Source: Na every time una dey look 4 source?
Source kor! Egg sauce nii!!!

*G.E Joe thinking to himself*»»»»»(Make e be say Robin Van Bati write sth wey fit calm dis pple down o dis time. I don tire for all dis dia complains everywia. Dem think say e easy 2 be presido. Mtcheeeew! Dia fada well well!)

*clicks on library, clicks on document, clicks on ready-made speeches folder, scroll scroll scroll....locates today's speech, clicks on speech*

[img]http://tscng.files./2014/05/capture1.jpg?w=176[/img]

My fellow Nigerians (fellow nigerians
kor! fellow idiots ni!
Make dis country
divide sef make
person go back
bayelsa)


I have read with deep surprise the reports on various matters affecting our nation. I have also been briefed by my aides on the uproar caused by these events. Let me assure u that I am fully aware of all that is going on.
(fully aware kor! If not for papers, blogs & gossips, I for even know wetin dey happen for dis country?).

The truth is u people will not even allow somebody to rest. Ah ah! You actually think I left the comfort of my home in Bayelsa to come to Abuja and be daily bombarded with problems?
Is that how u people were raised?
What manner of home training do you have?
Do u think it was easy for me to leave things like this







AND THIS




behind in Bayelsa?
Think it was easy?
Don't u know I'm very sad about it?




Every morning, i wake up, sometimes I brush my teeth (only on days wen I have appointments, esp with dezi baby, Ngo baby, etc). Other times, I just grab a drink (aromatic schnapps preferably), rinse my mouth thoroughly with it and I’m good to go. But there is no day when I don’t have the issues of the country on my mind. U people will just think that because I look like a mix of confusion & imbecility I’m clueless. Haven’t u heard that the lion that wants to strike doesn’t change its facial expression?



[img]http://scottmccown.files./2010/11/cougar.gif[/img]

A lot of concern has been raised over security in our nation, permit me to say I have it totally under control.....






Really niccur?


Whether you permit me or not, I’ll say it, afterall I, G.E Joe remain the President of this nation.
I was watching the news the other day and I saw news about the abduction of some girls from their school. It was reported that the school was infiltrated (see the big word I used there? Yet u people will say I'm not smart) by unknown men and over 200 girls were taken.


[img]https://www.nairaland.com/attachments/1526113_c-in-c_jpeg20cdc09dc5c2a725ff047349cba407c4[/img]


The truth is that this happens everyday.
I remember when I was deputy governor, we used to send our aides to the universities and they return with sometimes 50, sometimes 100 girls. I’m just wondering who the man must be that has the capacity to move more than 200 at once.
I mean, what kind of party is he about to have?
Can he even handle 200?
As bad as I am, my record is like 50, but that one time when Igbins was around, I think we did like 80.





Yeah that's how we roll in govt house

My fellow Nigerians, my attention was drawn to one social media like that, that one that has a blue bird as logo. Ehen I think they call it twitter and I saw u people talking about #BringBackOurGirls. This is why I brought facebook to Nigeria because I didn’t quite understand this twitter sef, coupled with the fact that nicki minaj and rihanna refused to follow me back.
Imagine!
All these small small gals don't have respect again o. Hold on, I have a call….


[img]http://tscng.files./2014/05/capture2.jpg?w=176&h=110[/img]

Ehen I just spoke to my SA on Media matters, Robin Van Bati and he asked me to ignore all the things u people are saying out there because u are all haters and haters can




What do u people want me to say sef? Who exactly are we asking to bring back the girls?
I have learned over time not to involve myself in matters that don’t concern me, oh yes.
Don't u people know the road to sambisa forest?

Some have raised eyebrows to the reports of my trip to Ibadan after the Nyanya blast. What is really wrong with u people?
I cancelled my trip and was back in Abuja on the day of the blast, Didn’t u people see me in deep thought pondering the state of matters?
DO YOU KNOW HOW QUICK I HAD TO PERFECT THAT POSE?



[img]http://1.bp..com/-n_kjIQIcWsU/U61keCl0T1I/AAAAAAADFNE/TcRrN4zL4_w/s1600/6.jpg[/img]

U people don’t even know my story.
If only I had worn shoes while growing up, maybe by now I won't be the president and be listening to all these rubbish.
Yes, I went back to Ibadan the day after. The Olabadan was turning 100.
Is it everyday somebody turns 100?
Do u know how many grey hairs he has?
Do u know how much he gave to my campaign?
Do u know how many votes he was able to get for me? U people will just wake up and be talking anyhow because of freedom of speech.
Don’t come and put san-san inside my garri pls.
Me miss out on that delicious ibadan amala just like that? U people play too much.



Just look at what u people want me to miss


Fellow Nigerians, I had my media chat some days ago and let me just explain some of my statements because it’s like u people are not as smart as I am.
Someone asked a question on corruption and i said “The word corruption is over used, even a common thief is now called corrupt”.
What did I say that is French now?
Is every thief corrupt?
Was Anini corrupt?
Was Robin Hood corrupt?
Was he not stealing for the good of the people?
When u take meat from your mother’s pot, does that make u corrupt or hungry?
How can u people think that stealing and corruption are the same things?
They are different jor! That's why u people go ahead and erroneously call past leaders like BBI and Achaba corrupt whereas its only stealing that they did.
Infact, ICPC should stop prosecuting politicians who steal money because its not the same thing as corruption.

U can also ask my parrots......ermmm sorry I meant supporters on nairaland, they will agree with me that stealing is not corruption.



www.nairaland.com/attachments/1526112_cabal_jpeg65af791d7907177c891a64431dedf21d


Ehen I was further questioned on the missing oil money.
Like I said, is it today that money started missing in Nigeria?
Is it in my regime that oil money started to disappear? Then i said “$20Billion is a lot of money, where will you hide it that people will not know? America will know and will tell you where it is”.
Shebi America knows everything?
Is it wrong to tell the truth again?

Lastly, someone asked about the petroleum minister’s restraining order.
Look, I stand by my words "I am not aware that the Minister of petroleum has gone to court to stop investigation”. Maybe someone went on her behalf o, I don’t know o, Maybe she went to suspend the investigation o, I don’t know, But you people should leave me and dezi baby in peace. In fact we need to go and watch the remaining matches at the world cup. Dezi baby please get ur bikinis ready, I hear there are nice beaches in Brazil



[img]http://tscng.files./2014/05/capture3.jpg[/img]

Some people are also running their mouths that I'm surrounded by incompetent appointees and sycophants (see, I just used another big word).

Some are complaining that the oga of defence staff Alexx Bad-dey



is too fat and unfit for that role.
Some even said that he looks as if he's pregnant with quadruplets.
Don't u people have respect for elders?
How can u say so?
Don't u know that as a good soldier, he is doing well by protecting his six packs with several layers of fat?

As I end this speech, let me use this medium to state here that I don’t know what Patty smokes sometimes.
I don’t know how she got herself on TV and so expertly embarassed my family and generations unborn.
I watched that shiiit on NTA and I’m like "who let the dog out?"


www.nairaland.com/attachments/1526111_diarisgod_jpega55c706cab1f9ade7ba778d82b467030

But Patty why na? Why? Just why? Sometimes I question my “till death do us part” vows because the woman is doing all she can to kill me.
My God is bigger sha. It’s no wonder she’s named 'Patience' - she has taught me that.

Fellow Nigerians, as I end this speech, let me leave you with the words of the Immortal philosopher 2face Idibia: “Nothin’ dey happen”

God bless the fedreal republic of ermmmm ermmmm


Writer's disclaimer: *In Pato Ranking's voice* Don't take things too serious, we just here to have fun

Ridiculous Goodluck E. Joe, the joke of a Nigerian ruler!

fuc.kin funny mehn..........dis is ridiculous.........buahahaha:::America will know oo.

Na our president u use play, u thiss ermmm ermmmm







btw lollllll