When did you get married?

We got married in 2004

Did you do HIV tests before you got married?

Yes, we did. It was a compulsory test before getting married. We were both HIV negative.

When did you realise you had the virus?

It was in 2007. I got pregnant and was asked to do some random tests. That was how I found out I was HIV positive.

Do you know how you contracted the virus?

Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell because there are so many ways through which one can get the virus but you can trace it if you vividly remember the activities you engaged in for some months and years.

Can you explain what you mean by activities one engages in?

In my case, my husband married me a virgin and like I told you earlier, I was HIV negative and so was he when we got married. Certain things happened to me that exposed me to unhealthy practices and I believe strongly that that was how I got HIV.When did you get married?

We got married in 2004

Did you do HIV tests before you got married?

Yes, we did. It was a compulsory test before getting married. We were both HIV negative.

When did you realise you had the virus?

It was in 2007. I got pregnant and was asked to do some random tests. That was how I found out I was HIV positive.

Do you know how you contracted the virus?

Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell because there are so many ways through which one can get the virus but you can trace it if you vividly remember the activities you engaged in for some months and years.

Can you explain what you mean by activities one engages in?

In my case, my husband married me a virgin and like I told you earlier, I was HIV negative and so was he when we got married. Certain things happened to me that exposed me to unhealthy practices and I believe strongly that that was how I got HIV.

Unhealthy practices?

I could not conceive when I got married. My husband was not worried because it was a young marriage, but his family members were not happy with me. They said all sorts of nasty things to me and tried to get my husband to send me out of the house. It created tension in my home. I went to different churches and herbalists within and outside Lagos. In the herbalist’s home, I was given incisions with a razor blade. I received the incisions on two different occasions. Then in 2007, my mother-in-law arranged a new wife for my husband behind my back.

Did he tell you about the new wife?

No. In fact, I didn’t know until much later. It was one of my friends in the village that told me what my mother-in-law had been up to. My husband just told me that he was going to our village to see his mum. I did not suspect anything. It was on that trip they introduced the new wife to him. He rejected the wife and came back to Lagos but he did not tell me anything. One day, one of my friends called me and asked me if I knew what my husband came to the village for. She narrated the scheme to me and I confronted my husband. He said he didn’t tell me because it would hurt me. He reasoned that since he didn’t take the wife, I would be happy not knowing what transpired in the village.

It was that same year my in-laws wanted to get another wife for my husband that I got pregnant. That is why I counsel women that patience is everything. I got pregnant when God was ready to give me a child. It wasn’t the herbalist or white garment churches that made it possible. They gave me some very horrible concoctions to drink in those churches after praying on them. They took me to rivers to have my bath. When I saw that all those things were not working, I stopped. Several months after, I just discovered I was pregnant. In fact, I remember vividly that at the herbalist’s place, I didn’t give them the blade that was used for the incisions. That was the least thing on my mind, I just wanted a baby.

How many people did you see at the herbalist each time you went?

Quite a few, mostly women and it was the quest for children that took them there. They also got incisions.

Was it with the same blade?

I’m not sure about that because we went in at separate times

How did your husband receive the news of your status?

Towards the end of 2007, I got pregnant. He felt very bad when he heard about my status. He was downcast. I thought it was the end of our marriage. I thought it was the end of everything I struggled to keep. He shocked me when he said he was not going to leave me and it wasn’t the end of the world but that he needed to do the test too. He did it and he was negative. I gave birth to our child and she’s negative.

Do you experience any sort of stigmatisation?

No, my status is known to only my husband and I, and he has never used it to taunt me in any way. That is how I know that he truly loves me. Of course, it took him some time to get over it, it was very gradual but he took it calmly. We were both very sad. We went for counselling together. I told him that it was my desperation to have a child that forced me to seek alternative measures. He didn’t know I went to all those places. He’s very understanding and I sometimes wonder if he’s for real.

What steps do you take to ensure he remains negative?

We have two children now and they are both negative. He uses a condom and whenever we are trying to procreate, we are both placed on drugs to ensure that he doesn’t contract it.

I have spoken to a few women who share similar experiences with you. What advice would you give to women, especially the married ones that are yet to have children?

I wish our society would just leave couples alone and stop interfering with whether they have children or not. That is the problem, everyone feels they should have a say in one’s marriage. The first step is that couples should not allow family members or friends tell them what is best for them. Also women should be patient. Just look at me, if I had been patient, all these would not have happened to me. Couples should know that God’s time is the best. I also want to say that HIV does not kill. What kills is depression and laziness. Some people will say because they are HIV positive, they will stop working and start being dependent on others. Being dependent on other people will affect one’s psyche, lead to depression and eventually death. In addition I will advise people, spread the news, but don’t spread the virus.

I could not conceive when I got married. My husband was not worried because it was a young marriage, but his family members were not happy with me. They said all sorts of nasty things to me and tried to get my husband to send me out of the house. It created tension in my home. I went to different churches and herbalists within and outside Lagos. In the herbalist’s home, I was given incisions with a razor blade. I received the incisions on two different occasions. Then in 2007, my mother-in-law arranged a new wife for my husband behind my back.

Did he tell you about the new wife?

No. In fact, I didn’t know until much later. It was one of my friends in the village that told me what my mother-in-law had been up to. My husband just told me that he was going to our village to see his mum. I did not suspect anything. It was on that trip they introduced the new wife to him. He rejected the wife and came back to Lagos but he did not tell me anything. One day, one of my friends called me and asked me if I knew what my husband came to the village for. She narrated the scheme to me and I confronted my husband. He said he didn’t tell me because it would hurt me. He reasoned that since he didn’t take the wife, I would be happy not knowing what transpired in the village.

It was that same year my in-laws wanted to get another wife for my husband that I got pregnant. That is why I counsel women that patience is everything. I got pregnant when God was ready to give me a child. It wasn’t the herbalist or white garment churches that made it possible. They gave me some very horrible concoctions to drink in those churches after praying on them. They took me to rivers to have my bath. When I saw that all those things were not working, I stopped. Several months after, I just discovered I was pregnant. In fact, I remember vividly that at the herbalist’s place, I didn’t give them the blade that was used for the incisions. That was the least thing on my mind, I just wanted a baby.

How many people did you see at the herbalist each time you went?

Quite a few, mostly women and it was the quest for children that took them there. They also got incisions.

Was it with the same blade?

I’m not sure about that because we went in at separate times

How did your husband receive the news of your status?

Towards the end of 2007, I got pregnant. He felt very bad when he heard about my status. He was downcast. I thought it was the end of our marriage. I thought it was the end of everything I struggled to keep. He shocked me when he said he was not going to leave me and it wasn’t the end of the world but that he needed to do the test too. He did it and he was negative. I gave birth to our child and she’s negative.

Do you experience any sort of stigmatisation?

No, my status is known to only my husband and I, and he has never used it to taunt me in any way. That is how I know that he truly loves me. Of course, it took him some time to get over it, it was very gradual but he took it calmly. We were both very sad. We went for counselling together. I told him that it was my desperation to have a child that forced me to seek alternative measures. He didn’t know I went to all those places. He’s very understanding and I sometimes wonder if he’s for real.

What steps do you take to ensure he remains negative?

We have two children now and they are both negative. He uses a condom and whenever we are trying to procreate, we are both placed on drugs to ensure that he doesn’t contract it.

I have spoken to a few women who share similar experiences with you. What advice would you give to women, especially the married ones that are yet to have children?

I wish our society would just leave couples alone and stop interfering with whether they have children or not. That is the problem, everyone feels they should have a say in one’s marriage. The first step is that couples should not allow family members or friends tell them what is best for them. Also women should be patient. Just look at me, if I had been patient, all these would not have happened to me. Couples should know that God’s time is the best. I also want to say that HIV does not kill. What kills is depression and laziness. Some people will say because they are HIV positive, they will stop working and start being dependent on others. Being dependent on other people will affect one’s psyche, lead to depression and eventually death. In addition I will advise people, spread the news, but don’t spread the virus.

Lord have mercy

I beg just go back to those demonic churches and the herbalists and cut all of them with their blades. If na cutlass you find there, woman dey cut dey go.

No carry your husband go o. Then fit get HIV, make then no go rush am.

Anoda ....Nollywood movie on the way......


...

Lord Help Us...

eyaaaaaa! experience is the best teacher! you are now the scape goat.

This is a great lesson for us all to believe that God's time is the best.


May God in his infinite mercy have mercy on this family and give them more strength to keep on keeping on, and the society the ability to stop pressuring couples to have their children at all costs.
If the parents and the society stops to intervene in people's marriage, there will be more sanity in the quest of having one's biological children.
May God help us all.

Another thing is that being desperate for
ANYTHING in this life will amount to nothing except FRUSTRATION, just like this story................a very touching story.

May God help us all.

Smily202: Anoda ....Nollywood movie on the way......


...

This is not about nollywood story, it is very very possible. I know a family who went through almost this type of ish when looking for children, the only difference there is that it didn't lead to HIV, but I tell you, it's something that no one will pray for his enemy that it led to.
What we just need is to keep on asking God to give us grace to keep on looking unto Him alone when challenges strike.

May God help us all.

fedoralahot: eyaaaaaa! experience is the best teacher! you are now the scape goat.

What happened in this story or a similar one can happen to ANYBODY, the size, shape, cause and time may be different, but it sure can happen to ANYBODY, directly or indirectly, so, it's not right to make jest of anyone here. I think she should even be applauded for sharing her experience/problem for others to learn from.

May God help us all.

greatgod2012:



What happened in this story or a similar one can happen to ANYBODY, the size, shape, cause and time may be different, but it sure can happen to ANYBODY, directly or indirectly, so, it's not right to make jest of anyone here. I think she should even be applauded for sharing her experience/problem for others to learn from.

May God help us all.

AMEN

Hmmmmm, life is a mystery

straneur: I beg just go back to those demonic churches and the herbalists and cut all of them with their blades. If na cutlass you find there, woman dey cut dey go.

No carry your husband go o. Then fit get HIV, make then no go rush am.

Lol

Now you see how understanding men can be. If na the man get am will she have had the same understanding? Feminists here would have told her to abandon her marriage. You will start hearing comment like." Men are beasts" Men are not worth it" Now they are silent!

Bunch of Hypocrites!

dinachi: Now you see how understanding men can be. If na the man get am will she have had the same understanding? Feminists here would have told her to abandon her marriage. You will start hearing comment like." Men are beasts" Men are not worth it" Now they are silent!

Bunch of Hypocrites!

Nigerian women are very good at standing by their men, feminist or non-feminist. Every woman can decided what is best for her in such a situation. Stop with the sweeping generalisations.

bisiopinion:



Nigerian women are very good at standing by their men, feminist or non-feminist. Every woman can decided what is best for her in such a situation. Stop with the sweeping generalisations.

Maybe you are among the few good ones. How ever, it doesn't stop the fact that most Nigerian wannabe feminists will advice her to leave him ASAP if the situation was different. I keep making my points that men are far more loving and considerate than women. Kudos to the man! He has a heart of Gold. As for the woman thumbs down for infecting herself and reducing the husband's pleasure while making love. Imagine loving your wife with a condom.

the man is truly awesome.
One of the many effect of desperation,it can result to frusration,which may lead to damnation.
A touching story indeed.

Many people are getting infected with HIV via non-sexual means. Serious orientation is needed cos it appears we all are focussed on the sex thing and have forgotten the other means of transmission.

Kudos to the man; was such a rare gem. The woman should not have trotted around when she knew/saw that her hubby was not tilting to the side of his parents at all.

Please folks, I need your opinion on an issue like this.
When couples are having difficulty in getting a child, why cant they look towards adoption? I think adoption can be of help in this instance and wade off unneccesary attention from the in-laws. I just reason through this many time I see things like this.
I know of a family friend that did this, adopted the baby at its early years and were able to give birth to theirs after the boy was 2 years old.

but being critical, this story is fictional, we mustn't resort to fiction to pass this kinda message across. To my knowledge, HIV virus don't live upto a minute on the blade when used on an infected person, she possibly can't contact it that way sha but who knows?? Desperation na bastard.