Following with a machete...ooo don't b scared...its jez for precaution....bokoharam(derailers) are everywhere

Ursinmind:
Sammyhoe, I have this very big problem..... My phone has been refusing to open ebiag.com for some days now and I am missing Henry White and Ted Manuel badly

Have u registered on THE EBIAG PLANET? or you are just using ghostmode to read all our wonderful stories there?

[b]Political Crinkum Crankum

...

Gbeminiyi was embittered when he heard that his posters were pasted around Lagos by some unknown people, asking the public not to cast their votes for him. When he told Maria, she wept sore.

"Niyi, ah! We are ruined! We are ruined!" Maria sobbed.

"Stop saying that, Maria," Niyi said. "We mustn't give up so easily dear," he said.

"Dear, this is serious... I mean how will I be able to parade myself around in this state if I am no more the first lady of the state? Em, what did you say your aides say concerning the reaction of the masses to us?"

"They said that the Lagosians, 90% of them, are talking about going for the Harmony Party because I have failed them."

"Oh my God!" Maria exclaimed.

"Maria, what shall we do?"

The governor and his wife sweated in a reflective mood. They were probably retrospecting on their halcyon days. If time could be rewound, they wouldn't be hesitating just now to bring it four years backward.

"Maria, I think I will go with your idea," Gbeminiyi said.

"What idea is that?" Maria asked with a puckered face. Her head wrinkled.

"That I should start doing something now," Gbeminiyi said. "Yes, Maria, I think it is a good idea. I will start making roads, bridges and start renovating schools, giving loans to farmers and pay teachers' salary we are owing them. I will just...start it anyway."

Maria was speechless, yet she was the person who raised the idea earlier on. Now she seemed to be losing faith in the idea she raised herself.

"Talk to me, Maria. Are you not the one who suggested all these before?"

"Dear, I have reconsidered them joor. They are just Fire Brigade approach jare," she said with a yawn.

"Yes, fire brigade, but it can go a long way to help. You know what, Maria. We shall try as much as possible to convince the Lagosians that we did some things they didn't know we did. We will put signposts everywhere showing some false pictures of infrastructures we have put in place during my three and half year tenure. Tell me, how will they know that we are just faulting it?"

Maria laughed. Gbeminiyi thought she was cooperating, but his belief was short-lived:

"Yeye," she said. "Are Lagosians blind? If you lied that you make roads at Idumota, Ikorodu and Ojodu, don't you think the people at Agege, Oshodi and Egbeda have relatives in those places? They will definitely find out and if they discovered it is false..."

"Hmm, you have a point Maria," Gbeminiyi reasoned with her. "Em, but as I said earlier, we can start constructing things now and giving bribes. We can afford thousands of cows, can't we? We can get Motorcycles and even bicycles and give them to people. We can even start Eko Lottery and people start earning money. Then, they will definitely vote for us, or what do you think, Maria?"

Maria clapped her hands thrice and said, "Eeh, eeh, Erin e n pa mi. Do you think Lagosians are foolish? They are wiser than tortoise if you don't know. They will collect all your gifts and go ahead to do their own will. Better not waste your dime, Niyi."

"So...what shall we now do?" Gbeminiyi began to panic. The hair on his head was wet. It was rare for him to be sweating on the head, but now he was at a critical point. Many of his party faithfuls were deflecting to the opposition party. A surge of fear had gripped a whole of him.

Maria walked about, placing her finger on her face. She was fed up with her husband already. Her love for him was fading away. All she needed him to be was the governor and nothing else so that she could remain the 'Her Excellency' she had enjoyed for the past three and half years.

Maria fixed her gaze at her husband. He was having his head in between his open palms with his legs crossed. His narrow face just fit into his hands like an atlas in the hands of a statue. His drupelike jaw quivered like earthquake as the grotesque on his face enlarged like an elastic material.

"Niyi, Niyi...Niyi," Maria called but he was absentminded. Maria traipsed to his back and laid the fists of her two hands behind his neck. He loved such treat so much.

"Darling, what about Mr. Ajayi?"

"My PA?" the man spoke aloud. "Oh, I need to issue him a sack letter earlier, but I forgot."

"Ah! Don't be rash dear," she said. "Infact I'm thinking maybe we should give him chance to enlighten us about that winning formula again, perhaps..."

"Enough!" Gbeminiyi got up at once. He had considered the PA sacked already and no going back on that.

Maria burned within her soul. She hated being shouted on. Majestically, she began to make towards her room. Gbeminiyi called her but she didn't listen.

Maria had bolted the door from within. Her husband knocked and pleaded with her to open and she did that eventually.

"Maria, I'm sorry..."

"You don't consider my status Niyi. You just shout at me anyhow?"

" I am sorry," he apologized. She concurred.

Maria advised her husband again that they should give the PA the last chance to clear himself. They sent for him and he came in a short moment of time. The man declared his unpalatable farfetched 'winning formula' once more and it appeared as vague as it was earlier.

"His Excellency, let me declare something; if your wife succeeded in winning the election eventually, you will remain the one in power indirectly, though the whole world would cogitate that you are divorced. That divorce will only be on papers and not etched in the heart. You will dictate to her everything she should do while she appears to be in power and your marital affair will continue secretly."

"This is hard to chew," Gbeminiyi said, showing some sign of surrender.

"Really, really hard," Maria said.

"Sir and Ma, infact you will not only rule this state for four years more, but eight instead," the PA said.

"Eight? How?" the couple exclaimed intriguingly.

"Yes, eight, because at the end of her tenure, she will admit that she has forgiven you and you will be reunited as husband and wife again. Then sir, you will contend for your second term by then and win..."

"Theory!" Gbeminiyi yelled.

"No sir, it can happen sir," the PA said. "If only your wife...em...I mean her excellency...can do well during her 4-year tenure, then surely you will win it back after her."

"This idea is out of this world!" Gbeminiyi exclaimed.

Gbeminiyi began to give his PA's advice some strong considerations. The idea was glistening afterall. He was tempted to admit and go for it, but no, he needed to hear from Maria first.

"Mr. Ajayi you can go now, later we will call you back."

"Okay sir," the man humbly bowed his head and walked out.

Gbeminiyi faced Maria. She was shy.

"How will I become a governor?" she said. "The idea is good Niyi, but the thing is that I am too shy to become a governor o. And again, how will I divorce you? How will I be without you for one minute? It's impossible!"

Gbeminiyi laughed.

"Do you mean the idea is okay?"

"Yes, but it won't happen dear because I can't do without you in my..."

"Forget it Maria!" Gbeminiyi screamed happily. "As Daniel said, we will still be having our affairs as before, secretly so forget it! As for that shyness you are talking about, you don't have anything to be shy about. Just do what a governor will do, that's all. Maria, be strong!" Niyi held her palms tight. She wept.[/b]

[b] CHAPTER THREE

The whole preparation began in earnest for Mrs Gbeminiyi to be politically declared a governorship aspirant under the aegis of the Harmony Party of Nigeria. Ajayi began to run around to ensure that the divorce was carried out legally and successfully.

The primary election of the Harmony Party took a really funny fashion which had suddenly become a thing of interest to the whole nation entirely as they saw a husband and a wife struggling with one another for the governorship position under the same party while they kept attending court meetings in order to divorce.

Maria had spoken to the media the major reason why she must divorce him:

"Gbeminiyi is a selfish man, always concerned about himself alone and not the masses," Maria lambasted her husband while speaking with the press. "I can't really count the number of time I have woken him up in the middle of the night to tell him just one thing: Gbeminiyi, eeh, time is running out, please do something to add value to Lagos. Gbeminiyi will shun me and tell me their is always time."

"Madam, what actually make you want to divorce your husband?" the press would ask. "People think it is because you didn't have a baby for him since the past six years of your relationship. Please can you say something about these?"

"Ha, ha, ha," Maria gave a short laugh. She cleared her throat. "People can be so funny," she said. "Can you imagine this? Well...that is not the reason why I want to divorce Niyi. Have we not seen couples staying together forever even when they didn't have children?" Maria said. "Well...if Lagosians want to know, the reason why Niyi will lose me now is because of his self-centeredness. Imagine, for four good years, Niyi couldn't successfully complete a state project. Despite the fact that I kept shouting every morning and evening that Niyi, do something, Niyi do something..."

Maria was a perfect actress in the political divorce process. No one could suggest that she was acting these things out. She had even burst into tears in front of the cameras and microphones at a particular time.

"My people in Badagry now see me as an enemy because there is no improvement to their standard of living, yet I am a native of that place. Everybody now looks at Maria as an outcast just because Niyi failed to do what he should have done. On countless occasions, if I could remember, I had to keep my wardrobe allowance to pay teachers salary myself, just because Niyi failed to pay them," she lied. "Monkey is sweating, but the fur on it will not let us notice it."

"Em...her excellency, don't you think that divorcing your husband could put a big gash into your husband's life at this critical moment? Leaving him alone now ma, is it not a dangerous adventure, because I think he needs you more than ever before right now."

"He may go to hell for all I care!" Maria shouted. "Niyi has done much more for me over the years. Niyi disgraced me and washed me down in front of the Kings and Baales of Badagry," she lied. "Niyi sent those kings away when they came to advise him to do something to help their community and the populace at large. Niyi called them dogs. I was so embarrassed such that I have to weep in darkness for two days without eating. Then I knew I was in bondage and I desperately needed to come out. I knew our marriage was a mistake."[/b]

[b]Maria's lie knew no bounds, such that Ajayi, the governor's P.A had to warn her against over-acting.

Niyi and Maria would privately meet in rich hotel at Lekki every evening to discuss the next step of action:

"Maria, in fact, you are getting along well," Niyi would say.

"Can you say that again, Niyi?" Maria said, smiling.

"You are too much, Maria," he said. "And those kings and baales are cooperating too. They admitted to the fact that you actually brought them to the governor's house and I chased them all away," Niyi said.

Maria laughed:

"Why will they not agree to that?" Maria said. "Each of them has two million naira each in their individual account, Niyi. Ajayi sent the money to them all."

"Good!" Niyi said. "And where is Ajayi right now? He needs to tell us the next line of action."

"Oh...Ajayi is on his way," Maria said. "I think the media is on his neck now. They want him to speak by all means, since you have refused to speak to them yourself."

There was silence. The couple stared at each other. Soon, Maria was weeping.

"You are...weeping?" Niyi was surprised.

"Yes, I have to," Maria said. "How come I have to be doing all these? How come I am defaming you all in the name of playing politics? Niyi, I think it is over--I mean I can't continue to hide under pretence. I can't keep spoiling your... your... name anymore..."

Niyi tapped his wife at the back and whispered to her ears:

"Sweet heart, just do it, do it for our sake. Do it for the sake of the future. If you end up as the governor, will I not still be the one secretly ruling the state? Please do it for me, you know this is our last chance?"

Maria emoted as she looked into his eyeballs. She broke down in tears. Gbeminiyi held her and led her to the edge of the bed. They hugged each other.

Ajayi caught them in the love-making act as he barged in. They had to disengage in a flash.

"So, here you are, making love when the whole world is busy looking forward to seeing the outcome of your divorce proceedings tomorrow," Ajayi said jokingly.

"Ajayi, did you not see that we are having fun here? My wife is mine, come rain come sun. Let the Lagosians and the entire world believe in what is not, I am less concerned."

They burst into laughter. It was such a frenzied mood. They kept pouring wine to celebrate ahead of the divorce meant for the next day.

Now, the masses had fully concentrated their full attention on Gbeminiyi and his wife, hence the Harmony Party. The media didn't even spare a little time to talk on the Friendship Party's primary election fast approaching. All they cared to infiltrate the dailies with were talks on the miraculous divorce trend between the governor and his first lady.

The court was full as usual, such that some people had to bribe their ways into the premise, just to witness the proceedings. The presses had taken total control, interviewing dignitaries and the masses alike.

Gbeminiyi and Maria sat opposite each other. Maria had assumed a tough face. She appeared so mean and unbent. No one would suspect that all was a trick.

The judge, Awoyemi Festus, was preparing to give the verdict. His lawyers had asked the couple if indeed they wanted the divorce or not. The governor's face was cold. He didn't say anything initially, but in the end, he said, "Ha! I will miss Maria so much. I admit my wrong but now it's too late to amend my way...please go ahead..."

Governor Gbeminiyi broke into tears.

Maria was of different visage. She stepped forward to declare her mind:

"No going back! Please justice, go ahead and dissolve this unfruitful marriage. I regret ever marrying him," she yelled.

The hammer slammed the table and a sound wave travelled throughout the court vicinity. Everywhere was dead silent as Justice Awoyemi Festus cleared his throat in readiness to say something:

"According to the constitution of this country, I hereby dissolve the 5-year marital relationship between Mr Gbeminiyi Niyi Adeolu, the governor and his wife Mrs Ajetunmobi Maria!"

"Arise!"

There was an outburst of noise, a mixed one. The candidates of the Friendship Party thought it all joy that the governor had lost his backbone. They believed they had failed woefully, the Harmony Party. They would use the divorce issue as a political topic starter, they thought.

The governor's eyes were covered in tears. He kept looking at Maria and shaking her head.

"Ha!" he screamed and bit his finger as she walked out on him, throwing the wedding ring at him. Gbeminiyi stooped to pick up the ring. He his into beneath his dansiki. The camera caught him. There would be more money for the media house as they would have enough people buying their materials, the video and the papers.

*** *** *** ***
Gbeminiyi and the PA, as well as Maria, began the celebration as soon as they left the court. They had a meeting place they had arranged for since the day before.
Maria's elder brother, Elijah, was a principal in one of the state school. In the middle of the celebration, he called her to know where she was. Maria was tipsy at the moment, so she kept on giving out anything he needed to hear.

"Maria, where are you right now?" Elijah asked his younger sister.

"Moonlight Hotel, Alausa," she said. "Anything?"

"Yes, sister. The teachers all want to celebrate with you. We will be on our way," he said.

"Alright, come over," Maria said like a drunkard. If Niyi hadn't gone to the toilet then, he wouldn't have allowed his wife to say such thing:

Niyi returned to the large lounge and the party of three started afresh. They drank to a toast:

"To deception," they said as they clinked their mugs. Even the management of the hotel didn't know that the governor was in there because he had checked in incognito.

"Maria, you are awesome," Niyi laughed. "Imagine, you just acted the whole thing out so perfectly."

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" Maria laughed. "You are perfect too, just imagine the way you were shedding tears like a crocodile. People there and the entire nation would think it is for real."

Maria and Niyi got into a long embrace. They drew in a long buss. Ajayi was jealous. He wished he had his wife around too.

The pact was only between the three of them; Ajayi, Gbeminiyi and Maria. No one knew that they were acting it out, including the Obas and Baales who collected bribes from Maria to support the move that the governor was bad.

Soon, the ring buzzed. The governor was shocked, so she whispered, "What's happening?" He was staring at the PA.

Ajayi's face was set in confusion too; they hadn't given anyone an invitation--but Maria did without their knowledge. Her eyeballs rotated inside her eyes. She had forgotten that she invited anyone.

"Who will go to the door?" the governor whispered.

"Let me go," said the PA.

"NO, I will!" Maria said and began to step towards the door.

Maria opened the door a little and found her elder brother and a score of entourages. She almost collapsed.

Maria swiftly shut the door against them and rushed in:

"My brother," she whispered to the other two inside. Quickly, she squeezed the governor and his P.A into the toilet and shut the toilet door. Then she rushed to the door to open it.

"What's happening?" Elijah asked.

"Em...huh, nothing, actually...nothing..."

"Congratulations!" the unsuspecting teachers began to say, but Elijah was suspicious.

"Maria, why did you shut the door at our face like that?" Elijah queried.

"Oh! Sorry brother, I was half-dressed," she lied.

"I see," he said. Maria thought she had overcome him, but it was not over yet:

"Maria, are you the only one indoor? Because it was as if we heard your voice speaking with someone."

"Yes so true," the other teachers corroborated his speech.

"Especially the voice of the governor and his PA," Elijah hit the nail on the head. It was a great shocker to his sister!

"Voice?" Maria was taken aback.

"Em, maybe not...oh! the TV, Gbeminiyi and Ajayi were in it just now...the news," she lied. "I put it off just when I came to the door to open it for y-you."

Elijah saw three tumblers on the table. He knew something fishy was going on.

"Em, sister...no problem," he said. "Can we have some drinks, at least to celebrate with you?"

"Oh...let me call the bar man; what will you like to drink, beer, wine?"

"Everything Maria," he said, "But first, let me enter the toilet to urinate."

Maria felt as if a nail had just struck her temple. Her brain turned around like a draw soup on fire as he heard Elijah speak. He was already making for the toilet door where the governor and his P.A were passing their hard time.

Maria held him, trying to prevent him from making the move.

"You can't go in there!" he shouted at him...[/b]

Update o

[b] Elijah was quick. He had pulled himself through from his sister's grip and in a whiff, he had pulled the door open. It was a horrible experience as Governor Gbeminiyi and Ajayi stared into space, blank.

"What!" Ajayi screamed. He forcefully shut the toilet door and turned around. Maria was there already.

Right inside the toilet, Gbeminiyi and Ajayi his PA sweated. They hadn't really seen the clear image of the person who opened the door.

"Ajayi, what is this?" Gbeminiyi asked cluelessly.

"I'm confused," Ajayi replied.

"Did Maria allow that man here or something bad has happened to her?" the governor's lips convulsed as he spoke.

"We are here together sir...and I think that man has hurt Maria."

"I must come out of here immediately!"

"Sir, don't try it!" Ajayi adviced. "They will spot you and possibly harm you."

"Shut up Ajayi!" the man barked. "Do you want to also be my PA in the toilet?" They were silent for a while.

The governor began to feel uncomfortable.

"I feel like passing out stool," the man held his stomach tight and squinted his face.

"You are free to do so sir, cause we are in the right place for such--the toilet," Ajayi said.

Gbeminiyi hastily lowered himself to the latrine, but Ajayi asked his permission to pass out urine first.

"Sir, please one minute," Ajayi demanded. They farted on and on.
*** *** * ***
The toilet door suddenly flung open. The governor was lucky that he had just put on his pants, else he would have been caught in the act.

"Hey, don't you guys want to come out of there?" Maria voiced out.

"Ah, Maria, it's you!"

"Are you expecting any other person?" Maria asked with a smile.

"No Maria, but...but..." the governor stammered and Ajayi was quick to help him out:

"Who was that man who opened the door earlier?"

Maria was mute. She didn't want to tell her husband about it, at least to keep her brother's secret.

"Answer me, Maria, who was that man? Why did you allow him in here when you know that we are in there?"

"Em...nothing, the man rushed suddenly there before I could blink an eye. He was so much pressed, that's why."

"And he has seen my boss," Ajayi said. "That's trouble for us."

"And who is he by the way?"

"That man is nobody, em, just a friend to Elijah, that's all. And he didn't know it was the governor he saw."

"Are you sure?" they asked her.

"Yes of course!" Maria answered.

Gbeminiyi had a way of reading the truth from his wife's eyes. He saw it and believed her. He sighed.

"So...you think he hasn't seen me?"

"Yes!" Maria said. "As a matter of fact, he said he saw only one person there and the description he gave of the person seemed more like Ajayi's and not yours."

"So, what excuse did you give him?"

"I said the person is my cousin."

Gbeminiyi was pleased.

"Are they still in?"

"Gone," Maria said. "Isettled them with #200,000 and ordered them to leave."

"Good of you, her excellency," Ajayi said, but the governor had something else to say:

"Bad of you, Maria!" the governor screamed.

"Bad of...me?" It took her aback.

"Yes, too bad..." Gbeminiyi said.

"How?" Ajayi asked.

"Maria is too careless," the governor spoke angrily. "Why did she ask her friends to come over here when she knows what is at stake?"

"Niyi, I can explain," Maria said soberly.

"No explanation, Maria, just keep quiet!" the governor didn't want to listen.

Maria sulked. The governor began to put on his robe. When he was done, he beckoned on his PA and said, "Ajayi let's go!"

"Em..." Ajayi sounded. He wanted to stay behind.

"Let's go!" Gbeminiyi screamed. Ajayi acquiesced.

Maria was let alone. She fell onto the sofa and bit her finger as tears welled up in her face.[/b]