Okay,my hands are shaking as am typing this.some of you here might be familiar with my story.i want to start my divorce process with my husband.am not leaving him because I feel their is a mister right out their but I just want to be alone free from all his troubles.so painful I had to make this mistake of marrying him.i need a good divorce lawyer in Lagos.
What am I expect from my divorce
Custody of my daughter
I will be starting work November so I really don't have much money
I know it's not going to be easy but I have no more joy in me.
How do I inform my husband about this
We have been married for 2yrs now,like how long will we be separated before the divorce.i need a friend to talk to also.am so down

peggy how are you

Im sorry for what you are going through..
You will overcome

I am happy you are about to start work

Where will your work be if i may ask

- Have u discussed with your parents

- Why dont u undertake a period of seperation before the whole divorce shebang

- For now u need to regain your strenght and personality back before u start the wahala of custody

- Move out and Get a lawyer to file a notice of restraint on your hubby so u can be at peace

- You need someone in ur corner that can watch over ur daughter while u are working so the man does not kidnap the girl in school or church.

There are good people here.. send them PMs.. they may help

Pick is right about most of the things. Yes, you need to TELL your parents.
And, your husband must not know that you're planning to divorce him. If he knows, it can open a whole new can of worms.
The process could be quite lengthy, so save up your strength. Good luck.

Never would i support your divorce issue. I think it was due to his last action abi?..

Madam,don't go that far..yes,no Mr right out there but you believe with a good job you would be comfortable right? It's a big lie..you need to ask older women what it really means to be married,the home belongs to the woman and a lot of patience is needed to keep it going. Good you have a daughter for him just imagine the custody of the child was given to him that would be another prob and even if you have the custody of the child..kindly ask single mothers they would tell you how hard it is.

The man might have crossed his boundary but divorce is never an option and kindly erase that from your thought forever,it is not a good idea for a woman to think of divorce instead talk to God.

You can't endure now,i wonder if things were to be worse than this. What you need is God and patience. Tell God to give you enough patience to handle the issue at hand. He's not mad,he would realise later he made a big mistake laying his hands on you depending on how you behave and beg you..he may not postrate but you would see him sober. Have a forgiven heart ma'am,we are all humans and no one is perfect

You saw a condom with him and response was not good. Dear,men(not all though) cheat that's no lie, all you have to do is to make sure you buy more for him to avoid diseases. Am serious, WE think doing it outside is fun due to friends,what the young lads wear and how they seduce and believe its a sign of respect keeping the woman at from suspecting.

Do you really know what marriage entails? i bet you don't,it's no childs play, if you want to know, find a couple of more than 15yrs for more lecture about marriage.

I'm not on the man's side ma'am, just trying to point to you that you need to keep your home.Friends that you're comapring your home with or see looking fresh out there are facing lots of difficulties than yours, yet you see them smiling,they want a home believing someday it would be story and enjoy at the later end.

Take your bible,start going to church,start praying and fasting,find marriage books to buy and read,look for matured couples to be your mentor and put God first. All is well !

@onlyme

for now.. she does not need advise on keeping her home

she needs her sanity and not all men cheat

even if they did, it does not mean men should abuse and assault their wives

Haba!... yes single life is tough... but that does not mean u should stay in an abusive relationship

onlyme07: Never would i support your divorce issue. I think it was due to his last action abi?..

Madam,don't go that far..yes,no Mr right out there but you believe with a good job you would be comfortable right? It's a big lie..you need to ask older women what it really means to be married,the home belongs to the woman and a lot of patience is needed to keep it going. Good you have a daughter for him just imagine the custody of the child was given to him that would be another prob and even if you have the custody of the child..kindly ask single mothers they would tell you how hard it is.

The man might have crossed his boundary but divorce is never an option and kindly erase that from your thought forever,it is not a good idea for a woman to think of divorce instead talk to God.

You can't endure now,i wonder if things were to be worse than this. What you need is God and patience. Tell God to give you enough patience to handle the issue at hand. He's not mad,he would realise later he made a big mistake laying his hands on you depending on how you behave and beg you..he may not postrate but you would see him sober. Have a forgiven heart ma'am,we are all humans and no one is perfect

You saw a condom with him and response was not good. Dear,men(not all though) cheat that's no lie, all you have to do is to make sure you buy more for him to avoid diseases. Am serious, WE think doing it outside is fun due to friends,what the young lads wear and how they seduce and believe its a sign of respect keeping the woman at from suspecting.

Do you really know what marriage entails? i bet you don't,it's no childs play, if you want to know, find a couple of more than 15yrs for more lecture about marriage.

I'm not on the man's side ma'am, just trying to point to you that you need to keep your home.Friends that you're comapring your home with or see looking fresh out there are facing lots of difficulties than yours, yet you see them smiling,they want a home believing someday it would be story and enjoy at the later end.

Take your bible,start going to church,start praying and fasting,find marriage books to buy and read,look for matured couples to be your mentor and put God first. All is well !

I give up!

OP,
I guess someone will get in touch with you. You need your space while u clear your head. The flogging and beating is a reason you have to distance yourself. Wish you well. Go for check up to make sure you are not suffering from internal bleeding too

It isnt a thing of joy to hear that a marriage of 2years(with a daughter) is about to colapse. From other comments i have read so far, i understand you are not complaining about your husband here for the first time, if not, i will advice that you tell the reason why you want a divorce and allow nairalanders to advice you on whether to proceed or how you can stop your husband from his wrong doings.

pickabeau1: @onlyme

for now.. she does not need advise on keeping her home

she needs her sanity and not all men cheat

even if they did, it does not mean men should abuse and assault their wives

Haba!... yes single life is tough... but that does not mean u should stay in an abusive relationship

yes,i said not all men.

What do you term abusive marriage just becuase the man beat his wife. The lady would have seen the trait in him before they got married and since she as accepted to be the wife,no qualms.

What i suspect here is that OP is comparring her home to friends or the new job she got would make ends meet or she already had in mind before the marriage that she would not stay long or she never planned for marrige. I wonder why divorce should be the first thing on her mind. She must have parents or elderly ones that can talk to man at home or in church.

What abt a woman who has been looking for the fruit of the womb for 5yrs and the man is not agreeing to go test accusing the woman she was the cause, that she must have had lots of abortion before they met. when he later agreed to test he was the one with low count and he saw it yet, the woman kept on praying and hoping before God answered their prayers. Tell me how that man would nor care for her and cherish the wife. She fought for her home or what is the worst thing a woman can face in a marriage if not childlessness.

For God sake,its marriage and not courtship and just two yrs..haba,do women really know what they want before saying I DO?

Anything can happen tomorrow(many yrs to come)..I mean anything so,think of your daughter before doing anything

.

This has nothing to do with my job.is not just about the cheating part.cant say all here but it's not just working.i need a breath of fresh air.

peggykorol: This has nothing to do with my job.is not just about the cheating part.cant say all here but it's not just working.i need a breath of fresh air.

Meaning you were never ready for marriage either. Guess you have made up your mind. Just have someone to confide in before you go ahead with your plans because if it backfires..my dear sister, which i know it would(not a curse,just talking from experience) because the marriage is young,patience and feverent prayers is what you need. Only God knows what would happen sha.

No one needs to know all and you don't need to tell us all. Since your mind is made up,think twice. All the best !

Peggy

I think the first step should be a separation i.e you moving out and living apart from your husband, then while you have space from him and all the many issues you can begin to think clearly and strategize on the next and final step which is the divorce.

So sorry to hear about your 2 year old marriage turning out this way

@onlyme

i think divorce should be a last option but saying since she knew he was an abuser pre-vows and thus she shd suck it up is not cool

i think a period of seperation will be good before u make any hasty decision

onlyme07:

You saw a condom with him and response was not good. Dear,men(not all though) cheat that's no lie, all you have to do is to make sure you buy more for him to avoid diseases. Am serious, WE think doing it outside is fun due to friends,what the young lads wear and how they seduce and believe its a sign of respect keeping the woman at from suspecting.

!

WOW!!!
Just WOW!

I never thought I could see anybody who can reason like this!
I give up!

@op, I would have advised you to take it easy, but I don't want to compromise my standard, because I don't and will never advise anyone to endure physical abuse, so that the case won't end up like Toyin Arowolo's case.

Therefore, I wish you goodluck in your decision. I believe you are an adult and you know what you want for your life.
Goodluck!

onlyme07:


yes,i said not all men.

[b]What do you term abusive marriage just becuase the man beat his wife. [/b]The lady would have seen the trait in him before they got married and since she as accepted to be the wife,no qualms

Oga did you say "just because"

What if he had killed her then Would you have said just because

Did he just tell her to buy her husband more condoms so that when he cheats he does not bring back an STD to her? I think I have had enough of this section for today.

soul_glo: Did he just tell her to buy her husband more condoms so that when he cheats he does not bring back an STD to her? I think I have had enough of this section for today.

Exactly!
Its posts like his that sometimes makes me log out and come back after 2-3 weeks.

Can you imagine
Buying more condoms for him because of diseases.
Wonders shall never end.

Onlyme, you are a very big f.ool!!! What?!! You had the effontory to reduce women to mere objects?? Why don't you buy condoms and give to your wife so you will not contract STDs?

And did I hear you say "just because he beat you"? What?!! You are very stoopid!


Chei! My head dey scatter. Make I cool down first before I invoke Amadioha upon you! Mstcheeeewww

*sighs*
Anoda one don come.

So many good NIGERIAN MEN out there. . .we are told!
Even the NL 'FAKE' MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR are disappearing with 'SUICIDE' one by one offline!

Dear OP!

No, I am not interested in the BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING details of your domestic situation. . . IT IS A NIGERIAN MARRIAGE!

Full of CHAOS and DRAMA!!! As usual.

Are things sooooooooooooooooo 'bad' for you that you have abandoned your FAMILY to come online to solve such MINOR issues?

You may be asking for 'ADVICE' from women or MEN who are phocking your husband IN THAT LAGOS from this NL AMUSEMENT PARK!

Beware!

Instead of wasting time on DIE-vorce proceedings. . . THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IS MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. . . to take a BREAK FIRST. . .TO EXHALE!

You should be SEPARATED FIRST. . . before you start talking about DIVORCE!!!

Slow down a sec! NIGERIAN WOMAN SHALT NOT DIE BY NIGERIAN BLOKOS ALONE!!!



*Time for work jare. . . I slept SUPER WELL*!

Phema: Onlyme, you are a very big f.ool!!! What?!! You had the effontory to reduce women to mere objects?? Why don't you buy condoms and give to your wife so you will not contract STDs?

And did I hear you say "just because he beat you"? What?!! You are very stoopid!


Chei! My head dey scatter. Make I cool down first before I invoke Amadioha upon you! Mstcheeeewww

I don't exchange words with retarden or immature folks like you.. If your husband is cheating on you and he's keeping you away from suspecting is it..Good or bad? and if you later get to know what would you do, kill him,cut his di ck or what? Divorce like OP or tell me...


Am not reducing women to anything, just trying to tell you guys that, it's only a God fearing man that can boast of no extra marital affairs and you should know how to take care of your home. Ask the our mothers, they would tell you its kinda hard to handle and buying him more condoms shows you're insulting him and would surely keep off.

You can't pray for your husband and he cheats..tell me what his the best solution?

Next tym you use those insultive words..you won't find it funny.. Be warned

No need for insults everyone
@onlyme what do you mean when I leave my husband It will surely backfire.how can i pray for someone that I have no single emotions/feelings for anymore.his presence irritates me.
Praying for an adult who knows wrong from right?
Am 25 so I should dedicate my life to fasting and praying?
Well I will just close this thread after all cos all I needed were encouraging words and someone who has been through divorce

peggykorol: No need for insults everyone
@onlyme what do you mean when I leave my husband It will surely backfire.how can i pray for someone that I have no single emotions/feelings for anymore.his presence irritates me.
Praying for an adult who knows wrong from right?
Am 25 so I should dedicate my life to fasting and praying?
Well I will just close this thread after all cos all I needed were encouraging words and someone who has been through divorce

You dont neet to close the thread. 2 years is very short and I think you should not just give up like that. For you not to have any feelings just after two years of marriage makes me wonder. I think you should get both families involved in a roundtable discussion. Table your issues to him and his family. Let your family be with you as well. You are 25 and I can tell you that divorce is not that easy. Try and salvage this somehow even if it means sometime of separation.

peggykorol: No need for insults everyone
@onlyme what do you mean when I leave my husband It will surely backfire.how can i pray for someone that I have no single emotions/feelings for anymore.his presence irritates me.
Praying for an adult who knows wrong from right?
Am 25 so I should dedicate my life to fasting and praying?
Well I will just close this thread after all cos all I needed were encouraging words and someone who has been through divorce

Would you kindly be honest with yourself and ask what happened to the emotions and the love you had for him for the past two yrs. . What eroded it..? You never see anything good abt him again or what? If you get the right answer then you know the solution to that.

I laugh when you asked, if at 25 should you devote your life to fasting and praying.. Are you really married becos i find it hard to believe that a married woman cannot pray and fast for her gome to bve intact.Still laughing..okay at what age would you start that.? Ladies,can you read that? That was the first thing you ought to have done before the marriage.

Now, i conclude that the marriage foundation was VERY bad and you have made up your mind to opt out.

if you decide to close the thread try and find an elderly woman divorcee would be more preferable to advice you because what you think might not be what you would get. Am not married neither am i a divorcee but i know what it means to come from a broken or polygamous home. Your daughter might not forgive you if things turn around to be what you don't expect.

My sister,please you're not getting younger some of your mates are in churches and mosque seeking the face of God for a man to be their husband.

I don't think there is anything anybody can say again since you're not ready to make it work.

I wish you all the best but pray for yourself if you can't pray for the father of your daughter..

onlyme07: Never would i support your divorce issue. I think it was due to his last action abi?..

Madam,don't go that far..yes,no Mr right out there but you believe with a good job you would be comfortable right? It's a big lie..you need to ask older women what it really means to be married,the home belongs to the woman and a lot of patience is needed to keep it going. Good you have a daughter for him just imagine the custody of the child was given to him that would be another prob and even if you have the custody of the child..kindly ask single mothers they would tell you how hard it is.

The man might have crossed his boundary but divorce is never an option and kindly erase that from your thought forever,it is not a good idea for a woman to think of divorce instead talk to God.

You can't endure now,i wonder if things were to be worse than this. What you need is God and patience. Tell God to give you enough patience to handle the issue at hand. He's not mad,he would realise later he made a big mistake laying his hands on you depending on how you behave and beg you..he may not postrate but you would see him sober. Have a forgiven heart ma'am,we are all humans and no one is perfect

You saw a condom with him and response was not good. Dear,men(not all though) cheat that's no lie, all you have to do is to make sure you buy more for him to avoid diseases. Am serious, WE think doing it outside is fun due to friends,what the young lads wear and how they seduce and believe its a sign of respect keeping the woman at from suspecting.

Do you really know what marriage entails? i bet you don't,it's no childs play, if you want to know, find a couple of more than 15yrs for more lecture about marriage.

I'm not on the man's side ma'am, just trying to point to you that you need to keep your home.Friends that you're comapring your home with or see looking fresh out there are facing lots of difficulties than yours, yet you see them smiling,they want a home believing someday it would be story and enjoy at the later end.

Take your bible,start going to church,start praying and fasting,find marriage books to buy and read,look for matured couples to be your mentor and put God first. All is well !

Huh?? What kind of nonsense is this??

peggykorol: No need for insults everyone
@onlyme what do you mean when I leave my husband It will surely backfire.how can i pray for someone that I have no single emotions/feelings for anymore.his presence irritates me.
Praying for an adult who knows wrong from right?
Am 25 so I should dedicate my life to fasting and praying?
Well I will just close this thread after all cos all I needed were encouraging words and someone who has been through divorce

Would you kindly be honest with yourself and ask what happened to the emotions and the love you had for him for the past two yrs. . What eroded it..? You never see anything good abt him again or what? If you get the right answer then you know the solution to that.

I laugh when you asked, if at 25 should you devote your life to fasting and praying.. Are you really married becos i find it hard to believe that a married woman cannot pray and fast for her gome to bve intact.Still laughing..okay at what age would you start that.? Ladies,can you read that? That was the first thing you ought to have done before the marriage.

Now, i conclude that the marriage foundation was VERY bad and you have made up your mind to opt out.

if you decide to close the thread try and find an elderly woman divorcee would be more preferable to advice you because what you think might not be what you would get. Am not married neither am i a divorcee but i know what it means to come from a broken or polygamous home. Your daughter might not forgive you if things turn around to be what you don't expect.

My sister,please you're not getting younger some of your mates are in churches and mosque seeking the face of God for a man to be their husband.

I don't think there is anything anybody can say again since you're not ready to make it work.

I wish you all the best but pray for yourself if you can't pray for the father of your daughter..

Pls don't ever start war u will never win.
Don't look for trouble where there is none.
Marriage is for matured minds, not age.
Had I known is always too late.
Its also good to listen to advice. Everybody can't be wrong at the same time.
And if we don't learn our lessons, we continue to make the same mistake.


My only concern is the innocent gal.


Still nobody is above mistakes.
We can become strong tru our weakness.
Only if we can listen and take correction

Go to any court of law and file for divorce, u don't need to come to NL for any advice. I hope u find a good life out there, don't forget to see a psychologist. U need to work on ur personality first before dreaming of a good life. Growing up in a dysfunctional home has taking its toll on u. Have a good life.

onlyme07:

Meaning you were never ready for marriage either. Guess you have made up your mind. Just have someone to confide in before you go ahead with your plans because if it backfires..my dear sister, which i know it would(not a curse,just talking from experience) because the marriage is young,patience and feverent prayers is what you need. Only God knows what would happen sha.

No one needs to know all and you don't need to tell us all. Since your mind is made up,think twice. All the best !

Who is dis? Pls leave dis woman alone!!

She wears d shoes and know where it hurts

Huh.... nawah for some advice ooo..
@op, am sure you knw what rocks your boat... You've seen all †ђξ advice, choose †ђξ †ђξ one that suits you... May God help you to choose and decide wisly..

dear p
i feel your pain.i am a man who has been through what u r going through only that i wasnt molested.i caught my wife cheating on me 3months ago and i cant seem to forgive her.it sends chills down my spine wen i tink of it.we are currently seperated and i am still thinking of what to do.it wasnt and still is not easy.a cheat is and always wl be a cheat.its not sumtin u learn overnight.its only determination on the cheats part and serious fastn n prayer dat wl make d person change.if u still love him make an effort,talk to him and give him time(u set d time)to change if not ask urself if u ready to live wit d consequences of constant hatred,beating,quarelling,high blood pressure,danger(cos sumone wants to take ur place).i feel for u.ITS NOT FUNNY AT ALL.u need sumone to talk to and lean on.it helps.i wish i cud talk to u.its well