Let's begin with this quick assessment.

(1) Do you have a hard time saying 'no' to others' requests even when they're unreasonable?
(2)Do you often find yourself under-appreciated and taken for granted?
(3)Are you afraid of being rejected if you don't go along with certain people's whims and demands?
(4)Have you been in relationships in the past where you felt used by your partner because of your easy going nature?
(5)Do you feel an obligation to help everyone that calls out to you even though it will hurt you?

If your answer to most of the above is yes, its about time you set some boundaries. For the record, there is nothing wrong with being kind hearted and generous but it is important to be nice in a way that is healthy for everyone involved (especially you) so that you're not consistently holding the short end of the stick.

Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognising the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect and enjoy healthy relationships.
A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door of your home unlocked: anyone including unwelcome guests, can enter at will. On the other hand, having too rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, like leaving in a locked-up castle surrounded by a high wall. No one can get it, and you can't get out.

It is not easy to define personal boundaries because the lines are invisible, can change and are unique to each individual.
Personal boundaries are like the 'no trespassing' sign defining where you end and others begin and they are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. These boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behaviour and interaction are acceptable.

Emotional boundaries protect your sense of self-esteem and ability to separate your feelings from others'.
When you have weak emotional boundaries, it's like getting caught in a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to being greatly affected by other's words, thoughts and actions and end up feeling bruised and wounded.

Examples of weak emotional boundaries are:
(1)Not knowing how to separate your feeling from your partner's and allowing his/her mood to dictate your level of happiness or sadness.

(2)Sacrificing your plans, dreams and goals in order to please others.

3) Disempowerment. Allowing others to make decisions for you, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.

Why does this usually happen?

(1)Fear of rejection. You may think ''she won't like me if I don't go along with what she wants''

(2)Guilt. You think ''I'm selfish if I don't help my friends all the time''

(3)Fear of confrontation.

Here is what you need to know.

1. Distinguish between being kind to people and having to do things for them
Kindness does not mean that you always do things for people.

2. Learn how to say 'No' gently but firmly. There is power in saying 'no' and setting your own priorities. A healthy sense of control comes from exercising your right to set your own priorities, say 'no' without feeling guilty. Gain respect first, so that your generosity, when you offer it, is truly appreciated. This protects you from harm and lets you choose healthy relationship and create you own happiness in life.

3. You are not responsible for other people's feelings.
Sometimes we feel obligated to do things for others because we don't want them to feel bad, even when it's unreasonable for us to go out of our way. When may be so concerned about how others might react if they don't get what they want that we submerge our own feelings to theirs. When this is done repeatedly, it facilitates a co-dependent relationship where other people's happiness becomes your responsibility and burden.
In these situations, it's important to remember that as long as we're being fair, reasonable and conscientious, we're not responsible for other people's feelings. If you deny their unreasonable requests and they don't like it, so be it. They'll get over it. In the meantime, you're teaching them how you'd like to be treated- with more consideration and respect.

5. For those who take you for granted, less is more.
The more something is avialable in abundance, the less value it has. In the presence of ungrateful people, the more you give them, the less they appreciate what you offer. When appropriate, you may do yourself a big service by cutting off or limiting your giving to this type of people by setting up standards for your generosity. Some people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone. Use this knowledge to your advantage.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with offering your generosity and kindness to those in need, or to the well deserving, or just because you have a big heart. At the same time, it’s healthy and wise to be a good person who also knows how to set appropriate boundaries. You deserve the same love, appreciation, and respect you give to others, which can only be had when you begin to love, appreciate, and respect yourself. It is in affirming these values that you begin to find your own identity , and discover your true voice.

Credits to Preston Ni and Terri Cole for some excerpts used in this post.

Share your experiences.

Let me use my dad as an example. When we were much younger, in primary school, he used to give large financial help to his brothers and sisters. He had much to spare because we were still in primary school and school fees wasn't that much. It became a regular thing for him to help them whenever they were in need.

As we grew older, family responsibilities began to increase, needs began to eat deep into his finances and then the problem arose. He did not know how to stop giving to his brothers who have already become somewhat dependent on him.
The issue was not that he continued to give, it was the fact that he was straining his own finances at the expense of himself and his immediate family.

He had to learn over time that helping others does not mean that you neglect your own needs. From then on, he only gave when it was really necessary and it also made his brothers to become independent and responsible for their own lives.

This is just one of many examples of cases where one needs to set boundaries.

Feel free to share yours.

Contributions...

Thanks Mynd.

No . And why are u asking self?

what is dis

Sgsggd

Its very necessary to set these boundaries

Y

Interesting Read

I dey com

Alright

Noted!!

.saved

Me l dnt understand u oooo. 0P

I dey come,after Arsenal match







Hehehehehe Manchester utd, na So una wan take watch Arsenal, Welbeck, Chelsea, Liverpool n Manchester City for tv dis season

If I share a post on NL hw will other users get to knw or what impact will it have?

Health is wealth. You start planing to enjoy good health tomorrow today. Thanks for the Lecture but ill like to add that we need to be sensitive to our body, so we can know when certain changes occur. Because a lot of do not even know they are ill until it take their life

Brb

How thar wan pay my nepa Bill. now

lets begin

No! I can't say "no"! I will always give it to her

Good day all,
I'm a very good person
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<a> href="https://m./631982336859097?view=permalink&id=775366219187374&refid=18&_ft_" >viruz </a>

I would

well i have to say YES

No sir

Nice one @Op. Hope NLers will find time to read through this. Very rewarding...

K

Nice write up op
1,4 and 5 very much applies to me and I've had to pay heavily one way or another for being 'too soft'
Hopefully this write up will kick-start the first day of the rest of my life

This stuff have been on front page before..