HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! - Family - Nairaland
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| HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 1:34pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
I don't want to bore you with my story so I will make it short. My fiancée had a child for me in 2009 when things were not really rosy for me. Through thick and thin we made it to this point when everything start to get better. My child has been staying with his grandmother (fiancée's mum) since then but I decided to bring the family together by telling them to come stay with me. We did our introduction last year November but during the intro, her father made it known to everybody present that he wont allow his daughter to get married until she finishes her education (she is in 300 of 500 level). At first, I thought he was joking until now. Pls, I need your advice on what I can do. I don't want us to start living as couple without marriage as it negates my believe. Cos of the societal un-acceptance of such behaviour and Inability to participate in some spiritual activities. Mature responses will be appreciated. Mods, Pls help me with front page. God bless u. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Amhappy(f): 2:12pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Just wait for two more years and get married. It will not kill you. You guys can spend some time together with your child on weekends and free days. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by TV01(m): 2:20pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Continue to be the responsible father. Keep on courting and woo'ing your WTB. And encourage and support her in her academic endeavours. Make the best possible preparations for your home. Two years will pass in an instant. Before that time sef, her people will inquire to know "how far". I like a man that stands up. Now hold firm sir! All the best for a wonderful married life. Teefee is now amongst the prophets  !no mago-mago on either side |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 2:49pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
TV01: Continue to be the responsible father. Keep on courting and woo'ing your WTB. And encourage and support her in her academic endeavours. Make the best possible preparations for your home. truly a prophet.. I appreciate ur response bro.. God bless u. Will still appreciate probable way by which I can still convince her father to make it earlier though. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Alikaxon(m): 3:09pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
hotboz:@hotboz. I don't you should get married to that girl earlier than 2years time. Her father's reason is reasonable and u urself know the truth. Marriage can be a huge distraction to studies. I bliv u shud seek advice not on hw to convince ur fiancee's father, but on how to be able to wait for 2years. 2years isn't a huge number, hw old re u nw? Age doesn't even matter. Just hav the courage to wait, if u truely love her. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by TV01(m): 3:17pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
hotboz: Why? And how much earlier?? Her father is doing what he feels is best for his daughter. And rightly so. The 2009 birth would have had a big impact, no? Another child could mean completing her education once again takes a back seat. Formalising the relationship now gives you both rights as well as obligations. The truth is, is that if she becomes your wife, you are then free to take matters into your own hands? I'm working on the assumption that you have WTBs best interest at heart, but that still doesn't guarantee she completes her education? Personally, if I'm to be objective, I'd advise you stick to the plan. Feel free to make your desires known and give any guarantees you can. But do not force the issue. What does WTB have to say about this? Hold body jare...soon come  .TV |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by mgbeketoto: 3:26pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
For peace's sake. . . yeild. She only has 2 years abi? I wonder where the father was when she was phocking you! Shior! |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Nobody: 3:44pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
mgbeketoto: For peace's sake. . . yeild. funny woman |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by bellong: 4:48pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Be patient bro....... |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Nobody: 5:06pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
OP pele. 2yrs is a long time to wait when you're ready. Add ASUU strike and you may be looking at 3 yrs.  At the same time, your fiancee's father has good reasons for what he is saying. He doesn't want his daughter to suffer. Not the typical father of a Nigerian lady with a baby out of wedlock, I must say. Usually, such parents can't wait to marry the girl off to the father of the baby asap. He is even willing to risk you leaving his daughter while sticking to his guns. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by jeffizy(m): 5:33pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
hotboz:I salute your sense of responsibility and moral judgment. But in this scenario, I believe there is a little pettiness running through your future F-I-L's mind! He wants to claim the right of being the one that sent his daughter through school and doesn't want her coming with a certificate that has your name in it. Please persevere and use the time interval to work harder for your young family's future. 3 Likes |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Nobody: 6:08pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Op abeg what do you want us to tell you? Is it how to wait,or what? 1 Like |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by Dbryan: 6:26pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Hold on bro,b4 u knw it 2 yrs wl elapse,wetin u go dey pray na ASUU make dem no add extra yr 4 u.. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 9:27pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Its always good to view other people's opinion apart from Ur own. I've learnt a lot from Ur comments. u guys are d best. The truth of the matter is that the father's refusal is partly cos of financial inability and I'm not a kind of person that can come out straight to tell him that I can shoulder more of the responsibility ... just like someone rightly said, he solely wants to finance her daughter's education. I'm not against this but I just feel a man should lower his ego to accommodate the effort of others. This is what is lacking. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 9:28pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
Yomieluv: Op abeg what do you want us to tell you? Is it how to wait,or what? if I'd concluded on my decision, I wouldn't be here bro. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 9:37pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
TV01: My WTB's opinion is that we do a silent registry wedding with of course the knowledge of her father and do the big traditional wedding after her education completion. |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by greatgod2012(f): 10:01pm On Jan 06, 2014 |
That your FIL knows what he's doing, you guys are funny, he doesn't want a situation whereby you will be asking your wife what she brought to the table of your marriage, your FIL is futuristic, he's looking at the future and not the present. He doesn't want his daughter to be referred to as a liability. He wants to make sure he performs all his fatherly roles and responsibilities before you take over, he's a loving dad, if it is some, they would even be glad to have someone who can relieve them of their responsibility, and me and you knows that, once the lady is married off, you guys have this ego of "i can take care of my family" when in actual fact, it's a burden for you to be a sole provider for kids' education as well as wiffy's education, also, the rate at which the lady can relate with her dad once she gets married will be quite different and low from when the lady is still in her father's house. I would have done the same if i were the dad, even no child of ours is getting married withut first being educated by us. "elomiran o ni gba ise mi se"....amin. My advice............wait, 2 years isn't a long time, afterall, you love her, and you know she's worh the wait. Look for the positive side of the matter and do not focus on whatever you think it's negative in this matter. I pray God spare your lives till and beyond then. 2 Likes |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by hotboz: 3:18pm On Nov 09, 2017 |
Thanks y'all. I even forgot to come back here to update you. We got married on the 15th Feb, 2014 and we have even given birth to an handsome boy (close to 3 yrs now). Just scrolling through my profile and discovered I didn't come back to update. Thanks for the advice and contributions. Love u guys. 1 Like |
| Re: HELP: I Want To Get Married But My Fiancee's Family Is Not Ready! by NoToPile: 7:27pm On Nov 09, 2017 |
hotboz: Nicee So how far with wifeys education? 1 Like |
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