Goodday friendz I really need your good advice here. Am dying
What will I do to make my younger sister living with me to give me respect.... She is 28yrs.

Give her little space, am sure she's not a baby , she'll get over it.

Who is paying house rent

pickabeau1: Who is paying house rent

I pay house rent in including food, only tinz she does is to buy her make-ups and her wears. dat is all

Your sister @ 27, she no get boyfriend ni. Just give her t.fare, she will find her way home

Elantracey: Give her little space, am sure she's not a baby , she'll get over it.

Ok good but how do I do it. should I over look everytin she is doing?

How old is she

247community:
Ok good but how do I do it. should I over look everytin she is doing?

wait I didn't see the part she's 27, to your question yes you have to , she's an adult and should be able to make decisions for herself, if you can't stand her behavior just rent an apartment for her, moreover what is should doing? someone who is busy won't be giving you all this troubles.

Send her home to your parents man, you can't have anyone (not even a family member) disrespect you under your own roof.

The problem is you seem like a really kindhearted and emotional fellow, this is what your sister realizes and continues to bank on...but I'm sorry to say this, you need to grow some balls dude.

Elantracey:


wait I didn't see the part she's 27, to your question yes you have to , she's an adult and should be able to make decisions for herself, if you can't stand her behavior just rent an apartment for her, moreover what is should doing? someone who is busy won't be giving you all this troubles.

I read your first comment and was about quoting it when I saw this.

Girl, you're soft-pedalling on this issue. Does his sister look like someone who deserves any more favours, talk more renting an apartment on her behalf?

@OP, your parents are not dead.. send their daughter back to them, you can keep sending money for her upkeep if that's the problem.

crackhaus:
I read your first comment and was about quoting it when I saw this.

Girl, you're soft-pedalling on this issue. Does his sister look like someone who deserves any more favours, talk more renting an apartment on her behalf?

@OP, your parents are not dead.. send their daughter back to them, you can keep sending money for her upkeep if that's the problem.

she's not a teenager but an adult who should be able to speak for herself at all times, does she insult him ? I don't think so, he should stop seeing her as a kid a let her, been overprotective will only continue to worsen issues.

Call the attention of your parents once again,At least she cant be that dangerous to the extent of not listening to them,If you have money invite your mother or you send her back....

jst send her back 2 ur parents #shikena

247community: I pay house rent in including food, only tinz she does is to buy her make-ups and her wears. dat is all

So why can she not stay in her parents house

Elantracey:
she's not a teenager but an adult who should be able to speak for herself at all times, does she insult him ? I don't think so, he should stop seeing her as a kid a let her, been overprotective will only continue to worsen issues.

An adult who depends on him for basic life essentials (food and shelter)? An adult who doesn't show appreciation or at least some respect for her brother?

Indeed, I can see what kind of 'adult' she is.

As per your question about if she insults him, refer to these:

247community:
- My sister challenge me in the public, calling my all sort of names, telling me to take example with other people who do not have a watch eyes over their sisters.

- if my sister comes in late now and I ask her why are you returning to the house by this time, hmmmm (hell has losed) I will be the one begging her to stop, she will just go out and started shouting, if you are tire let me know I will go, are you the only one that has a house with a sister around here, you don't give me rest at all.

- I will go to the market like a married man and get food stuffs (because she is not chance due to her work) and when she comes in she will cook and eat with her friends and eat and she wont remain or keep my own portion for me ( I mean she will finished every tin), when I come I start looking for what to eat and she wil go and sleep if it is night time.

If those don't qualify as insults, then I'm lost.

About letting her be or being overprotective...if she doesn't want that, then she should not be in his house. She should get a place with her own money.
But as long as she depends on him and stays with him, she should follow his little rules of not staying out late by showing some respect and gratitude.

Most comments here are good except a comment from one silly female here, anyway @ Op what I think you should do is send her back to your parents, she has dicovered your weakness hence she is using it against you, even though my father gave birth to me he still tells me where ever he is going to, its just for security reasons, Godforbid some thing evil happens they will still blame you!

For christ's sakes she's 27.
Will you kindly stop monitoring her and trying to treat her like a little girl just because she's younger than you?


That said. She's not behaving well and certainly not like an adult.
Don't feel bad if she tries to blackmail you with the 'do you want me to leave your house?' Questions anymore.
If she says so again,tell her a plain yes. If she can't let you have peace,then she should get her own space.
She's old enough to take care of herself. Since she's working let her rent her own apartment and live how she wants under her own roof!

@ 27 she will surely get pissed if you try to police her. I would too.
And you won't be comfortable if she doesn't live by your standards in your house.the one room apartment isn't helping matters at all.
Y'all are too close you can't help getting on each other's nerves. So both of you need to give each other space.

Help her get her own place(she pays of course)
But be kind about it.

First of all your sister is 27, she's working and get paid, I'm sure she as a boyfriend at her age I believe she can rent apartment of her own living alone, she's old enough to take her own decisions. My advice for you is never decided on your own, you need to call your parents and her for a short family meeting to explain to them what's going on btw both of you and she can explain herself too, let your parents decide what is the best for both of you, because if you send her packing people will never understand the reason why you send your own blood sister packing out of the house. All you need is your parent advice and keep showing love to your sister. I pray God will give you knowledge to handle the whole situations and not take wrong decision.

The only person you have an explanation for in this situation is yourself. maybe the second person is your dad

first ask yourself why you are keeping someone who cannot respect you under the roof you are paying for?

Oh!!!! she is my sister bla-bla-bla......... if you pay the rent, you should call the shot. you should be the one to dictate what happened in your house you paid for. if she doesn't like it, na only her wake come. she should give you a breathing space.

Explain to your dad that you saw a doctor recently and they said your blood pressure is on the high side. and you are not ready to die yet. he will understand.

If you got some money to rent her a room, please do that she is your blood just for a month as a way of saying "carry your wahala and go" by the time she start paying rent and other utilities, she will calm down

Leave the place completely. Tell her you have paid for two months in advance for her and that she can continue from there or go back home.
You both need a life of your own.

OP, you dey make me vex. If your sister is 27, it therefore means your age starts from 28. The thing is there is no foundation to the respect you want from your sister, which is usually when you are all growing up. For example, when they were growing, my brothers used to squabble amongst themselves...hot intense squabbles, I was careful on how I helped resolved these conflicts, I tried to be neutral while carefully pointing out to the younger one on the need to respect his elder brother (the elder one was the quiet type), later I might go to the elder one if he was in the wrong and tell him how wrong he was, he was more likely to accept...now they've grown and there is mutual respect, no squabbles...except playful ones where I am called to judge for fun and which I do knowing there is already a solid foundation.

It was how my parents brought me up and how I also helped my parents bring them up (we first borns are also mini parents). No case was ever reported to my parents without the issue of respect being drummed into our heads. The only cases now in the house is when one group needs a mediator e.g parents want to reach out to my younger ones and want me to back their decision or help hit the nail on the head or one of my siblings want to have a decision swing their way and recruit my help. I like the position I am in, helps me understand dual views objectively.

Do I report my siblings to my parents? No, except to playfully tell my parents that 'their' children run me dry by eating too much

Now, your father after your report should have called your sister to sternly warn her except you are one that hadnt been or isn't taken seriously either case, you need to carefully start to change some things.

1: I give my siblings respect and they give me mine. The boys are far taller than myself but submit themselves when necessary to authority (which is not abused). Two of my siblings stay with me and the last just came down from Lagos for his post ume. I don't police them but when it's a certain time and you are not home, you better call me from wherever you are with a valid excuse.

2: I pay the bills and provide for food, sometimes go to the market (I love going anyway), sometimes cook (love cooking) if I wash the dishes, I do so because perhaps my younger sister wasn't able to for which I am thanked. I thank whoever does anything for me and they thank me whenever I do anything for them. If I come back and the house has been rigorously cleaned, i smile in appreciation and proceed to thank or hail whoever in our native dialect

3: As much as we rarely have any friction between us and I love having them with me; they know I won't hesitate telling anyone that decides to give me much trouble to leave after attempts at trying to come to a middle ground. My sister is a graduate waiting for mobilization.

Now, your sister isn't a child anymore. She is 27 and grown even though she isn't fully matured emotionally. Stop treating her like a baby. If she offends you and you cannot bear it, send her home. And if your parents plead with you, give your rules before accepting her back. The rules should be:

*Ask her to call once it has passed a certain time, tell her it's to know her whereabouts and just so you know she is okay.
*if you used to wash the plates, stop. Let her know, that's her chore. If you want to wash plates once in a while, do so...but let her take it as a favour.
*I don't see why her or your friends can't come into the house when they come visiting except your room is too small. If so, whenever you find her friends inside, politely tell them to move outside and apologize for the inconvenience.
*Demand your respect and stand no nonsense from her. Once she shouts, drag her outside and lock her out. I guess you are too self conscious and worry what your neighbours might say but they will talk either way.
*She sees you as too soft perhaps from childhood and you haven't done anything to change that too.
*She is 27, tell her to start paying the light bill. I think when people reach a certain age, they should start paying up for some things.
*As for church...touchy ground. I think she has a right to attend wherever she darn pleases...no forget say she be grown woman oh.

I guess your own job isn't too demanding. I hope you are saving and not buying everything to please her.

Lastly, sorry for the epistle

Your kid sister living in a house you rented and feeds her, yet she is giving you sleepless nights...smh. In as much as i do not support the idea of 'policing' her its obvious she is very disrespectful, arrogant and saucy.

Guy no need for long story, send her away, she can go to wherever she wants to, after all she s no longer a kid at 27, since she needs freedom, let her go so she can live her life freely the way she wants unhindered.

armyofone: Leave the place completely. Tell her you have paid for two months in advance for her and that she can continue from there or go back home.
You both need a life of your own.

Why should he be the one to leave? why

i don't blame the girl, its the op i blame, he isn't behaving like a man at all, he should know where to draw a line for her and assert his authority, obviously, his sister is more 'manly' than him.

Imagine my younger sister coming to my house and frustrating me out of my house, that's unimaginable, more like saying 2 is greater than 3.

Nonsense!

She is too old to be policed (but I'm older and my family police me to death sha). So here's what to do. Tell her that if she wants to be an adult, she should:

- Split the bills, my bro would give me $200 for 2 weeks housekeeping and tell me "if it's finished that's it", and we would keep it in a jar on top of the fridge, even pizza or takeout came from that jar. So, yeah, she's an adult, she can pay for something (light, water, or groceries) or both of you contribute to the bills. I won my bf over by telling him we should have a joint in which we did a 60-40 contribution into it, for the home, then had out own separate savings and checking accounts. Tell your sis this is training for marriage. I know a popular director who won't date a girl that hasn't lived by herself and paid her bills with her hands.

- Chores should be shared. I only cleaned my bro's room out of love, and he would freak out if I made his bed. He did laundry and usually cleaned the car and the oven (which I usually messed up ). We both cleaned the bathroom.

-She has to come home at a particular time. Nigeria isn't safe, and she can get attacked and the attackers trail her home, putting you both in danger. My mum always tells me "if they kidnap you, price your ransom to N40,000, because that's all I'll pay on your head. If they insist on collecting N2.5mil, marry one of them ". So both of you have a reasonable curfew, including visiting times for friends so you both have privacy. Maybe she gets sundays at 3pm, you get saturdays at 3pm.

-Church is her business. Period. Her relationship with God is not for you to police, but for you to nurture when and only she asks you for help.

You too, be patient and don't bark orders at her (you say you don't but I know Naija brothers in general ). If she disagrees to all of the above (stated in a calm manner), change the locks one day. And leave a note asking her to move out. Sounds cold, but hey, it works.

When she brings a "fiance", do well to tell the guy about her behaviour and personality traits before he enters a one chance market.

shizzleStar:
Why should he be the one to leave? why

i don't blame the girl, its the op i blame, he isn't behaving like a man at all, he should know where to draw a line for her and assert his authority, obviously, his sister is more 'manly' than him.

Imagine my younger sister coming to my house and frustrating me out of my house, that's unimaginable, more like saying 2 is greater than 3.

Nonsense!

Ma nigga

It's quite simple Mr op, just tell her to change or leave your house.





Datzall.

bellong:
When she brings a "fiance", do well to tell the guy about her behaviour and personality traits before he enters a one chance market.

Honestly, this is what I had in mind while reading the op's story. Especially the aspect of op going to the market and preparing the meal, while all she does is to eat EVERYTHING with her friends without leaving some for the young man. I pity the husband in advance

No matter how old you are, you just can't be under someone's roof and do as you like. When you have your apartment, then you can go to the moon if you want.

My only advice if possible, let her get her own apartment.

Adult want freedom but when in presence of other bigger adult that you depend on, respect is key. It sometimes annoying when asked many questions about your movements but that's the price you have to pay.

Funny question, why is she not married at 27, na to arrange marriage sharply

Try enoquin and onegai's suggestions. Also try sitting her down and explain your concerns to her in a loving manner and not dictating to her. If there is someone she respects apart from your parents, tell the person to talk to her too. when all fails, guy, you need to be very firm and forget what neighbour would say.

But yr sis is enjoying ohh, I can never forget the knock my elder brother gave me becos I refused to go on an errand for my aunt about 15 years ago, till today, when I remember that day, I still feel the pain.

@enoquin this your epistle too long nw, and you ended up saying nothing...*dosed of at the second paragraphy*