A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, "I can't talk! Help me!"
The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered. The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the man yelled.
"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the 'B'."


A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river." With greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d throw it all into the river. And finally he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d throw it all into the river, too!" As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:"
"Shall We Gather at the River."


A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."



A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because, I'm not an atheist." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian." The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Lucy paused, smiled and said, "Then, I'd be an atheist!"

Nice one gal

nice