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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Husbands And Wives Jokes (987 Views)
Hilarious Moments Of Husbands And Their Wives / Aso Rock Husbands And Wives. Hmm! / Nigerian Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Husbands And Wives Jokes by simplyOJ(m): 11:08am On Oct 17, 2013 |
Hi guys, I just stumbled upon some very hilarious jokes about Husbands and Wives; and thought I should share it here: WIFE JOKE Q: Why does your wife have period? A: Because she deserves them. Q: Why can’t you trust your wife? A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die? Q: What book does wives like the most? A: The husband checkbook! Q: Why didn’t the man report his stolen credit card? A: The thief was spending less than his wife Q: How is wife like an airplane? A: Both have cockpit Q: Why do wives like to have sex with the lights off? A: They can’t stand to see their husband have a good time. Q: Why is your wife like a laxative? A: They both irritate the shit out of you. Q: Why are hurricanes normally names after women? A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. Q: Why does the pope still thinks he’s always right? A: Because he has no wife to change his mind. Q: Why do most men die before their wives? A: They want to! Q: Why did your wife cross the road? A: Who cares – what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway. HUSBAND JOKES Q: Aren't you wearing the wedding ring on the wrong finger? A: Yes I am, I am married to the wrong woman. Q: How can you tell if your husband is happy? A: Who cares? Q: Why do only 10% of husbands make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be called Hell. Q: What’s the difference between men and government bonds? A: Bonds mature. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don’t work. Q: Why can’t your husband get Mad Cow Disease? A: Because he is a pig. Q: What are a married man’s two greatest assets? A: A closed mouth and an open wallet. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder “instruction Manuals” Q: What do a good employee and a husband has in common? A: They’re always coming early. Q: How is your husband like a used car? A: Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable! Q: What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Q: What’s your husband’s definition of a romantic evening? A: Sex. Q: What do most husbands do? A: Cheat on their wives. Q: Why does your husband get their great ideas in bed? A: Because they plugged into a genius. Q: What is the husbands’ idea of honesty in a relationship? A: Telling you his real name. HUSBAND WIFE JOKES Wife: Why are you home early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell. Husband: Dear do you know that exams are like women? Wife: How funny? Husband: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful… Husband: Do you want a kiss? Wife: No Husband: Do you remember what I just said? Wife: Do you want a Kiss? Husband: Yes, if you insist… Wife: Honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: Kitchen, Living room, laundry, dining room…. Wife: If you knew within the next 30 minutes the earth is going to explode, what is the first thing you will be doing? Husband: Of course SEX. Wife: And for the rest 29 minutes? Wife: Can you explain how this lipstick got on your collar? Husband: No I can’t. I distinctly remember taking my shirt off. Wife: I have changed my mind. Husband: Thank God! Does the new one work now? Husband: You are abcdefghijk wife! Wife: Oh why? Husband: You are adorable, beautiful, cute, dim (in a nice way), elegant, funny, great, happy wife. Wife: Oh well what does ijk stand for? Husband: I’m just kidding. First Husband: “My wife’s an angel! Second Husband: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.” |
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