Okon & Job Interview
Naija people no go kill me with joke oo
Okon who is an illiterate was searching for a job and went to a big company to make inquiry because of the advertisement which was placed outside the company. Okon being so eager did not read the advertisement properly. He just dashed into the company and started asking for the MD. Little did he know that such a job requires someone who had been to different parts of the world.
MD: Hello young man, what can i do for you?.
Okon: Good morning sir, i came concerning the advertisement placed outside your company.
MD: I see!. I hope you know that this job requires someone who has been to various parts of the world.
Okon: Yes sir, i know.
MD: Good!. Now tell me, have you been to London?.
Okon: Yes sir, i lived there for 4 years.
MD: Wow! That’s good. How about South Africa, have you been there before?.
Okon: Yes sir, i lived there for 7 years.
MD: Incredible!. How about The United States Of America?.
Okon: I have been there sir, i lived there for 5 years.
MD: Hmm!. Then you must know alot about Geography.
Okon: Yes sir!. I have also been to Geography, i lived there for 8 years

Who Thief My Purse?

Akpors father was inside a bus going to his village when he suddenly realised thats his purse containing all his money was missing. Somebody had picked it from his pocket. He looked around the bus, everybody was calm, well seated and enjoying the ride. Thinking of what to do, within som few seconds an idea struck his mind. Making sure that everybody in the bus could hear him, he said: somebody stole my purse from my pocket.

People in d bus: no answer.

Papa Akpors continued: I said somebody picked my purse containing my money from my pocket.

People in the bus (lukin at him): stil no answer.

Papa Akpors: if the person that stole my pulse does not want what hapenned in 1994 to repeat itsef now, the person should own up now.

People in the Bus: now everybody was looking around and at each other. Some murmuring among themselves.

Papa Akpors: i said what hapen in 1994 wil repeat itself now if the thief did nt return my purse.

People in the bus: now everybody were seriuos. Som asking within themselves what hapen in 1994. And even others are beginning to suspect Papa Akpors as a native doctor or a wizard.

Within a minute, Papa Akpors saw his purse on floor of the bus. An unknown person had thrown it there. Papa Akpors picked his purse and check his money. Then comfirming the amount to his satisfaction.

The people in the bus were amazed, how they wish they could realy know what happened in 1994 .



One teenager, a very beautiful girl with a glasses approached papa Akpors were he was sitting and asked him that he would like to know what hapen in 1994. Papa Akpors looked at her, smiled and said: in1994 i was in the bus like thiss and they stole my money. Na leg I take waka go house.

(like father like son! )

Akpos died and went to heaven where he met Angel Micheal ..

Akpos: “So finally I make heaven after all the rubbish wey I do for life… Thank God for God Oooh!”

Angel Micheal: “Oya come enter ya room”

Akpos: “Bros Micheal, abeg wetin dey for downstairs cos di noise na DIE”

Angel Micheal: “Na hell fire be dat

Akpos: “I fit go peep?”

Angel Micheal: “No wahala but we go lock gate by 5pm so if you no quick come back you go just stay hell fire”



…Akpos goes to peep and there he sees all the celebrities that ever lived on earth clubbing and having a lot of fun. Akpos comes back by 4pm and…”



Angel Micheal speaks: “Nice to see you back early my son you are truly a son of God”

Akpos: “For where? I come pack my load before una Lock Heaven…

Birthday SMS

Akpos got a message from his girl friend on his Bday “Message Reads” HBD Boo…LLNP, LYSM TTYL”. Akpos:s provok con called her phone” Kate wat is meaning of HBD LLNP and Those rubbish. Kate replied Haaa Akpos dont tell you are dis dumb and local? Oh My Gooosh;;, golly! You dnt even know the meaning of HBD and all dat Mtchwwww. Well, HBD Means “Happy Birthday”, LLNP means”Long Life Nd Prosperity” LYSM means “Love You So Much” and TTYL means “Talk To You Later” dumb ass.

Akpos angrily ends the call and sent her a text message 2mins later, *message reads* TFY…Kate called immediately, AKpos wat is the meaning of TFY? Akpos answered Oh! you don’t even know common TFY. After much laugh Akpos replied TFY means “Thunder Fire You:….HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND AHEAD!

A class teacher in naija dey instructs his students 2 each stand up and make a short poem about thier name and what they’d like 2 do in future.

The first to start is Usman, ha said..

USMAN; my name is usman
I will grow up and be a man
I will like to go to japan
if I can, if I can

The 2nd student is a girl named Candy, she said..

CANDY; my name is candy
I will grow up and be a lady
and i will like 2 have a baby
if i can, if i can

and finally there is Akpos, the original naija guyg, he said..

Akpos; my name is Akpos
I will grow up 2 be a man
to hell with japan
am going to help candy with her plan
i know i can , i know i can…Matrix

Happy Weekend!! Share with your friends

There is a "Church of Google" that believes Google is the closest humans have come to God, and that Google is a she...

True/False

lol

Chief Lucky: Henno is that Nondon?
Phone Operator: Yes.
Chief Lucky: Can I speak to Selator Nawrence Dafilole?
Phone Operator: Senator Lawrence Dafinone is out.
Chief Lucky: Can I message you?
Phone Operator: Sure!
Chief Lucky: Tell him Chief Nucky from Nagos called.
Phone Operator: Please spell your name!
Chief Lucky: Are you ready? Oya…
L for Elephant
U for Europe
C for Scissors
K for Chemist
Y for Wire………

No matter how much the price of NIKE
sandals is reduced, it can never be sold
more than a Coca-cola or Bread.

If you have never stolen meat
from your
mum's soup, it means either she don't
cook at all or she is a bad cook.

Chinese Caller:

Hello can i speak to Annie wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan and I need to talk to Annie Wan!

Operator: I know you are somone and you want to talk to anyone, But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well Just tell my sister Annie Wan, that Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan was injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Averi Wan is on to the hospital.

Operator: Look, If no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this.

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree!

Caller: I hate english!!

.

YORUBA NAMES & THEIR
FUNNY DIRECT
TRANSLATIONS.!!
1. Anuoluwapo- Mercy of God
plenty
2. Odeyemi- Hunter fit me 3. Pamilerin- Kill me wit laugh
4. Olamide- My wealth don
come
5. Timileyin- push my back
6. Adeyemi- Crown fit me
7. Motunrayo- I see wealth again 8. Bamidele- Follow me reach
house
9. Ayomikun- My wealth full
10. Oladejo- Wealth turn eight
( 11. Shile- Open house
12. Wale- Come house 13. Morenike- I see person take
care
14. Funmilayo- Give me joy
15. Omoyemi- Pikin fit me 16. Tunbosun- Shift
again
17. Feyintola- Rest back on wealth.
18. Motolani- Am big enuf to
have wealth.
19. Ifabiyi- Oracle born this. 20. Olaide-
Wealth roll come.
21. Ageshin- Horse rider. 22. Adeleke- Crown dey on
top.
23. Babajide- father wake
come. 24. Bankole- Help me build
house.
25. Owolabi- Na money we born. Add ur own name and the meaning and KEEP IT ROLLING.

A boy was in love with a certern girl but never had the guts to tell her.
One Night he gathered some courage and sent her a text message saying, i love you, i wana date you please reply and tell me how you feel.
A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone... He was so scared and tensed to open it that night so he decided not to check and reply back until the next morning when he's less tensed... When he woke up in the morning he prayed seriously about message for good news, he did his morning
chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, had his bath and dressed up then climbed on bed and picked his phone to read the message.
This was the respond he read: Dear customer you do not have enough balance to send this message, please recharge your account and try again letter.

One word for the groom!

During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this
is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his
wife for lending us their wedding rings.
2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for... approving the loan I used for the wedding.
4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown.
6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it.
7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for
those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to
you during our child dedication ( hopefully next year).
8. Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as
entertain us all here, today.
9. Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.
10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.
11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to dance.
12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.
13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drink.
14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman.
15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don't experience what I suffered for this wedding.
Thank you...enjoy ur day.
What can you say about this?

Who sabi speak pidgen?
Abeg make una translate this into your Naija variouse pidgen versions
"I have been waiting for you since and everythings were going smoothly until the police men came, everything went rough.
If i may ask is there a way we can clean this shit?"

Akpos The Hunter


Akpos decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa. Akpos has never gone hunting while Osas has hunted all his life. When they got to the middle of the forest, Osas told Akpos to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he checks out an antelope trail. After he got about a quarter of a mile away, Osas heard a blood-curling scream which scared away nearby antelope. He rushed back to Akpos and yelled; “I think I tell you say make you quiet?”
Akpos replied : “Shuo, I try o, I really try. When green snake waka pass my leg I nor shake body or make peem sound. When gorilla come dey breath hot and smelly smelly air for my face, I nor shake body or make shekele sound. But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the other one say, “Chei, see as this two palm kernels big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and carry dem go home”, naim I come start to halla.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new CEO for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is bomboy a Naija guy. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know Java program to leave. Two thousand candidates left the room. Bomboy says to himself, “I do not know JaVa but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try. Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had the experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand left the room. Bomboy says to himself “I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?” So he stays. Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. Five hundred people left the room. Bomboy says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?” So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croatian to leave. Four hundred ninety-eight candidates left the room Feranmi says to himself, “I do not speak one
word of Serb – Croatian but what do I have to lose?” So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serb – Croatian, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.” Calmly, Feranmi turns to the other candidate and says, “Wahala wa o!”
The other candidate answers “wahala gidi!!!”
Naija no dey carry Last!

BIBLICAL TOASTING! :Naija Style
Boy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Girl: Nope. I don’t want to have a boyfriend.
Boy: Gen. 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Girl: But I don’t love you.
Boy: 1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” Girl: But how can I be sure that you’re loyal and honest?
Boy: Mark 13:31 “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”
Girl: But I’m busy, I’m still studying. Boy: Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Girl: But why me? Thereare a lot of girls out there.
Boy: Proverbs 31:29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Girl: But what is in me that you like?
Boy: Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling there is no flaw in you.”
Girl: But I’m not beautiful.
Boy: Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Girl: What do you want to happen?
Boy: 2 Corinthians 2:4 “For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.”

IBADAN BABES DON COME AGAIN ooo
1. Thank God for a brown new day!
2. My god is upsome!
3. Why are people so weekend? (coz they are Friday)
4. Not all dat glitters are goats! (goatn’t it!!??)
5. Majority carries the volt (volt ko!? transformer ni?)
6. May your name be highly exhausted!
7. My waste is paining me!
8. Thank God for spearing my life (with arrow abi with dagger?)
9. What is strong with you? (strong kor.. decoder ni)
10. Lord! you are the killer dat holds my life!
(GBOOOOOOOOMM!!)
11. Pls, how much is ur age? (na 22naira o!)
12. Look to the window, the principal just passed away (na you kill am abi?)
13. I am not priding pls
14. Lord let ur wheel be done…(God’ wheelbarrow spoil b4?)
Laff go kill me for here ooo Chei

Sometimes I think am dating MTN cos I go 2
bed with a
text and wake up with a text message as well..
Its either they are calling me or begging me 2
subscribe 2 one thing or another
VERY SOON MTN
WILL BE LIKE:
1: dear customer are u HUNGRY??...txt HGY to
35388 4 tips on HUNGER And what to EAT
2: dear customer need DELIVERANCE??....Text
DEL TO 35388 4 daily tips on how 2 deliver
urself
3: dear customer facing ancestral
problems??....t
ext ANCESTORS to 35354 and recieve daily
ancestral tips
4: dear customer wanna bath but u have no
soap??....text SOAP to 35629 to receive daily
soaps on your phone
5: dear customer wanna commit
SUICIDE??...text
SUI to 38777 and receive different suicide
techniques
6: dear customer wanna STEAL??...txt STE 2
45382 and receive expert stealing techniques
7: dear customer feeling
HEARTBROKEN??....TXT
HEART 2 38545 and receive tips on how to
plaster your heart....
8: dear customer wanna join BOKO HARAM??...
TXT. BOK 2
25301

The Class Test

Akpors the lecturer in Gwagalada, University
of Abuja decided to give his students a test.
He asked them to write the answers as he
read out the questions.
The Instructions says: Cancelled answers not
allowed.
Akpors the Lecturer: Question 1: What’s your
favorite food? [10 mrks]
Female students were writing, Pizza, fried
rice, Hamburger, ice cream, sharwama and
allsorts of Chinese cuisine…..
Lecturer Akpors: Question 2: How do you
prepare the food? [50 marks]
Huh!! immediately, the female students
started cancelling and changing the foods to
beans, cocoyam, & abacha, bolee and
porridge yam, indomine, white rice with no
soup, eba with no soup, gari n kulli
kulli…..heheh ehe Kasala bust !

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.


WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.







Another day
HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye






The next day, the husband decides to go
home without notice, and finds his son alone
and he asked him son where is your mother?







SON: I don’t know, she went out with the
blender.

Man: Baby, I love you, would you please
marry me?


Woman: (stands up and lands a stinging slap
on his face) I have waited more than 9yrs, I
have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought
books and listened to tapes, even went out of
my way to be nice to every male specie of
marriageable age!


I took up new hobbies, watching football and
play station. I went to Daystar. From Daystar,
I went to House on the Rock, from House on
the rock I went to Guiding Light Assembly,
Phronesis Christian Centre Int’l, MFM, Christ
Embassy, Redeemed, From there I went to
This Present Winners looking every where for
you. I went from a size 14 to a size 10, so
that when you see me you’d love what you
see.


I left Lagos, went to Abuja, from Abuja I went
to Port- Harcourt, then I went all the way to
Kano I joined hi-five, from hi-five to
faceboook, then I went to twitter, I even had a
blog on which I ranted, hoping yōϋ would
show up! for where?


I uploaded only my best pictures on
Facebook, in fact I took photo sessions to
look my best, all for you o! I attended all the
weddings, whether the invitation was direct or
indirect! The next place I was hoping to check
was the moon, before you crawled out,
crawled out from the house directly next to
mine!


So it was you all this while? The neighbour I
said hello to every morning?

Were you trying to destroy my faith?
You almost rendered my prayer life useless?
What were you waiting for?

What sign where you looking for?
Do you want to kill me before you reveal
yourself?!!!




Now be a gentleman, get down on your knees
and put that ring on my finger!!

See Life?

The Lawyer hopes you get into trouble

The Doctor hopes you fall ill

The police hopes you become a criminal The
Coffin Maker wants you dead!

Only the thief dey pray for you to make it in
life. Just Imagine!

Akpos no dey carry Last

Akpos :- Papa, See my result, Na me carry
3rd.

Papa Akpos :- Hahahaha, Akpos Akpos! Na
now I know say na me born you.

Akpos :- Shey I tell you na. All those time I
dey carry 35th..Na the teachers dey do ojoro,
They know say I too brilliant.

Papa Akpos :- I believe you my boy. Na now I
fit buy that Bicycle wey you see for Papa
Metus shop !

Akpos :- Papa na u biko. You get mouth pass
BasketMouth.

Papa Akpos :- but, Who be the two idiots wey
pass u sef Akpos?

Akpos :- Na one WIZARD wey be Isaac and
one WITCH wey be Patience.

Papa Akpos :- No mind them, You go show
them next term. But who you come pass na?
I no say dem plenty and you no fit mention
all of them, I just wan know how many of una
dey class.

Akpos :- Na just the three of us I don
mention so na… Isaac, Patience and Me. Na
just the three of us PRINCIPAL put for
Elementary Class ‘F’ !!!




Na im Akpos papa just land for floor,
gboossa, faint o!!!

Akpos Don Come Again O!

A Warri tenant walked in & saw his landlord’s
son trying to commit suicide & a brief
conversation ensued:
Tenant: Akpos! Wetin you de do so?

Akpos: I dey try commit suicide, as Papa dey
always complain say my life dey worthless!

Tenant: That one no good now… but why you
come tie de rope for your waist?

Akpos: Bros, no be small thing o! I bin tie de
rope for neck, I NEARLY DIE!

Bad Mood

Akpos sat in a bar and was very moody. Soni
goes over and asks;

‘Akpos, wetin happen?’.
A very sad looking Akpos replied: ‘I borrow
Rukewe N2million to do facial surgery, and
now I no fit recognize am to collect my
money back.

Letter Bomb!

Two boko Haram boys, Habib & Akpo are
making letter bombs.

Habib: “I’m not sure whether I put enough
explosive in this envelope before I sealed it.”

Akpo: “Well, then open it and look.”

Habib: “But if I open it, it will explode!”

Akpos: “Don’t be stupid – it’s not addressed
to you!

Sunday School


Little April was not the best student in
Sunday school. Usually she slept through the
class. One day the teacher called on her
while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who
created the universe?” When April didn’t stir,
little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind
her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the
teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back
asleep. A while later the teacher asked April,
“Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April
didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again,
Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her
again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the
teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back
to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third
question. “What did Eve say to Adam after
she had her twenty-third child?” And again,
Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time
April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK
THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME,
I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP
YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted!