Everyday I visit Nairaland and I hear of one marriage problem or the other. If one dwells too much on these problems and doesn't look at the world past Nairaland one would easily think that all marriages are headed for the rocks. I want to let you know that this is not true.

Marriage is definitely not a bed of roses but it is not a bushel of thorns either like some people would have us believe. Good marriages do exist its just that they don't make good stories. Nothing sells as fast as bad news and that's why bad marriages seem to carry all the news around here. I know of at least three couples that have been through the thick and thin of marriage issues and have come out victorious and even stronger than before . I know of couples who live so happily together and have nothing to hide from each other. Such marriages do exist. I will he bringing their stories here shortly. Stay tuned.

@op we r waiting o..

Okay, waiting.....cos I was beginning to get scared of getting married o

Marriage is all about Trust

Eloho and Tony met for the first time in 500lt UNIBEN. They were both in their 100level. They were a year apart in age with Tony being older. Tony said that the first day he saw her he knew he was going to marry her. He introduced himself to her and they hit it off immediately. They were like two peas in a pod, where you found one, the other wasn't far behind. They were voted Most romantic couple in the class three years running. Tony is a tall thin guy and eloho is a chubby girl with good curves and not so short but not so tall either. They were the envy of the class and it was a foregone conclusion that they would get married as soon as they graduated.

Then 'disaster' struck. Tony had to repeat some carry-over courses and couldn't graduate that year. Eloho made it with a 2.1 . The next thing we knew they stopped moving together. Tony heard that eloho had started getting other suitors outside and in her place of work. Also there was pressure on eloho to marry someone 'a little older' than herself.

I was in Tony's shop beside nursing complex(the guy used to do business in school) the day Eloho visited. She didn't even wait for me to go out so they could talk in private. She just told him straight that she didn't feel it would work out and that they should break up. That he was too close to her age and her father wanted her to marry someone from her tribe. Also she wasn't getting any younger and Tony still had some courses to write and wouldn't be able to support her for sometime still.

Tony was quiet through the whole thing. I was expecting some fireworks or shouting but he said nothing until she finished. Then he walked forward and hugged her although she resisted. He said it was OK that if she could live without him then truly she wasn't meant to marry him. He told her to go that truly he had nothing to offer her as she was now working and he was still a student. By next year she would go for NYSC and he would still have not graduated.

Eloho heard everything he said and left. She didn't show any remorse AT ALL. She just waka comot even me I became angry and told him to forget her, women are materialistic creatures.he just smiled and said the person that just left was his soulmate that I shouldn't insult her. I kept quiet.

Two months passed. Three days to writing his exams Tony came to my room with the same Eloho. She discovered that she truly couldn't live without him.She said she kept on thinking about him and realised that she was supposed to help him instead of abandoning him. Even as he didn't have any money or any job or status she still came back because she said she missed her friend. She stayed with him and helped him to study and he passed.

They got married the next year. Their marriage is now six years old. And Tony tells me everyday he is blessed to have married his friend and soulmate. He currently owns three shops in Benin and works as an accountant. Eloho has given him 3lovely kids whose pictures they splatter on Facebook frequently. During our boy's round table Tony never talks ill of his wife. He says that when he was at his lowest she stayed by him, Now he is in money she will definitely enjoy the wealth with him. He says she gives him peace of mind and never hides anything from him. He does the same for her. Till today they still wear the same matching clothes when they go to church( a subtle point but important in its own right).
Thiers is one union I envy.

Marriage is about understanding

James and Lilian tell each other everything. I mean EVERY LITTLE THING. It irritates the heck out of me but it seems to work for them. I was one of James groomsmen during the wedding. We were pals in school although we didn't read the same course. James says he finds it difficult to keep a secret so he just blurts everything to his wife instead. He told her about all his exes, he told her about the girl he was double-dating on with her while they were courting and why he chose her over the other girl. He told her what his friends did on his bachelor's eve, everything. And when we go and visit him she entertains us well and tells us what we did with her husband and laughs while we insult the daylight out of James and tell him he has swallowed juju. He says she is the juju and he will swallow her again if need be.

Lilian is hot tempered. She admits it and tells us she is blessed to have a husband as understanding and patient as James. She jokingly says that no other man would be able to stand her but James has the patience of a Saint. These two have a chemistry that is almost palpable, anytime they come around people want to stay in their company for as long as possible and there is always joy and laughter in their midst. Thier marriage is 3years old.

@5minsmadness:

What is not interesting in these stories? They are so muchy muchy

Interestingly, I find all the sob stories very annoying

Marriage is about love and forgiveness

Mr and Mrs Alabi have been married 24years. Mr Alabi is a General Manager and his wife owns a big shop in Ikeja. They have 4kids. They are both marriage counsellors in my church. I chose to tell their story because their marriage has been through almost everything. They didn't have kids for 5years and the wife was labelled barren and Mr Alabi was asked to impregnate another woman which he staunchly refused. Finality on their fifth year they had their first child.Mr. Alabi says his wife started misbehaving after that, being rude to his mother and siblings. Also their sex life declined drastically. The second child they had came after a chance meeting with her and even then he felt like he was just a sperm donor for all the emotion that went with the act. He got frustrated and started having an affair. His wife came home one day and caught him and his mistress in their matrimonial bed. This caused a temporary seperation during which time his wife took to alcohol. He said he was visiting her one day and she was drunk and started crying and told him that he was supposed to be her king but he had deserted her.(corny, I know). That day he went home and had a rethink. He said he realised then thatarriage wasn't about him, but about his partner. He was in marriage to make her happy and raise responsible children. So he asked for a reconciliation. He apologised to his wife and asked her back to the house. He also resorted to talking about all his greviances with her, his likes and dislikes instead of bottling them up inside himself. He showed her unconditional love despite the fact that she still behaved badly towards his mother and siblings for some time. He stopped all his outside relationships and made her stop her drinking.

She admits that he wasn't the womanizing type when she married him and that its possible her behaviour drove him to do what he did. She admits that she did those things to punish hwr husband's people foe thw harrassment she got from them during her trying times, not realising she had started punishing her husband as well. She recalls how he stood by her those five years she couldn't conceive. How he defended her against all outsiders. Today they have two more children and they teach marriage class using thier mistakes as lessons.
And yes they wear the same clothes to church every sunday.


These are my own small contributions. Theyay not be as sweet as 'I slapped my wife' thread or 'He betrayed me, what do I do' thread, bit I just thought to put them up to encourage those young ones reading all the wahala about marriages on Nairaland. Yours doesn't have to be a minefield. Marriages can be very sweet and fulfilling experiences too.




Whew!

bukatyne: @5minsmadness:

What is not interesting in these stories? They are so muchy muchy

Interestingly, I find all the sob stories very annoying

My sista the.thing TIRE me no be small. Everyday one wahala or the other. A person can read all these problems and become depressed.


@Godmystrength I seeee u. Good evening Ma'm.

5minsmadness:
My sista the.thing TIRE me no be small. Everyday one wahala or the other. A person can read all these problems and become depressed.

More stories

And please don't add a man was cheating and after 20yrs repented. It is still a sob story

@5minsmadness,

What is wrong with telling your spouse everything as in everything?

Hehehehehehehe
Am I expected to open a thread and tell the whole NL my marriage is blissful?
This is a forum to share ur pain n gain bt most especially the ones u need other ppls opinion, we all think diff and havin other ppl views might help

Ofcus we all married folks know all that entails to keep marriage working.

And lastly, not everyth u read on here is real

HA!
Good marriage na long war with MANY BATTLES O! You can't claim victory till you get divorced from your 'spouse' by the hand of MAN OR YOUR GOD!!!!

That is because the good times are short-lived, while the bad times become ETERNAL CRISES with long-term irreparable damages!
As soon as you boast/rejoice about how great your marriage might be. . . . You will regret it, because you never know what the other party is up to!
A marriage is only "good" for a second, but can turn SOUR for decades! It only takes one unsavoury encounter to ERASE all the good times!

Safe to keep quiet and enjoy the good times AS PRIVATE TOTS!
When the bad times hit, it is easier to cry out because you may DIE IN SILENCE!

Rejoicing silently in good times cannot kill you because the world can see you are happy!
Huuuuuhn! But if you are miserable and keep it to yourself. . . . . YOU DIE!!!

5minsmadness:
My sista the.thing TIRE me no be small. Everyday one wahala or
the other. A person can read all these problems and become depressed.


@Godmystrength I seeee u. Good evening Ma'm.

following this thread faithfully. i love happy endings. good night sir.

maybe me too will write my own story tomorrow

Kanwulia: HA!
Good marriage na long war with MANY BATTLES O! You can't claim victory till you get divorced from MAN OR YOUR GOD!!!!

That is because the good times are short-lived, while the bad times become ETERNAL CRISES with long-term irreparable damages!
As soon as you boast/rejoice about how great your marriage might be. . . . You will regret it, because you never know what the other party is up to!
A marriage is only "good" for a second, but can turn SOUR for decades! It only takes one unsavoury encounter to ERASE all the good times!

Safe to keep quiet and enjoy the good times AS PRIVATE TOTS!
When the bad times hit, it is easier to cry out because you may DIE IN SILENCE!

Rejoicing silently in good times cannot kill you because the world can see you are happy!
Huuuuuhn! But if you are miserable and keep it to yourself. . . . . YOU DIE!!!

food for thought.

Godmystrength: maybe me too will write my own story tomorrow

me sef get story,it's just that it's too long

bukatyne: @5minsmadness,

What is wrong with telling your spouse everything as in everything?

So you wouldn't mind your husband telling g you he was courting another chic on the side while with you? Or that he fancies big busted women like the new secretary that was employed yesterday, etc?

Godmystrength: maybe me too will write my own story tomorrow

Ahem, good morning. Waiting for your tori o

Kanwulia: HA!
Good marriage na long war with MANY BATTLES O! You can't claim victory till you get divorced from MAN OR YOUR GOD!!!!

That is because the good times are short-lived, while the bad times become ETERNAL CRISES with long-term irreparable damages!

Damn it, this is not true! There are marriages where the bad times are short lived and they have it good most of the time!

As soon as you boast/rejoice about how great your marriage might be. . . . You will regret it, because you never know what the other party is up to!
A marriage is only "good" for a second, but can turn SOUR for decades! It only takes one unsavoury encounter to ERASE all the good times!

The idea is not really to boast per se, there are a lot of folks who write lovey dovey stuff on Facebook about their spouses but in reality their marriage is a perpetual wrestlemania.

The idea is having trust in your spouse. Yeah sometimes that trust is abused but there are also spouses that safeguard that trust!

Of cos there are good marriages, but you don't go start screaming it everywhere before the e bad belles, e frustrated souls start attacking you, claiming you are showing off. So sometimes you secretly relax and enjoy your happiness yourself.
Your happiness sometimes worsen some other frustrated person situation .
See them saying , "aww, so cute, lovely" meanwhile their face be like this


Bottom line, good marriages exist, but the bad ones brought here are for a purpose. Which is, trying to salvage the situation or escape from it. All in search for happiness

if I hear

5minsmadness:
So you wouldn't mind your husband telling g you he was courting another chic on the side while with you? Or that he fancies big busted women like the new secretary that was employed yesterday, etc?

Ist scene, that's cheating:

2nd scene, what's there?When we are in school and a girl with big booty passes, I would ask whose is bigger and he will say 'walk in front of me' or yours or hers or something.

If I see a well endowed chic, I will call his attention to it sef.

bukatyne:

Ist scene, that's cheating:

2nd scene, what's there?When we are in school and a girl with big booty passes, I would ask whose is bigger and he will say 'walk in front of me' or yours or hers or something.

If I see a well endowed chic, I will call his attention to it sef .

Awww c'mon you are KIDDING.

5minsmadness:



Awww c'mon you are KIDDING.

Why would I?

Does that mean he will jump down from the car and start chasing her?

currently following dis thread (Will write abt my mum & dad later

Well can one really open a thread to say about the beauty of their marriage without being seen as bragging or painting a false picture of marital utopia?

I'm sure anyone with sense knows that the bad marriages are just a small fraction of the total number of marriages out there.

Just that only those with pain find cause to create lamentation threads.

cococandy:
I'm sure anyone with sense knows that the bad marriages are just a small fraction of the total number of marriages out there.

Just that only those with pain find cause to create lamentation threads.

i cant believe this...

coco... u saying that bad marriages are a fraction... wow

wonders

Are you kidding me?

pickabeau1:

i cant believe this...

coco... u saying that bad marriages are a fraction... wow

wonders

So because I belong to the dont-endure-maltreatment camp means I see all married people as living a lie?
If so,why am I married?

5minsmadness:
Damn it, this is not true! There are marriages where the bad times are short lived and they have it good most of the time!


The idea is not really to boast per se, there are a lot of folks who write lovey dovey stuff on Facebook about their spouses but in reality their marriage is a perpetual wrestlemania.

The idea is having trust in your spouse. Yeah sometimes that trust is abused but there are also spouses that safeguard that trust!

I don tok my own o!
The word boast is used liberally.
A good marriage can defined as HALITOSIS by ANY and ALL standards. The person wey get am like me. . .nor fit smell am lai-lai.
How good can a NIGERIAN MARRIAGE BE. . . . without the "suffering and smiling" factor?
Any barry wey dey jolos anoda couple marriage NA FOOOOOL KE!

Finally,
People with good marriages don't sleep on NL! Even with 3000 IDs.
Have a good day!

Kanwulia:

Finally,
People with good marriages don't sleep on NL! Even with 3000 IDs.
Have a good day!

God bless you, Ma'am

BurntToast:
God bless you, Ma'am

Amen!!!!!

cococandy: Are you kidding me?

So because I belong to the dont-endure-maltreatment camp means I see all married people as living a lie?
If so,why am I married?

no.. you belong to the all men are cheats and bad except my family members camp