my husband and i have been married for a year and half. we have a six month old baby. my sister in law has a six yr old daughter who happens to "live" in our house even though her mother can easily take care of her, but doesn't do so because she claims to be busy. my sister in law comes to pick her child up every weekend but she leaves all her child's cloths both for school and house behind for me to wash which i think is not fair. its not that i don't want to do it but i want her to see that i need help rather than additional chores with the baby and all that. i don't want to tell my husband because i feel it will sprout some dispute between us which i don't want. i wouldn't mind doing it if her mother was not around but since she is around and highly capable of doing it, i can't help but feel that she is taking advantage of me. moreover the girls cloths are even more than that of the three of us combined and it drains my Saturday. meanwhile the mother will be sleeping her Saturday off. can i say anything? i don't want to end up in their bad books.

Dooh. Sorry oh.

Komplain joor

U r a wife not a washing maxhine

True. Your sister inlaw is taking undue advantage of you by leaving behind her daughter's dirty clothes. Engage the six year girl to do some of the washing especially the light fabrics and by all means discuss the issue with your hubby. He should be able to weigh matters properly and take decisions to your advantage if he truely cares about you.

If your SIL is too busy to even wash her daughter's clothes, let her hire the services of a wash man on a weekly basis to do her daughter's laundry.

Can you complain? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, you should. The longer you wash those clothes, the more difficult it will be to stop without causing too much bad blood.
If I were in your shoes, I'll pack up the girl's stuff before her mother comes, including the dirty clothes. When the mother comes, simply hand it over to her as her daughter's stuff. If she sees it and says anything, flash your sweetest smile and explain how difficult it is for you. Try to control your emotions. Don't get angry, don't be rude, but absolutely don't shift grounds, no matter what they say.
You are trying to preserve your marriage by keeping quiet, but you are also building up resentment within you, which will poison the marriage eventually.
Abeg do the needful, no one deserves to be treated that way. Take care.

Is your husband always away?
Or hasn't he seen the clothes either b3fore or while you're washing?
Tell him about it
and act if he doesn't take any meaningful step

Your SIL is lazy
and troublesome.

A Yoruba adage says ailesoro ni ibere oribu- the inability to voice out your stand on issues is the beginning of insanity.

Are you a slave?

Tell your hubby to tell her if you can't confront her,if hubby refused to tell her,or still continue doing that after been told,start by not washing the clothes deliberately..

With that,you have sent a message to her.

Don't try to form good woman,and suffer in silence.

Each man to his own.. I can't just imagining using my wife to pamper any family members.

switnjl:
my husband and i have been married for a year and half. we have a six month old baby. my sister in law has a six yr old daughter who happens to "live" in our house even though her mother can easily take care of her, but doesn't do so because she claims to be busy. my sister in law comes to pick her child up every weekend but she leaves all her child's cloths both for school and house behind for me to wash which i think is not fair. its not that i don't want to do it but i want her to see that i need help rather than additional chores with the baby and all that. i don't want to tell my husband because i feel it will sprout some dispute between us which i don't want. i wouldn't mind doing it if her mother was not around but since she is around and highly capable of doing it, i can't help but feel that she is taking advantage of me. moreover the girls cloths are even more than that of the three of us combined and it drains my Saturday. meanwhile the mother will be sleeping her Saturday off. can i say anything? i don't want to end up in their bad books.

Iyawo(s) are fond of making this mistake(knowingly or unknowingly) in the early stage of their union....
Being TOO-CAREFUL not to offend their in-laws thus swallowing every shytt offered as well as living the EYE-SERVICE kinda life.
The earlier you open up to your husband, the better! For pete's sake, its barely 7months you put to bed; you need assistance not the other way round.
You had better tell your husband now or shut up for as long as this continues! Perhaps, he feels you're comfortable with the arrangement.
Meanwhile, the lil girl can assist in doing some mini chores.....

Why would you think telliing your husband will sprout dispute? That statement is something I do not understand and I think you should tell your husband rather than assuming that will bring hostilities between you.
If you do not have the liver to tell your husband during this simple fact...use an indirect approach...yawn one day, assume the most tired of poses and say in the tiniest of voices "I am tired, I don't I can wash Emilie's clothes, I have packed them in the hamper by her bed; when you are settled please wash them...couldn't sleep throughout the night because of the baby"

Please do tell me you don't hand wash the clothes....people treat you the way you want to be treated...

You cannot avoid quarrels forever, can you? Is it not better to say your mind now than to explode and overreact when you simply cannot take it anymore? Explain to your hubby as calmly and as politely as you can. If he is a matured man, he will understand you and will know how to go about it without causing problems between you and ur SIL.


If he does nothing, then leave those dirty clothes for the child's mother to see like twice. If she complains, calmly explain how difficult it is for you to cope with all the washing and caring for two babies all alone. Put your feet down before it gets worse because it will get worse if you don't. Good luck.

Hope you try oh.

Suffering and smiling things
When we will be doing " sister sister" waka how wont they treat you like a slave and your husband self sees this and wont talk.
Chai, so na you be child minder, hian monday to Friday then dirty clothes on top. Na you know how you start with them oh, na you know how you wan take finish.

Should you complain ke? No dont complain dey der dey do sister and good wife things, if you no start am e for no reach this ridiculous level

Am sure they will be praising you and hailing you as the hardworking wife and you will be smiling outwardly while very angry inside. How in thw first place did the childs mother decide she was too busy for her own child and you became an unpaid baby sitter? This is amazing

The problem is you accepting it from the beginning......how many times are we going to repeat that we shouldn't as wives pretend to satisfy anyone, lets always be ourselves, sooner or later, they will know us for whom we are and treat us accordingly........NEVER YOU START WHAT YOU CANNOT FINISH.

Well, i will suggest you complain to your hubby and be ready to face the drama that will ensue afterwards, its better that way than to keep dying inside.

Wow...Op you are asking if you should complain? No, wait till your sister in law start leaving her own clothes behind for you to wash. Do something now before it's too late!

You say wetin? I can't believe you are asking if you should complain, you shouldn't even be washing those clothes in the first place.

This your post come dey make me vex sef.

Of course you can say something and you should.
Now that you are a mother yourself, your primary responsibility lies with your own child. And to take proper care of your own child, you need to be good, too so if you feel that the load is too much for you for now, there is no reason why you should not communicate it.

Tell your husband's sister that you need help.

Keep washing dear,ur reward is in Heaven

I am so glad that the 5posts after the op are men,and gave very sensible advices.

Op you know what to do,you are only brewing resentment by keeping quiet.

Suffering and smilling wives club kwenu!
Iya!!!

Nairaland sef

Oh no! You cannot complain. You better not complain. Stay there and be an unpaid dry cleaner for your SIL, you hear? It drains your saturday after you must have spent the whole week taking care of her? You can't complain to hubby cos it will lead to quarrel? You aint seen nothing yet.

Abi when did the duties of an inlaw include dry cleaning? What happened to packing the lil girl's dirty cloths in a bag and giving to her mum when she comes to pick her daughter? Will she object to it? Will she kill you? Or did she expressly tell you to wash her child's cloths?

African wives pretending since the days of Adam. I'm sure she might have even mentioned picking the dirty laundry but you told her its not a bother at all, while smiling sheepishly and playing the good inlaw. Meanwhile, you're spitting fire and brimestone in your mind.

Correct SIL you've got there! She's got the best of both worlds. Weekdays without the stress of caring for a child and weekends relaxing and having fun with her child still without any chores. Correct woman I say.

Phema:
Oh no! You cannot complain. You better not complain. Stay there and be an unpaid dry cleaner for your SIL, you hear? It drains your saturday after you must have spent the whole week taking care of her? You can't complain to hubby cos it will lead to quarrel? You aint seen nothing yet.
Abi when did the duties of an inlaw include dry cleaning? What happened to packing the lil girl's dirty cloths in a bag and giving to her mum when she comes to pick her daughter? Will she object to it? Will she kill you? Or did she expressly tell you to wash her child's cloths?
African wives pretending since the days of Adam. I'm sure she might have even mentioned picking the dirty laundry but you told her its not a bother at all, while smiling sheepishly and playing the good inlaw. Meanwhile, you're spitting fire and brimestone in your mind.
Correct SIL you've got there! She's got the best of both worlds. Weekdays without the stress of caring for a child and weekends relaxing and having fun with her child still without any chores. Correct woman I say.

Leave them. Make she come do sister in law for me too. Just pat them on the head and say "this our wife is good oh" and they will be wagging their tails and carrying on more tasks

greatgod2012:
The problem is you accepting it from the beginning......how many times are we going to repeat that we shouldn't as wives pretend to satisfy anyone, lets always be ourselves, sooner or later, they will know us for whom we are and treat us accordingly........NEVER YOU START WHAT YOU CANNOT FINISH.

Well, i will suggest you complain to your hubby and be ready to face the drama that will ensue afterwards, its better that way than to keep dying inside.

The bolded says it all. Why do African wives like to pretend? Is the mother disabled ni? Or she is too big to do her daughter's laundry? Keep washing it till you reach your breaking point one day. You cannot please everyone, you can simply arrange her clothes and put in her box . When her mother comes to pick her on Friday, let her take them along to wash. That's her responsibility not yours.
It's better they know what you stand for from the beginning to avoid unnecessary quarells.

oluwaseunla:
If I were in your shoes, I'll pack up the girl's stuff before her mother comes, including the dirty clothes. When the mother comes, simply hand it over to her as her daughter's stuff.

This will work. Pack the dirty ones in a separate disposable bag and keep it in the main bag before she arrives. Hand the bag over with a smile. Believe me, she won't even have the nerve to ask why and she will get your message. No confrontation.

Lolzzzz. These are the kind of things they/she wants me to be doing. I can't, and they term me "bad" iyawo. (and l'm enjoying the title ) Some of them that get to know me well tells how good I am.


But this my particular SIL She go like Op type well well. Na she be correct lyawo. Lmao for the first time.

Sorry about this. Give people an inch and they take a mile. My SIL is very helpful to me and I barely manage not to take advantage of her.

To remedy this depends on her character and your husband's. If she is the troublesome type you may have to tell your husband and get him to agree with your view, so that when you tell her to go with her clothes, she won't make to much fuss. I guess they see you as the stay at home mother who is not doing anything, please try and do away with this idea.

Or ask for a maid or nanny or washer man. The SIL can pay for it as a means of appreciation
Best of luck

Beautiful advice lined up here.

But OP, I would like to know how you decided to handle it. Which of the advice did you utilise? Please update us.

As a person, I consider some questions dumb. You're perpetually being enslaved in your home and you're asking if you can complain. Nah, sit tight and wash the darn clothes, even extend your benevolence to your sister in-law.

edwife:
I am so glad that the 5posts after the op are men,and gave very sensible advices.

Op you know what to do,you are only brewing resentment by keeping quiet.

She's avoiding the bold tag of a "bad, lazy and disrespectful wife", for that reason, she accepted her enslavement in good fate.

oluwaseunla:

If I were in your shoes, I'll pack up the girl's stuff before her mother comes, including the dirty clothes. When the mother comes, simply hand it over to her as her daughter's stuff. If she sees it and says anything, flash your sweetest smile and explain how difficult it is for you.

Spoken like a boss. OP, this is the solution to your dilemma.