COLUMN: PIUS ADESANMI

What’s in a name? Nothing, says Western
culture, for a rose by any other name
would smell as sweet. Everything, say
the cultures of Africa, for every name is a
messenger, running errands of family history and
circumstances of birth for its bearer. That is why
an African seldom jokes with the interjection: call
me this or call me that. Self-naming is serious
business, very serious business in Africa. Doyin
Okupe, one of the caterwauling blights on
Nigerian manhood currently littering Aso Rock,
said to call him a bastard if APC survived the
first year of its formation. It is time for Nigerians
to obey his instruction and grant him the
Chieftaincy title he requested: Bastard Doyin
Okupe. I hope you understand that I did not call
him a bastard. He insisted and who am I not to
respect a man’s wish to be called a bastard? If
you want to know how to handle a man’s
calabash, watch him and study how he handles
it himself.

Although he is sadly in his sixties – I say sadly
because his behaviour always suggests that he
is trapped in a pre-teenage stage of development
– the patriarchs in Ogun state need to summon
Doyin Okupe and flog him in a public assembly.
It is rare to see a Yoruba elder in Doyin Okupe’s
station do so much damage to his culture
because he either misunderstands it or his desire
for stomach infrastructure stands in the way of
wisdom. “Call me this if that does not happen”
is a commonplace Yoruba cultural formula. Like
all cultural formulas, it is not to be used by
fools. Any secondary school kid in Yoruba land
knows that you wield that mode of discourse
only when you are absolutely certain of the
results of what you are boasting about. Call me
a bastard if January is not succeeded by
February; call me a bastard if PHCN provides one
year of uninterrupted power supply all over the
country in 2015; call me a bastard if the EFCC
ever prosecutes Olusegun Obasanjo, Abdulsalam
Abubakar, and other beneficiaries of the $180
million Halliburton scandal. These are three
contexts a Yoruba person would deem
appropriate for that cultural formula because it is
certain that none of the propositions would ever
happen. However, call me a bastard if a political
party lasts a year? Only a very foolish Yoruba
person would say this.
You know that this person is foolish because the
more you slice off his fingers, the more he
insists on wearing diamond rings. Doyin Okupe
is now into the business of comparing his boss
with Jesus Christ. Suddenly, Martin Luther King,
Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, and Lee Kuan
Yew are no longer enough for these deranged
minds in Aso Rock. Oga Goodluck Jonathan is
now better than all these people put together.
Trust Doyin Okupe. He did not even stop at the
Pope. He went directly for Jesus Christ. He even
forgot that there is no vacancy for a second
Jesus Christ in Aso Rock. Evans Bipi already
named Patience Jonathan Jesus Christ over a
year ago. Patience Jonathan accepted the
honour and returned from Germany claiming to
have raised Lazarus from the dead. Which of the
two Jesuses in Aso Rock will step down for the
other now?
There is something else I like about Yoruba
culture. There is a point at which that culture
determines that somebody’s behaviour has
become so outrageous that you stop blaming
him or holding him to account. Yoruba culture
will migrate to the person’s kinsmen and ask
them critical questions. The moment Doyin
Okupe started comparing his Oga with Jesus
Christ for the simple reason that what he will eat
is standing in the way of wisdom, you are
unlikely to find anybody in Yoruba land still
blaming the man. Instead, questions will be
asked of his kinsmen, his molebi in Ogun state.
What did Doyin do? Who did he offend and what
is the scale of his offence that you, his kinsmen,
would fold your arms and watch him dance
naked in the public square all the time? Why did
you allow him to cross the market? Does he not
have molebi in this town? What is his olori ebi –
family head – doing about his matter? Are you
his kinsmen just going to be looking at him?
Won’t you do something? Ee ni jade si oro Doyin
ni? I am sure these questions are being asked of
Doyin Okupe’s kinsmen already.
Doyin Okupe is not the only one who has
suffered misadventures recently in the field of
naming. President Jonathan and the career
Jonathanians who worship him on social media
are also suffering from a crisis of identity. One of
the rules of naming is that people tend to
associate you with whatever you speak
approvingly of. In certain cases, it could become
your sobriquet. If I speak approvingly of football
all the time, people could start calling me Pele or
Messi. Whatever you approve of is usually a
pointer to how you wish to be called. I am not
sure that President Jonathan and career
Jonathanians understand this basic rule. We
must therefore break it down for them to help
them avoid the pitfall of poor self-naming in the
future.
President Jonathan went on prime time TV to
proclaim that stealing is not corruption. He
reprimanded those who take corruption too
seriously for misunderstanding ordinary, mere,
simple cases of stealing. Watching him, I told
myself that he was very effective in making
stealing look like the new cool in Nigeria. At first,
career Jonathanians were stunned on social
media. It was such a huge gaffe on the part of
their Orisha that they initially did not know what
to do about it. Then, like a herd, they started
cutting and slicing the statement; defending it;
justifying it; rationalizing it; explaining it;
accounting for it; mitigating it; diluting it. As is
usual with career Jonathanians, they forgot their
Orisha who made the error and turned against
Nigerians who dared to scrutinize it.
They hounded the nation. You must accept
Oga’s premise that stealing is not corruption or
you’re a hater. Perhaps the most celebrated
instance of Jonathanian defence of the maxim,
stealing is not corruption, happened when I
delivered Pastor Tunde Bakare’s 60th birthday
lecture recently in Lagos. Our brother and recent
convert to career Jonathanism, Governor
Olusegun Mimiko of Ondo state, was on the high
table with us. He kept wincing in pain and
discomfort throughout my lecture. Stealing is not
corruption was one of the planks of my lecture.
I got a standing ovation after it. Governor
Mimiko was asked to respond. He spent almost
forty minutes philosophizing President
Jonathan’s statement. He defended, polished,
cleaned up, explained, rationalized, disinfected.
He was sweating. He accused me and the rest of
the country of having not taken the time to
research corruption and stealing. We have not
theorized it enough. We have no research
archives. Once we understand the theory of
stealing and corruption, we would have a deeper
understanding of President Jonathan’s
statement. The audience booed him. Sahara
Reporters later published the video.
In essence, for President Jonathan and career
Jonathanians, there is nothing wrong with the
statement stealing is not corruption. We got tired
of their harassment and granted them their wish
of calling them what they wanted to be called.
Oga Jonathan went to Obafemi Awolowo
University, Ife, and some students shouted “Ole!
Ole! Ole! Thief! Thief! Thief!” You’d think that
career Jonathanians would be happy. After all,
they’d spent months on social media screaming
themselves hoarse and saying there is nothing
wrong with the President’s beatification of
stealing on national television in broad daylight.
If there is nothing wrong with that statement,
why is your mental carburetor suddenly
overheating because some students called your
Oga what he wishes to be called?
Career Jonathanians went into overdrive on
social media. They screamed. They hee-hawed. I
laughed really hard, reading and watching their
contortions. At first, they said it did not happen.
Then they said Sahara Reporters manufactured
the story. Then they said that only a handful of
students sponsored by APC screamed at the
president. Then they said that even if it
happened, it was rude and unpatriotic to call the
President a thief – a president who had found a
moral euphemism to rationalize stealing on
national TV!
As we approach 2015, we must advise President
Jonathan, his handlers, and career Jonathanians
on social media: self-naming is a serious
business. This is no time for you to suffer an
identity crisis in the theatre of naming. You
cannot say, one minute, that stealing is not
corruption is the greatest philosophical
statement of the century and turn around, the
next minute, to burst a vein when the author of
the said statement is called a thief. That is
called confusion break bones. Make up your
minds what you wish to be called.

Great piece! Always a joy to read Pius Adesanmi. Let me help Okupe too in proclaiming his real identity. Okupe you are a bastard.

.

Prof u don forget the word decorum calling people bastard because of their views is uncouth

Lol! I love Pius! This is a perfectly written piece. How can a grown man like Okupe, a public servant make such comment. Well, we will all be calling a Bastard from now or in a year.

deji68:
Prof u don forget the word decorum calling people bastard because of their views is uncouth

Did you even read the article or did you just rush to comment? Please take the time and read it and you will understand. Okupe already called himself a bastard!

“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together"
Henry wadsworth

I read it, even if Doyin said that .....I think Prof should be mature enough to avoid using the word, the write up is too emotional, betraying his political allegiance ...He should control his emotions and remain objective

Jack65:
Did you even read the article or did you just rush to comment? Please take the time and read it and you will understand. Okupe already called himself a bastard!

deji68:
Prof u don forget the word decorum calling people bastard because of their views is uncouth

He said Nigerians should. Call him bastard if APC last a yr

personal59:

He said Nigerians should. Call him bastard if APC last a yr

i guess they just did.

deji68:
“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together"
Henry wadsworth

I read it, even if Doyin said that .....I think Prof should be mature enough to avoid using the word, the write up is too emotional, betraying his political allegiance ...He should control his emotions and remain objective

Common bros, I think you are the one being biased here, so you don't have anything to say about the way Doyin Okupe has been recklessly running his mouth lately.?

I pity okupe blasphemy is one thing the bible detest with all its authority...and doyin was so confident and bold and crowned somebody jesus christ I know is little boy or gal knows the truth...all because of money.i rest my case.

smsshola:

COLUMN: PIUS ADESANMI

What’s in a name? Nothing, says Western
culture, for a rose by any other name
would smell as sweet. Everything, say
the cultures of Africa, for every name is a
messenger, running errands of family history and
circumstances of birth for its bearer. That is why
an African seldom jokes with the interjection: call
me this or call me that. Self-naming is serious
business, very serious business in Africa. Doyin
Okupe, one of the caterwauling blights on
Nigerian manhood currently littering Aso Rock,
said to call him a bastard if APC survived the
first year of its formation. It is time for Nigerians
to obey his instruction and grant him the
Chieftaincy title he requested: Bastard Doyin
Okupe. I hope you understand that I did not call
him a bastard. He insisted and who am I not to
respect a man’s wish to be called a bastard? If
you want to know how to handle a man’s
calabash, watch him and study how he handles
it himself.

Although he is sadly in his sixties – I say sadly
because his behaviour always suggests that he
is trapped in a pre-teenage stage of development
– the patriarchs in Ogun state need to summon
Doyin Okupe and flog him in a public assembly.
It is rare to see a Yoruba elder in Doyin Okupe’s
station do so much damage to his culture
because he either misunderstands it or his desire
for stomach infrastructure stands in the way of
wisdom. “Call me this if that does not happen”
is a commonplace Yoruba cultural formula. Like
all cultural formulas, it is not to be used by
fools. Any secondary school kid in Yoruba land
knows that you wield that mode of discourse
only when you are absolutely certain of the
results of what you are boasting about. Call me
a bastard if January is not succeeded by
February; call me a bastard if PHCN provides one
year of uninterrupted power supply all over the
country in 2015; call me a bastard if the EFCC
ever prosecutes Olusegun Obasanjo, Abdulsalam
Abubakar, and other beneficiaries of the $180
million Halliburton scandal. These are three
contexts a Yoruba person would deem
appropriate for that cultural formula because it is
certain that none of the propositions would ever
happen. However, call me a bastard if a political
party lasts a year? Only a very foolish Yoruba
person would say this.
You know that this person is foolish because the
more you slice off his fingers, the more he
insists on wearing diamond rings. Doyin Okupe
is now into the business of comparing his boss
with Jesus Christ. Suddenly, Martin Luther King,
Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, and Lee Kuan
Yew are no longer enough for these deranged
minds in Aso Rock. Oga Goodluck Jonathan is
now better than all these people put together.
Trust Doyin Okupe. He did not even stop at the
Pope. He went directly for Jesus Christ. He even
forgot that there is no vacancy for a second
Jesus Christ in Aso Rock. Evans Bipi already
named Patience Jonathan Jesus Christ over a
year ago. Patience Jonathan accepted the
honour and returned from Germany claiming to
have raised Lazarus from the dead. Which of the
two Jesuses in Aso Rock will step down for the
other now?
There is something else I like about Yoruba
culture. There is a point at which that culture
determines that somebody’s behaviour has
become so outrageous that you stop blaming
him or holding him to account. Yoruba culture
will migrate to the person’s kinsmen and ask
them critical questions. The moment Doyin
Okupe started comparing his Oga with Jesus
Christ for the simple reason that what he will eat
is standing in the way of wisdom, you are
unlikely to find anybody in Yoruba land still
blaming the man. Instead, questions will be
asked of his kinsmen, his molebi in Ogun state.
What did Doyin do? Who did he offend and what
is the scale of his offence that you, his kinsmen,
would fold your arms and watch him dance
naked in the public square all the time? Why did
you allow him to cross the market? Does he not
have molebi in this town? What is his olori ebi –
family head – doing about his matter? Are you
his kinsmen just going to be looking at him?
Won’t you do something? Ee ni jade si oro Doyin
ni? I am sure these questions are being asked of
Doyin Okupe’s kinsmen already.
Doyin Okupe is not the only one who has
suffered misadventures recently in the field of
naming. President Jonathan and the career
Jonathanians who worship him on social media
are also suffering from a crisis of identity. One of
the rules of naming is that people tend to
associate you with whatever you speak
approvingly of. In certain cases, it could become
your sobriquet. If I speak approvingly of football
all the time, people could start calling me Pele or
Messi. Whatever you approve of is usually a
pointer to how you wish to be called. I am not
sure that President Jonathan and career
Jonathanians understand this basic rule. We
must therefore break it down for them to help
them avoid the pitfall of poor self-naming in the
future.
President Jonathan went on prime time TV to
proclaim that stealing is not corruption. He
reprimanded those who take corruption too
seriously for misunderstanding ordinary, mere,
simple cases of stealing. Watching him, I told
myself that he was very effective in making
stealing look like the new cool in Nigeria. At first,
career Jonathanians were stunned on social
media. It was such a huge gaffe on the part of
their Orisha that they initially did not know what
to do about it. Then, like a herd, they started
cutting and slicing the statement; defending it;
justifying it; rationalizing it; explaining it;
accounting for it; mitigating it; diluting it. As is
usual with career Jonathanians, they forgot their
Orisha who made the error and turned against
Nigerians who dared to scrutinize it.
They hounded the nation. You must accept
Oga’s premise that stealing is not corruption or
you’re a hater. Perhaps the most celebrated
instance of Jonathanian defence of the maxim,
stealing is not corruption, happened when I
delivered Pastor Tunde Bakare’s 60th birthday
lecture recently in Lagos. Our brother and recent
convert to career Jonathanism, Governor
Olusegun Mimiko of Ondo state, was on the high
table with us. He kept wincing in pain and
discomfort throughout my lecture. Stealing is not
corruption was one of the planks of my lecture.
I got a standing ovation after it. Governor
Mimiko was asked to respond. He spent almost
forty minutes philosophizing President
Jonathan’s statement. He defended, polished,
cleaned up, explained, rationalized, disinfected.
He was sweating. He accused me and the rest of
the country of having not taken the time to
research corruption and stealing. We have not
theorized it enough. We have no research
archives. Once we understand the theory of
stealing and corruption, we would have a deeper
understanding of President Jonathan’s
statement. The audience booed him. Sahara
Reporters later published the video.
In essence, for President Jonathan and career
Jonathanians, there is nothing wrong with the
statement stealing is not corruption. We got tired
of their harassment and granted them their wish
of calling them what they wanted to be called.
Oga Jonathan went to Obafemi Awolowo
University, Ife, and some students shouted “Ole!
Ole! Ole! Thief! Thief! Thief!” You’d think that
career Jonathanians would be happy. After all,
they’d spent months on social media screaming
themselves hoarse and saying there is nothing
wrong with the President’s beatification of
stealing on national television in broad daylight.
If there is nothing wrong with that statement,
why is your mental carburetor suddenly
overheating because some students called your
Oga what he wishes to be called?
Career Jonathanians went into overdrive on
social media. They screamed. They hee-hawed. I
laughed really hard, reading and watching their
contortions. At first, they said it did not happen.
Then they said Sahara Reporters manufactured
the story. Then they said that only a handful of
students sponsored by APC screamed at the
president. Then they said that even if it
happened, it was rude and unpatriotic to call the
President a thief – a president who had found a
moral euphemism to rationalize stealing on
national TV!
As we approach 2015, we must advise President
Jonathan, his handlers, and career Jonathanians
on social media: self-naming is a serious
business. This is no time for you to suffer an
identity crisis in the theatre of naming. You
cannot say, one minute, that stealing is not
corruption is the greatest philosophical
statement of the century and turn around, the
next minute, to burst a vein when the author of
the said statement is called a thief. That is
called confusion break bones. Make up your
minds what you wish to be called.

Standing Ovation for PIUS, I never get bored while reading.

#goodPiece

Quarter system prof.Bihari also told Nigerians that abacha never stole.if the prof is not a fool he would know that a Christian mean Christ like. If the prof is not a fool he would have told us the dictionary definination of stealing and corruption . no wonder we have so many ignorant and halfbaked graduates in Nigeria .when we have fools and illetrates as professors

I am very happy.That Bastard Okupe can even promote Jonathan 'shit' as the best food.

Jack65:


Common bros, I think you are the one being biased here, so you don't have anything to say about the way Doyin Okupe has been recklessly running his mouth lately.?

bros, do not mind the yeye guy. He is a Jonathanian and the article affects him.

mistabiola:



Standing Ovation for PIUS, I never get bored while reading.

#goodPiece

I'm with u

YOU DONT NEED TO BE A GRADUATE TO KNOW THAT; *Am not going to vote for someone who once had no shoes and school bags as a student but now has lots of shoes and bags but made students go on strike for about Eight ( months. *NEVER, am not going to vote for someone who could not rescue about 230 school girls but still has plan to rule a country of about 200million people.

*NEVER, am not going to vote for a grown up man who took advice from a 17year old girl (pakistan little girl) before he could make his own decision.

*NEVER, Am not going to vote for a black commander of Army who brought white marine soldiers to do his job for him and still yet nothing was done.

*NEVER, Am not going to vote for a government who could not provide job for my elder sister who has a Master Degree.

*NEVER, am not going to vote for a man that Boko Haram are killing his own people everyday and has no plan on how to stop the killing but can’t wait a minute when military took over power in Burkina Faso, he went there to stop the killing over there in Burkina Faso but could not stop the killing in his country.

*Finally am not going to vote for anybody who needs One Billion American Dollar to solve an Insurgency (Boko Haram) while the ordinary man on the street no even get (#100) hundred naira to eat.

You can scold me for speaking the truth, dont forget the truth is bitter. All we need is CHANGE and nothing else…. Please we all need to get our (PVC) Permanent Voters Card to vote this Clueless, Visionless and Wicked Government of Goodluck Ebola Jonathan (GEJ) out power. Another four years of Jonathan will be doom for us. Please dont sell your vote cause the money they will offer you can not sustain you for another four years. We should all stand up and say Capital NO to Jonathan.

Okupe reminds me of that minister of justice during yaradua era, Michael Andokaa who once said according to the constitution, Yaradua embodies the presidency so he can govern from anywhere..

Doyin don suffer. "Ee ni jade si oro Doyin ni".

Jack65:


Common bros, I think you are the one being biased here, so you don't have anything to say about the way Doyin Okupe has been recklessly running his mouth lately.?

You spoke my mind.

karlmax2:
Quarter system prof.Bihari also told Nigerians that abacha never stole.if the prof is not a fool he would know that a Christian mean Christ like. If the prof is not a fool he would have told us the dictionary definination of stealing and corruption . no wonder we have so many ignorant and halfbaked graduates in Nigeria .when we have fools and illetrates as professors

At least we can recognize Bastards and appropriately call them as such based on their approvals.

Mr. Educated, kindly copy and paste your comment on Ms Word. If you don't see up to 3 errors in spelling, call me B*s....d....

PDP RUMOUR MONGERS AND LIES PEDDLERS ARE ON THE MISSION TO CORRUPT THE MINDS OF GULLIBLE ONES.

He went directly for Jesus Christ. He even
forgot that there is no vacancy for a second
Jesus Christ in Aso Rock. Evans Bipi already
named Patience Jonathan Jesus Christ over a
year ago. Patience Jonathan accepted the
honour and returned from Germany claiming to
have raised Lazarus from the dead. Which of the
two Jesuses in Aso Rock will step down for the
other now?

We have two Jesus in Aso Rock. Jesus of Evans Bipi and Jesus of Jonathanians

Hahahahahaha!! Mr Pius,no need for long talk. Here on Nairaland, Doyin Okupe has been endorsed,stamped,sealed and certified a SUPER BASTARD . Omo Ale jati jati ni Doyin Okupe.

karlmax2:
Quarter system prof.Bihari also told Nigerians that abacha never stole.if the prof is not a fool he would know that a Christian mean Christ like. If the prof is not a fool he would have told us the dictionary definination of stealing and corruption . no wonder we have so many ignorant and halfbaked graduates in Nigeria .when we have fools and illetrates as professors

Okupe, u are a bastard!
Where are the career jonathanian like phockphockman and sincere9igerian?

I'm not surprised at all, okupe has been a bastard since 2011. His family need to go spiritual to help him out

i enjoy every bit of this article.i think is high time somebody called that old man to order..i just hope that the Jonathanians would allow it to hit FP

Caseless:

Lol.
Correct him naa. Quota system.

@karlmax2, you even have the effrontery to call a professor a fool while u can't spell correctly.
Take note: definition, illiterate

smartigo:


Lol.
Correct him naa. Quota system.

he was calling a prof an illiterate. How do u correct such person?