FUNKE EGBEMODE (A The Sun Nigeria
Newspaper columnist)
It pisses me off when people who don’t know
anything pretend to know something. My
anger is worse with those who ought to know
yet know nothing. And I am mighty angry
with you and you and you and the
government. You still don’t know why I’m
angry, right? Very annoying people. How
long is it going to take a nation of
supposedly brilliant people to realize our
doctors are big boys, big babes and we
should not take them for granted? When are
we going to face up to the fact that doctors
are not mere men, not ordinary people we
should toy with?
If we are as intelligent as we claim we are,
won’t we know that men who can make a
difference between life and death in as little
as a minute are small gods? But what do we
know? What do we do? We annoy our
doctors every year, force them to dump their
stethoscopes in anger. What kind of smart
people piss off gods with such reckless
abandon annually instead of worshipping
them? Only Nigerians. Smart people offer
sacrifices to their gods regularly. They don’t
put their stubby fingers in the eyes of the
gods.
Look at me. I spent four years in the uni­
versity getting a degree but doctors spend
six years. Do I need Wikipedia to tell me my
degree is smaller than that of a doctor?
Seriously? Other graduates start at grade
level 8 in the civil service. Doctors start at
level 12. It takes about 10 years to catch up
with these special people. Isn’t that why I go
to the hospital each time I have malaria even
though I have been having malaria since
forever? Still I’m no specialist, no consultant,
at treating malaria.
When are we going to get it into our
pompous heads that it is and will always be
our fault that doctors go on strike every
year? We should quit blaming these great
people who help to keep us alive and well.
We should listen to their every whisper,
appreciate every drop of their sweat. Of
course, we can never pay them enough for
their efforts, which is why they have to take
an oath to be good to us even when we are
bad to them. They are priceless, our jewels
of inestimable value.
These human beings are bigger than their
employers, don’t you think? That is what the
federal and state governments needs to
know.We all need to acknowledge the
goodness and greatness of our doctors. The
Minister and the Minister of State for Health
are medical doctors. The heads of NAFDAC,
NHIS, NACA, among other health institutions
are doctors. I hear between the federal and
state hospitals in Lagos, there are 2,000
consultants in Lagos alone. Don’t exclaim
yet. I also heard that 92% of the budget of
the health sector goes to paying salaries,
58% of which goes to medical doctors. Are
your eyes threatening to pop out of their
sockets? Tell them to maintain status quo
ante.
It may look like doctors are getting too
much as it is but we need to do more. It
doesn’t matter that NMA is a trade union,
not a member of NLC or TUC, we always
negotiate with the body. But we need to do
more. It does not matter that it is rude for
employees to order their employers around,
they have us all by the balls and they are
squeezing. Let’s beg them even if the 24
reasons patients are dying since July 1 is not
our fault. Most of their demands are admin­
istrative issues but we must still beg them
now. Check out some of the reasons and see
how boxed into a corner we are by men and
women whose salaries are paid from your
tax and sweat.
“The NMA is opposed to the appointment of
directors in the hospitals. This position
distorts the chain of command in the
hospital, induces anarchy.”
Ah, chain of command is important. Very
important. Anything that distorts it is reason
enough to promote a few hundreds of pa­
tients from the ward to the mortuary.
“Grade level 12 (CONMESS 2) in the health
sector MUST be SKIPPED for medical
doctors.”
Good point. Let us sacrifice a few babies in
the neonatal units to this demand. Those
premature little things ought to have known
better than to come into the world at a time
medical doctors are still being made to en­
dure CONMESS 2. It is not fair to help these
babies while no one is helping doctors.
“The title “CONSULTANT” in a hospital setting
describes the relationship between the
Specialist Medical Doctor and his patient. It
will be a source of confusion if the title is
applied to any other health worker who
statutorily does not own patient.”
Yes now. The doctors own us as soon as we
have the misfortune of stepping into their
hospitals. This CONSULTANT chieftaincy title
is the exclusive preserve of doctors. Burying
a few patients to secure this title is just a
little sacrifice even if it is the reason you are
burying your favourite aunt because there
was no doctor on duty when she got to the
hospital. I’m even suggesting special beaded
stethoscope and scrubs for Consultants so
they can stand out in the crowd of health
workers.
“Surgeon General of the Federation MUST be
appointed with immediate effect.”
I like the MUST in capital letters. That’s what
happens when the employee becomes bigger
than the employer. A man goes to apply for
a job, his files clutched in his nervous hands
behind him, wearing faded shirts and cheap
shoes. You give him the job and then he
starts throwing words like MUST around
because he can now afford a brand new Kia
Picanto? The little boy is getting too big for
his booties, ain’t he?
“Clinical duty allowance for Honorary
Consultants should be increased by 90% of
CONMESS and Hazard allowance MUST be at
least N100, 000 per month for Medical
Doctors.”
This is a matter of urgent national im­
portance. This sacred allowance is enough
reason for a woman to lose an only child be­
cause the doctors are on strike. It’s enough
reason to enlarge the community of widows
and widowers. We should pay them their
money and when we do, we shall insist they
make the dead walk.
“Government should as a matter of urgency
set up a health trust fund that will enhance
the upgrading of all hospitals in Nigeria.”
Awwww. How nice and considerate. These
small gods are not totally mean after all.
They kill a few and heal a few. But what is a
well equipped hospital if there are no
doctors to man the equipment because next
year, our little gods will go on strike again.
It’s an annual ritual.
One thing bothers me though. When these
doctors resume and find out that 10 of the
patients in Ward 6, 5 in Ward 7 and 15 in
the maternity ward died while they were on
strike, what will they tell God when praying
five times a day or when they ‘lift up holy
hands’ in church on Sunday?

Source: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=251400395056402&id=100005593291819&refid=7&_ft_=qid.6033626768700467552%3Amf_story_key.-4819449174071581411&__tn__=%2As

Waiting for the response of the weeping medical doctors (or medical murderers)

Wat does he mean that his 4yrs degree is smaller?.. Oya make evrybody be doctor na

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@op, this is a senseless post. Just because doctors study for 6 years doesn't make them any more than my gateman.

If you doubt me, you should ask a doctor to cure your inferiority complex.

I smell Dr Kayode Obembe in op's post. She must have earned a lot to compose this.

adeoladrg: I smell Dr Kayode Obembe in op's post. She must have earned a lot to compose this.

Your point exactly?

myads890: @op, this is a senseless post. Just because doctors study for 6 years doesn't make them any more than my gateman.

If you doubt me, you should ask a doctor to cure your inferiority complex.

I admire your belief in self. At least one person gets it.

the Op is just making mockery of the Drs

Hahahahahahahaha.......Very Very Funny post. U guys shuld read it well to the end