent of reasoning of the so-called ladies that will marry at an early age.......so dumb!...no waste yur saliva abeg

am not a lady... well all know d attitude and character thing... but looks is as important as d two above... remember men are carried away with sight... and am not saying dats d only reason to marry early...
byvan have said it all... she has been d most logical here... speaking from all sides... if byvan did it, what is making somepeople to think the Op cannot...

LMAO!! I see the tide has turned

Konnektions146:
work and marriage is not same, the fact is that they are way on different lanes.

at work no one fgives u assisgnments, no test, no exams that yu must do or fail'
at work yu are relatively independent and can speak for yurself
at work yu dont do so much that require concentration, commitment and lesss distractions,

do yu know u can have a slight issue with yur husband in de morning of yur exams and u will fail that course?

in school, u dont have a choice, u MUST do as the school authority says or yu fail.
in school, yu are just seen as a kid, please ask married bankers in banking operations in all these new generation banks, they will tell u how they wished for a better job.

yu need to learn the art of comparison....

Hehehe, I should learn the art of comparison?

The way people argue on NL amuse me.

No assignments, test e.t.c. so at ALL work places you do not have projects to execute, write, do research on, you dont have deadlines.

You don't wake up Monday to Friday and go to work 8-4, you can just miss a workday if you like. When pregnant you can choose not to go to work.

Studying some school courses depending on the person is easier than working certain jobs, yet people do those jobs and combine it with marriage.

The bankers you gave as example are they single?

Don't you have females who work from 8-9 and still combine it with marriage? Or females who due to their job nature travel a lot?..

I have friends who successfully combined marriage and school. And there are people who find juggling work and marriage difficult. It's not a black and white situation.

It's simple it depends on your type of person, if you can combine the both then do so, if you can't please don't.

Marriage is isn't the apex in life neither is education. None of this is the apex,

We have people who dropped out of school and they are successful, at the same time we have single ladies who are successful.

Each man to his own.

Sissie: It's simple it depends on your type of person, if you can combine the both then do so, if you can't please don't.

Marriage is isn't the apex in life neither is education. None of this is the apex,

We have people who dropped out of school and they are successful, at the same time we have single ladies who are successful.

Each man to his own.

summary of it all... I think case closed...

Sissie:

Hehehe, I should learn the art of comparison?

The way people argue on NL amuse me.

No assignments, test e.t.c. so at ALL work places you do not have projects to execute, write, do research on, you dont have deadlines.

You don't wake up Monday to Friday and go to work 8-4, you can just miss a workday if you like. When pregnant you can choose not to go to work.

Studying some school courses depending on the person is easier than working certain jobs, yet people do those jobs and combine it with marriage.

The bankers you gave as example are they single?

Don't you have females who work from 8-9 and still combine it with marriage? Or females who due to their job nature travel a lot?..

I have friends who successfully combined marriage and school. And there are people who find juggling work and marriage difficult. It's not a black and white situation.

sissie,
what are you talking about?

can u compare personally when yu were in school and now that yu are working>?

c`mon u have to be logical abeg

Konnektions146:
sissie,
what are you talking about?

can u compare personally when yu were in school and now that yu are working>?

c`mon u have to be logical abeg

sissie is correct joor... it is more terrible to be a banker and married THAN to be a student and married...