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Marriage Dilemma - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 6:36pm On Oct 08, 2014
@dcholeric. I don't think you understand what I wrote up there. Its people like you who makes things worse for people like us. You wouldn't mind if I took my own life? You even advise me to do so.
You know what. I would have done that long ago if I wasn't scared of the afterlife. I dont see any point in living if am not making a difference in the world.

Maybe people should start thinking that way. In that way we will be able to make reasonable decisions that doesn't include overpopulating the world and breeding children without having any good plans for them or to cater for them properly

1 Like

Re: Marriage Dilemma by shizzle11(m): 6:36pm On Oct 08, 2014
BrunoMads:
OP needs a long and thick Preek to reset her brain. ....

Re: Marriage Dilemma by pickabeau1: 6:40pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
@dcholeric. I don't think you understand what I wrote up there. Its people like you who makes things worse for people like us. You wouldn't mind if I took my own life? You even advise me to do so.
You know what. I would have done that long ago if I wasn't scared of the afterlife. I dont see any point in living if am not making a difference in the world.

Maybe people should start thinking that way. In that way we will be able to make reasonable decisions that doesn't include overpopulating the world and breeding children without having any good plans for them or to cater for them properly

Strange thoughts.. how many friends do u have

From you write up.. u have a family, u have a job, whats d issue exactly
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 6:41pm On Oct 08, 2014
thorpido:
Op,did you grow up with your parents and was there harmony between them?

I peeked at your profile and I can conclude you are showing early signs of depression.

I had an okay upbringing. A very religious one so there were no issues with parent squabble
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 6:44pm On Oct 08, 2014
I SEE A CLOSETED EUGENIST
Re: Marriage Dilemma by shizzle11(m): 6:45pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
@dcholeric. I don't think you understand what I wrote up there. Its people like you who makes things worse for people like us. You wouldn't mind if I took my own life? You even advise me to do so.
You know what. I would have done that long ago if I wasn't scared of the afterlife. I dont see any point in living if am not making a difference in the world.

Maybe people should start thinking that way. So that we all will be able to make reasonable decisions that doesn't include overpopulating the world and breeding children without having any good plans for them or to cater for them properly
Now this is a very annoying statement. look into the mirror and tell me who you see.

1. You already confirmed you are making no difference in the world, in ther words you are useless, i stand to be corrected

2.. Secondly and unfortunately for you, its like you are saying your parents made a mistake bringing you into this world and going by 1) above, you are actually one of those that overpopulate the world.

£. The reason i concluded with 1 and 2 is, if your parents have taken proper care or catered properly for you, you wouldn't be in this dysfunctional state.

Sorry if my comment aggravates your feelings, i just spoke my mind judging from your comment
Re: Marriage Dilemma by thorpido(m): 6:47pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:


I had an okay upbringing. A very religious one so there were no issues with parent squabble
Don't mind dcholeric's comment.On this site,you will have to sieve the wheat from the chaff.
I asked if you've ever had a relationship with a boyfriend?

1 Like

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 6:49pm On Oct 08, 2014
@shizzle11. I seriously dont care what conclusions you made. You may be right and you may not be. I'm only saying my mind.
And yes..if I am to die and my death makes the world a less difficult place to live in. I'm more than happy to leave

@thorpido. Of course I have. Just doesnt last long.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 6:54pm On Oct 08, 2014
^^easy babe, I'm sure nobody wishes u that...u do not even realise how much suicidal you're giving yourself out as
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Dcholeric: 6:55pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
@dcholeric. I don't think you understand what I wrote up there. Its people like you who makes things worse for people like us. You wouldn't mind if I took my own life? You even advise me to do so.
You know what. I would have done that long ago if I wasn't scared of the afterlife. I dont see any point in living if am not making a difference in the world.

Maybe people should start thinking that way. In that way we will be able to make reasonable decisions that doesn't include overpopulating the world and breeding children without having any good plans for them or to cater for them properly
first let me say am sorry if you feel bad about my post.
now I hope you will understand how someone else would feel when you feel there is no need for their existence.

I ask again, who told you that every kid in the world are not catered for?

who told you they are not happy?

who told you they are a curse and disturbance to those who gave birth to them?

the world didn't have the kind of development it has now.
you know why?
because people contributed to making difference in the world, to make it a better place, the shelter, technology.....

now the development wouldn't have gone this far and better if there was no reprocreation and if children were not loved and catered for.

I think you better start thinking of making the world a better place instead wishing to be not useful and dead .
Re: Marriage Dilemma by shizzle11(m): 6:56pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
@shizzle11. I seriously dont care what conclusions you made. You may be right and you may not be. I'm only saying my mind.
ok, the fact yo acknowledge i may be right or wrong means i didn't make wild guesses. Moving on....

what are those things you detest about men that makes you find them repulsive?. (i ask because you said you don't see anything good in men and marriage)

Outside boyfriend rships, how do you relate with other men, i mean brothers, male friends etc?
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 7:05pm On Oct 08, 2014
They're just there. I don't really relate with people much. I just greet and go my way, and I dont have a brother.

I believe that people are too demanding and marriage makes it worse. Society dictate what we do and how we live---You must do it a particular way or you dont get what you want.
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Dcholeric: 7:06pm On Oct 08, 2014
thorpido:
Don't mind dcholeric's comment.On this site,you will have to sieve the wheat from the chaff.
I asked if you've ever had a relationship with a boyfriend?
sorry I said it as it should be, you have the choice to state your advice but you don't have the privilege to decide who is the wheat and who is the chaff.

if a grown up and educated person sees children as chaff, then am sorry to tell you that even with the "good boy" you are claiming she will never see you as the wheat but the chaff

and you know what?
I will support her 100% if she sees you as dirt.
nonsense.
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 7:09pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
They're just there. I don't really relate with people much. I just greet and go my way, and I dont have a brother.

I believe that people are too demanding and marriage makes it worse. Society dictate what we do and how we live---You must do it a particular way or you dont get what you want.
what? girl are you a Hitler with no army?
Re: Marriage Dilemma by thorpido(m): 7:19pm On Oct 08, 2014
Dcholeric:

sorry I said it as it should be, you have the choice to state your advice but you don't have the privilege to decide who is the wheat and who is the chaff.

if a grown up and educated person sees children as chaff, then am sorry to tell you that even with the "good boy" you are claiming she will never see you as the wheat but the chaff

and you know what?
I will support her 100% if she sees you as dirt.
nonsense.
if she sees me as dirt,I will understand.I want you to see her from her point of view and not your point of view.She has some challenges and is seeking solutions to it.
It's not about being a 'good boy',it's about being in a position of a solution provider,a therapist.What will you do if you had to sit with psychiatric patients(not saying the Op is) and listen to what they say?Will you curse them out?
I hope you read what she said about your comment and how it could make someone take their life.Is that what you desire?
I'm not reprimanding you,just trying to make you see from where she's coming from.She's admitted she has challenges.

6 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 7:26pm On Oct 08, 2014
op, see a psychologist. sign up and attend anger management sessions. i seriously think u need a change of environment
Re: Marriage Dilemma by shizzle11(m): 7:26pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
They're just there. I don't really relate with people much. I just greet and go my way, and I dont have a brother.

I believe that people are too demanding and marriage makes it worse. Society dictate what we do and how we live---You must do it a particular way or you dont get what you want.
Safe to say you don't have a social life since you are a recluse cos you don't like to relate with people. Your self-isolation didn't help.

As per society dictating to people, i believe it is relative. People outside your family shouldn't dictate for you. Even your immediate family shouldn't either. Although one cannot take away the fact that there are certain norms eg cultural that cannot be overlooked, but all that should matter should be the happiness of the individual.

At this point, its obvious the later stages of depression has set in, which if not countered early enough could be very risky, i suggest you visit a psychologist
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Dcholeric: 7:40pm On Oct 08, 2014
thorpido:
if she sees me as dirt,I will understand.I want you to see her from her point of view and not your point of view.She has some challenges and is seeking solutions to it.
It's not about being a 'good boy',it's about being in a position of a solution provider,a therapist.What will you do if you had to sit with psychiatric patients(not saying the Op is) and listen to what they say?Will you curse them out?
I hope you read what she said about your comment and how it could make someone take their life.Is that what you desire?
I'm not reprimanding you,just trying to make you see from where she's coming from.She's admitted she has challenges.
well its good job trying to reset or reajust her mentality.

I think I wouldn't be too good with this type of case, but I have tried to explain to her why my post portrayed hatred or so it seems
Re: Marriage Dilemma by nepp(f): 8:32pm On Oct 08, 2014
There's nothing wrong with you. We share the same views (except the hungry looking kids part). Marriage is of no essence to me! It's void undecided

Happy married lives to those who want a marriage. smiley

1 Like

Re: Marriage Dilemma by 5minsmadness: 8:50pm On Oct 08, 2014
Dcholeric:

the kids shouldn't be brought to suffer?
who told you all the kids in the world are suffering?
if you feel it is better for those kids not to exist or to die, I think it would pay you more to take your life, at least show them a good example and also help the society from this your hatred (since you hate anything with life in it so much)
those kids deserve life and the choice to live.
and for the men hatred, here is a suggestion, since you can't kill all the men and little male children, why don't you just kill yourself and be at peace?

How do I correct you without insulting you now?

This was an extremely ignorant and insensitive post. You must NEVER post this kind of thing again, its not everything online that is a game. If you see a person in a dilemma like this you must NEVER suggest what you suggested above, EVER.

You think the OP's temperament at this time is one that should be provoked by shock therapy? Do you k ow the implication of your statement? There are so many things I want to say to you now but I realise in your own warped way you were trying to help so I will hold my peace. Please do not for any reason in any situation in your life try this method again. The outcome can be very disastrous.

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by 5minsmadness: 9:02pm On Oct 08, 2014
@preshuzpearl I can categorically tell you that you are not depressed. I happen to have a certificate in this subject matter so I do know what I am saying. Do not take seriously what so.e people are trying to tell you here, like a poster said you must be able to divide the wheat from the chaff.


All of us have our ups and downs, you are not alone. Everybody you see around you have an issue or the other that they are bottling up, it is just their ability to hide those flaws that make them seem 'normal'. There is a boy you know that thinks he is sick because he gets sexually aroused by older women. There is a girl in your neighborhood that can't help stealing anything she can lay her hands on. Even your closest pal now has a secret he keeps. It is our ability to control these urges that keep us human, that make us 'sane' or 'normal' members of society.


You must have a root problem. If you have admitted that you find men and marriages disgusting you must be willing to let out exactly why you think those things are disgusting. If you like you can share it here and I will try my best to be of assistance. If not, then you should share with someone you know and trust. If you have no one then share it with yourself. Lock yourself in a room and take a blank piece of paper. Write down what the problem is, no matter how strange it looks. When you have written it down then pick the ones that are problems and write the solution. Once you have done that you can pray about it and then take the paper out and burn it.

This is nutshell psychology but its all I can do in this limited space. You are NOT depressed OK? You just think different and the solution is usually simple. Keep your head up and cheer up.

Brb.

4 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 9:17pm On Oct 08, 2014
^^are you a psychologist tho?
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 9:49pm On Oct 08, 2014
Its simple. Am not just interested in marriage and people. Sometimes I think of it and even start liking the idea. Then I see how marriages around me are so excessive and everybody wants to get married and are talking about it. It just sort of irks me.

Other times I feel like its too much of a responsibility and people are attaching too much importance to it.
Then again am not a people person. I don't like to be hugged or touched and usually awkward
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 9:51pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
Its simple. Am not just interested in marriage and people. Sometimes I think of it and even start liking the idea. Then I see how marriages around me are so excessive and everybody wants to get married and are talking about it. It just sort of irks me.

Other times I feel like its too much of a responsibility and people are attaching too much importance to it.
Then again am not a people person. I don't like to be hugged or touched and usually awkward
what you feel is a shift from the norm and not what the society instituted that's now the shift. you're now sure u never had a problem from the outset, then why did you choose to put Dilemma in the title? it's a problem to people when you're now thinking they are the ones in need of help and you're doing them a service by spreading your antisocial views. go and start your religion based on those convictions of yours and step out of Nairaland to fish for disciples, cos people don't mate and procreate on here nor do you see enough of every account user to know how much poverty and misery they need you to save them from.


I'm not going to be simple minded to put it to you that you're living in a wretched neighbourhood that's caused you untold tunnel vision, but only you hold the key to whatever is that dilemma in your mind.
Re: Marriage Dilemma by soulglo: 9:59pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
It started when I was in the university. While my friends were having partners and getting into relationships I was breaking up with guys and not feeling a bit bothered by it.
When they talk about marriage I'm hardly interested. I thought maybe I was young that was why. Now I'm 25 and still not feeling like getting married. Infact the thought irritates me..I go to church programs and see children everywhere and am like why r these people getting married?? For what? Purposeless marriages. Just bring children into the world and leave them to overpopulate the nation. Hungry looking children everywhere.

Sometimes I hate myself for not understanding these things and why i can't be happy for others. I don't see any good in it. Can someone tell me why marriage is important? And please don't say companionship, chidren, or society. I care for none of those.


Secondly I began to think I might be (please don't judge me for this) homosexual. I know with nigerian culture and christianity, this is wrong. Even I hate the thought of it and will condemn anyone involved but lately I'm beginning to think it might be natural. If there is any possibility that I am one, I want to know so I can pray about it, do deliverance or something.


There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Funny thing is if you came on here to talk about how you do not understand why some women do not choose to marry and rather spend their money on material things, buying the most expensive things that their money can afford etc, nobody would tell you that you were bitter or mentally unstable. Truth is something likely triggered your disgust for the institution of marriage. One day you'll pinpoint it. In fact in a few years you might not even feel this way. Even if you did it would still be okay. I know a lady who hot married at 27 and divorced by 31. She remarried again at 35 and says had she known she would have waited till her 30s to marry. She never thought marriage could be as rewarding as what she has now. We don't all get that peace about marriage at the same time. When your time comes you will know. Till then enjoy what you like as long as you're harming no one

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Dcholeric: 10:18pm On Oct 08, 2014
5minsmadness:


How do I correct you without insulting you now?

This was an extremely ignorant and insensitive post. You must NEVER post this kind of thing again, its not everything online that is a game. If you see a person in a dilemma like this you must NEVER suggest what you suggested above, EVER.

You think the OP's temperament at this time is one that should be provoked by shock therapy? Do you k ow the implication of your statement? There are so many things I want to say to you now but I realise in your own warped way you were trying to help so I will hold my peace. Please do not for any reason in any situation in your life try this method again. The outcome can be very disastrous.
first let me let you understand that I don't give a damn what you say in any way to insult me, don't even think the hardest situation can break me talk less of an online insult.

I would have said I don't care whatsoever happens to the op, because of the your "supposed" better post, but for the op sake I do care about her life.

don't you ever in your life threaten me in anyway again, if you are going to take actions against me, fucking do it, I wish you could locate me to take your actions, cause that would be better.

I see your personality from your moniker, you should know mine from my moniker

thank you
Re: Marriage Dilemma by 5minsmadness: 10:19pm On Oct 08, 2014
preshuzpearl:
Its simple. Am not just interested in marriage and people. Sometimes I think of it and even start liking the idea. Then I see how marriages around me are so excessive and everybody wants to get married and are talking about it. It just sort of irks me.

Other times I feel like its too much of a responsibility and people are attaching too much importance to it.
Then again am not a people person. I don't like to be hugged or touched and usually awkward
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. It is a phase you are passing through and rest assured you will get through it.

The fact that you think of it and start liking the idea shows that you yearn for it. It is just that outside influences are painting a bad image to you of what marriage is. I daresay you are looking in the wrong direction. Stop judging marriages by what you read on Nairaland or other sites. Bad news will always sell better than good news; people will only come online to complain about their marital problems, they won't come online to say how wonderful their marriages are. I daresay such people don't even have time for forums like Nairaland, Facebook, etc.

Bad news sells. That's just the truth. Look at all the news that make front page, we have some jokes and fun , sure, but check out the number of views on things like 'man rapes wife for having her bath without his permission' or 'my husband divorced me because I am fat'. Such things do happen but not as often as the news makes you to believe.

The bible says something about thinking/dwelling on things that are true, pure, just, etc. You cannot watch CNN for 24hrs without thinking the world will soon come to an end. I have someone who actually develops high bp from watching al Jazeera channel. You have to change the channel! Keep away from people or things that make you see marriages and relationships in a bad light. Read good and wholesome and mature books about the subject and don't depend on Nairaland to tell you how to live with the person you are going to fall in love with (I believe you already fact someone or you willin the near future.) Keep away from family section if you have to. Turn your gaze/ears/ direction towards more wholesome things. Things that will make you happy about the subject, not sad.

Its all in your head. Its all about you, what you choose to listen to and what you chose to shut out. Chose happiness, its a conscious effort. Shut out the noise of sadness and emptiness and feelings of awkwardness or loneliness. Choose to enjoy and savour life and relationships. Don't let anyone take that choice from you. That is real living.

3 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by DWJOBScom(m): 10:27pm On Oct 08, 2014
5minsmadness:

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. It is a phase you are passing through and rest assured you will get through it.

The fact that you think of it and start liking the idea shows that you yearn for it. It is just that outside influences are painting a bad image to you of what marriage is. I daresay you are looking in the wrong direction. Stop judging marriages by what you read on Nairaland or other sites. Bad news will always sell better than good news; people will only come online to complain about their marital problems, they won't come online to say how wonderful their marriages are. I daresay such people don't even have time for forums like Nairaland, Facebook, etc.

Bad news sells. That's just the truth. Look at all the news that make front page, we have some jokes and fun , sure, but check out the number of views on things like 'man rapes wife for having her bath without his permission' or 'my husband divorced me because I am fat'. Such things do happen but not as often as the news makes you to believe.

The bible says something about thinking/dwelling on things that are true, pure, just, etc. You cannot watch CNN for 24hrs without thinking the world will soon come to an end. I have someone who actually develops high bp from watching al Jazeera channel. You have to change the channel! Keep away from people or thongs that make you see marriages and relationships in a bad light. Read good and wholesome and mature books about the subject and don't depend on Nairaland to tell you how to live with the person you are going to fall in love with (I believe you already fact someone or you willin the near future.) Keep away from family section if you have to. Turn your gaze/ears/ direction towards more wholesome things. Things that will make you happy about the subject, not sad.

Its all in your head. Its all about you, what you choose to listen to and what you chose to shut out. Chose happiness, its a conscious effort. Shut out the noise of sadness and emptiness and feelings of awkwardness or loneliness. Choose to enjoy and savour life and relationships. Don't let anyone take that choice from you. That is real living.

Have never for moment regretted reading up ur articles/writeups/contributions......! Way to go man!!! You rock

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Dilemma by 5minsmadness: 10:28pm On Oct 08, 2014
Dcholeric:

first let me let you understand that I don't give a damn what you say in any way to insult me, don't even think the hardest situation can break me talk less of an online insult.

I would have said I don't care whatsoever happens to the op, because of the your "supposed" better post, but for the op sake I do care about her life.

don't you ever in your life threaten me in anyway again, if you are going to take actions against me, fucking do it, I wish you could locate me to take your actions, cause that would be better.

I see your personality from your moniker, you should know mine from my moniker

thank you
Bleep my 'better' post , this is NOT a competition. Nobody is trying to write a better post here. Your approach was horrendous at best. You don't come online and start suggesting to someone who has a problem to go kill herself, what's wrong with you dude?

I see sha from your post and replies that you are an 'I don't care' kind of person. Well good for you but if you don't care others do.
(Modified.)
Just cos the hardest situation can't break you don't mean it can't break someone else

I see your moniker. I'm glad you noticed mine. Peace.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 10:31pm On Oct 08, 2014
^^ i can't seem to get why you're talking from both sides of your mouth. one minute she has a problem, the next minute, she's perfectly normal..
Re: Marriage Dilemma by 5minsmadness: 10:37pm On Oct 08, 2014
spotit:
^^ i can't seem to get why you're talking from both sides of your mouth. one minute she has a problem, the next minute, she perfectly normal..
See eh, that she has a problem doesn't mean she is crazy. Normal people have problems all the time.



And yes. I happen to have a degree in psychology.
Re: Marriage Dilemma by Nobody: 10:44pm On Oct 08, 2014
5minsmadness:

See eh, that she has a problem doesn't mean she is crazy. Normal people have problems all the time.
of course that's my standpoint

but i still see it as unrealistic to sugarcoat pills just so that she wouldn't do something drastic. this girl has a noticeable degree of stability, still she has to get realest opinions to make her survey successful and consequently act upon it without hesitation. assurances are great, but not to build her up again to procrastinate

and not to be disrespectful, you come off more as a pastor than anything

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