[b]Last week we talked about fathers getting involved in the lives of their kids. That article drew a lot of interest from the public with a lot of accompanying comments paramount amongst which was how fathers can build great relationships with their children.
Therefore this week we will spend time to look at some helpful tips.
First I would like to state clearly here that a parent / child relationship does not have to be an expensive project. This is one area a lot of parents get it wrong and are still missing the point. They think to build a good relationship with their children they need to spend a fortune. This is wrong. My personal experience and the experiences of other parents including the results of professional studies show that what children crave most from their parents is ATTENTION. Kids like other humans, crave acceptance. They want to feel accepted and wanted especially by their parents. That is their number one need and if fathers can recognise this, it can be a very good place to start to build a great relationship with their kids.

SPECIAL TIME. Depending on the age of the child, fathers can create a special time where they give their kids undivided attention for maybe 10 minutes everyday. Explain to the child it is a time just for the two of you to play. Let them share their world with you and you just play along. If the kids are slightly older and your time can permit it, it might taking them or picking them up from school. If the environment permits, a game of football or table tennis might do the trick. The main thing is that you do these regularly with your kids.
Look for something that you can fit in. There is an activity that you can fit in no matter your schedule.
I would like to emphasise that fathers get involved in their kids lives very early. Yes I am aware of situations where there has been a breakdown in the relationship. In such circumstances, the father involved needs to patiently try to win the trust of the child(ren) involved. This is bound to be time consuming but he needs to work at it slowly until the kid(s) are able to trust him and open up their lives to him.
The biggest advantage of having a good relationship with your kid from an early age is that it forms the bedrock of your future relationship with that same child and just continues like that. I have seen this many times that even when the child grows into an adult, they still have a wonderful relationship with their father.

COMMUNICATION. Men seem to struggle generally with effective communication. But no matter how trips you make to the shopping mall or how many football games you play with your son, if there is no communication between you, I am afraid there can't be a relationship. Communication is an essential ingredient in any relationship whether between father and son or any other parties. Listen to your children. They love to be heard. Take on board their fears. Reassure them. When you speak to them ensure they understand you. Use language that paints a positive picture. One thing fathers must understand is that their children are influenced by their fathers. Therefore project a successful outlook so that you can sow the seed of success in them.

Spending time with the kids, communicating with them and reinforcing positive role models are just some of the ways fathers can build loving and meaningful relationships with their children.

Sina Adelaja-Olowoake
Parenting Strategies Coach
Hands On Daddy[/b]

.

Just in case