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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Olmpic Bid (854 Views)
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Olmpic Bid by Migines(m): 1:33pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Olympic Bid In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2004, the organizers of Manchester's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below. OPENING CEREMONY The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the Moss Side area), wearing the traditional balaclava. The flame will be contained in a large chip van situated on the roof of the stadium. THE EVENTS In previous Olympic games, Manchester's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local 'Manchester' athletes. 100 METERS SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes. 100 METERS HURDLES As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences walls etc.) HAMMER Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc.) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed. FENCING Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewelry as possible in 5 minutes. SHOOTING A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk bank teller or Securicor style wages delivery man. BOXING Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence. CYCLING TIME TRIALS Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the country on his first trip away from home. All against the clock CYCLING PURSUIT As above but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft. MODERN PENTATHLON Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy riding and arson. THE MARATHON A safe route has yet to be decided , but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course. SWIMMING Competitors will be thrown off the bridge over the ship canal. The first three survivors back, will decide the medals MEN'S 50KM WALK Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Manchester. THE CLOSING CEREMONY Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Salford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronized rock throwing and music by the Stockport Community Choir. The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next to the stadium. The stadium will be then boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler. WARNING(LONG CONTENT) i was hoping u'll scroll down b4 reading |
Re: Olmpic Bid by krama(m): 8:18pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
Exactly, i scrolled down first. . . and ended up not reading it! Somebody to summarize for us please |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 10:19pm On Nov 24, 2008 |
@ poster are u saying all this were happening in manchester its a big lieeeeeeeee |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sima(f): 1:11am On Nov 25, 2008 |
i was gonnna say dat . . |
Re: Olmpic Bid by Gabry(f): 5:42am On Nov 25, 2008 |
See manchester fans. |
Re: Olmpic Bid by clemcykul(f): 12:22pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
in action |
Re: Olmpic Bid by yysl: 1:01pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
he he
|
Re: Olmpic Bid by clemcykul(f): 1:55pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
yyl laff out na if shit dey worry u just speak out |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sima(f): 8:58pm On Nov 25, 2008 |
i was also gonnna say dat |
Re: Olmpic Bid by clemcykul(f): 11:45am On Nov 26, 2008 |
no need for dat now am here as a spokes person |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 11:50am On Nov 26, 2008 |
spokeperson to who? |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sylve11: 5:34pm On Nov 26, 2008 |
to you na |
Re: Olmpic Bid by tosinadeda: 7:19pm On Nov 26, 2008 |
hissses sholabanke: its a joke duh |
Re: Olmpic Bid by romsky: 8:57am On Nov 27, 2008 |
tank Gudness i read replies b4 d post |
Re: Olmpic Bid by clemcykul(f): 11:59am On Nov 27, 2008 |
as if u can read. |
Re: Olmpic Bid by romsky: 2:30pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
tuk after u |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 2:34pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
romade:what happened wit the reply and post? |
Re: Olmpic Bid by Moyola(f): 2:38pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 2:40pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
you hav to |
Re: Olmpic Bid by romsky: 3:33pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
sholabanke: what is confusin u about dat? |
Re: Olmpic Bid by mykali(m): 3:48pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
u guys never amaze to cease me. |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 4:01pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
and u also never cease amazing us |
Re: Olmpic Bid by romsky: 4:28pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
tank u |
Re: Olmpic Bid by mykali(m): 4:35pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
for wetin na. |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 4:37pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
mykali:you think thats for u? u better face front |
Re: Olmpic Bid by mykali(m): 4:51pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
romade, who is this shola[b]banky w[/b] guy. abeg tell me b4 i enter trouble oh. |
Re: Olmpic Bid by romsky: 4:56pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
he is Omo Iya Banke |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sholabanke(m): 5:41pm On Nov 27, 2008 |
romade:Good description |
Re: Olmpic Bid by sima(f): 7:28am On Nov 28, 2008 |
i was gonnna say dat |
(1) (Reply)
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