Fine Apple,
                 I don't know how long you have been married but here is one fact of life, the DEVIL wants to break your home. I am not sure if you husband just started such attitude or he has been like that before you married him. if he was that before you married him, then you married an unbroken person. Marriage is a life time contract and you have to consult GOD before venturing into. Are you a born again? if you are, thats good, if you are not, then try to be.
Next thing to do, is to continue praying fervently and fast for 7, 21 or 40  days. Visit MFM church around you but preferably the headquarters at Onike in Yaba for counselling and prayers.
If you have kids, pray to GOD to continue to protect them.
Lastly, work on you attitude and I mean be totally submissive to you husband, don't argue, respect him and be full with a lot of patience. this way your home will be safe as soon as possible.
If you break up and move out, it may not affect you but most definitely will affect your children.
Good children are not a product of broken homes. Think about them.

A lot of questions have been asked of you,
Your coming forward with your problem means you want the marriage to succeed.
Your situation is not an easy one.
For a guy to be nagging implies a storm/volcano brewing somewhere; it might erupt today, tomorrow, next week, next month etc; but something is in the offing.
Do you have kids for him yet? Very important to a guy. What's the age difference between you two?

Where Lies the source of the problem(s)?

Could it be him, could you actually be the problem or could both of you be problems onto yourselves?

Una dey pray together? Analysis of your initial post doesn't suggest that.

Well, at the end, only you can provide the answers.

One thing I'D advise you to do would be to TALK/DISCUSS with him.

Not any how talk o. Real woman to man talk.

You have to sit down one on one, no distractions, no TV/radio and no excuse to go and cook.

Just you and him in a quiet setting.

Then ask your questions:
a.  My Oga, what have I done (or not done) to cause this much disapproval of me?

b.  Is it work, my dressing, my hair, in-laws?

c.  what do you want me to do?  etc

You have to find a common ground to work from.

Have you ever played with you husband?
Real plays like police and thief (no laugh o,  serious for lasting r/ships), carry one another (even if one member is as heavy as Yokozuna), go on walks together (make out time), made jokes and fun of each other? Has anything ever caused the 2 of you laugh out loud together. Remember them. Try to recreate the atmosphere.

The solutions are at your finger tips. Your presentation and approach to the issue of discussion with him really matters.

Plan everything you're going to discuss from beginning to the end.
Make sure the bros favorite drink dey nearby when the time for meeting adjournment come and no hungry stomachs please.

Remember: Plan well, present well and execute well. No forget God for all this planning sha.

Best of luck 

Thank God we have been able to identify while he nags, prayerfully change your attitude about those things you
have identified. Love him the more, love covers all. Save your marriage, as saving it is better than divorce.
All the best.

[QUOTE]ou must not listen to people like seun only to regret later. Most men with short fuse like your husband can be very passionate and deep in their love for spouse. See it as a weak point of his and even accept blame when you are right sometimes and you will have >60 years of marital bliss together.[/QUOTE]

I bet you're the Op's husband's brother. Same sickness

if a woman was the one guilty of this nonsense, you'd be the first to suggest a place for him to seek other women

The husband sounds like a lunatic. Is he an army dude or what?

When a woman has issues, people tell her to "pray"

Man has issues, he should go out to find another woman

Nigerians are pathetic.

I quite agree with luvli on this mata. Marriage is not a bed of roses so dearie, take @ & find out y ur husband is like dat especially if he wasnt like dat wen u guys got married . I dont agree dat u ave to quit d relatnship moreso ur marriage. U ave to make it work. All d best.

Poster, you are not alone. It's not so strange that a man nags, some men do and in fact my husband nags sometimes. But I have a way of checking him now. In the past I would enter the room and cry my eyes out then sulk and moan and eh, ! Thank God I'm a lot wiser now and he too is alredy tired of nagging. Well, what worked for me may not work for you because their reasons definitely cannot be the same. However, a general solution that will work for any woman in your shoes is PRAYER & COMMUNICATION.

Pray for him in your closet. If you can lay your hands on (I've forgotten the author's name) Power of The Praying Wife and use it judiciously, you will see a positive change. Without the book, in your own words take the case to God in prayer, He will work on your husband I believe. If you currently don't have a family altar where you pray and study God's word together, suggest one to him. Family prayer binds the family together. Lastly on this note, if you won't mind an 'old-school' like me, if only on a Saturday morning or whichever day is suitable to you, kneel down before him and ask him to pray for you . It might sound ridiculous but you'll be amazed at the wonderful result it can bring.

On communication, guysmart has said it all. I believe your hubby is not irritable 24/7. Look out for the time he's calm and introduce the topic. You are a woman nah, use those innate feminine 'jarasis' of ours and talk it over with him. Anyhow, just make him tell you what he wants changed in you. My sister, don't give divorce a thought oh, am sure Seun is kidding, 'ki l'omode mo'?

Poster,

Could it possibly be that you accused him openly of somethings in the passed and later both of u found out that he didn't do what you accused him of. Some women are proud peacocks that the found it difficult to sincerely apologise. Some men will immediately start the silent and cold war thing, hence i suggest that you ponder over some past events and meet him after his delicious meal to apologise.

I DO I DO no be every man dey do am now

Secondly, never seize praying for him. By doing that you are healing the broken heart you felt while sheltering him from the devices of the enemy.

Good luck.

and if she hasnt done anything that warrants an apology? what then?

Forget him, come to me.
I am smooth

Just keep praying for him but he has to be willing to change too. Also try talking to him. Your husband is a carbon-copy of my uncle. He nagged her to court. So, I kinda agree with Seun, divorce may be your only option. Although, it's still too early to take such an action. I believe that a woman should only divorce her husband because of adultery or if her life is in danger. Please don't sit back and think he'll change if he's physically abusing you. You have to act now!

Just keep praying for him but he has to be willing to change too. Also try talking to him. Your husband is a carbon-copy of my uncle. He nagged her to court. So, I kinda agree with Seun, divorce may be your only option. Although, it's still too early to take such an action. I believe that a woman should only divorce her husband because of adultery or if her life is in danger. Please don't sit back and think he'll change if he's physically abusing you. You have to act now!

@ fineapple

First of all I must remind you as you already know in a situation like this you   get a lot of advise but you have to be wise about the application of any you choose to apply.
Now back to the main issue, there are so many things yo did not mention in your post which would have make it easier to give a better opinion like (1) how long you have  been married(2) is both you and your spouse from the same tribe(3 how long has this been going on, was he like this from the very start?(4)how many kids do  you two have.

So my dear its when you are able to answer these questions that we would be able to do judgement to this issue.Will be looking out for your response.

Meanwhile just play dumb whenever he starts nagging.This is a temporary solution pending your response.

God be with you.

lyk my Uncle tells me [font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]NEVA MARRY WHO U CAN'T tolerate[/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font][/font] well pray for a teachable spirit. make him happy by learning whateva he wants u 2 learn

In my opinion,

1. I see a nagging act, on one hand, as an attribute of a perfectionist. A perfectionist does not see any other person doing things well/right except himself. Then, one must really learn how to live with such pple. It could also be in his nature: we all have different nature & dispositions.

2. Has d couple got any kid(s) since they married? If not, then it could an expression of internal agression/conflict a man can show. When it comes to this sensitive aspect of marriage, while most women looks unusually reserved or pitiful among other women altogether, men rather resolve to nagging in order to cover up.

3. Another thing is, is d wife presentable, esp when it comes to public fxns or outing? If d man has been correcting d wife to dress up (be good looking) repeatedly and d wife has not been cooperating, d man can always compare his wife to another woman outside (whom he knows he cannot get married to becos he cannot divorce: but he loves) and as a result go nagging.

From whichever angle one is looking at it, it's really a terrible thing but with prayers d wife can get over this. BUT d bottom line is, there's something underneath that act, just like pple have spoken b4 me. Let d wife find out & try to really play along in that line. THEY WILL GET OVER IT.

AllDruns

Hello Fineapple,

I think there are questions you are leaving unanswered:

How long have you been married?

Has he always been like this or is this a sudden change of attitude?

Are there thing he's always said that he keeps repeating?

Is he working? Does he earn less than you?

Do you have unresolved issues or is there something you did in the past that is still annoying him?

How many kids you have?

Etc, etc.

If you can answer these questions, you'll get less speculative posts from nairalanders. You cannot get a good prescription if you don't offer adequate information.

For now,

You need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband in a calm respectful way. Let him know how you feel and how insecure you are becoming in your husband's house. Ask him to always calmly tell you whatever he needs you to do and that you'll endeavour to carry out his instructions.

Also, try to find out what his love language is. One of the major reasons couples react negatively towards each other is because they don't speak each others' love language.

What is a love language? It is simply the way your spouse wants you to express love to him or her.

There are 5 love languages: Affirmation, Act of service, Touch, Quality time and gifts.

I think your husband's love language is acts of service. If he complains so much about the food, cloth washing, etc, I wouldn't be surprised if that's his love language.

This kind of people appreciate it when their spouse help them take care of things properly, especially domestic .

One way you find out a person's love language is by listening to what they often complain about and start speaking the love language that addresses those complaints.

Hope this helps.

FineApple i go with PennyWise's opinion. I for one do not really think ur huby is fed up with u or that ur marriage is really headed for the rocks.

I think u should do a close personal appraisal. Could it be that u do not readily try to correct the anomalies ur huby complains about only for u to let them happen again? Do u get unneccsarily anxious about his compalining approach of addressing the issues that u nervously forget to focus on noting the points he is bringing up.

Am of the opinion that if u endeavor to be proactive and do things right, especially following through on what the two of have agreed should be the way things should be done, then u'd have no such naggings from him if he is the reasonable type.

If however, he happens not to be the reasonable type and tends towards being a perfectionist then know that the challenge is not from ur end. Try to work on him with every touch of mildness, love, and forgiving spirit that you can muster.

Tellin him to do it himself might not be th ultimate solution, but u can be rest assured that men are very inevitable when delaing with wfie/girl they are through with, Girl WAKE UP AND USE YOUR HEAD,

@ fine apple,
Many replies have worsened the case. But a few if you earnestly heed to will make you happy forever. The best i have seen here is pennywise's post. Identify, address, resolve then achieve results. Those things you can change please do change them. Do things his way, make concerted effort to cover up all the paucities. You both will be happy afterwards. Do not relent in your prayers.

nagging nagging nagging, hum! men that nag are very suspicious, but i am not going to jump into some kind of conclusion until i get some fact. But my advice is this, try avoiding those things that triggers his nagging ability. if it persist consult God for solution.

hi,

just try as much as possible to avoid things that would make him nag.

well, as for me, i'm not cut out for that kind of life.

a life where u cannot express urself for fear of making somebody that calls himself the man of the house angry.

i no dey house, i travel.

wish u the best girl, cos i certainly dont knw how long u would be able to put up with this.

The ultimate solution now is fervent prayer,you need to commit everything to the hand of God to intervene.He may have some things bothering him inwards,that use to catapult him to anger at the slightest mistake.Tell God to meet him at the point of his problem for divine intervention.In addition,examine yourself and try to amend in areas where you are found wanting.Look inward for the things that get him upset always,and try to avoid it,be cheerful to him and take special interest in things that can make him happy.

Where is the poster??
Come answer the questions put to u and see if u can get it over with.Okay??

I'm certain we have husbands in the house abi?

husbands, do you nag? if you do, why and in what best way is it to get rid of your nagging?

You may help someone by contributing positively. A problem shared is half solved.

Be strong, Fineapple! Your husband aint perfect and so are you.

Goodluck and God bless.

sorry can somebody tell me d meaning of "NAGGING"

@poster:

How do you deal with a nagging brother who thinks he knows it all

Cayon:

@poster:

How do you deal with a nagging brother who thinks he knows it all

dealing with ya brother and your husband are 2 different things entirely!

Soo much has been said with fine apple being silent all these while. Fine apple where are you Abi is he now nagging that you are always on the computer?

Have a conversation with him.

Ask what he wants out of marriage,out of life . , and where he would

want his marriage/life to go? Talk about it.See if the two of you can agree on general goals and approaches to life.

If you cant,perhaps you might want to consider counselling . , if not reconsider the entire marriage.

Counselling can help with all issues you know,even if it means ending a relationship.

hello fine apple,your case is a serious one that require serious approach.some thing is definitely wrong some where and you should have researched into it long before thing degenerated this much.T o start with;is he GAINFULLY employed?,are you a clumsy individual that fidget,are you smart and in control of your senses,what is the difference in your ages,do you work or he bears all the burden of the family expenses alone?do you think he's frustrated?Do you pray at all?how well do you two communicate?PLS think on all this.NB;dont even think about divorce now because your children(if any)will bear the brunt.half a word is enough for the wise.God help you 2.