CallMeFemi:

Yeah na me b GOAT!!!

Dts HILARIOUS!!!

GOAT pass me your pin

demsid: GOAT pass me your pin

Drops yours instead bruv!!

Ah suppose update sef....


Make I finish wat m doing nd amma update ryt away!!

Guy, to be frank u day Bleep up die. No update 4 days now. Come update jor.

................................................................................
"Guy who una go blackmail na??" junior asked.
"You?? How about WE??...we're in this together remember??" I protested..
its typical of junior he can be really feable hearted sometimes...
Now they all sat up waiting for the name of the blackmailee (check oxforrd dictionary)..
"Guys na Alhaji o!!" I broke the news..
They seemed not to get it...it was written all over their faces...
"ermm guys...we are gonna blackmail alhaji .." I further elaborated.
No! No! No! Why would we do a thing like that to such a nice man" Nonso said passionately
I got pissed and said "Guy you be foool!...aiit make I clear you... Since he started seeing your sis has he ever settled your pocket before??
He shook his head in disapproval.
"Has he ever requested to see you in private before??"
He shakes his head in disapproval.
"So why you con dey reason hin matter??" I asked.
"I no dey reason him, na my sis I dey reason... I no wan put okro for her fried rice na..." nonso answered.
"who dey talk about me there??"Nneka, Nonso sister asked...
I cleared her on the issue and she suprisingly was cool with it...I expected her to flare up nd threaten us also... 'Well maybe we've got luck on our side this time' I thought...

We planned and practiced for the parole ...we were to run it on the third day...coincidentally it was the same day nonso's ultimatum expired...
But atleast we know we are gonna get the money for sure...

Everything was going as planned... Alhaji had came to pick nneka up that evening... She texted us the name of the hotel ..we headed there... Patronised their bar while waiting for her feedback..
The Hotel was massively beautiful... Sexy ladies everywhere, liquor infront of me... It was a perfect night for the parole... Was on the 3rd bottle of my beer when a text fell in...it reads

"I'VE USED THE PILLS ON HIM
YOU CAN COME FOR THE DEAL NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT......ROOM 33"

'Sweet' I thought...
I turned to inform them but... I saw Nonso sweating in an air-condition tight room... While junior was sleeping on his chair, with his mouth opened ajar.... I served them a slap each to bring them back to stand_by mode(abi wetin man go do)... Briefed them about the runs... And left with junior for the room, since nonso couldn't stand the pressure its wise to keep him out till he can prove himself useful..

KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!
I knocked on room 33's door...
Nneka shouted from inside "Come in Sam the door is open"...
I took a deep breathe walked in to see alhaji stark naked and so was Nneka...
'shio!! See level o'...I stood there transfixed her nudity...
"You never see bobee before" nneka brought me back to life...
But my JT was overreaching...
I quickly remembered what I came here for...
Nneka stroke some poses with him...and I took some quick shots...
I rushed out of the hotel.....
Only to see the shock of the week...:O
Tears flowed freely....
...............................................................................

Anoda update tonyt

Neatly used tecno p5 for sale https://www.nairaland.com/1577937/tecno-p5-sale-lagos-only

Femi, u no serious. Com na new yr we dey oo, u don start abi

valdes00: Femi, u no serious. Com na new yr we dey oo, u don start abi

Wetin I do?? :-/

.................................................................................
I couldn't believe my eyes... I thought bros D was playing a fast one on me... But with people already surrounding him... I was sure it wasn't April fool... Tears rolled down my cheeks I thought he was dead already cos he didn't move a muscle, and with so much blood on his clothes I needed a prophet to tell me he wasn't dead...

"guy you no go move person... Abi yu dey wait make I die?"....Nonso said or rather asked

I was happy ma guy no die afterall... Shii ..."those who did this to him were surely gonna pay" I thought...junior was already shivering far away..he couldn't stand the sight of blood...

I hurriedly picked Nonso up... Highlighted an okada and headed straight to the theatre...(I dnt mean theatre for surgical operations o...actually na our chemist shop we call theatre)...we got there I settled the bike man, carried him inside the shop...
"Baba chinedu!!! Baba chinedu!!! Baba chinedu!!!" I called.
"Sam!! Why you dey broadcast my name na?" he shouted from within his shop..
"Jeses!! Wetin do nonso na?" he asked suprisingly.
"I don't know...just do something make hin no die" I said as we rushed into his shop with junior just arriving..

He examined nonso...found out the cuts weren't as deep as we earlier feared... He was stabbed with bottles and a florecent in his back... He cleaned them up, dressed them and discharged nonso...well not after charging us N1500... We bought peak milk, yogurts, blood tonics and some vegetables just for his blood restoration...

"Guy wetin hapun...who did this to you??" I asked after I've successfully placed him on the couch...
"Boy ....na naomi o..."
"Naomi??...how did she know you were there??" I asked
"its simple........... She was there too!! Dumba'ss......... She just alerted her boys and they came with bottles and knives but thank God I survived"...Nonso answered.
'If a babe can organise for such a thing to be done to someone she claimed to love... Well what would she do to me if I wan form actor unto revenge mission?' I thought..
Then I made up my mind that ...we'll just have to give her the money we owe her...
"that girl bad o...see wetin she do you..." junior said..
Me and nonso were both suprised... When did he get inside... Well atleast he's here now..
We chatted a lil on or blackmail mission...before nature switched niccurs off...
................................................................................

"Ol boy your sister bosoms dey aiit o"....I said looking at the hardcopy of our blackmail pic.
"Na true o... But she too carry bush for pubic" junior added...
"una dey madt....na my sister una dey analyse like that" Nonso said snatching the pics away from our grips...

"Boys ...can I have a copy of the pictures... So I can deliver it tonight"...Nneka advised..
I always wondered why Nneka betrayed chief... Maybe he wasn't so alhaji-like(free giving) to her.
Who knows...
She grabbed her copy and headed out of the house... As I salivate at her very full firm as's...
"Now that's the definition of UKWU...I must say" I shouted as nonso landed me a slap on my neck and junior laughed hysterically...
Well he couldn't laugh for long for there was someone knocking... Or would I rather say banging the doors violently.
................................................................................

"Nneka, Nneka.....my sweet Nneka... How are you this afternoon" he said with his rich hausa accent...
"I'm fine ...cheif" she replied faking a hause accent ...
"let me finish what I'm doing and we're gonna head straight to the hotel ...deal ko?" alhaji. Asked.
"Deal Fa" Nneka replied him in like..
He hurriedly rounded up his desk closing for the day...
"Let's move baby" alhaji said holding nneka in the waist..

Alhaji drove while nneka was beside him... Caressing with both her hands and bosoms... Which sent electric current down his spines..
"alhaji look front!!"Nneka shouted
Alhaji was about to hit a small child who was walking on the pedestrian...
"Chai!! Na wa o..."...alhaji said after dodging the accident...
Nneka smiled she knew her assets were the
Cause...
She used that opportunity to fix the envelope containing the pictures into the car's pigeon hole... And she texted.....
"Operation successful... You can call him in an hour"....she texted smiling wickedly.
................................................................................
GBOM!! GBOM!! GBOM!!

Just then I received a text from Nneka...I hope it some goodnews.

GBOM!! GBOM!! GBOM!!
Now we were scared who under heaven was behind that door...
.................................................................................
Well there's only one way to find out.....

The next episode

Ikotun boy.. Oya update sharply.. We're waiting

CallMeFemi: ................................................................................."Good morning Jesus Good morning lord.. I know you come from heaven above"...we all sang to the morning devotion..
It was a full house ... It sure was gon' be fun or so I thought...
After devotion I had ma chores and breakfast...after those what next.....
The Streets ofcourse

I headed to the street gym joint to meet junior... I was surprised to see Nonso also... That dude hated working out his favorite quote was 'dangote no get 6 packs' and we would always laugh at his broke ass...
"You know say if you no get money you gats package... No wowi wen I'm done looking like Idris elba I'll bleep ur sister".....He said.
"when you are done looking like Johnny bravo yu mean." I said as we laughed histerically..

A few minutes later a Mercedes Benz G-wagon pulled up in front of Nonso's house...
We saw his sister highlighting from the vehicle ...
Wearing a very short purple gown, Dayum she looked so enticing...waving at someone in the car. (someone who we didn't see cos of the cars tinted windscreens) ...
"Nonso no be your sis be that?" I asked suprised.. 'I never knew she carried such heavyweights, she looked so innocent before I left for school..well people change..' I thought
"Nonso your sis make brain o" ...junior added...
Every boy's gaze there was on her... All eyes on her..
"Foolz the more you look the less you see ;the more you long for it the farther you are from getting it... My point exactly is...Keep off my sis"...he warned
We agreed and went back to out working out...

Moments later i saw a familiar figure far off...
"Nonso no be your babe be that?" I informed him..
They all looked up to see which of the babes I was talking about..
"Yeeeh!! Na naomi o...Sam, junior you remember that babe wey I ter you say lend me 80k?....well that's her"...he said dejectedly
"Hello boys" she said waiving at us...
"hey baby afa nw!" we replied..
"can I steal your friend here for a couple of minutes?"... We knew this wasn't going to end well but we had no choice...
They walked in.... She was squeezing Nonso's shirt embarrassingly ...
A Few minutes we saw her bursting out of his house walking away angrily...and Nonso also ran out on his knees trying to beg her...
Seeing how she ignored him..We knew Gobe was around the corner..
He walked back in with shame and worry...
Me and junior rushed in to go reason a way out ...
We ran into the house only to see nonso lying on his couch reading the ceilings...
"Guy which level na?" I asked
"ol boy aw your matter be??" junior said..
"Guy e no smile o... The girl dey say if she don't get her money in three days say she go suprise me o" Nonso said almost crying...
"You mean to tellme that that small girl threatened you"...junior exclaimed obviously angry..
"oga...calm down I know that girl she fit kill three of us and nothing go happen"...said Nonso which shut us up.
"so what we need now is a solution" Nonso continued... He said with himself and junior looking at me like they were expecting the answer from me...
"why una dey look me like that na?" I said..
"shebi na you dey always claim Pentium 6 brain na...oya boot am make hin solve am for us"...junior explained..

I thought hard for almost an hour but nothing came forth..I was already frustrated and was about giving up when I felt a fork poking me by the side of my neck... Looked left to see the ever present Bros D...
"Guy free me now...abi my life neva taya you"...I said angrily.
"ogbeni bone that side...look make I give you line.."he whispered the idea to my hearings ...
"Woah brilliant idea"....I thought..."Bros D I swear na you sure pass"...I said to him happily...

I looked at my expectant homies....
"Guys how about blackmail?"...I said which shot them up from their seats...
"Blackmail...?? Blackmail who??" Nonso said
"Yes blackmail who??..." junior added....
Ermmmm......
................................................................................
Next episode...una go know who we blackmail....

As i was reading this, the church behind my house was singing the same song... Lol

Double post

confirm.,go on psalmurai

.................................................................................
GBOM!!GBOM!!GBOM!!

"Who is that??"...Nonso asked scared as hell...
"Na us!! The Original Owner" they answered..
At this point I knew who they were...
'awon the owner ti wa bust wa sha( thieves are here to burst us tho)' I thought...

We urged junior to open the door...but his liver was no where to be found...we kept arguing until we heard gunshots in the air...
KPA!!!KPA!!!KPA!!!

"If you don't open I swear I'm going to spray some bullets at this door..... Open this door before I count 3. 1......2......."he said .... before. He could finish his sentence I had darted at the door in a split second and had opened it...
'This is the third time I'm getting robbed this year...them swear for me :/ 'I thought...
They were all in casual dresses but their masks were different and so was their 'tool' ...some held hunter guns, some came with baseball barts, while others came with shiny stainless pistols..

The feeling of a hot metal pressed against my ribs brought me back from the land of daydreamers...

"whey the 10million..." A man in black mask asked.

I couldn't help but laugh hysterically...
"Guy look me well well I resemble person wey get reach 10M for hand?"...I said before I could remember I was talking to armed robbers

"alhaji 10M ko? "....I was suprised to hear that!!
'Money wey we Neva collet....hmmm its either we have a snitch or a loud mouth among us'...I thought....

I was dumbfounded with my mouth open ajar...
(our elders say that a goat that refuses to close its mouth would receive a fart in it.....abi I lie?)
So a baseball Bart worked on my head... And reset me to factory settings

"YEEH!!"...I shouted turning around to find out I was the only one in the room...
'No wonder na only me dey chop beating since mawin...na God go punish these boys o'...(our youths say...there's no friend in the jungle) so I'm not judging anybody yet...

They left after empty handed...don't ask me why ...well I'll answer even if you did... The only electrical appliance in the sitting room was a 1989 national TV... So solve the maths yourself....
Oh they did leave with something
...they left with the ceiling fan
They must gain sumtin na...abi?

'Psalm aw fr they don go?"...junior asked..
"you be fool...why you no come out 10 mins earlier"...I blasted angrily..
While Nonso was laughing earlier...
I looked at them knowing one of them has been snitching on us... Well time would tell...

'its time for the deal...' I thought to myself...

"hey sam what are we gonna do tonight??"...Nonso asked..

"Same things we planned to do tonight....try to....................get it done with this blackmail shii"

The time is now....
Blackmail is sweet!!

More to come tonight!!! I hope!!!

And ehen!!!

DROP COMMENTS O!!

I'm tired of posting four updates in a page!!

Ride on bro, we have got your back... But make your updates longer, they are kinda too short... Nice work

#hoping...

I jst dy hopeful like twista.

fire on @ pentium 6

...............................................................................
I picked up my phone...
Dialed a number....
"Hello" I greeted..
"who are you?" alhaji blurted out.
"I'm sure you don't wanna know who I am"
"mtchewww damborowa" he said and ended the call.

"Shio!! See this one o!! Hin dey form Rambo ... No worry na time..." I smiled at my phone..

I texted...
OPEN YOUR CARS PIDGEON HOLE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE!!

It wasn't up to 15mins he had already called back...
"how did you get this pictures??" he asked with great fear in his voice
"alaye! Calm down... that's not your business...what I'm after is the ruin of your political career...its sure gonna be fun" I said laughing...
I could hear Nneka crying in the background... 'cheif you've killed me o' I heard......I smiled it was part of the plan ...
"what do you want?"...alhaji asked so scared.
"10million naira or nothing"....I said...
"10million??" he asked sounding surprised..
"ehn!! 10M any problem??"...I asked
"No...no problem...so how do you get it??"

At this point I knew I was cheap!! I started blaming myself ...for someone who rides a 2012 Benz G-wagon nd has chains of businesses... 10M would recharge card money...
'Chai Sam...ya P6 brain don catch virus o....why didn't yu think of this éarlier...well nothing spoil' I thought..

"Ermmm... Dump it in the trash infront of the hotel...you've got that??...and I want it in the next 24 hours"...I said..
"one more thing... Dnt involve the poliice... Hmmm...You know Linda Ikeji is ma padi ...and NL is still free...your pics would be on air if you don't obey...you got that!!" I cleared him..
"No problem...na small thing"...he said much to my annoyance....
I ended the call...

Nonso and junior who has been attentive ever since attacked me with me all typa questions out of anxiety I gueSs.
"guy aw e dey be??"
"dude...shey e gree...the deal??"
"yeah he agreed to our Terms willingly"..I told em...

"We are rich!!!" Nonso shouted and started dancing like Mr ibu in Michael Jackson's clothings.
There was gyration everywhere.... GOD BLESS ALHAJI!!

The next day:
We sat on the floor disgised as beggars dressed in rags...
'Yebariba! Damborowa!!" we kept repeating those words...well don't blame us that's the only words we knew from the hausa language..
We've already made about 5k that morning...
It sure was fun...making free money

Just then we sighted alhaji's car....
Beggar mode activated...
"Kai! Damborowa sege!! Kai!! Damborowa sege" we kept repeating it in unison... Thinking we were praising him...
He just winded down his car's glass...stopped...
Spat at us... And dropped a torn 500naira not...

We were already boiling with anger...
"Guy!! Ya papa!! Y u go give person tear-tear bar na!!....mtchewww!!" nonso blurted out angrily at alhaji..
"Guy you be fool...yu don forget say we dey form blinf abi?? Aw u take see the money" I whispered to him... But it was too late... Alhaji had already sent some boys for some 'turture lesson' a 5unit course ...
After a 30mins impromptu turture class... Nonso came out fulfilled...u knw aw I mean... Running for his life..... I saw those bodyguards coming after me...
Bros D showed up..."guy..u b fool !! Stay there dey form blind... You go see wen they handle your destiny"......well that's just what I needed....
I picked up my day's pay and obeyed the word of God (na God say FLEE from every appearance of evil abi? ) well i obeyed it with utmost loyalty...
I ran tilll I could run no more....

I turned back to see them bodyguards dropping an Adidas travel bag into the trash can....
I picked my phone to call alhaji...
"Guy I can see your boys doing shii" with a fake American accent for disguise purpose...
"guy grab ur stuff and leave the rest copy in the bin" he said then ended the call...
'see this wehrey oh ...den no teach am say na blackmailer dey cut phone' I thought pissed...
"Nonso I'm going for the merchandise" I told the every weak-livered dude...

I grabbed an okada drove really fast towards the bin...grabbed the bin and dropped the remains of the pic all of it...(since agreement na agreement)...I did so and sped off before them 'torture 501 lecturers' could start another class....

I managed to excape...... I was busy dancing on my okada...(who says you can't sleep on a bicycle that person na reta'rd)
I got home to face junior , Nneka and to my suprise......Nonso...hw that fuk did he get home before me.....well who cares!! We rich anyways!! Or so I thought...

We Opened the bag to meet clean notes.......I noticed that the money was a lil bit lighter than expected..but who cares we rich!!
Nonso's saliva dropped on the Note..........and to my suprise......


the ink started dissolving........
And It could only mean one thing!!






YEEH!!! FAKE NOTES!!!
Alhaji don dupe us o!!!
................................................................................

Sharp alhaji,i was wondering why u dropped all the pics without confirming the money

Hahaha .femi ar u a learner? Novice blackmailer oshi . Mtchww

RIDE ON!!!!!!!!

Gud job

Hahahaha ;DHahahaha. alhaji na badt guy

I cnt do buh laff... Rotfldkmf

Oya na, no update today?

.................................................................................
Alhaji's scam was heart breaking...
I felt super stupid... Nonso was already sheding tears... We knew what he was going through... He's the one with the life-threatening 80k debt...
I was deeply touched to watch an homie cry...
Nneka wasnt heartbroke from alhaji's scam, but she felt for her brother... We were the only ones who could help him..
"Nneka make we relate..." I said walking outside..
She came after me...
"Ehen... What do yu wanna talk about"?? she said meeting me outside With this questioning look
"you know what Nonso is facing... And we are the only ones who can help him... So let's do that." I said...
I saw her face drop like I dissapointed her...... Strange!!
"I bleeping don't have 80k...where do you want me to see 80k from"... She cleared me...
"can you afford 40 *she shook her head confirming it* ....well let's make it happen"...I said...
We agreed to produce my part of the money tommorow, so with everything settled we headed inside...
His cries were heart breaking... I couldn't just help it... There's only one way out.... Liquor.

After we had our 2nd bottle... Everybody was feeling better... Everybody was laughing again...
Suddenly....

"Hey hands up everybody... Where the money??"....a hungry looking theif asked..

We all looked at ourselves suprised... We continued our conversation.... They were suprised at our action, "they weren't scared of us or did they know that the gun contained no bullet" the theif thought...

"Where the money before I shoot"...he shouted.

"Eh guy...you see that bag there... Na the money be that... " junior said.... Well much to our relief..

He looked at us with utmost suprise....
"Na wa o.... Una no dey fear theif for una village??" he asked astonished

"Guy shey you want the money or not!!!" Nonso shouted...

"ehen before you remove am... Give us like 90k for there ..I wan use am"...Nonso added..

The theif dug his hand into the bag and threw a bundle of fake note at us....which I threw back...
Nonso looked at me angrily.... His look was demanding an answer....
"Well guy ...if they knw say na fake note u drop for them... Na kill dem go kill yu o" I whispered..
"me and nneka go bring the money tommorow" I said much to his happiness...
"Oh!! I love you...I love yall" he shouted while started his masquerade dance...

The theif was suprised... But he wasn't sure what was going on.....
He was about heading out...when....
"Guy liquor dey na... FF us down small"...I offered...

FASTFOWARD 2HOURS LATER....
".....that's how my ex left me for the rich guy.." ...the theif said...
we were all feeling his pain... But tiz all gud tho...

Picture this an armed robber and his clients reasoning together.... Strange right?? Naah... That's the power of liquor!! ...

I felt a sharp pain on my back.... I opened my eyes...shiiit who are these guys...
"We are back... Nonso where's the 80k" a familiar voice said

Ghen!! ghen!! ghen!! ghen!!
Esishi carry kpomo !!...lol
.................................................................................
No ves na low battery make me drop am sharp sharp....I no wan dissapoint

thrilling suspense!

KingzPen: It's not easy to write, that's for sure especially when it's your first.

I commend your courage to write and I must say, I really enjoyed your story.

First, watch out for your simile, they make your story strong and interesting so be more creative with them. Don't just drop what's on your mind, think before you drop it and don't use it wrongly. Eg You wrote, 'he was crying like Dagrin's mother.' That's quite offensive. You can try something like this: He cried like a child who lost his fees. That's much better because no finger pointing...

Secondly, be mindful of how you use celebrities in your writeup. They can sue you for dragging their names in the mud. Eg You mentioned, OBJ and TB Joshua. Instead of mentioning their names or nicknames, you can stylishly describe them, and that would also task the brain of your readers.

Thirdly, don't get carried away. Be focused and pass the message right inspite of the jokes you throw along the line.

Lastly, You Are A Good Writer. Keep The Flag Flying...

Nice observation kingzpen. I started reading your story the day before yesterday and I finished yesterday. I must say it's the best story I've ever read since I was a kid up till this age. You are just too good. More power to your elbow. I still look forward to reading more from you in future. @ callmefemi you are really trying but be more realistic with your writings. I'm still reading with keen interest bro.

Nice flow. Upade sharply