GlorifiedTunde:
The Church is not one anymore. But after some while of meditation, I figured that God already knew all these and so we can't blame Him for creating a lady in a family that goes to Deeper Life. So if God made you there, then there's a partner for you there.

What?? That's a terrible and overtly simplistic conclusion. You are mistaking your thoughts for God's thoughts. That is hubris.

Nowadays! People are concerned about wedding than the mariage itself...

ihedinobi2:
A sweeping statement is a generalization. How is my statement a generalization?

Indeed, who you are determines who you should spend your life with. But deciding who to spend your life with is not the same as actually spending your life in a contracted relationship with them. Up to the point of the decision it's all about you and what you want out of life. Once you enter the contract, you forfeit your right to do whatever you please and have whatever you want where your partner is concerned. That is how marriage is defined. If you know any other definition, go on and tender it.

1. Sex is a gift from God: You made an earlier statement to a quote I had on the very first part of the advice you gave. In my poser I tried to explain to you that Sexual education the way it is set up religiously to be precise was not the best way for people to really find out things about their partners before getting married. Deciding what one likes or does not like forms the sentences of the said contract between these two people and if they are not afforded the correct opportunity to make this decision people will constantly get unhappy or feel disenfranchised.
In one of your sentences you said most people are unhappy because things do not meet their expectations. What defines a good sexual experience differ from individual to individual. There is no one template that works for every body which you would give to the Pastors to teach everyone. Some people find out they like quantity others like quality, some quantity and quality. I was pointing out that starting this "exploration" when one is locked in the marriage is akin to flying in a magic carpet in a small prison cell.

.

FibbA:
They have their reasons man, anyways what ever decision you make, you enjoy or suffer it. Shikina!

What so called reasons?? Na wa o.

Richy4: I never knew there was a reference on your point 6. A friend of mine male told me he will never marry. Not that he is a womanizer no.
I was really shocked when he said that. considering the fact that I came from Nigeria. The culture shock was much for me. I even branded him selfish. Thanks for pointing that out

There is o, my brother. Thank God for your friend's courage. That is what it takes to live in today's world according to the Will of God: courage.

zeepatoprick: I believe in d days of old life was far much simpler... To the fact dat u don't need a barrage of possessions in other to marry.... Dat is y u marry at a considerable young age.. basically jst as all ur hormones are acting up.. Logically is not like dat anymore....how can a man of 30 who is not married as a result of situations of d country... Av d tenacity to abstain 4rm sex.. It beats me cos @ dat age basically from 25 upwards...u are a full fledged adult.. Who all reproductive organs are fully functional to do what dey are mandated to do... It a usually a challenge... Wen it comes to d christian faith... I'm 27 still looking for a befitting Job.. So as to build my life and get married.... But der is one sin I struggle with everyday... And dat is d sin of fornication.. Brought abt by basic sexual urges... I feel dat if it was wen life was simpler in societal terms.. I would be married....already.. And I won't av to mind sexual intercourse at all..... Its really hard.. Dou I'm winning d battle.. But to tell u the truth it is exhausting....

I really wish I saw this earlier. Thank God I saw it at all.

My brother, I understand. God does too. Lots of things have changed about life. But Grace is always there more than we need to see us through. That is what you should pray for.

And after you have prayed, apply the wisdom that God gives you to avoid temptation. I would recommend avoiding exclusive relationships with members of the opposite sex and a distancing of yourself from situations that can end up in sexüal contact. Contrary to popular opinion, that does not make you uptight. It just makes you free of a guilty and crippling conscience. When you have established economic ability, you will find yourself uncoil and be freer to deal with females because you can pick a mate then without having to deal with necessity being exacerbated by feelings of inferiority due to economic inability.

It probably is not a popular fact that young men are driven to promiscuity as much from pure sexüal need as from a need to prove their manhood and desirability to themselves. This is why you would gain from choosing not to prove anything to yourself except by gaining economic ability. Once you gain that, the pressure is easier and you can relate with females without as much emphasis on sex.

harmlessphil: Hmmm tat no 3 na wa oh.
Am already feeling tat way oh, everyting is so hard am feeling I shouldn't be married now oh, na my husband dey encourage me to hold on oh. Abi na d no 6 category I belong too, .

Once you're married, my sister, #6 is no longer for you. I understand that it is hard right now, but there is nothing impossible to the one who believes God and what God says. God is able to smooth out your relationship.

Please understand that there are only two things that can make marriage almost impossible to bear (your situation, that is) for the Christian. They are: an unbelieving or hypocritical (that is, pretending to Christianity without any reality to their claim of Christ) spouse or selfishness. If a Christian marries another Christian but they just have dissimilar pursuits and all that, it will take sacrifice on both sides and re-orientation under God to work but it is not impossible. But selfishness always prevents sacrifice, never forget. You will have to accept the altar or the Cross if you intend to get wherever God can take you.

More Grace to you.

TheMatrix3:

Very funny: Most tyms what we are taught in marriage classes are the exact opposite. You are mostly told: "Marry your opposite; your spouse completes you etc. They dont tell you the first year of marriage is hard; no one even tells you there is more than one person out there for you; What you're told about sex in church is quite vague except for some christian marriage literature (act of marriage etc); and lastly no marriage counsellor tells you that marriage may not be for you". In a nut shell what the OP says is the funny truths you find out yourself...

Indeed. I've read Tim Lahaye on picking your spouse. I was a teenager then and I bought it. But the more I've read the Bible and thought about it and observed life the far less sense he made about marrying your opposite.

The other things are just as unpopular as concepts. Hopefully the truth is catching up with the lie now and the next generation might be saved the terrible difficulties the last three or so bought into.

Olusanya333: Everything is Grace. I tell u one Truth u can't believe "I don't have sex urge" u might say i'm nt a human being but Jesus in his word says not all can received it. God give me the grace nd i'm using it i accept it nd i'm going to make full use of it to be great for Christ.Yea u will talk of men of God dat married nd are great but d thing with those who decided nt to marry will be greater.Of a Truth Paul was d greatest of d apostles bcus He was single. My advice is If u are not given the Grace don't dare it. Wether u marry or Single all to the Glory of God.

Yes indeed, Paul worked harder than all the others. But it wasn't necessarily because he was single, my brother. If you dare to attempt handling the work of God without marriage when you have a libido that demands marriage, you will destroy it unless God specifically grants you Grace to do so. And a married person is not less useful to God because they're married. God Himself instituted marriage to multiply people's productivity (one shall chase a thousand, two shall chase ten thousand). Still some people are born without a need for that multiplication. They do well with just the friends they keep.

Chrisbenogor:
1. Sex is a gift from God: You made an earlier statement to a quote I had on the very first part of the advice you gave. In my poser I tried to explain to you that Sexual education the way it is set up religiously to be precise was not the best way for people to really find out things about their partners before getting married. Deciding what one likes or does not like forms the sentences of the said contract between these two people and if they are not afforded the correct opportunity to make this decision people will constantly get unhappy or feel disenfranchised.
In one of your sentences you said most people are unhappy because things do not meet their expectations. What defines a good sexual experience differ from individual to individual. There is no one template that works for every body which you would give to the Pastors to teach everyone. Some people find out they like quantity others like quality, some quantity and quality. I was pointing out that starting this "exploration" when one is locked in the marriage is akin to flying in a magic carpet in a small prison cell.

Sexüal education the way it is set up irreligiously is not the best way to prepare for marriage. Marriage is necessarily a selfless relationship between two human beings which enables them to be considerably more productive as human beings than they would ordinarily be single. Going into it with selfish intentions to use the other person to satisfy one's whims and caprices is necessarily defeating its purposes. As well buy a sex töy or retain a prostîtute to provide you all the sexüal entertainment you need as experiment with different individuals to decide how you best like getting off. You will still tire of the gymnastics one day and find that the biggest gain in sex is when your partner desires you to the exclusion of all others not just when YOU desire THEM.

Sexüal education the way it is set up religiously is the best way to prepare for a lifetime of sexüal fulfillment with a soulmate.

ihedinobi2:

Thank you.

Marriage is a selfless relationship. Selfishness ruins it. Human beings have real problems with selfishness. Thus marriage is pretty tough for us. But we aren't completely hopeless though.

Just going through the thread again

I disagree with nos 2 & 3

There might be good fits, but there is a perfect fit (the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh)

I have already stated my disagreement on the hard work aspect

Goodnight

bukatyne:


Just going through the thread again

I disagree with nos 2 & 3

There might be good fits, but there is a perfect fit (the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh)

I have already stated my disagreement on the hard work aspect

Goodnight

Still basking in the honeymoon, aren't you? The first year didn't turn out to be so hard after all. Lol.

Well, about #2, I guarantee you that it is true. When it works out with the first one you chose and with whom you find that, er, resonance, it's like it could never possibly be better. But should you somehow lose them and let yourself go with somebody new, I think that you can take this to the bank: you could be very pleasantly surprised.

The last time I loved made me wonder if I was lying when I said I loved my ex (the one before that). It was perfect. And although my ex and I didn't fit well I really poured myself out for her so I didn't imagine that it could ever be better. Then the last one happened.

About #3, I'm inclined to agree. "Unfortunately", I don't know how to draw lines in love. Apart from sex and all manner of sexual intimacy, I love while dating like I'm already married to the person. So I don't expect much difference (well, sex is a pretty big deal so maybe I do expect a little more difference than that ) after we're hitched.

But for some people there is a shock. Generally, people put their best foot forward when they're dating and try to avoid rocking the boat. So the first year is a serious reality adjustment for lots of people. Or so it appears. I don't do very well with maintaining impressions myself. It's one trait of mine that I consider childish but when I'm down for someone role-playing just hangs awkward on me.

ihedinobi2:



Still basking in the honeymoon, aren't you? The first year didn't turn out to be so hard after all. Lol.

Well, about #2, I guarantee you that it is true. When it works out with the first one you chose and with whom you find that, er, resonance, it's like it could never possibly be better. But should you somehow lose them and let yourself go with somebody new, I think that you can take this to the bank: you could be very pleasantly surprised.

The last time I loved made me wonder if I was lying when I said I loved my ex (the one before that). It was perfect. And although my ex and I didn't fit well I really poured myself out for her so I didn't imagine that it could ever be better. Then the last one happened.

About #3, I'm inclined to agree. "Unfortunately", I don't know how to draw lines in love. Apart from sex and all manner of sexual intimacy, I love while dating like I'm already married to the person. So I don't expect much difference (well, sex is a pretty big deal so maybe I do expect a little more difference than that ) after we're hitched.

But for some people there is a shock. Generally, people put their best foot forward when they're dating and try to avoid rocking the boat. So the first year is a serious reality adjustment for lots of people. Or so it appears. I don't do very well with maintaining impressions myself. It's one trait of mine that I consider childish but when I'm down for someone role-playing just hangs awkward on me.

LOL! @ Honeymoon; It will be forever for us

Marriage will be 6months on 17th of this month.

I never expected it to be hard; we dated/courted for about 8yrs so really, our wedding ceremony was just a legalization of our marriage in the eyes of people (and God but He knew).

@Soulmates: I believe there is this one person God has created for you that will be a perfect fit. (Not that the person is not be perfect). Some people are lucky not to miss their chances, some people do and might have to work harder to have a peaceful home.

I 100% know that my hubby was my perfect fit and vice versa and I thank God we both did not miss it even if we were very young (Met him when I was 17 & he 21)

@ Your way of handling courtship: I pray that God gives you a woman who thinks the same way else it will be very tasking and frustrating for you

bukatyne:


LOL! @ Honeymoon; It will be forever for us

Marriage will be 6months on 17th of this month.

I never expected it to be hard; we dated/courted for about 8yrs so really, our wedding ceremony was just a legalization of our marriage in the eyes of people (and God but He knew).

@Soulmates: I believe there is this one person God has created for you that will be a perfect fit. (Not that the person is not be perfect). Some people are lucky not to miss their chances, some people do and might have to work harder to have a peaceful home.

I 100% know that my hubby was my perfect fit and vice versa and I thank God we both did not miss it even if we were very young (Met him when I was 17 & he 21)

@ Your way of handling courtship: I pray that God gives you a woman who thinks the same way else it will be very tasking and frustrating for you

@honeymoon, I totally expect that and pray for that for you.

That's what generally happens with long courtships. The pretence either gets too tiring or it just somehow wears off and everyone relaxes. There aren't many real surprises then when you get married. There might be exceptions though but it takes very peculiar factors for people to date that long, get married and find each other hard to live with.

@soulmates, it's a romantic thought. It's not biblical. It's not logical. But it's sweet. I held the same view for a long time but whenever I gave it serious thought I couldn't really justify it. And after I faced the reality that I fell madly in love with another woman almost right after letting go another one that I had been willing to catch a grenade for, I decided that there was something in all the doubts I had of it.

You see, we humans were built for relationship. We don't do well alone. And loyalty is an imperative for us. So when we find someone that we give our loyalty to especially of the romantic sort, the very thought of ever exchanging that person for another is practically traitorious for us. It feels like betrayal. Who really could be better than him/her? I mean, look at him/her, right? It's just impossible to conceive.

My ex was difficult. But I loved her in a way that my younger brother thought was unbecoming of his "smart and exposed" big brother. I did try to imagine letting her go and it was pretty impossible. I didn't even really believe that we didn't fit and when the arguments for that idea overwhelmed me I simply said that you work hard for love, you don't just throw in the towel because it's tough. Imagine my utter surprise when someone else waltzed in and waltzed away carrying my heart easy as a breeze. Getting over that last has been like learning to walk after losing ALL of your memory all the way down to your muscle memory. Can you imagine learning to walk when you don't even understand what this stranger is saying to you and whether he/she will harm you or is really not trying to in the first place?

You've loved one guy for a long time. It's a beautiful thing. I've loved two women for a cummulative period of more than a decade. Still one obliterated the very idea of the other. And a third wiped both out in a matter of weeks.

@my way of handling courtship, yeah, I know. I've been there. I'm guessing you're such a woman. Because of that frustration I've been wary of getting into another long-term relationship. But I'm still rather vulnerable to the concept.

Great write-up op! I couldn't agree less!!! But most marriages are hard for the first five years! It is well..

Thank you, OP...