Being smart and talented is not the single most important factor that determines one’s level of success in life. What you will discover over time is the fact that your success in life is determined to a large extent by the people you spend your time with.

The issue of choosing friends is usually taken lightly but it goes a long way to determine the course one’s life will take on the long run.

How talented and smart you are, where you were born and the family environment you grew up in all play some role as to how successful you will be in life but in comparison to the impact of surrounding yourself with people who can lift you higher, it doesn’t compare.
An individual may be born into riches but live an unsuccessful life while someone from more humble beginnings may be able to achieve his dreams and become successful in a short time. This is all because of the company they keep, and this influences their way of thinking and how they view success.
You need to take a moment to reflect on these:
Who are the people you spend most of your time with?
Do they motivate you or drain you?
Do they elevate you or bring you down?
Are they proactive go-getters who aspire to do great things and who posses qualities that you admire or are they people who just sit and criticize?

Your honest answers to these questions will go a long way in helping you determine the influence your friends are having on you. It will help you know whether they are really your friends or just disguised foes who are subtly bringing you down (intentionally or unintentionally)
Your friends can influence your life in a far more powerful way than you imagine. You wouldn’t intentionally allow a person to alter your desired course in life but influence is subtle and a daily nudge in the wrong direction can take you off course. They don’t just influence your decisions but they can alter your view of the world, change your perception and turn you into a different person.
This is how they do it:
-They change your beliefs about things. Many people have a pessimistic view of things because of the continuous programming they received from their friends in the form of suggestions that are repeated over and over such as “It is very hard to find a job these days” “Things can only get worse” “People like us don’t usually amount to anything in life”
- They affect your self confidence. If your friends think that you are not capable of achieving something, it is very likely that you will begin to accept their opinion of you. If they have zero ambition, their lack of ambition can be contagious. As the saying goes, “You can’t soar like an eagle when you hang out with chickens.”
- They affect your behavior. Your friends’ behavior often rubs off on you. If you are always around someone who is always feeling anxious, afraid or helpless, you will begin to feel the same.
So you see that your friends affect your life to a great extent. It therefore becomes necessary that you surround yourself with people who will add positively to your life and to whom you will also be of help.

The good thing about spending time with positive minded people who have a habit of chasing their dreams and believe in taking responsibility for their lives is that you will be inclined to grow in a positive direction as well.

Over the years, I've had to carefully choose my friends and I am grateful for the friends I have now. They have been of great positive influence. They are people who aspire to do great things and being around them has helped me a great deal. I have often told myself that if I am asked to choose my friends all over again, I will still choose these same people. Not that they are perfect people, no one is. And lest you think that my relationship with them is a parasitic one where I am the only who benefits, it is not. It is rather a symbiotic one because they have also benefited from having me as a friend and together we make a team of ‘unstoppable’ people who want to make something meaningful out of the life and talents that God has given us.

Therefore in this New Year as you progress on your journey of life, it is necessary for you to evaluate your friendships. You need to ask yourself how helpful your association with these people has been over the years. Have they helped to bring out the best in you or have they done the opposite?
You may need to relinquish old friendships and cultivate new ones. Your current friends may be likeable people so it may be difficult to let go but consider the fact that holding on tightly to them is detrimental to your progress in life. Your pursuit of a better life requires fortitude to severe ties when necessary.

While it is good to be nice to people and be able to relate with all kinds of people, it is also necessary that you choose who you closely associate with. You cannot entirely avoid spending time with co-workers or relatives but you can limit the amount of time you spend with them. Hence, you may not have to end some relationships but you need to be prudent in how you spend time with people. By limiting the time you spend with them, you limit their influence on your attitude and dreams. But even then, you have to be discerning because subtle influence can have a cumulative effect.

It will also be good for you to expand your circle of influence. That is, look for successful people and spend time with them. Spending a short amount of time with someone who can encourage and educate you will propel you in the right direction. Seek people and read books by people who have skills and qualities that you admire and learn from them. You can always learn something from someone regardless of where he is in his own life.

Let me end with these words from Robin Sharma,
“Associate only with positive, focused people who you can learn from and who will not drain your valuable energy with uninspiring attitudes. By developing relationships with those committed to constant improvement and the pursuit of the best that life has to offer, you will have plenty of company on your path to the top of whatever mountain you seek to climb.”

Have a blessed year.

Feel free to leave a comment.

Feel free to share how your friends have helped you.
How have you been able to deal with toxic people in your life?
If you've been in wrong friendships before, share your experience so that others can learn. Thank you.

I don't like the word "friendship" - I prefer brotherhood/la-familia of like minded and loyal people.

There are too many snakes and disloyal opportunists out there, for folks to still be dealing with "friendship" in the present consciousness.

Regardless, nice write-up, eleojo23.

Thank God you stopped dreaming about future wife. We're yet to recover from MLK's dream that became a nightmare, we don't need more dreamers.

My 'friends' ranking...

Homies
Close Friends
Normal Friends
Acquaintances
The rest.

The first two categories are not up to 5 people.

An0nimus:
My 'friends' ranking...

Homies
Close Friends
Normal Friends
Acquaintances
The rest.

The first two categories are not up to 5 people.

In most cases close friends are usually few. It is necessary to have good inter-personal skills and be able to relate well with different kinds of people. One should not live an isolated life. But when it comes to close friends, it's better to have a few who will contribute meaningfully to your life.

For me, it takes time before someone enters my 'close friends' list.
One way to know who my close friends are is by looking through my phone call records. If you pick up my phone and see that the call duration for a particular person/number reaches and exceeds 5-10 minutes consistently, it is most likely that they are those in my inner circle. My call/discussion time with acquaintances is usually less.

An0nimus:
My 'friends' ranking...

Homies
Close Friends
Normal Friends
Acquaintances
The rest.

The first two categories are not up to 5 people.

Having good close friends is very important.

A friend of mine was relating the story of one guy from his town to me recently. It sounded like a nollywood script but it actually happened and I also met one of the guy's cousins. This guy was not well educated (he doesn’t have an SSCE certificate) but he was lucky to be picked up by a rich man who runs a business (electronics I think) as his apprentice. This guy’s future was going to be bright if he had humbled himself and served his ‘Oga’ faithfully because the man trusted him and put the business in his care. Unfortunately, due to bad influence from his friends, he started stealing from his master and he spent the money with his friends. During this time of his ‘exploits’ with his friends, he slept with one lady.
His master found out about his shady dealings and kicked him out with some settlement money which he ended up squandering because he did not invest it well and thus he was back to square one. Now back home, the lady he slept with got pregnant and her parents insisted that he marry her. And so he entered into marriage unprepared. Of course he could not take care of the lady and her baby so she had to leave him. Up till now, the young man is yet to get back on his feet. And the painful thing for him now is that those friends of his are better off than he is now.
The guy was not wise and he allowed so called friends to ruin him.

eleojo23:
Feel free to share how your friends have helped you.

As for me, I don’t use the word 'friend' easily. I would rather refer to someone as a colleague, former classmate or an acquaintance. The word 'friend' is reserved for those who are very close to me. I observe someone for a long time before I make him/her my friend. I prefer quality to quantity so I’d rather have a few meaningful friends than a multitude who will contribute nothing to my life.

SirShymex:
I don't like the word "friendship" - I prefer brotherhood/la-familia of like minded and loyal people.

Is there much difference between the two? I think brotherhood exists in an atmosphere of friendship.

I for one , I have got no friend and I have no regret in doing so , because in 3 separate occasions in the cause of my life existence so far , I have tried to have one , but in each of the occasions , it turned out that anyone you assumed to be a friend is literally the vicious person in ones life ... pretenders , hypocrites , perfidies , snitches , snoopers .

As the saying goes " too much of familiarity breeds contempt " . And the wall that separates one and his/her neighbors is the bond that hold any cordial relationship in existence between both , because once the wall is pulled down , the cordial relationship will die a natural death . Thus far , I have and recognize the following list of people in my life :

- Family
- Relatives
- Kins Men
- Mentors
- Proteges
- Associates
- Acquaintances

Meanwhile , from my experience also , I can testify that after Family , the next most productive set of people in ones life are the " Mentors " , Associates and Proteges " . The moment you select these sets of people wisely , progress is assured . In all , God is the rock and ultimate decider of our fate , so all glory to Him .

hydeka:


Having good close friends is very important.

A friend of mine was relating the story of one guy from his town to me recently.

The guy was not wise and he allowed so called friends to ruin him.

The young man was not wise indeed. It was foolishness on his part to have allowed himself to be influenced by his friends. He learnt his lesson the hard way. Hope he gets back on his feet soon.

hydeka:


Having good close friends is very important.

A friend of mine was relating the story of one guy from his town to me recently. It sounded like a nollywood script but it actually happened and I also met one of the guy's cousins. This guy was not well educated (he doesn’t have an SSCE certificate) but he was lucky to be picked up by a rich man who runs a business (electronics I think) as his apprentice. This guy’s future was going to be bright if he had humbled himself and served his ‘Oga’ faithfully because the man trusted him and put the business in his care. Unfortunately, due to bad influence from his friends, he started stealing from his master and he spent the money with his friends. During this time of his ‘exploits’ with his friends, he slept with one lady.
His master found out about his shady dealings and kicked him out with some settlement money which he ended up squandering because he did not invest it well and thus he was back to square one. Now back home, the lady he slept with got pregnant and her parents insisted that he marry her. And so he entered into marriage unprepared. Of course he could not take care of the lady and her baby so she had to leave him. Up till now, the young man is yet to get back on his feet. And the painful thing for him now is that those friends of his are better off than he is now.
The guy was not wise and he allowed so called friends to ruin him.

...and those friends may not listen to him or offer him any assistance should he approach them. The guy don enter OYO state finally. Too bad he learnt this lesson the hard way.

eleojo23:


In most cases close friends are usually few. It is necessary to have good inter-personal skills and be able to relate well with different kinds of people. One should not live an isolated life. But when it comes to close friends, it's better to have a few who will contribute meaningfully to your life.

For me, it takes time before someone enters my 'close friends' list.
One way to know who my close friends are is by looking through my phone call records. If you pick up my phone and see that the call duration for a particular person/number reaches and exceeds 5-10 minutes consistently, it is most likely that they are those in my inner circle. My call/discussion time with acquaintances is usually less.

I try to relate with so many people because its a small world and you never know where you'll be tomorrow and who'll you meet on your way there. Doesn't hurt to give people warm handshakes and chat a little when you meet . Close friends are on another level and know yiu deeper than others.

It hurts more when a close friend betrays the trust.

An0nimus:

...and those friends may not listen to him or offer him any assistance should he approach them. The guy don enter OYO state finally. Too bad he learnt this lesson the hard way.

Na serious OYO case my brother. We all have to be wise.

An0nimus:

...and those friends may not listen to him or offer him any assistance should he approach them. The guy don enter OYO state finally. Too bad he learnt this lesson the hard way.

Well, he should be wiser now, he should get close to God.

hydeka:

Na serious OYO case my brother. We all have to be wise.

And close to God.

No permanent Friend No permanent Foe...just a band of brothers up and down the ladder,blood ties,association ties,work/hustle ties...take care of the ones below and try to measure/meet up to the ones above stay loyal & true and u will have less problems its La Familia

An0nimus:

I try to relate with so many people because its a small world and you never know where you'll be tomorrow and who'll you meet on your way there. Doesn't hurt to give people warm handshakes and chat a little when you meet . Close friends are on another level and know you deeper than others.

It hurts more when a close friend betrays the trust.

You are right.

@T piah11
True.

You find most of them online!
Jobless, 2-faced WEASELS and BASTARDS!!! All they do is boast and 'compete' with nothing to show for their lives.
Just wait till they come close AND DEAL THEM YOUR BEST SHOT!

Good news!
I don't have friends.
I only do ASSOCIATES. . .aka 'SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU'.
Abeg. . . nor come my house o. I nor dey visit people!!! BORING SHYTE. . . ALL TO GOSSIP. Tufiakwa!!!!

You're right o.empty barrels na im full here

KanwuliaJara:
You find most of them online!
Jobless, 2-faced WEASELS and BASTARDS!!! All they do is boast and 'compete' with nothing to show for their lives.
Just wait till they come close AND DEAL THEM YOUR BEST SHOT!

Good news!
I don't have friends.
I only do ASSOCIATES. . .aka 'SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU'.
Abeg. . . nor come my house o. I nor dey visit people!!! BORING SHYTE. . . ALL TO GOSSIP. Tufiakwa!!!!

No friends no worries......my mom's sermon to me on new year day is to start making friends but I have tried it and there's so much backstabbing, gossip and hate. I only have acquaintances.
I love my life, my laptop is my best friend!

remsonik:
No friends no worries......my mom's sermon to me on new year day is to start making friends but I have tried it and there's so much backstabbing, gossip and hate. I only have acquaintances.
I love my life, my laptop is my best friend!

.
I think it depends on the type of friend. Some people are so immature and toxic but there are others who can really contribute positively to your life.

I love my phone and laptop too but they cannot replace meaningful human friendship.

Mods take this thread to the front page. .

Very true. . . . But true friends are lacking the basic ingredient of friendship which is trust. But i still have 1 or 2 close friends. No friend like jesus tho.

At a CWO seminar the women were advising each other to just make friends that bring you forward. I had to ask them what they had to offer if they only wanted to take.
Those friends i did so much for were the one`s that turned round to stab me.
My friends from childhood are the one`s I treasure the most.

mutter:
At a CWO seminar the women were advising each other to just make friends that bring you forward. I had to ask them what they had to offer if they only wanted to take.
Those friends i did so much for were the one`s that turned round to stab me.
My friends from childhood are the one`s I treasure the most.

Sorry about your unpleasant experience with the so-called friends.
Most (out of the few) friends I have are my friends from childhood with whom I've done a lot of things together and they've been of great help. I've made a few new ones along the line and the basis is mutual benefit - you help me to grow and I also help you to grow. Thus we contribute positively to each other's lives.

eleojo23:

Sorry about your unpleasant experience from the so-called friends.
Most (out of the few) friends I have are my friends from childhood with whom I've done a lot of things together and they've been of great help. I've made a few new ones along the line and the basis is mutual benefit - you help me to grow and I also help you to grow. Thus we contribute positively to each other's lives.

it is such a shame. When I moved to Europe I imagined I would meet loads of wonderful nigerians and africans. I came to discover that even the nigerians in the most interior part of Nigeria or in the wildest joints are more cultivated than many africans you meet here.
This never ceases to amaze me.

mutter:

it is such a shame. When I moved to Europe I imagined I would meet loads of wonderful nigerians and africans. I came to discover that even the nigerians in the most interior part of Nigeria or in the wildest joints are more cultivated than many africans you meet here.
This never ceases to amaze me.

Hmmm...that doesn't speak well of them at all. It's very bad.

This will surely make FP


**Grab sit **moling weed

Thanks to my best friend, he taught me how to mole as a new year gift

I don't trust anybody....for any friend I have,I have something I gain from you...differs;so I don't have too many real-life friends,I just happen to know a lot of people

Better to be alone than with people who break your spirit and make you feel less than human.

But I agree relationships are necessary--positive ones with like-minded people who motivate you to achieve more even when you can't see it.

There are also the class of people who could be helpful (I like useful better) in getting things done. They're like oil for a rusty machine. I suppose we could call them acquaintances, right? They turn out to be the instruments God use to make those miracles happen.

I'm just saying it pays to be nice to people irrespective of what usefulness you can find at the moment. But spend little time with those who have nothing to offer but a slow death for hope.



**Nice thread OP

I think we can also call people who are not good friends friends. Reason being that I have a friend who goes against everything I stand for and is not really the type of person I will call a friend but I choose to be around the person not because I try to change the person or try to learn the person's ways but because through the person I can learn how not to treat friends who deserve it.

Sure the person does not deserve the friendship I give but I give it anyway because in showing the person a new level of friendship, I also show myself