₦airaland Forum

House
How I can stop this
I just want to be my normal self again
I can't make love to my husband if am not tipsy
I must have taken a good amount of alcoholic drinks before it puts me in the mood
My marriage is just 3 years

1. Book yourself into a reputable rehab center to detox your system of your excessive alcohol consumption.

2. Once you've completed the treatment, seek the services of a good marriage counsellor

3. Finally make an appointment with a shrink to help delve into your past and reasons behind your phobia for sex.

Efemena_xy: 1. Book yourself into a reputable rehab center to detox your system of your excessive alcohol consumption.

2. Once you've completed the treatment, seek the services of a good marriage counsellor

3. Finally make an appointment with a shrink to help delve into your past and reasons behind your phobia for sex.

Thanks but I live in Nigeria

I don't really understands this. I thought such feelings should come naturally. Is it that your husband cannot turn you on? Or you do feel ashamed being with him?

Splendoured: Thanks but I live in Nigeria

Don't undermine your homeland.

Nigeria is a big country and for one with an area of 923,768 km² are you gonna tell me the country hasn't got a single rehab centre for alcoholics, marriage counsellors and shrinks?

You do that great nation of yours a big disservice with comments like that.

Splendoured: House
How I can stop this
I just want to be my normal self again
I can't make love to my husband if am not tipsy
I must have taken a good amount of alcoholic drinks before it puts me in the mood
My marriage is just 3 years

What happened to you?
When did u start shrinking away from sex except when tipsy?
What was the trigger?
Maybe if you can remember how you stopped being normal like you put it,you would know where to start fixing it

...and then..
Do you resent you husband in any way?
Does he know that you get high before getting down?
Does he mind?

Efemena_xy: 1. Book yourself into a reputable rehab center to detox your system of your excessive alcohol consumption.

2. Once you've completed the treatment, seek the services of a good marriage counsellor

3. Finally make an appointment with a shrink to help delve into your past and reasons behind your phobia for sex.

AA meeting in Nigeria? You've got jokes.

Truth: Splendored, you're just an overworked wife/mom who is trying to satisfy both her husband and home front . Alcohol takes the edge off -True, but for how long? Retrace your steps , let your hubby help out to make life easier for you or get an eu pair Period

A happy wife/mom is a happy home. Irorun igi ni iro run eye

Splendoured: House
How I can stop this
I just want to be my normal self again
I can't make love to my husband if am not tipsy
I must have taken a good amount of alcoholic drinks before it puts me in the mood
My marriage is just 3 years

does your hubby know about this? If yes, what has he done or said about it or is he satisfied with it(which i guess he can never be).

Were you like this before? if no, when did it start and what do you think caused it?

Have you ever being cheated on by your hubby after your marriage, which you were privy about?

Is your hubby's body attractive to you? Does he have body odour?


All in all, i think you need to be yourself and be open about it to yur hubby, so that both of you can jointly find a permanent solution to this problem, you cant afford to continue like this, something like seeing a psychologist/counsellor may work out.

May God help you.

Poster, go to the nearest general hospital around u and ask for a clinical psychologist. Teaching hospital is very good but where u live matters.
Go with ur hubby cos it involves u two.
Pls, pls, not pastors or imans.

Ur post is very scanty though.
Would u care to explain more.


Efe, in Nigeria of which u know, we still hv a veeeeeery long way to go. A typical naija instead of going to a rehab will prefer to go and consult an ifa priest cos its somebody somewhere that is causing that. Morever lots of us don't know what a rehab is. such biz is money and time consuming and at the end of the day, nobody will patrionise u.

Is it the north which is denying ever tasting a bottle of shekpe or sw or ss?
Igbo man will tell u to stop wasting precious money.

Even the services of clinical psychologists r greately undermined. Do we even have them?
We talk of development yet humans r not developing. A psychologist in naija is only good as a lecturer, or u go and practice outside naija.
Its sad and painful but true

^^ Morning babes

I get what you're saying, but does this mean, within the whole of that country, not even 1 centre exists for treating alcoholism??

Okay, it may not be called 'rehab' but surely even within the hospitals, specialized departments for this must surely exist??

And we call ourselves the 'giant' of Africa? Some giant we are...shameful.

Efemena_xy: Don't undermine your homeland.

Nigeria is a big country and for one with an area of 923,768 km² are you gonna tell me the country hasn't got a single rehab centre for alcoholics, marriage counsellors and shrinks?

You do that great nation of yours a big disservice with comments like that.

Rehab Centres dont Exist here
This is not an issue of undermining
Seems you have been away from Home for Long

yellowpawpaw: Poster, go to the nearest general hospital around u and ask for a clinical psychologist. Teaching hospital is very good but where u live matters.
Go with ur hubby cos it involves u two.
Pls, pls, not pastors or imans.

Ur post is very scanty though.
Would u care to explain more.


Efe, in Nigeria of which u know, we still hv a veeeeeery long way to go. A typical naija instead of going to a rehab will prefer to go and consult an ifa priest cos its somebody somewhere that is causing that. Morever lots of us don't know what a rehab is. such biz is money and time consuming and at the end of the day, nobody will patrionise u.

Is it the north which is denying ever tasting a bottle of shekpe or sw or ss?
Igbo man will tell u to stop wasting precious money.

Even the services of clinical psychologists r greately undermined. Do we even have them?
We talk of development yet humans r not developing. A psychologist in naija is only good as a lecturer, or u go and practice outside naija.
Its sad and painful but true

Thank you madam for your PRACTICAL advice to the OP.

This has been going on for more than a year
Their is no issue of Body odour or over weight from my hubby
Yes he cheated on me(he denied tho) but i forgave him
I dont just get turned on naturally
He is not too ok with my getting tipsy

Your marriage is 3 years and you only started finding se.x with your husband unbearable about a year ago. Is it just the se.x or do you generally find him repulsive? Did you start feeling this way around the time he supposedly cheated on you? If yes, you definitely have not forgiven him and for you to move on, you need to genuinely forgive him and forget the issue.

You said you don't get turned on generally, so it may be you that needs help my sister. We do not really flow with the tide when it comes to rehabs, shrinks and all that, its not just a naija thing at the moment. But what you can do is go to any teaching hospital around you and visit the mental health department. There will be someone there to help you. Also, if you are a christian, you can seek counsel in church! In my church for instance, there are certified marriage counselors helping couples free of charge. You can also check out paid marriage counselors in town, ask around or use google.
In the mean time, try and get down with him sober for once, remember those good things that made you marry him, see him as that man you used to love, talk to him, play with him! He is your husband ans se.x with him is normal and Godly. Above all, pray.

Splendoured: This has been going on for more than a year
Their is no issue of Body odour or over weight from my hubby
Yes he cheated on me(he denied tho) but i forgave him
I dont just get turned on naturally
He is not too ok with my getting tipsy

I guess its obviously cos of ur mindset (I.e) u think ur hubby cheated. What ever happened to giving people(ur huby in this case) the benefit of doubt? since u didn't catch him red handed.

U said u are in the 3rd yr of ur marriage n already have to get tipsy(drunk) to sleep with him.How long are u gonna kip this up?

for me,I think u really need to c an experienced psycologist or better still think abt what turns u on really n harness its potentials..

Splendoured: Rehab Centres dont Exist here
This is not an issue of undermining
Seems you have been away from Home for Long

Even if they don't exist, you can't tell me that there aren't any hospitals or clinics around that can treat alcohol related problems.

Have you spoken to your doctor for helpful suggestions or better still, to point you in the right direction? Drinking yourself to a stupor to numb your senses before having sex with your husband screams a lot.

Firstly, for you to have been doing that for such a long time shows you're addicted to drinking. It's fine if you deny it - that is a common tendency with alcoholics - denial.

Secondly, why would you want to numb yourself of any feelings towards or from your husband? That alone shows that there are psychological issues that need to be addressed AND that your marriage is definitely in trouble, hence my suggestion you look for a reputable marriage counsellor - or are there no marriage counsellors in Naija too??

Efemena_xy: ^^ Morning babes

I get what you're saying, but does this mean, within the whole of that country, not even 1 centre exists for treating alcoholism??

Okay, it may not be called 'rehab' but surely even within the hospitals, specialized departments for this must surely exist??

And we call ourselves the 'giant' of Africa? Some giant we are...shameful.

dont mind d guys!treating alcoholics is a dept in a federal psychiarist hospital.dey neva knew!

Splendoured: House
How I can stop this
I just want to be my normal self again
I can't make love to my husband if am not tipsy
I must have taken a good amount of alcoholic drinks before it puts me in the mood
My marriage is just 3 years

what i want to know is this
1.how long av u been drinking b4 u av sex.is it b4 the marriage or after u got married.
2.apart from s£xtime,do u drink alone or wit friends!
3.what do u mean 'ur normal self'