Women Vs Mother-in-laws - Family - Nairaland
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| Women Vs Mother-in-laws by ariblaze(m): 2:31pm On Nov 03, 2008 |
with delibrate intent i avoided this forum then,it was going to the::::  go figure)anyways,i am here albiet briefly a question, i picked this up from somewhere and your opinions would be appreciate Do women truly hate their husband's mother? This seems to have an obvious answer. But then it may not be as simple as it looks. Take the case of Viola, she has a chocolatey relationship with her husband. Before she got married to Kevin, the relationship was creamy. Kevin's mother was not really in the picture then. The dating and courting was out of this world. The couples had it all, enjoying the bliss of friendship, love, companionship,e.t.c. But all that changed when they announced the marriage plans. Kevin's mother brought her own dimensions to it, things to be done, things that should be left out, her contributions to the nature of the wedding, e.tc. She wanted it gorgeous, (after all, it was her best son's wedding) all her friends must be invited. Viola had other plans (after all, it was her wedding). A conflict ensued. After the wedding, the relationship did not get better. Kevin's mother visits regularly, makes input on the running of the family. She was concerned that Viola dresses like a city girl, exposing some parts of her body, cleavages and all, she was also worried that Viola may not be feeding her husband very well, and may not have been taking care of the household. Then the issue of advising Viola to make sure she gets pregnant quickly and bear grandsons and daughters came up. In all these, Kevin was in between, mostly on the side of the wife. But it is obvious that the relationship is strained. Do women truly hate their mother-in-laws, or are they issues that should be sorted out. Is it an issue of the man being sandwiched between the love of mother and wife? Are they mainly perceptions built over time? What can we do to make mother-in-law and wife relationship better? What role should the husbands play in this? Are there women who have lovely relationships with their mother-in-laws? Questions, questions, questions. they say A lot of women out there need help. Let's contribute by making our comments. Thanks. ps:hi grandma, i know you are around here somewhere |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by MsLurker(f): 6:33pm On Nov 03, 2008 |
Not all women do. I hope that I'll get along with mine when that day comes. I've had female members of my beloved family hate my guts though, well, hate the thought of me. That's because they had someone already picked out for that person and they didn't want to get to know anyone else. Gotta love it.  |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by asitis(f): 8:01pm On Nov 03, 2008 |
I got on very well with my mother in-law (God rest her soul  ), we were really close, went shopping, parties, u name it, we got on so well that my brother in-law's wife stop talking to the pair of us, even though we got on though didn't mean we didn't have our little quarrels, i remember one time i told her not to interfer in a certain issue and she backed down. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by ifyalways(f): 11:44pm On Nov 03, 2008 |
we have a very wonderful relationship. . . . . .i see her like my mum.If almost every lady can get along well with her mum,why not her MIL  Guess some of them from stories can be a little bit difficult and horrible,but methinks with love,patience and maturity one can either make MILs love her or just live peacefully without interfering. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by iice(f): 10:04am On Nov 04, 2008 |
granson!  Too many dimensions. We are taught to respect and obey our elders. It is thus hard to openly resist and disagree when something like this happens. Aside from that, parents will always be parents in the case of meddling (even with the best of intention), protecting their children and trying to provide the best for their children and in so doing, might cause harm. Am talking positive here, coz there are those people who are just  with their jealousy, controlling issues and trying to milk all they can get out of their children.I doubt i will get along. I just don't get along well with women in general so am not suffering any anxiety over that. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by ariblaze(m): 1:45am On Nov 09, 2008 |
grandma, Mukina yankked me here So i kinda decided to let the thread rot What happened dont see much of you in the Literature section anymore? Do come every now n then please |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by chika98: 4:45am On Nov 09, 2008 |
ifyalways: Isi gini My sister just say you never jam! Some ML are HORRIBLE!! Nothing you will do and can do will measure up to them. When i say nothing i mean absolutely NOTHING! May God never give us those kind of mother in laws. Amen |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by KarmaMod(f): 5:10am On Nov 09, 2008 |
ariblaze: If a woman came to you, implying that you are not taking care of her daughter, havent had kids cos you're most likely impotent, telling you how to spend money, yada yada, would you be a fan of such a person? |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by tpia: 5:53am On Nov 09, 2008 |
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| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by SeanT21(f): 6:14am On Nov 09, 2008 |
It depends on What Type of Women My Husband Mother will be. Most Mother in Laws tends to be obnoxious and too controlling.They hate the Idea that their son loves and look up to another female.When I get married, I will have no Problem with My Mother-in-Law comming over for visits.She can come whenever she wants but She must RESPECT ME AND MY HOUSEHOLD.She should not ever have the audacity to disrespect my household because she feels that it also belongs to her son.If She becomes to much trouble, HER SON WILL HAVE TO MAKE THE ULTIMATE DECISION!!! Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. Josh Billings |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by darkgoddes(f): 10:32am On Nov 09, 2008 |
iice: If i may ask, i would like to know why you dont get along with women. Is it because you think you have traits of a tomboy? |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by Nobody: 4:47pm On Nov 09, 2008 |
ppp |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by iice(f): 6:13pm On Nov 09, 2008 |
darkgoddes: Yup |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by darkgoddes(f): 11:29pm On Nov 09, 2008 |
Why yup now? I want to know. Just curious though. Lol |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by iice(f): 10:49am On Nov 10, 2008 |
Why am i a tomboy? |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by zayhal(f): 11:38am On Nov 10, 2008 |
Everyone should have her own place and stay there. The MIL shouldn't interfere too much in her son's home. She shoud leave them to run their home the way they want. It's none of her business. What she owes them is occasional visits and advise, when they ask for it. The wife should love and respect her MIL like her own mum and encourage her husband to respect her much. They should go visit her regularly, buy her gifts and let her know they're there for her. The husband should let his wife know how loving and how important his mum is to him, not necessarily in words but in action. This can't and shouldn't disturb his love for his wife. Everything really depends on the man. Let him give each woman her due love and respect, ensuring their cordiality, discouraging tresspasing. Women have territorial consciousness, and stepping in the territory of the other is what causes problem most of the time. My MIL is nice. We get along fine. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by maedan(f): 8:46pm On Nov 10, 2008 |
Some MILs think they know it all, and can be very judgemental and condemning at times. Just pray for an enlightened and well-bred MIL, not those local ones that think that because they gave birth to your spouse, they can control both your lives. I pray to be a very easy-going, friendly MIL to my future sons- and daughters-in-law, not to pick at everything they do, wear or say. In fact, I'll try to be their best friend. Not pretend to be.  |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by MsLurker(f): 8:59pm On Nov 10, 2008 |
I don't get the controlling aspect that MIL's have. My grandmom was like that when it came to my mother (they didn't get along at all and my dad did zilch about it). Maybe they are afraid to rock the boat. I don't know. I plan to be a good MIL when it is my time and I hope to gain a great MIL as well. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by ariblaze(m): 10:56pm On Nov 10, 2008 |
darkgoddes,u a dorm? Grandma has always being a tomboy Am enjoying the responses here It makes sense n quite matured I might eventually decided to break my Self imposed exile to the lit section if this continues For the record my grandma n mum aint exactly on chummy terms,but they make it work,more like mumsy doesnt have a choice,cz to popsie his mum comes first,we are all a second,dont blame him much though,his father was a bastard n his mum raised him up all a lone Am tired of hearing how every morn, he had to go sell pap,fetch water before working a million miles to school, but a wondeful father i would not ask for more |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by plappville(f): 12:12am On Nov 12, 2008 |
I will say that things are fine between i and my mother in-law, but it wasn't very easy initially, she is that racist type but can pretend as if she likes me. She got no chioce effect from when hubby annouce my 1st pregnancy to her, she didn't sound happy because she will be a grand mother so soon(((((NONSENCE no 1)))). @ 54 yrs she still dey shakara. When hubby annouced our marriage to her she kicked against it, her reasons were because, i am a foreigner and that the marriage law protects me so she is scared that i might leave her son and go away with all his belongings (((NONSENCE no 2))) . I did not stop praying because i and hubby love ourselve so i didn't know why she hated the fact that i am her son's choice. Hubby played a very intelligent role in order not to loose me or his mom's love as a single child,((((how did he do it))) Hubby is too much, in my present he asked her ((mama)) why did my dad married u, she was short of words, she said because ur dad love me and in order for us to pay less tax to the goverment we had to get married.(((((NONSENCE no 3))))) hubby told her that he will marry me for thesame reason. I could have developed hatred on her for how she tried putting me aside of her son, but i didn't because i believe that i have found a man that the lord has sent to me, and i know the only way to defeat her is to love her and cry for God's favour. I tell you today, she is my best friend, she does everything to make me happy, she wishes me a happy birthday even befor hubby does  She love my kids like mad, there is no week she wont send my kids gifts, send us cash sometimes even when we didn't asked her. The world can be funny, i thank God anyway because it's the lords doing that things worked out fine at the end. Patient and prayer was my success key. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by tRoOE(f): 6:55am On Nov 12, 2008 |
[size=13pt]MIL is cool including everyone in his family They all leave far, so we've got nothing to worry about life is good and wonderful so far  , and my pray is 4 it to stay that way 4everMy mother prayer 4 me when i was young, was to find a good husband who comes from a peaceful family with no trouble and her prayer surely came through [/size] |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by Angolobabe(f): 5:43pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
we live far from my mother in-law ,im soooo greatful for that as i have less to worry about ,we get along ok but i know she is alittle racist with the way she acts towards me compare to her other daughter in-laws ,she is kind of two 2 face woman ,friendly in my present but the other way round at my back but she tries to please me to keep peace and she tries to tell me how to run my home and told my hubby to sign a pre-nup with me so i dont get everything like his ex etc |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by plappville(f): 10:36am On Nov 14, 2008 |
Angolobabe: How far babe girl, i wasn't around yestarday when u called back @ YAH. @ ur poste: na so all this oyibo old women dey behave, they are not happy to see that their son is married to a colored woman, it's crazy but i thank God that they ve got no chioce than to cope, because God don give us wetin we want so no man go fit put barial. |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by Angolobabe(f): 12:51pm On Nov 14, 2008 |
@ plappville she lives in Norway and we live in spain .yes they have no choice then to try and adjust to the situation of having a coloured daugther in-law.for me i dont care about whatever they think all that matters is hubby wants me and they can't change his mind no matter how they tried. plappville: |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by plappville(f): 2:37pm On Nov 14, 2008 |
YOU ARE RIGHT BABE GIRL, BUT THE DISTANCE NO BE ANYTHING TO THEM OOO, IF A MOTHER IN LAW MEAN TO DISTAURB SHE NO GO MIND WEATHER DISTANCE OR NOT, B/4 NOW MY OWN DEY USE HER PHONE EVERY WEEKEND LIKE NO MANS BUSINESS lol?, E NO EASY SHALL, I JUST THANK BABA GOD SAY SHE DON GIVE UP  |
| Re: Women Vs Mother-in-laws by Motunmi: 2:48pm On Nov 14, 2008 |
The issue of wives and their MIL has been a topical issue over the years. It is the nature of mothers to be protective,infact over protective when it comes to the issue of their children. No matter how old you are, your mother will always treat you like a year old baby. She will be interested in what happened to you,what is happening currently and what will happen next. This is where one displays his/her maturity. Some people are so glued to their mothers such that nothing must pass in their lives without their mothers' awareness. They grow with this attitude and carry it into their matrimonial homes hence, making their mothers the controller of their homes. It is the duty of the wife to treat her mother in law like she'll treat her own mother and nothing less also for the husband to let the mother be aware of the fact that he now owns a home and be treated as such. If you are not the mummy's apron type from the past, she will definitely respect your view. In a case where your mother has been your decision maker from the past, you cannot just wake up and tell her you're now a man. You will be compounding the problem rather than suppressing it. To me, the solution wife/mother in law problem starts with the men themselves.Not that you shouldn't talk to your mothers but learn to be independent. Learn to take charge as God designed it. Wives, no matter the situation, be good to your Mothers In Law. Even if it seems she didn't deserve it just be good to her at least she brought that your heartrob to the world and the fact that one day, you're going to be a mother in law as well. |
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