This one is gross. This could be funny but it’s still gross. Particularly the fairer of the two sexes could find it, particularly gross. So if you are a goody-goody kind of a person who doesn’t like to read gross things – stop right here.

Now that I know that you aren’t grossed out by things that are indeed gross – let’s start.

This one concerns men. Women folks somehow always seem to have a man of their dreams. At times it could be somebody like Davido, Jim iyke, Van Vicker, Dbanj, 2Baba, Seun Osewa, Sina Rambo or Superman – anybody. As far as men go, they want to imitate these men.

Somebody wants to be a Wole Soyinka while someone else might want to become a Ramsy Noah (or Majid Micheal if you are talking about me ℓ☺ℓ) to impress a particular girl of his respective dreams.

Now you’ll say – “well, what’s so gross about all this?”

Well, men and women, as you fantasize and imitate these men, does it occur to you as to how these men behave in a public toilet? Ummm…okay, that’s gross! Right! Stop right here because from next paragraph onwards you are going to be introduced to different types of men depending on their behavior in a public lavatory.

Now, since you are reading this, I assume that you are mentally tough and so with this, I start my classification of men depending on their – well, pissing behavior.


1. The Shy Guy

This guy is – shy. What he needs is a complete privacy when he does his stuff. First thing he does when he enters the loo is that he checks if the lavatory is almost empty. An empty lavatory is like
a dreamland for him. Then what he does is, he occupies the cubicle at the extreme end – the last one. If that’s unavailable, he selects one which has
unoccupied nearest neighbors. Once he gets the cubicle of his choice, his gaze is focused on what he is doing. His eyes don’t wander about. Just does his thing quietly and goes away. Problem comes when, out of nowhere, somebody comes and stands besides him. Even worse when the other person starts a casual chitchat with him. Under such conditions, despite the rising pressure, this guy cannot pee. He stands there for a while just pretending that he is pissing, flushes
the toilet and runs away. He then comes back half an hour later and goes through the above- mentioned routine again. The fact that this guy could be a cool dude outside the toilet has nothing to do with his toilet shyness. Amongst famous people who could belong to this category are Lynxx, Sound Sultan, Seun Osewa, Davido. This Men, from their previous interview you will know they are shy individual.


2. The ‘Pee’ker

This guy has nothing better to do than peek into the next cubicle. He is the ultimate nightmare of the shy guy. I have no clue as to what sadistic pleasure he gets by peeking. Now, he doesn’t stop
here. Peeking is still – well, grudgingly acceptable but this guy starts to comment on your anatomy.

Its freaking pathetic to hear a comment like “whoa, so big” or a stifled laughter. YUCK! Famous people: Jim Iyke, Olamide, Reminisce.


3. ‘Pee’thovens (alright, sorry for this pathetic pun)

This guy creates amazing sound effects in the loo. To start with, he needs a sort of hissing sound to get his leak started – sssss…Then comes a sigh of relief, “AAAhhhh…” like an Arab who’s found an
Oasis. The come a “uuufff…” if his job doesn’t get over in 38 seconds. Its a boon that man cannot make all sorts of sounds, or else a men’s toilet would be full of sounds – from a waterfall to a tornado or even an ocean may be.
Famous person: Odunlade Adekola


4. The stand backs

These guys are like those cricket players who always find a name in the 15 member team but can never break into the playing eleven. Come what may, these guys will always prefer to stand
behind somebody who is pissing. Even though there could be six other empty cubicles, this guy would stand in line. The intention of this guy is still not clear to me. It could be a prank or just sheer
habit or may be a numerological preference for some cubicle.
Famous People: Wizkid, Sina Rambo

5. Flying Zippers

The funniest of the lot. This guy is perhaps too lost in himself. Even before he has entered the toilet, his zippers are off and he walks shamelessly unaware of other people’s wild and horrified gazes
and begins his job, no sooner has he reached his cubicle. Zero time lag. However, this guy is not a shameless freak. He is plain absent minded.
Famous people: 2 baba, D banj, Jim iyke

6. Literature Laureate

While his left hand ensures that the lavatory remains clean, his right hand is busy writing/drawing something on the wall. These guys are artists with apparently no muse. Their creativity
blossoms only while they are peeing. Most of the drawings they make are ideal examples of female anatomy – men’s toilets are full of such artistic masterpieces. Some of them could even make a biology book bow down in shame.
But the real geniuses are the one’s who write. The graffitists. The advices they write about life are worth following. Life would indeed become better. Certain examples of what they write:

a) Stop reading start pissing. (wow)

b) Turn to your back. (At the back) Turn to your right. (On Right) Turn to your left. (On left) “Dude, life is too precious to spend looking around in a public urinal. Piss off. (How true!)

Famous People: Wole Soyinka, Kelvin Okafor, Ayeola Ayodeji.


7. Movers and shakers

Now the literature guy also writes “No matter how hard you shake, the last drop is always in your underwear.” This is a fact of life and you have to accept it and move on. But then there is always this guy who just seems so stuck up. He refuses to acknowledge it. This guy belongs to the movers and shakers type. After he is done, he shakes his whatever…vigorously and for a long time. It really looks pathetic from back. Famous Person: Afonja Olaniyi a.k.a Sanyeri

8. Pleeeeeease

This guy enters into the loo only in case of extreme emergency and always when the toilet is full. He gives an amazing expression of agony and pain personified and begs others to allow him to break the line. You have to give in after looking at
his pathetically distorted face.
Famous person: John Okafor a.k.a Mr. Ibu

9. The quick ones

Another mystery. How these guys do it, I do not know. They finish peeing in 5-8 seconds. Complete mystery. At times I have wondered if these people really do anything. Could be a shy guy in disguise.
Famous People: Van Vicker.

10. Dirty Harry

Hate them. They do not believe in the use of good old H2O. They neither wash their own hands nor do they flush. Bad! Bad!
Famous People: I don't know Ooº°°ºoo.


Right on girls – these are your dream guys. Chose carefully.

Guys – these are your heroes. Follow ‘em cautiously.


[size=22pt]Note from the author: I would like to apologize if somebody’s religious sentiments are hurt. Comments of course are welcome.[/size]

Tags: Seun, r231, Freiburger, farano

Exposed...

gilgal7:
Exposed...

what a lie

I think am 1