TVTKOKO:
seconded!!! Haba see wahala o

All that long lecture na on top food matter o, chai!
Africans, deceiving themselves is 1900BC

I was practising dat BELCHING aspect alone, wen my broda asked me wats wrong.... what an educative write up...

leshluap:
O boy that TABLE MANNERS get as e b Ooº°˚ ˚°ºo,,, na person wey hunger neva hold dey remember those "rules n regulations"... Imagine me n my GF go dinner, she stand up wan go out, u say mak I no ask her where she dey go......... I hear u..

well take it or leave it buh I tell you thats how we are expected to behave as civilized men. Buh I ask, how civilized are Nigerians?

Are these tips for Nigerians or martians?

*following

I was at a get together the food was served at a table and there was these beautiful girls across the table stting opposite me. My God! The food first take like 1hr to eat(something wey I dey normally finish under 3mins) then to eat meat na wahala. The meat strong and the knife they blunt as I dey try form posh but I no wan let the meat go so I try cut the meat my people come see as the whole table come dey shake I was so embarrassed couldn't look up afterwards but........ I chop the meat sha. Since that time anywhere I dey I dey use my hand tear d tin my sis don complain tire.


And entering the chair from the left. Some etiquettes don't matter.

Thanks OP

This script is definately not for the gods...

My first official diner was at Sheraton hotels, ikeja.
It was a buffet (serve yourself things) come see foods! Chai!! All sorts of rice, cakes, sauces, fishes, meats,(bacon, turkey, chicken, beef, ogunfe, bushmeat etc) tea, cream, milk, burger, butter not magarine oh, everything yapa.
I just comported myself and took white rice with big pieces of meats i cannot eat but left behind. (dont cut anything, take small pieces of meat) but na the eba dey hungry me chop.
Secondly, you don't clap your hands when eating, you just hit the glass cup little with your cutlery (about 5 times) Dont be drunk with alcohol and in official dancing/ball, no skelewu, shoki, sekem, alingo or whatever style of street dance. You just take it calm, hold the beautiful lady calmly, usually a hand to her hand and the second hand to her waist then enjoy the music and flow with the tunes happilly.
Lastly No Pressing, Caresing or Er.ec.tion. If your feeling e.r.ection, you wan piss be dat, just take an excuse, then walk slowly to the restroom. :-D

graciousolo:
I was at a get together the food was served at a table and there was these beautiful girls across the table stting opposite me. My God! The food first take like 1hr to eat(something wey I dey normally finish under 3mins)

i dey laugн

Very educative

Smacking of lips, hm hm ha!! one girl for my class back then if una eat together like that kind class groundnut na so u go dey hear chapa! chapa!! chapa!!! sotey u go loose appetite. op tnks jare

Nice thread!

No time, i am an African man original, i no be gentleman at all o #Fellatinz.
imagine you're seriously famished and you given a fork to 'deal' with Eba
na break i go first break the fork

Valfrankie:
More!!!

While clutching your cutlery with your fingers and trying to cut a tough piece of meat with that blunt thing, what happens when you mistakenly drop them on the floor, sending your meat flying, while splashing your food and upturning your drink on your host n others in the process, maybe because you no sabi use the thing, but jux wan form so you would belong n look posh? If such a thing should ever happen to you, don't worry, some days are like that.

What to do!!!
Politely n simply rise from your table with a smile, face your host and ask "WHERE CAN THIS OP GO AND DIE?"

Last bullet!!!
Save yourself the stress, represent our ancestors at dinner! Use your fingers or siddon for houz!!!

u nailed it bro

Dey should give u pomothat is hard don't waste your tym. Use your hand. Or shaki. Inside pepper soup. Cut it with ur teeth. Nd make sure ur eyes r closed (if u lyk,open it) den watch as u splash hot pepper soup all over the people der