Allow your mother-in-law live with you?
By GIDEON OPARINDE
Sunday, December 28, 2008

•Mrs Enilama
Photo: Sun News Publishing

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MRS. ENILAMA
I will gladly say yes, nothing stops her from living with me. I remember my days at the university, she stood in for me, lived with me three years and I enjoyed her company. Took care of me just the way she would to her child, never for a day eavesdropped on our conversation; she did not see herself as being a rival with the daughter-in-law in the home. I thank God for giving me such a mother in-law.

The most important thing which daughters-in-law leave out that brings conflict in this case is respect and submissivesness; they should try accord their mothers-in-law at least little respect. Daughters no longer respect their mothers-in-laws, they see them as intruders, rivals, demons and paint them black bad, while some mothers on their side would always want to prove right. Mothers don’t give regard their daughters-in-laws and so doing they engage in dual war. The Bible says give honour to whom honour is due. Daughters should see mothers as their mother and mothers should try relate like mother and child for safer and happy home. It takes the grace of God to really be successful in handling such issues.

MRS. OBIOMA
No! Although she’s just like a mother to me but an adage says what is good is good. I may like her, in fact like my own mother but what will prompt her to start living in my own husband’s house? Why not pay a courtesy visit and go back? The question that comes to mind is how long will she be staying? But if she wants to make our home her terminal, I think it will draw more muscle to my face, it’s improper. Watch it, its when such mothers-in-law arrive the home that strange occurrences starts taking place.

Some of them are good, some evil ones wear long innocent faces but they are no way better than the devil; joy swaps hand with sadness, the love between husband and wife turns sour, and gradually goes bitter. She turns the back of the husband and wife against each other; the wife is no longer seeing as being dutiful, respectful, she competes with the wife in the home, forgetting no body care to give her a second look for admiration.

Percentage of food eaten in the home is drastically reduced, everything changes, emergency budget arises and children will have to go through the time-table before they could see their father or ask anything from him. She holds the key to the food-store and fridge, keeps the key to the cupboard, calls the carpenter to change the house door keys ;gives one to her child while she holds on to the spare. She tells her son’s wife she’s extravagant in her spending and that no wonder she grows fatter than her husband. She stops the children from eating to school school.

Secondly, neither the husband, wife nor the children enjoy privacy any longer in the home. She scare visitors and family freinds away by her attitudes; becomes an intermediary between her son and the wife. Takes up issues forgetting her days on earth are numbered. Let her remain wherever she is, we will keep sending her money. A stitch in time, they say saves nine, initially when she comes in, she plays with the kids but suddenly turns a monster. We have to think twice before taking such a dangerous decision, because many mothers-in-law have contributed immensively to the break-up of the children’s happy home. When dining with the devil, use a long spoon; it’s to be on the safer side.

MRS. DADA
It depends on the type of wife you are and the type of mother-in-law you are gifted with. I have had the determintion from the onset that I would never see my mother-in-law as a rival but rather as my mother. No matter what she might do I will never apportion blame on her. With the grace of God I know I can cope with all situations.

MRS. EMEGHARA
No, I won’t allow her stay with me. The only occasion which could warrant her come to my home is just to visit my family in which she is expected to return to her base. This is because my home is meant for me and my family alone, it’s my privacy, God has used her to bring my husband to the world and we won’t stop extending to her our benevolence and kind heart wherever she is.

MRS. ALONGE
It all depends on the type of mother-in-law she is. She could live with me if she’s the type of that understands things with you, not the type that blames the wife for the misfortune of her son, especially when she sees the type of food eaten in the house. Not the type that holds the key to the cupboard, not the one that creates a padlock to the fridge and keeps the stew pots by her bed in her room and keep vigil on it till dawn or the one that dish the family breakfast.

MRS. OKUOFO
It’s not possible for her to live with me all through my marriage, because things will never go the expected; it’s like having two wives in the home. There will be rivalries, jealousy because we are two different persons with different backgrounds and mentality. She can only come on visit and we see her to the car park and pray for her safey back home.

MRS. FUNKE ADEBAYO
As a grand mother I only visit my children when their wives give birth or when i’m fond of them. I don’t make it a place of no return or a stationary point, but to take care of their newly born babies and dash back home as-soon-as possible to take care of my husband. So it doesn’t begat respect for mothers-in-law to become rivals in their children’s homes.

MRS. ANYA
Not negotiable, some are a bit problematic having them around you. They start running your home for you, no longer admire or cherish your hard-work in the home and the likes. They take simple things as issues in the home and you get frustrated.

BUKKY
Yes I can accept her but on the condition that she will stay for a period of time and go back. But refusal to heed to this will cause nothing but problems between my husband and I.

http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/wiveslive/2008/dec/28/wiveslive-28-12-2008-001.htm

Why not?

The more the merrier. . . That's what I say! Besides it will relieve hubby and I the burden of all that togetherness, jare.

mmm most women wont allow it this day and age

Why not?!

I think they have been watching too much Nigerian movies, where the mother in laws are always bad! I tell ya, thanks to Nollywood. . . MIL have gotten bad reps.

I love my mother inlaw. But she still has her husband and a job so why would she want to move in with me?

nah. the home shld belong to your wife only.

absolutely not!is enough stress for a young couple trying to adapt to each others quiks,habits and general behaviour without adding the potential tension/friction from another individual who is judging them as well

Too many Naija movies

@post
Well it depends, I can't ask my husband to put his mother in a nursing home. . . .but they can always live next door. . . .a few miles away.

No.

Sisi Jinx:

Too many Naija movies

its not fiction, its real and have been the cause of many broken homes especially african,no mother in law living with a couple will see the toher half who isnt biologically hers doing something she considers wrong and not make an issue out of it or take sides with her child

it was fun while it lasted nah i cant stand it, she must give us a break

If my wife could not domicile with my mother under one roof, then the wife is a goner. I could easily have as many wives but one mother.

Sisi Jinx:

Too many Naija movies

nollywood has nothing to do with this my dear. naija ma-outlaws already gave themselves a bad name before nollywood came. especially the poor illeterate ones.

i remember a neighbours wife sent packing for learning to drive her husbands car. the ma-outlaw lived some 2 streets away from us. she gave this poor girl hell so much that she lost it and insulted the fool that i believe she is. the sisters of the guy judged the girl could not be married to their brother after insulting their mum. i must add this was back in 1985.
i dont know if it can still happen but knowing my naija peeps it wont be impossible for them to still be that evil and wicked.

what i still cant stand is women causing untold pain/hardship on other women

No
visit for only one week or 10days max. i will try to make sure you don't spend too much time with him too. stay in your room and watch movies.

i will definately allow my ma inlaw to stay with us. she is a lovely, elegant and peaceful lady. she has grace and decency in her. i know it wont happen because she doesnt like europe that much plus she has too many grand kids around her to move permanently.

Depends on what sort of relationship we have.

It wouldn't be my choice to have inlaws living with us though.

my mother inlaw wouldnt even wanna leave wt us,even if u offer her the best things in life

she does not even support her kids coming to stay wt us sef

i want peace and quiet in my home

busybein:

my mother inlaw wouldnt even want to leave wt us,even if u offer her the best things in life

she does not even support her kids coming to stay wt us sef

i want peace and quiet in my home

i was going to come seeing your ma inlaws and others are not allowed - affraid dey catch me now as they say

Nope

JJYOU:

i was going to come seeing your ma inlaws and others are not allowed - affraid dey catch me now as they say

why afraid dey catch u?

Sisi Jinx:

Too many Naija movies

its not fiction dear its real,it happens alot in naija,she can only come for a short visit,but she can't come live wt us,mba kwa

my hubby can as well get her a house and a maid to take care of her

busybein:

its not fiction dear its real,it happens alot in naija,she can only come for a short visit,but she can't come live wt us,mba kwa

my hubby can as well get her a house and a maid to take care of her

you see why afraid thety catch me

Of course no!

Wetin she dey do for my house? I pursue her comot from her husband house? Why she wan come destroy my own?
MIL, mother in-laws! They are nice today but when trouble arrives them go join hand with the villagers to beat the hell out of you.

Perpetrators of evil.

I will disappear from my children's life once they get married.

If my wife could not domicile with my mother under one roof, then the wife is a goner. I could easily have as many wives but one mother.

You should get "BEWARE" tattoo'd to your forehead

michelin89:

I will disappear from my children's life once they get married.

hmmm. . . .
So you won't help with the grandchildren?

KarmaMod:


You should get "BEWARE" tattoo'd to your forehead

I prefer: Attached to my mother's underwear!

Attached on the forehead.
To my on both the eyes
mother's on the nose
under on the right cheek
wear on the left cheek

*Toyinrayo:

hmmm. . . .
So you won't help with the grandchildren?

People lose their mothers everyday and I don't see them going for a Granny renting service.

michelin89:

People lose their mothers everyday and I don't see them going for a Granny renting service.

So for that reason, you find it exceptional for you not to "help" your child with her grandchildren.

OK

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!se i should try another wodr? NEVER