This is the concluding part of the article "Emotional Infidelity: A Threat to Marriages" (see link to the previous article-https://www.nairaland.com/2101843/emotional-infidelity-threat-marriages ). I shall be discussing the steps to overcoming pain and distrust arising from an emotional affair.


STEPS TO HEALING

While it is true that problematic marriages are vulnerable to affairs whether sexual or emotional, it is important to stress that affairs can happen even in marriages without problems. Thus, a hurting spouse may begin to wonder why her partner has feelings for or puts another person ahead of her especially when she thinks they are having a great marriage. (Permit me to use feminine pronouns in this article for the hurting spouse just for ease of reference. It is not my intention to pin the subject down to a particular gender. Anyone can stray).

Don't start to blame yourself. That's not the first step in the healing process. You may not have done anything wrong.

1. [b]Get into some long serious talk (For the Hurting Spouse)

When you discover your spouse is emotionally entangled with someone else, don't rail or shout. Be calm. Seek a convenient time (e.g when the kids are in bed )for some serious talk. That's the first step. Tell him what you have observed with details like name of the 3rd party, the flirty conversations, and the excessive calling or chatting. The straying spouse may want to trivialise the issue with phrases like "we're just friends", "I was only trying to help her", "it's nothing serious". Simply turn the tables around and ask if he would be pleased if you do the same. If he apologises, you may ask why he did it but I can assure you he may not be able to give any convincing answer. It could just be that the 3rd party is giving him more attention and stroking his ego.

2. Stop Contact with the 3rd party (For the Straying Spouse)

This would involve blocking the 3rd party from your social networking platforms. If the 3rd party is a work friend simply begin to limit your discussions to work matters. Place small photographs of your spouse and kids on your desk. Put on your wedding band. Stop the lunch time walk and talk. Put a call through to your spouse while the 3rd party is within earshot. He or she will get your message.

3. Take Responsibility (Both Partners)

Both partners must take responsibility. Consider those things you two should have done better e.g appreciating each other, giving each other more attention, spicing up your sex lives, surprise gifts etc.

Conclusion

If your spouse has had an emotional affair you need time to get past the pain and mistrust even after he must have apologised and promised never to do it again. You must come to the understanding that though he genuinely loves you, he is not immune from having an affair. This understanding is very important. It is this understanding that will help you treasure and greatly value each other. With time, you will begin to trust him again.

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