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Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. - Poems For Review - Nairaland

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Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 12:06pm On Dec 08, 2008
'He opened the door and entered the room. The old man lay sleeping peacefully on a big brass bed in the center of the room. He drew his gun and walked soundlessly to Mustapha's side. He put the gun to Mustapha's head and whispered softly:"wake up". Mustapha shifted a little,but remained fast asleep."I said wake up!",he yelled. Slowly mustapha's eyes fluttered open and widened as he saw the man standing above him with a gun to his head. "Unsurni ya Allah!",he said. "Allah cant help you now. No one can. Get up. Sit there!",he ordered,pointing to a wooden chair in the shadows. "If you have come to rob me,i have some valuables. They are worth a small fortune",said Mustapha pleadingly. He chuckled,lowly at first,and then descended into full-blown laughter. Mustapha looked at him warily,deciding that his dark brown eyes were lit up a little too manically for his comfort. "Well if that don't beat it all. You're offering me your worthless baubles",he said,the laugh still in his voice. "Move,old man",he said,the tone of his voice changing dangerously,and continued;"i don't want to hurt you . . . . yet". He took a few steps back as Mustapha swung his legs off the bed and got up. He moved in a slow,shuffling gait. About a minute later,he got to the chair. "Sit",he said,motioning with the hand that held his gun. "What do you want?",asked Mustapga. "Revenge",he replied,grabbed a chair and dragged it to where Mustapha sat,positioning it opposite Mustapha. "Who am i?",he asked. "There murt be a mistake,young man. How can you want to take revenge on me? I have done you no wrong!". "Who am i?",he repeated,already seated. "I dont know whn you are",replied Mustapha. "Think harder,old man. Who am i?". "Stop all this nonsense,young man. I said i dont know who you are!",said Mustapha,unknowingly releasing the floodgates of his fury. He sprang up from his chair at the speed of lightnin and hit Mustapha with the butt of his gun so hard,Mustapha's face spun with the force of the attck. "Who am i?",he repeated,his voice louder,as he felt
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 12:30pm On Dec 08, 2008
Cont'd-"as he felt that familiar tightening in his gut,anger flowing in his veins. Mustapha didnt reply,so he hit him again,and again,and again,until Mustapha's face was a bloody mess. "Who am i?",he asked,minutes later,his voice low and deadly. "I. . . .dont. . . .know",replied Mustapha,his left eye swollen shut,blood running from a gash on his lower lip. "Wrong answer,old man. Wrong answer. My name is Chidoziem Noyelu. I am the boy whose life you ruined 20 years ago,and i am your nemesis. Now do you remember?". After a long pause,Mustapha said:"I knew you would find me. I. . . I'm sorry. Wa-Allah,Ta-Allah,i'm so sorry for what i did". Dozie laughed out loud. "You're sorry? You're sorry?",he repeated in incredulement. "I know it isnt much,but i'm sorry. I need your forgiveness". "No. You need my bullets,and i'll be more than happy to oblige you. Let me tell you what i'm going to do to you. First of all,i'll give you a thorough beating,then a pistol whipping. Then i'll shoot you in the knees,and break every bone i possibly can,and then,then i'll kill you",he said,matter of factly.'
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by bluespice(f): 9:45pm On Dec 08, 2008
shocked kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss
pls will u e-marry me? shocked
j/k
now am officially hooked
go on pls!!
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 3:09pm On Dec 09, 2008
Why thank-you dearie. B.t.w,arent you a girl?
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by bluespice(f): 3:51pm On Dec 09, 2008
lol i was kidding
btw it doesnt state ur gender u know
but i was kidding
wink
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 5:05pm On Dec 09, 2008
It's aight.
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 6:39pm On Dec 09, 2008
this is nice. but there are some typos u need to correct though.
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 6:42pm On Dec 09, 2008
and . . . .

why did it take mustapha 1 minute to get to a chair in the same room. even if he is that old.
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 9:59pm On Dec 09, 2008
I'm thinking he shld have arthritis or some other joint disease which wld make the knee-capping even more brutal.
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 7:56pm On Dec 10, 2008
i think i've started feeling sorry for the ragged old man. cry
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 9:45pm On Dec 10, 2008
That was the general idea. You'd kinda feel sorry for Musty,but yet at the same time feel disgusted at what he did and feel that he deserves it. There'd be conflicting emotions. Also,i'm wondering whether to go into details(abt d violence) or not. I want my readers to feel the brutality,yet i dont want it to be over-stated. Should i leave the last few lines as they r or shld i expantiate further?
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 7:59pm On Dec 15, 2008
eeeeeeeeeek!! its okay as it is. more damage makes it all too . . . lipsrsealed
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by bluespice(f): 11:53am On Dec 16, 2008
depends on wat kind of person u want to potray him as i mean ur offended xter
also depends on the tone of the book in general
if its for a mature audience or generally very graphical ur laving out the details will be awfull
tho u know ill definitely ask for the descriptions to be given tongue
however u must also note to make it as graphic and tasteful as possible
u dont just want to describe it without making ur reader interested
neither do u want to make it so interesting he comes off as a serial killer or demented soul wink
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 7:35pm On Dec 16, 2008
how many minds can take in all that gore around here?
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by DonEse125(f): 8:43pm On Dec 16, 2008
So is it okay if i leave it at this,i.e go to the next scene? I'm preparing the next installment.
Re: Please Analyse This. . . .part Two. by mykali(m): 8:51pm On Dec 16, 2008
its ur choice, not ours. but, my advice is u make it more appealing.

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