The Nigerian Police was looking for an AIG, so Nuhu went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the President drawled, "Nuhu, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The President thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The President was again surprised that Nuhu gave an answer he'd never thought of

"Now Nuhu, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Nuhu looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Nuhu wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Nuhu was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"

Nice jokes

A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:


HELP WANTED
Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign also says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect spreadsheet that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at that manager calmly and said, "Meow."

Indeed, He resumed work with immidiate effect and  Investigation has begun

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.

Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is knowledge acquired when it's too late.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it


Entry level position:
You'll be making minimum wage.

Entry level position in an up-and-coming company:
You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

Profit sharing plan:
Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

Competitive salary:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:
We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

Nationally recognized leader:
Tell Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

Immediate opening:
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

Casual work atmosphere:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Competitive environment:
We have a lot of turnover.

Must be deadline oriented:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Flexible hours:
Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

Must have an eye for detail:
We have no quality control.

College degree preferred:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.

Career minded:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Problem solving skills a must:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Emperoh:

So, Nuhu wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Nuhu was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

I jst couldn't help but LOL

hahahaha
the dog could speak the cat's language, bilingual indeed

folahann:

hahahaha
the dog could speak the cat's language, bilingual indeed

What do u expect
He could also have mooed like a cow

How come der re many jokes and yet saw only d first one.

#1 was too tyte

u try