The hall was filled to the brim. Christmas lights just dey shine everywhere.
I was wearing my Italian tuxedo(not really a tuxedo but my best clothe, and it is definitely not from italy but Aba)
Place your right hand on the Bible and raise your left hand and repeat after me.
Justice Alexander mmadu-anoro shrill voice reverberated across the big hall,(this guy is not really a justice, but for the sake of formality).
He was standing beside me, a smug expression on his face.
Wetin dey make this one smile like pikin wey dey suck breast??.
I, Mr. Lekan uzouna..... He shouted into the MIC.
I, Mr Lekan uzouna...., I repeated.
The hall was filled to the brim, their eyes hypnotically gazing towards the podium feasting on the beautiful form of yours truly.
Ha, will this judge just stop, I hate formalities....
.... To uphold and protect the interest of my office.
... To uphold and protect the interest of my office, I repeated once again.
In the midst of the crowd sat zuby,
I just dey look at her all through the rituals.
She felt uncomfortable.
So help me God, I finished.
Please, can we welcome our new president, Mr Lekan uzouna to give us his speech.
One scrawny young girl shouted through the MIC.
There was an uproar.
This people dey give me standing ovation o,
Na wetin I wan talk una never hear before?, I thought.
As I swaggered around the big table to give my rehearsed speech I can feel many eyes boring a hole on my Italian tuxedo(hope you remembered what I said about the tuxedo?)
I faced the tightly packed crowd of the rich and influential(this pack of people is neither rich nor influential but for me to inflate my self, I must first of all inflate them).
Dey just dey look me like hungry kids.
It is without doubt and void of any feigned euphoria whatsoever, that I wish to thank you all who voted for me in this election,
it is with joy and gratitude without adulteration that I wish to thank you all.
I stared at the crowd with a renewed confidence.
.... And I promise to carry out my my obligations to the best of my ability and capability.
Thank you all.
I started waving my hands like Obama.
The clapping of hands that greeted me was deafening.
I hobbled alongside the scrawny girl who never stopped smiling at me.
Ha, Lekan, she started to say...
You are really lucky to have won,
Senator Boniface really gave you the run(don't get it twisted oh, this guy doesn't even look half a senator, but then again, formality sake).
Yes but I won, I said absent mindedly
She seemed to get the cue because she switched to taciturnity.
I sat down on the big couch that bellied it's purpose, my legs hardly touching the floor.
This people sef, why are they even clapping?
I was selected not voted for and this people just dey happy like say I really won the election.
Senator Boniface had just been a pushover nothing more.
Mr ifeanacho ascended the podium, his flowing shirt and trousers seems not to hang on to his body, dis man like oversized clothes like say nothing dey happen.
He started speaking on the qualities of a leader....
I wasn't interested, I continued looking at Zuby...
Dis girl have been forming hard to get since I thought her the meaning of love.
It had been a sunny Monday afternoon,
She just dey walk with her catwalk that I had to kill every residue of fear in my system. Today na today, I said, I don dey eye her like for eternity now. Make add a little action jor.
I walked up to her with a wobbly knees.
Hi, I had said.
She just dey look me like say she get eye problem.
My confidence started kissing the floor.
I became flummoxed o,
Which kind girl be dis?
"Hi", as far as I know attracts "Hello", and dis girl seems to have skipped that fact.
I tried another angle.
My name is Lekan uzouna,
What's yours?
Why are you telling me your name?? She asked.
Mogbe! Why dis fine girl come dull like this??
I played on.
Because I love you, I said regretting every word.
Why do you love me? She reiterated.
Ewo!, I don enter one chance.
Wetin I go talk now.
The girl still dey look me in my hysteria.
Luckily for me, I had a small pocket dictionary.
I turned to Love.
Here it is, I pointed.
Love is a strong affection, I read out,
Lemme see, she said taking the dictionary from me.
Love is a deep feeling of sexual desire, she sang out loud.
I became alert,
Shebi one word dey have two meaning?
I took it from her, and saw it.
What is sexual desire?? She queried.
See me see trouble o, is this girl pulling my brain,(dis one don pass legs).
How can she have skipped this pertinent part of life?
No be Jss 2, we both dey?
How come I know much about these things... I ran these thoughts through my mind.
.. Errm..... Sexual desire na.....
Mr Ifeanacho swooped in on us,
Smiling sheepishly, he must have been accustomed with this kind of brouhaha. Afterall he's the principal.
I want you two in my office now!!, he barked.
We followed him like two puppies under compulsion.
Kneel down both of you, he said as quickly as we entered his plush office.
Lekan what were you doing with Zuby.??
I played a fast one.
Sir..... She asked me what love is. I gave her a dictionary to look it up,
She did?, the principal asked, his face flushed like the water system.
Yes sir? She did.
Zuby just dey look us, why dis girl dumb like a doll, I asked my inner cognition.
Hmm, see as she done divide red Sea for me.
Zuby is that true?
Yes sir,,,,, but......
The principal was already off to the corner of his office where his new collections of canes lay.
He came back with a long fat cane, looking menacingly at Zuby.
I will show you the meaning of love today. He said as the first shriek of zuby's sexy cry hit my ears.
----------------------------
Sitting in this big chair,with this annoying clapping ovation that erupted after the principal completed his speech. I began recalling vividly what our principal had told me after he trashed zuby.
Ha, Lekan uzouna, you did well, I can't stop laughing that you actually gave her a dictionary to look up the meaning of love.
I was smiling widely.
Yes sir, I did, I said with my innocent voice.
I didn't know the meaning so I gave her the dictionary.
Hmm, Lekan, you strike me as an intelligent student, how would you like to be the student president?
Sir, I will have to think about it. There's nothing to think about, he said.
And I walked out of his office with a new swag, two hands in my pockets and with a smug look on my face, I walked out of his office to go and sin no more.
Zuby just dey one corner dey cry. For her mind she don know the meaning of love.

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Meklex.

Haba, una no dey comment??,
I don tire for nairaland o.