SO last night, I was watching the evening news on NTA with my dad and on the news, these two guys are launching a 200 page book detailing exactly why president Goodluck Jonathan is the only person that can move Nigeria forward. Now before the guys from the other side start thinking I’m anti GEJ as it were, I’m not. But the clear show of sycophancy was just nauseating. I mean, why wait till now to launch the book? Why not wait till after the elections, after he has won or lost (who am I kidding? this is Nigeria, he’s probably won already)? But then I remember – there’s no time as perfect for currying political favour as election period so I’ve drawn up a short list of five kinds of political sycophants you’re likely to come across before the 2015 general elections. Enjoy!



1) The Trumpeters: These are the full on, obviously obvious sycophants. They blow the trumpets of their masters (or potential masters) and don’t give you any room to doubt who they are supporting. They are the ones that would shout “GEJ till 2019″ or “Buhari for Aso Rock” before you even say good morning. They are the ones that brandish the umbrellas, the brooms, the coc—fowls (? i’m not sure I’ve ever seen APGA party members waving fowls around like chief priests at their national conventions) and all the other items of the various parties with more energy than the party leaders. They’re also the ones that get into fights at political rallies and carry their patrons matters “on their head”. They’re the ones that say they went to beg the aspirant to run for office (as against the patron paying millions to get a nomination form) while said aspirant stands at the background smiling beatifically like he’s doing us all a favour by running.

This particular set can be really annoying but I feel safer with them because at least I know where they stand. Unlike some others you will read about on this list.



2) The Partially Objective: These are the guys that claim to be looking at all the aspirants objectively but it wouldn’t take someone with a quarter of a brain to figure out they are not. They are the crowd that would mention one positive attribute of all the aspirants then mention like fifty of the aspirant whose favour they are trying to win (or who is paying them to do it) and still claim they are being objective. Funny thing about these folk is that they are usually willing to argue energetically in favour of their preferred aspirant as against looking at things from a balanced perspective which is what a truly objective person would do.

They are a waste of space. Never take them seriously.



3) The Oppo-cannons: I call this particular set the oppo-cannons because all they do is shoot down the opposition while not really making their favoured aspirant look much better. They are a kinda opposites of the Partially Objective because as against making their aspirant look good, they make the other aspirant look bad. Like the Partially Objective, they would start off by mentioning one good thing about the other aspirants then follow it up with a hundred negatives. They’re the ones that say stuff like “Fashola has tried by fixing some of the major roads across Lagos but…” What follows would be a four page chronicle of the evils of said Fashola’s tenure and why he would be an unfit choice. They also claim to be objective like the Partially Objective but their arguments are usually more focused on attacking the “opposition” as against defending their aspirant like the Partially Objective.

http://tiersays.gidicentral.com/2014/12/24/five-sycophants-youll-probably-come-across-before-the-elections/

4) The Coloured Neutrals: The coloured neutrals always claim not to support either side and actually insult both sides. \then later turn around to declare their preferred aspirant the lesser of two evils and pronounce him/her more worthy of votes than the other person. \after which he/she would remind everybody that he/she is neutral. They say things like “Both PDP and APC are the same! They are all rubbish. They are both thieves…God will catch them one day” then follow it up with “but APC are a Boko Haram party. I’ll rather vote PDP abeg” or “but we need change and PDP has ruled this country for sixteen years without improvement. APC might be better.” then “I won’t vote o but if i had to make a choice, it would be -” insert preferred aspirant/party there.

These ones are the very scum of the earth because they know exactly what they are playing at and are trying to get you to vote for their aspirant psychologically. You really shouldn’t fall for that.





5) The Observatories: This particular set always act like they don’t have a position or preferred candidate but they always seem to make observations that would lead in you in a direction towards their aspirant. They’re the ones that during a political conversation would throw in things to support their aspirant that would appear totally random and innocent but are calculated to make their aspirant appear more appealing like “I heard the ministry of power commissioned three new power projects that president Jonathan’s government started early this year” (moral of the story being that GEJ is a totally awesome dude who would commission like five billion more power projects if re-elected) or say things to subtly antagonise the other aspirant(s) lie “wasn’t Buhari once involved in one scandal over cash in suitcases or something?” (meaning Buhari is one totally corrupt dude who would sell Nigeria to Chad if given the chance). This particular crowd are rather smart in that they don’t push you as much as nudge you in a direction so if you decide to support their preferred aspirant, you would think it was a decision you made independently not knowing that their subtle hints have helped you make the choice they wanted you to make.

They are also scum, but they are smart scum.

I actually respect them.


http://tiersays.gidicentral.com/2014/12/24/five-sycophants-youll-probably-come-across-before-the-elections/

Exactly, op you try

FP leleyi oo

inconclusive observation.

Should be making front page

You couldn't have said it better!

Crocz:
2

Are you sure you don't need help?

tiergodson:


Are you sure you don't need help?

Seriously?...*RaisesEyeBrow*

Crocz:


Seriously?...*RaisesEyeBrow*

:p