JOKE 1
An Igbo man mistakenly sent 2million Naira to a wrong phone number via Mobile Money. He realized that before the person would withdraw the whole money, he had to think of what to do if he was to get his money back. To the person's phone number, he immediately sent a text:

"Hello Dark and Worthy Initiate, I hope you are okay. I believe you’ve received the money I sent you for the initiation ceremony into Eternal Mystical Order Of Glorious Satanism in the Ancient Ogboni Fraternity, scheduled to happen at 12midnight tomorrow. That money is only for transport. You shall receive more for pocket money and there are riches awaiting you. 2 weeks after the initiation, the family member closest to you will die under mysterious circumstances and
this death will unlock your ticket to wealth, ability to fly at night and change into all kinds of animals to deliver your various assignments. Remember, you can buy your own syringe and needle meant to draw your blood before you enter the temple. Please don’t be late because the Viceroy of Satan himself will be present to officiate the ceremony. Thanks in advance. But incase you are not ready to join yet, please send back the money otherwise you will die in the next 24hrs". 3 Minutes later, he got a Mobile Money message: 'You have received 2million Naira in your mobile money... If na U gt d Alert, wetin U go do?

JOKE 2
Police officers were at a road block. One of them stops a trailer:
POLICEMAN: Where is your permit?
DRIVER: (Hands in his permit)
POLICEMAN: Do you have an extinguisher?
DRIVER: Yes, its there…
POLICEMAN: Light up your indicators.
DRIVER: (Light his indicators)
POLICEMAN: Do you have a seat belt?
DRIVER: Yes, I have.
POLICEMAN: Hunk your horn let me hear.
The driver hunks his horn. The policeman turns to his fellow officers and says the man has everything and they decided to let him go. As the driver was about to drive away, one of the police officers suddenly shouts:
POLICEMAN: Is your SIM-card registered?
DRIVER: (Completely surprised) No.
POLICEMAN: Park! Park there!!! How can you drive without registering your number? What if you are involvein an accident, how will we identify you?

JOKE 3
Akpos was on the bed with his wife, sleeping. He dreamt he was in heaven. When he got to heaven’s gate, he met an angel who started showing him everything. After a while Akpos asked the angel; can i piss here?.
Angel replied ; it’s not allowed but you can. A short while later again, Akpos asked; can i mess here ?.
Angel replied ; it’s not allowed but you can. Minutes later,again, Akpos asked; can i poo here ?. Angel replied ; it’s not allowed but you can.
Akpos saw a flower and asked the angel; can i use the flower to clean my butt ?.
Angel said; it’s not allowed but you can. As Akpos was about to use the flower to clean his butt, a hot slap landed on his face….then his Wife shouted; you piss for bed, i no talk, you mess, i leave you, i no talk, you poo on top bed, i leave you, i no talk.You now want to use my wrapper clean your bottom, You dey
mad ?..

JOKE 4
E get one particular restaurant wey I dey chop 4 wuse zone 5 E get one oyinbo wey dey always come chop there too

Anytime dis oyinbo chop finish, he go shout "Hey", so I wonder wetin dey make am shout.

I decided to chop wetin d oyinbo dey always chop so maybe me sef go shout too. When I reach d restaurant yesterday evening, I order wetin d man dey chop.

Dem tell me say na chicken & red wine, so i chop am, but i no shout, I collect extra plate, but i no still shout. I say dis oyinbo na mumu o, why e dey always shout like dat now

Na then i just vex ask 4 my bill. The waiter tell me say one plate of chicken & red wine na N75,000 then d extra plate too na another N75,000. Na then I shout hey! heyy!! heyyy!!! !!!! heyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyy ..
I still dey shout till now

JOKE 5
A student failed in law and decided to make a deal with professor. Sir, do you know everything about law?
Professor: Yes.
Student: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you can't, you have to give me "A".
The Professor agreed.
Boy asked, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?"
The Professor thought about it for hours & pondered but no
answer. He finally had to give up as he really did not know and he gave the boy an "A".

The following day, professor asked same question to his students.He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.He asked one student. The student answered "Sir, you are 65, married to 28 years old woman, this is legal but not logical.Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an "A", this is neither logical nor legal."
The professor collapsed..."

JOKE 6
I was in a taxi chatting with my friend on whatsapp and suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside me was reading my conversation.

Since i did not want to embarrass the man, i decided to change the topic of the chat;

Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only took two of the bombs we just manufactured for this operation.Let them know as well that I may find it difficult to get to the target place before the bombs explode because there is
terrible traffic jam now but nevertheless, I am sure casualty figure will be high since we are five in our taxi and all the vehicles in the traffic will be affected too. We have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off bye bye and take care of my parents and siblings as agreed.

The Man, without allowing the taxi to stop quickly opened the taxi door and jumped out

JOKE 7

In an examination, Akpos was asked to complete the following:
1. He who fights and runs away?
Akpos: E don surrender be dat na, na fear catch am

2. A rolling stone?
Akpos: No fit just dey roll, na person push am.

3. He who lives in a glass house?
Akpos: Na rich politician e go be.

4. A stitch in time?
Akpos: Dey prevent further tear tear.

5. Birds of the same feather? Akpos:
Na the same mama born them.

6. One good turn?
Akpos: Na correct power steering fit do am.

7. A bird in hand?
Akpos: Wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque?

8. Half bread is better than? Akpos:
Puff puff, buns or garri without sugar.

9. A journey of a thousand miles?
Akpos: Na d person wahala be dat na, Why e no enter car or plane jeje?

10. He who laughs last?
Akpos: Get brain problem. Make dem examine am, becos na beginning of madness be dat.

11. A patient dog?
Akpos: Na hunger go kill am.

12. All work and no play?
Akpos: Na bank job be dat bros.

13. Once beaten?
Akpos: Na revenge go follow be dat.

What grade do you think Akpos deserves for this answers?


to be continued...

My broda ur joke 4 and 6 make me laugh. Well well. Keep it up

Lmao

your jokes got me rolling on the ground.
nice one.
keep it up.

your jokes got me rolling on the ground.especially 1,4 and 6.
nice one.
keep it up.

Akpos was being chased by two men for one of his numerous crimes, akpos ran into the forest and the men followed him into the forest. Akpos got into the forest and climbed a tree.
The two men got to the tree where akpos was and did not know where he ran to. Angrily one of the men said dis boy don escape again, the other man said,no worry I know this boy he is just a mumu if I call his name like three times he must answer…. Akpos laughed from the tree and said to the men”hahahaha if u like call my name from now till next year I no go answer you, Do you think Akpos is truly a Mumu?

first class mumu

Have you ever wondered why most girl chat with short replies and smillings?

Seriously, lucki have come to realize why most girls do, lucki was chatting with this university babe yesterday and lucki was Like....

Lucki: how are you dear?
Girl: 5n

lucki: how was ur day?
Girl: 5n

lucki: how is your family?
Girl: 5n

lucki: are you missing me?
Girl: No

lucki: but am missing you
Girl: tank

lucki: I'm not feeling well
Girl: sowi

lucki: so how was ya day?
Girl: 5n

lucki: are you busy?
Girl: no

lucki: are you with someone over there?
Girl: no

lucki: what? Why don't you type something interesting
instead of sending me short replies?
Girl: k

lucki: type something now! [getting angry]
Girl: k

lucki: Ok! Ok so its true
Girl: wat

lucki: I heard you failed your English exams...

Girl: who telled you? It is inpausibul... I sawed the
resalt yestarday... I passed away

Lucki: OMG... That's ok. U can use smileys and short
replies plz!!!

Click to view video***Nigerian Federal Government
Says 21 Suspected Cases Of
Ebola Reported In Enugu http:///1rb5KHy

akpors was searching for a job and came to a big company to make inquiry concerning an advert that was placed outside the company.Akpors being so eager didn’t even read through the notice board properly. He just dashedinto the company and started asking for the MD. Little did he know that the job required somebody who has been to different parts of the world.The MD decided to have an interview with him.

MD: Hello young man, what can I do for you?
Akpors: Good morning sir, I came concerning the notice placed by your company.

MD: Oh I see! I hope you knowthat this job requires somebody who has been to different parts of the world.
Akpors: Yes sir, I know that.

MD: Good! Now, tell me, have you been to China?
Akpors: Yes sir, I lived there for2 years.

MD: Wow! That’s good. How about London, have you been there before?
Akpors: Yes sir, I lived there for 6 years.

MD: Interesting, how about theUnited States?
Akpors: I have been there sir, I lived there for 4 years.

MD: Hmm! Then you must know a lot about Geography.
Akpors: Yes sir, I have also been to Geography, i lived there for 7 years.....

The MD fainted immediately

Three Warri guys and three Igbo guys were travelling by train from Enugu to Lagos to attend a conference. At the station, the three Igbo guys bought tickets each and watched as the three Warri guys buys only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Igbo guys. "Watch and you'llsee," replied a Warri guy. They all boarded the train. The Igbo guys took their respective seats,
but all Three Warri guys cram into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train had departed, the conductor comes around, collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,"Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Igbo guys saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Igbo guys decided to copy the Warri guys on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money!). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Warri guys boughtno tickets at all."How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed Igbo guy. "Watch and you'll see," replied a Warri guy. When they boarded the train the three Igbo guys cram into a restroom and the three Warri guys cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Warri guys leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Igbo guys were hiding. He knocks on the door and says; "Ticket please"

What happend next

Rilwayne001: Three Warri guys and three Igbo guys were travelling by train from Enugu to Lagos to attend a conference. At the station, the three Igbo guys bought tickets each and watched as the three Warri guys buys only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Igbo guys. "Watch and you'llsee," replied a Warri guy. They all boarded the train. The Igbo guys took their respective seats,
but all Three Warri guys cram into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after t he train had departed, the conductor comes around, collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,"Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Igbo guys saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Igbo guys decided to copy the Warri guys on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money!). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Warri guys boughtno tickets at all."How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed Igbo guy. "Watch and you'll see," replied a Warri guy. When they boarded the train the three Igbo guys cram into a restroom and the three Warri guys cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Warri guys leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Igbo guys were hiding. He knocks on the door and says; "Ticket please"

What happend next

Yeye....we all know Igbo are the smartest

Just For ........

..................................I was sitting for "Use of English" in a professional Exam last week . I shaded the ones i knew, and was waiting for manna to fall from Heaven when i noticed an older lady sitting beside me. She was shading and was not looking up. I assumed she must be an english teacher impersonating a candidate that must have paid her handsomely.

Through the help of my long neck, i peeped and checked her work, she was in number 65, i was still in number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her. We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up....guess who this lady was,PATIENCE JONATHAN!

She caught me copying her and shouted in a low tone; "What are it"? "Why is you dey copying me"? "Copys! copys"! "Cat copys Cats" "You is not shaming"! "As big as you dey"! "You is a dull boys"! "You are a disgrace to your birthday". "I go reporter you to cheachear" "I will make sure education ministress comot ur surname inside his list" "See u mumu

Na so i shout; heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! heeeyyyy!!! I am finished ooh, ooh, who has eraser make I clean d one way I copy ooo
!!!!!!!!
;F

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