How To Beat Your Woman Without Being Jailed

Who says it is very wrong to beat women? Nonsense. Arrant baloney! Women deserve to be thoroughly beaten because they are too stubborn, too erratic. Women have always created problem for men; even the Holy Bible tells us that the first man fell because of his wife. Therefore, it is quite safe to say that if God had not created women there would, most likely, be no sin in the world. I sincerely wish Adam had beaten the hell out of Eve after the inglorious fall, to teach other generation of women great lessons. But Adam didn't.

Still in the Bible, the most notorious woman ever, Jezebel, made her softhearted husband, King Ahab, to kill the hardworking Naboth over a piece of vineyard. Who asked for the head of John the Baptist on a platter of Gold? Woman. On whose laps did the most powerful man that ever drank water fell? Woman. Samson fell on Delilah's laps. Abacha, too, according to some sources, was killed by apples (I can't tell the kind of apples) given to him by some pretty Indian women.

So you see why women deserve to be thoroughly beaten? Before your woman kills you, let me quickly tell you ten ways to beat your woman without being jailed.

# Step 1

To start with, you'll need to buy what the Yorubas call Koboko. It is a kind of cane made from the skin of goats. You can get it from any of those Abokis selling cane materials. If you can't see those Abokis around, go to the nearest Sabo market near you.

# Step 2

Soak the Koboko in hot pepper for at least 24 hours.

# Step 3

Give your woman a glass of juice and some sleeping tablets

# Step 4

As soon as you notice that your woman is asleep, get a piece of rope and strap her to the bed.

# Step 5

Shut all the doors and the windows, so that none of the neighbours can come to her rescue.

# Step 6

Go to wherever you soaked the koboko, and bring it to the bedroom.

# Step 7

Switch on the air-condition or celling fan in your bedroom, so that the strokes will make the body of your woman burn.

# Step 8

Go to the bathroom, and get a bucket of water. Pour it on your woman. Why pour it on her? Water is life. It will make the koboko more potent.

# Step 9

Grab the koboko, swing it above your head like a shot putter would do, and powerfully bring it down on your wife. She'll painfully jerk but never mind. Flog her. Flog her. Flog her till you lose your strength and she becomes motionless.

# Step 10

Yes, congratulations. You've successfully beaten your woman. Now, unstrap your woman and get the ropes. Form a noose. Tie one end of the noose to a celling fan, wear the noose on your neck like a royal bead and then climb on a stool. Close your eyes and let go of the stool. You will swing and swing and swing. Then, open your eyes. You'll find yourself in hell; that way you would have avoided being jailed. Idiot!


Women worldwide deserve the highest level of respect from men. Learn to love your woman; regardless of the level of provocation never raise your fingers against her. Women, like men, have their own deep weaknesses but they are still very precious in the life of a man. The best place to beat your woman is on the bed, anywhere else is domestic violence. SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

Ademule David, a student of Human Society, writes from Lagos.
daviddenigma@gmail.com

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Lol,I 4 don finish ur life now if not 4 d step10

That's crazy.. Second to comment joor!

Mehn,, I for fear ooooo if not 4 d last step

I dey shake my head at the same time laughing...

God save you. See your head

Hallmark of cowards.
Why don't you try the steps without the 'date-ra-pe' drug?
IF YOU GET LIVER PLUS KIDNEYS. . . AND YOUR MAMA BORN YOU WELL AS CORRECT MAN!

Hahaha

It sounded too extreme before step 10 for it not to have been sarcasm.

This post has potential .............

Lol

What a dangerous post.

Now expect some low-IQ-Nairalander to take this piece of advice to heart, minus #10.

Oops! I read the post halfway and was about to type some angry words when I decided to just read it to the end.

mstik: Oops! I read the post halfway and was about to type some angry words when I decided to just read it to the end.

lol action mama

Dem neva born de person dat'll try dat on me.
Na to just go kitchen carry Pestle!

Op, did you really create this? Couldnt stop laughing at the suicide part, so detailed, by the way, have you tried any of these before? So we can testify how potent your advice is.

Yes I have tried it; am actually writing from hell. Lol

egopersonified: Op, did you really create this? Couldnt stop laughing at the suicide part, so detailed, by the way, have you tried any of these before? So we can testify how potent your advice is.

Yes I have tried it; am actually writing from hell. Lol

Cityofdavid: Yes I have tried it; am actually writing from hell. LolYes I have tried it; am actually writing from hell. Lol

hahahahahhahaha,,u sure re sumtin else.

Dayyummm! I was beginning to feel very sorry for your wife or wife to be. Wheeeew! Its good to read everything before having anykind of reaction otherwise, my heart would have stopped for a few seconds there. I still find it difficult to laugh even.

Op, God save you.

suicide bomber things.



are boko haram or other terrorists now using christian monikers to post crap online?

if thats the case, then only God knows where they've been planted in real time.

tpia1: suicide bomber things.
are boko haram or other terrorists now using christian monikers to post crap online?
if thats the case, then only God knows where they've been planted in real time.

Did you read it to da end

I will try this when I get married soon. But I will use indomie as the string in number 10 so as to make it less painfull. Lol

@Op : I almost asked you for the remaining weeds.