Her hands still show faint remnants of the intricate patterns of henna applied on the day of her nikah.

Their bedroom still emanates a whiff of fragrance of wilting roses still majestic in their ‘faded glory’.

The customary blushes, shyness, nervousness and social awkwardness still mark their nouveau relationship.

The initial days and nights after a wedding are a blur of activity for a newly married couple, as they respond to invitations by close family and friends to dinner parties, lunches and other social get-togethers with culturally resplendent bridal splendor.

As the newly married husband and wife get sucked into the whirlpool of wedding-related activities, alternating between intimate nocturnal moments and frenzied daytime decking up and dining, it is easy to slip into heedlessness of God and laid-backness regarding acts of worship.

There are a few things that the new bride and groom can do in order to prevent their marriage from creating a distance between them and God on an individual level. The answer lies in ‘joining forces’ to become each other’s pillar of support in staying closely connected to God during this blissful and blessed milestone of their young lives.

Praying Together

Late night dinners and frequent intimacy should not become an excuse to miss prayers, especially the pre-dawn Fajr prayer. The bride and groom should use their cell phones to put alarms for prayers that are spaced out in time, so that if one of them shuts off their alarm, rolls over and promptly goes back to sleep, the subsequent alarm set by the other spouse can wake them both up. It should be a priority for them that no prayer is ever missed when they are in each other’s company.

Many a young man who used to sleeping through Fajr during single life, has been known to reform as soon as he married a righteous, whose wife starts waking him up for Fajr when she gets up to pray herself.

It is for this reason that Prophet Muhammad has wisely and emphatically given the advice below to all single Muslim men:

“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or for her religion. Choose the religious one, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Ibn Majah)

Daily Reviewing the Quran Together

A few minutes per day should be set aside by the newlywed couple to review the Quran together, preferably early in the morning, before the day’s flurry of activities begin.

In order to help themselves remember to connect to the Quran every day, the husband and wife should recall how, innumerable times in the past when they were single, they used to pray with extra khushu’ (concentration), and rec

And, as a means of thanking Him, they should try to study the Quran together on a daily basis, reviewing the Arabic recitation, translation, and short exegesis of a few verses. One of them can start this review with recitation and tajweed, after which they can take turns in reading from the meanings of the text, gleaning practical lessons for their lives from those verses.

In this way, God will purify and bless the love that they have for each other, by transforming it into the selfless love that is purely for the sake of Allah.

Observing the Islamic Etiquette of Intimacy

When their physical, sexual relationship will commence on the right footing, i.e. including the remembrance of God and following the model of the sunnah (way) of Prophet Muhammad, the blessings of these conjugal relations will be felt and reaped by the couple in all the other areas of their marital life as well, for years to come,insha’Allah.

Other alternative recreation that can enable young newlyweds to have some fun, includes amusement parks, which provide almost child-like excitement and thrills, and trips to educational museums and parks. Going to such places is a healthier alternative to wasting time, energy, money and bodily strength on modes of entertainment that incur the wrath of God instead of His pleasure.

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Now that all those dreams are coming true, with romantic walks on sun-kissed beaches and cozy dinners at quaint restaurants, the bride and groom should try to consistently remember and thank God for granting them what they asked Him for in their dua’.

And, as a means of thanking Him, they should try to study the Quran together on a daily basis, reviewing the Arabic recitation, translation, and short exegesis of a few verses. One of them can start this review with recitation and tajweed, after which they can take turns in reading from the meanings of the text, gleaning practical lessons for their lives from those verses.

A brother once attended a wedding at the masjid that was convened on a Friday after Jumu’ah prayers. In the khutbah, the imam exhorted the importance of a bride and groom never missing an obligatory prayer due to physical intimacy/conjugal relations.

He also claimed that when a husband and wife allow an obligatory prayer to be missed due to lovemaking, and if this intimacy results in a pregnancy, then the child that is born is disobedient and unrighteous.

The newly married husband and wife should take utmost

Attending Islamic Lectures and Workshops

Once they are married and a bit more settled into routine life, returning to their job or going back to classes at school, the newlyweds seize opportunities to spend leisurely time together in doing interesting, outgoing things, especially on weekends and public holidays.

In order to mix the pleasure of God with permissible entertainment and recreation, newlywed couples can attend Islamic lectures and workshops together.

If these workshops or lectures are in another city or state, the travel involved can bring a welcome breather from routine life, allowing them to sightsee and explore new places, in addition to gaining more knowledge of Islam, and making new friends in the path of God.

One of the best ways to listen to Quran recitation and beneficial lectures is to play CD’s and tapes of the same in the car when out and about, especially on longer rides and road trips.

I have personally seen the immense benefits of listening to beneficial tapes in the car over the years, and the best part is that this kind of learning takes no extra effort. Eventually, when the babies come along, it will amaze the parents to witness how quickly they start memorizing and retaining the Quran, only because they heard it being played repeatedly in the car whenever they went out!

Thankfully, the beauty of undertaking Islamic activities with one’s spouse as a form of leisure, is that there is great benefit and blessings in “mixing business with pleasure”!

Remembering God in the Natural Outdoors

Whether it is attending late-night cocktail parties at clubs, bars or elitist hotels with other couples, watching adult-themed films at home in bed, or hitting the theaters to catch the trending blockbusters, newlyweds sometime end up committing sins together in the name of romance, enjoyment and leisurely entertainment. They allow themselves to become heedless of God and the limits of Islam whilst blissfully riding the wave of youthful euphoria and gushy romance following their marriage.

The fact is that there are many alternative options for having fun with your spouse the halal way. Even better are those modes of enjoyment that combine the worship and remembrance of God with leisure and relaxation.

It would not just be more enjoyable to go picnicking, hiking, bicycling, kayaking, snorkeling, camping, or sailing – taking in the lovely, sprawling natural outdoors – but such outings will also rejuvenate the couple’s faith in God by allowing them to gaze at and admire the natural beauty that He has spread out through the earth.

When the time for prayer comes during these outdoor trysts, the adventuring couple can enjoy praying on grassy hills, lakesides, or tree-lined forest trails, surrounded by scenic beauty. Praying outdoors like this is truly one of life’s most beautiful experiences!

Touristy Trysts

Other alternative recreation that can enable young newlyweds to have some fun, includes amusement parks, which provide almost child-like excitement and thrills, and trips to educational museums and parks. Going to such places is a healthier alternative to wasting time, energy, money and bodily strength on modes of entertainment that incur the wrath of God instead of His pleasure.

If the couple can afford it, they can combine their vacation or honeymoon with an ‘umrah in order to incorporate the worship of God and an uplift of faith into their leisurely travels, as a gesture of thanking God for marrying them


Conclusion: Bonding Through the Love of God

The newlywed phase lasts no more than a few months or a year or two, in which life is slow in pace and blissfully idyllic for a couple that is happily married and in love. As the bride experiments in the kitchen, the groom tries to squeeze in as much private time as he can with her after work hours and other commitments.

During the newlywed phase, the husband and wife should focus not just on bonding with each other, but also on sealing their relationship with the blessing of God’s pleasure, by becoming each other’s pillar of support in faith.

They will then come together, with God’s help, as a dynamic duo so strong in faith, that Satan and his army will not be able to come near them or their future generations, insha’Allah



http://www.muslimmarriageguide.com/2013/08/enjoying-married-life-the-halal-way/

Good points, nice write up.

where is that post on marriage I. read yesterday?

maclatunji:
where is that post on marriage I. read yesterday?

.............. BEING ROMANTIC, A SUNNAH....... ...

If only we know about the love life of the companions, wow, they were the gems and jewels of the ummah, the sahabiyyah(female companions) were the sealed nectars..

The companions were so romantic but we don't know all these stories because we dnt read books about them. So what we see as romance today, is the rubbish we see in movies... Don't make the kufar your teacher, what islam teaches is better than what any kafir can imagine... The prophet s.a.w. Was the one with the best example.. In a clear-cut hadith, the prophet said, the best of you are those who are best to their wives and I AM THE BEST OF YOU TO MY WIVES ( sunan ibn majah) ...

In the above hadith, d prophet clearlly mentioned that he is the (best husband). He was d best husband, d best father, d best teacher, d best caretaker,d best breadwinner, d best homemaker, d best companion and d one with d best examples whic we are to follow, ...

The prophet is far greater than every single man in these ummah... It ws narrated that the prophet will not pass by any of his wives around the house witout doing something to them(pinching them, givin dem a peck, a kiss, touch their jilbab, poke them or smile at them) to the extent that they said, if the prophet should pass by anyone of us around the house witout doing anytin to that person then it means d prophet is angry with that person.... SubhanAllah.... How romantic!!!!!!! How many times will men pass by their wives around d house witout even doing anything to her? And yet its seen as normal...... Sometimes after d prophet had performed ablution, he would still go and kiss aisha before going to pray..... How sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... how many husbands will even go near their wives after ablution? .. Sometimes the prophet will kiss his wives during fasting......

How many husbands even touch their wives during d day time while fasting It was narrated that the prophet would bite from a meat frm d exact portion in which aisha had taken a chunk and he would drink from d exact part of the cup in which aisha had drank from...... how many husbands of today will even share the same cup with their wives?? The prophet wil rest his head on aisha's laps and be reciting Quran while she is menstruating...... How many men go close to their wives during her period..... It was reported that d prophet was watching the ethiopians playin wit d spear in d masjid and aisha came and joined d prophet, rested her head on his shoulders, until she got bored and left....... The prophet didn't push her away, he didn't leave while aisha's was resting on him bt he patiently waited witout complaining until aisha was satisfied.......

In d story of The ifk(slander), when d hypocrates accused aisha of adultry, d prophet didn't take any haughty decision against Aisha until Allah vindicated her after several days.... It was narrated that d prophet used to race wit aisha..... How many men run wit their wives today? Or even play some games wit their wives? When any of d wives of d prophet wants to mount a horse or camel, d prophet would squat and place his knees to aid dem in mounting it..... How many men wil even open d door of the car for their wives today How many men wil squat beside a motorcycle and place his knees to aid his wife in mounting d bike? These is part of being romantic.. Most of our brodaz and sistaz have misconceive d concept of haya(shyness/bashfulness), so we are now so strict, always looking tough, brodaz now frown their faces, sisters hardly smile even to their husbands, these is not what it means to be bashful. No one smiled as much as the prophet yet he was stilll at the helms of affairs of these ummah. Some brodaz, when they go out, they smile wit people but when they re comin back home, they frown their faces, is it your wife that you should frown at? Is it only when you have received salary that you should smile at your wife?

Look at the story of abdullahi ibn abubakar and atikah bint zaid, atikah ws so beautiful, one of d most beaautful female companions, they were so in love, they were mad about eachother, if they could swallow eachother they would have done that. Abdulllah was crazy about her, To the extent that he started missing salat and jihad, until abubakar siddiq r.a commanded abdulahi to divorce her, abdulah became depressed dat he started singing love poems about atikah up and down at home. This ws what made abubakar to re-consider the issue and eventully abdulah and atikah were back together again, and abdullahi even made atikah to promise him that she won't marry any other man after his death. The prophet said, a woman will be with her final husband in jannah (tirmidhi)... Abu darda nd umm darda were also another love bird, to the extent that when abu darda died, umm darda refused to get married again cos she taught no other man can replace abu darda. When muawiyah proposed to her, she declined and said, am already engaged to abu darda in paradise..

How sweet!!!!!!! That's eternal love. Marriage can be made beautiful or terrible, it all depends on d spouses... When umm silah, the wife of ahmad ibn hanbal died, he wept and said, I have lived with this woman for the past 30yrs and we never quarelled for once. People asked him, how is that possible? He said, whenever I am getting angry she keeps quiet and whenever she is getting angry I keep quiet, so we never had mutual arguement. How romantic.... How many couples today can spend a week witout arguement? Brothers learn to be romantic and sweet, some brodaz are even shy of expressing their love for their wives, if you don't tel her your feelings, who will Ahmad ibn hanbal said, women love to be told clearly that they are loved, it strengthens the feelings and affection, if you refuse to express your feelings for her, it will create a barrier of harshness between you and her......

Most couples today are only romantic for the first few years of marriage, after that, its assumed that its childish to keep saying (I love you)... What's childish about it? Walllahi those 3 words are the basis and foundation of marriage.. Brothers, be romantic: sometimes u shud eat frm d same plate and feed ur wives, sometimes put meat In between ur teeth and put it in ur wives mouth by way of kissing thereby mutually sharing the meat...

Attimes involve in pillow fights with ur wives, throw pillows at her, when she is angry, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is, tell her "you look more beautiful when you are angry", if she is still angry, then move back and throw chocolates at her, spray perfume on her or pour water on her, all these are part of being romantic. Attimes carry your wife in your arms around the house, attimes carry the baby on your back too, na two of una born the pikin together so na two of una go carry am... Attimes play simple games together, throw balls at eachother, have a mini gymnasium in your house where you train your wife for jihad, teach her how to fight, carry her and let her carry you if she has the strength, but don't allow her to knack you gbam!!!! For ground o.. Watch isllamic stations together with her, eat pop-corn together, sleep on the same room and d same bed, don't have your own separate room, some men now have their own room where they run to, after quarelling with their wife, who are you leaving her for? Even if a man practices polygyny, he can't have his own room, he has to be rationing rooms from one wife to the other and one wife per day.. That's justice!!!!!

Attimes, go on a stroll with your wife and chit-chat with her, go to places of amuzement or admiration of nature if the places is free from half naked zombies..... Don't only buy gifts for your wife when she is sick in the hospital, but for her often, the best gift is the one that comes from the bottom of your heart not the store.. Shop things for her, there is ntin wrong with you going to the market with your beards and say "I want to buy female underwears, pads, dolls, cosmetics e.t.c.. Brothers if you know how to plait hair, do it for your wife, be her hairdresser, it will save u some expenses.. Carry your wife on your back and carry her to her bed when she sleeps off in the parlour, make her feel like a baby attimes.. The truth is, every woman wants to be treated like a 2yrs old girl attimes... That's why women behave childish or silly attimes... You may have an arguement with your wife and d next thing is that you wil see her putting your bags outside the house, it doesn't mean she is asking for a divorce, she is just being childish, she simply wants you to hold her, look her in the eyes and say "I am sorry for the arguement"... That's women for you.. Every broda needs to study the university of women before getting married, read books about them, learn wht the prophet said about them and what Allah said about them, and u will hardly have a problem wit them...

Though u will stil have problem o, because a woman is always a woman and her imperfections are there... Even the wives of the prophet were like that despite their ilm, heekmah and understandin of d deen..... Except khadija bint khuwaylid, she was the best among them, she was knownn as taheraah(d pure), she doesn't even know how to commit sin, she never shouted on the prophet even though she was old enough to give birth to him, she was the best wife material, a home maker, a sealed nectar, pepperisticcally beautifull, the creme of quraysh, sweet scented musk, stainless and untainted.. To the extent that Allah even sent angell jibrael to greet her (as salamu alllaykum)...... SubhanAllah....

So brodaz, read books about marriage, an ideal home, child upbrnging, fiqh of marriage and the likes.... Don't just jump into marriage wit an empty head about matrimony... You will have problems. Even d wife of umar was once shouting an yellling at him at the top of her voice, a man wanted to come and complain of the same issue to him but was surprised when d same thing was happeing to umar. Umar callled d man and d man explained his reason for coming, umar told him that, my wife takes care of d house, do d dishes, feed d animalls, bake d bread, feed my chilldren and takes care of me even though alll these are not binding on her, why shoulldnt I also ignore her imperfections? My broda, go and do d same to your wife, and be patient and kind to her for there is no perfection in dis world, and rely on Allah, these world is very short!!!!!! SubhanAlllah.. How many men can tollerate their wives nagging let alone shouting? Umar said, you should be quiet when your spouse is angry, when one person is fire, the other person should be water...... Brodaz, when ur wife steps on your feet intentionally or mistakenlly, don't let your eyes turn red, just smile at her, if she did it intentionaly, she is just playin wit you, if she
did it mistakenly, its not her fault....

So why shout at her over every small mistake? As a man learn to ignore some things, don't be petty... Some men are so feminish.. Do hide and seek with ur wife, sing poems for your wife in the garden or inside d house, even if she is yabbing you... Assist her in house chores, pound yam, fetch water, don't just be commanding her everyday.. Bath together with her, wake her up for tahajud, swim wit her if its available, cook together, teach her how to cook if she doesn't know it.. Cooking is not the ticket to jannah.. Its not only a feminine duty.. Use blind folds to cover her eyes and tickle her, scare her attimes, call her from work, text her, write "I love you" in a small note and put it under her pillor or in her purse or in her bathroom or in her cosmetics box or inside her cupboard... All these are part of being romantic. When a woman tellls you that you are not romantic... It means you are nt doing all these things, its not d romance of d bedroom she is talking about......

That's why u brothers have to study "women's language" its a 10 years course.. Lol... Now sisters, its also part of ur duty to be romanticc too. Shyness doesn't mean u shud be shy to express ur love for ur hubby, some women think dat haya means u shud be tough even to ur hubby, ur husband is now ur mahram by virtue of marriage. There are 3 forms of mahram: by blood, by kinship and by marriage.. Send sweet text to ur husband at work, sometimes even if u r in d room discusin wit ur husband, stilll be chattin wit him on social network, even though he is right there in ur front, its fun!!!!!!!!! U shud be chattin wit ur husband, not non'mahrms on sociall ntwork.. Buy flowers for him, when eatin, give him d bigger meat, attimes bake cake for him to surprise him..

Sisters, use ur soft voice to sing for him, be creative, a poem like (((twinklle twinkle lovely spouse, how I wonder what you are, up above my world so high, like a diamond in my heart))). Sing poems for him, no shyness there. Al khansaa nd khawlaa bint azwar used to sing, ibn qayyim and imam shafi used to compose poems. Its sunnah...

One day, when your husband has gone to work, quickly clean the house and do d chores, cook his favourite dish, arrange it in the dining table, clean d cleanable and dust d dustable, then go to the bedroom, love-vendor it and make it romantic, make it dim and freshen it up, then take ur bath and prepare yourself for action, then sit gallantly on the chair in the siting room and cross your legs while wearing a seductive dress, so that when he comes back from work, after all d hard days work and alll the sweat from the hot sun, as soon as he opens d door into the house, d first thing he will see is his pretty darling wife sitted in the chair, wit her legs crossed and her pretty smile showing her open-teeth..............

Wow.. That's what being romantic is about, infact his love for u will increase. Don't just be wellcomin ur husband wit an angry face because ther is no money in d house, Alllah is ar-razaq, he is d provider.. Don't wellcome ur husband wit ur body smelling maggi, don't only play wt ur husband when he hs collected salary. Wellcome him wit a warm hug allways, and when he is going to work, make dua for him to Alllah to return him safely. Suport him, advise him, wipe his tears, be grateful to him, its not easy to be a man, when u see his eeman depreciating, encourage him, don't threaten him that u willl seek for divorce, don't compare him wit other men, don't describe women to him, buy gifts for him too, wash his clothes and boxers for him, cat-walk for him, sing for him, praise him in a way that he woulldnt think of a second wife, be d best cook, wash his car, dress him up, give him injection when he is sick... Wake him wit a peck and don't complain about his snoring.. Ask him to teach you aabout ahadith, fiqh, seerah, usool and others.. Sometimes spare him of women troubles..

Umar ibn khattab said, be good to ur wives, be like a kid to her in d bedroom but when things get tough, stand up and act like a man... Brodaz don't just jump on ur wives like animals, the prophet said, when any of u meet ur wives, let there be a messenger(kissing) between you and her(muslim)... Start with pre-intimacy then others.. Read books on intimacy, don't learn it from what u see in movies.. Most of what u see are haram.. Call ur husband wit pet names, cute names or his kunya...

Though you can also call him by his name even if he is 20yrs older than you, as far as he is comfortable with it... Remember that Alllah said, men are the protectors and maintainers of women..... So respect him and honour him even if he is younger than u... Marriage isn't a bed of roses but a bed of sacrifice.. The prophet said, there is nothing better for two people who love eachother than marriage...

Imam ibn qayyim said,To fall in love is a disease and its cure is to marry d person one is in love with. Love is when u take away the feeling, d passion and d romance and u find out u stilll care for that person...

Finaly, married men, divide your nights into 3: one for yourself(sleeping), one for your wife and one for your lord..

That's d best nyt one can ever have, as for d bachelors, toh... May Alllah grant us the spouses that wil bring coolness to our eyes,amin.



JazakumuLLAHU Khayran

May Allah reward u

Happy Juma'at to my family's here(Nairaland)

Jumoh Mubarak!

Nice write up op, hopefully I ll be among those that ll tie d knot next year insha Allah

Alhamdulilah... Nice writeup... Jazakallah Khairan

Nice post. Jazakalahu khaira

May Allah reward you abundantly.

Jazakallahu khayran...

So educating...

Ma sha allah

jazakallah khairan

JazakAllahu khaer @OP
I have know more things about marriage.
I can even counsel people on marriage with all these.

When I just married,I didn't do any of these. Not that I didn't love her,I did as I did when we first met,just as I do now. But later,I realised my folly,Allah made it easier for me to change. Away with the past petty misunderstanding,now she's all I have. Marriage can't be sweeter!
Its a wonderful write up. Jazzakum llahu khairan! Its great! Nice one,sir.

May Allah the most high accept this from you as ibadah n reward you accordinglySalaam alaykum ...more dn made my day.