DROWNING BIRTHDAY

On that fateful Saturday morning, I found it so difficult to get out of bed. The fact that I almost cancelled the appointment I had that morning after monthly sanitation didn't help matters at all. I had to see the Managing Director of a certain PR firm to discuss business I believed would yield a little cash. But why did he have to schedule it for 12pm? Knowing where I would come from and the traffic from my area to Lekki. Some people can be mean sha. Another issue was my body. I didn't understand the sluggishness at all. First I didn't want to open my eyes. After managing to open them, I didn't want to get out of bed. Could this be a sign? No jor. Which stupid sign? It could only be a sign of laziness and starvation. I had better drag my lazy self out of bed and get dressed. But there was sanitation nah, people were still cleaning gutters and weeding. What's wrong in bathing and getting dressed before 10am? Then I could jump on the very first bike and fly to the bus-stop. Okay nah. No wahala.

It was as if there were two different people within me. One urged me on, the other told me to relax, or to even forget the appointment altogether. Abeg me I need money o. I sha won't rob bank nah. So I got dressed and left home at exactly ten, just as it started raining. Getting to Jakande gate from my house was gangster. I was stained and drenched. Gratefully I saw a cab at the bus-stop chanting 'Oshodi - isale'. In my mind I said 'ope o', at least I won't have to trek all the way from oshodi junction to oshodi isale to get Ajah bus. I was the first to enter the cab, then two guys entered from both sides of the car and I was at the middle. Another joined us and was at the passenger side. 'Well, it's a man's world today'. I brought out my blackberry and jokingly updated my personal message. . .'Now am the only lady in this car with four men, going to Oshodi under-bridge. #JustInCase #SoHelpMeGod'. Immediately my bbm friends started pinging, some teased me, some said I should be careful and should have taken a bus. I said no wahala that I was safe. I was at oke-afa when my phone rang. It was my brother, he wanted to know how far I had gone. I told him I was close to Isolo and would call him when I got to Lekki, then I hung up.
'Sister are you going to Lekki ot Ajah?' That was the driver asking.
I told him I was going to Ajah. Then he said that was actually his destination. He only wanted to drop us at Oshodi then load Ajah passengers from there. I said it was okay then, so I would have a non-stop jolly smooth ride.
'But how much is Lekki o?', I asked.
'Lekki is 400'
Say wetin happen? Abeg let me pay 300 o.
'No sister, you know the distance nah, and you can't compare this with buses nah'
'Okay, no problem, let's go and please move fast'.
All this while the other passengers didn't utter a word. My thought was they would alight at Oshodi and the driver would pick more passengers, but I was wrong. We were close to Oshodi yet the driver didn't attempt slowing down. So I reminded him, in case he forgot.
'Oga won't you drop the other passengers'
'Noooooo, they are all going to Ajah' he replied laughing.
At that point I became scared. Why was everybody going to Ajah all of a sudden? I adjusted and sat well, regretting the fact that I was sitting at the middle. As if programmed, they all rolled up the glasses at the same time, then the driver switched on the AC despite the cold weather and started blasting fuji music. I wasn't comfortable. We were close to Iyana-oworo then.
'Oga, please let me come down at iyana-oworo, I need to pick up some things, don't worry I ll pay your money completely' I begged
'Nooooo, you people have started o, shey you can see all these lastma people here, me I don't want wahala o' He answered.
'But I will pay you now, afterall there is a bus stop here, they won't say you shouldn't drop passengers'. I pleaded.
'Noooo, I cannot. My first bus stop is Adeniji'
I kept quiet and watched him drive past oworo. I was just praying that no evil would befall me. I should have stayed at home, with all the body signs and the rain.
He got to Adeniji and didn't stop. Haha, I was furious so I shouted at him. He just ignored me and increased the volume of his stupid fuji. The other passengers still didn't say anything.
Then the one at my right said
'Fine girls don't make trouble o, haha, why do u like wahala like this nah. What's your name?'
I hissed and didn't answer him.
Then they all laughed at me. I was shocked. Do these people know each other? Even the driver?
Then the one at the passenger side said
'Babe relax o and just accept your fate. Whatever is going to happen to man in life is his destiny, and it cannot be changed. Just calm down and it won't hurt much'
'What won't hurt much?' I screamed. 'Let me out of this car now or I ll do something crazy'
Immediately I heard the click of the central lock. Then we were on top speed along Osborne. I was shedding tears already.
Then the one at my left brought out a small shiny knife.
'Try screaming and see if I won't cut off your tongue before we even get to out destination'
I was calm. Unbelievably the road was very free. No police check point in view. Not even traffic officers. I was helpless. Already I had died seven times.
We kept moving, through Ikoyi, to Falomo, to Akin Adesola, then descending the bridge to Law School I sighted some police officers. I leapt from my seat to raise my head but the slaps I got from both guys beside me were deafening. I crashed immediately. Their faces showed they were scared. But unfortunately nobody in that traffic noticed. We kept moving. Then the driver said
'Na mad girl we carry today o, I no think say this one go cooperate till we reach Epe o. Biko do something make me dump am somewhere pick better person. I no want trouble o'
'Where we wan drop the idiot now, we no fit carry her go mainland again nah' the one at the passenger side said.
'Hmmmm, people no go dey that Marwa beach today o, dem no dey use the place again sef, abeg face that side'
They are going to drown me, or even kill me, my mind started beating so fast. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?
It was obvious that they were very angry. I didn't make any noise at the toll-gate. They drove past and entered Marwa Estate, went far inside the estate to link the beach. We got there. The place was deserted but for one or two white garment churches down the beach. They parked, then pushed me out of the car. Two of them came down and dragged me toward the beach. They moved close to the water, very close, till the salty water touched our feet. Then they held my head down and dipped it inside the water. I held my breath. I couldn't afford to breathe. I couldn't take in the water. My head was burning. They raised my head, then dipped it into the ocean again and again, repeating it till I couldn't bear holding my breath anymore. So I opened my mouth, I felt the water go down my throat. I knew it was over. I had lost it already.
From a distant I heard my brother's voice
'What did she drink? How many bottles? Didn't I tell you people she's light-headed? Why would you let her drink that much? Please pour more water on her. Bidemi. Bidemi'
Then I coughed repeatedly and opened my eyes. Behold, I was in bed right in my room. I felt a lump in my throat and threw up. I noticed there was a smelly container beside me, filled with vomit. What happened to me?
Oh, now I remember. My birthday. It had been a parlour party with my brother, my cousin and their girlfriends. Some friends were there too. I had been warned not to drink too much but what the hell, it was my birthday. So I went far beyond limit. Probably I passed out, or what could be the explanation for this? Now my room is a smelly mess. Shit! Thank God the drowning part was a dream sha. Who on earth gave me a stupid appointment on a Saturday at Lekki?

u are goood


chimamanda adichie of nairaland

Wow! U re good. Hoping to read from u again.

Honestly u are very good . Am expecting another one. Very soon.

Standing ovation....dat was really a piece