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If you are the one that has to travel out, then most likely he has no papers to travle out.
Tell them you do not enter plane You cannot fly the young man should come

He can't come to me.It's very hard to come to the States,but it's really easy for me to ge there.If I waait for his sister to file for him it could take years before I see him,and I'm young but not that young!

And how long will it take.
If he has his papers in order it cannot take that long.

Do not let yourself be deceived just because some people are holding their bible in the hand.
Maybe they picked you with alot of care if you know what i mean.
If i were you i will run as far as my feet can carry me not nonly from that woman , but also from that church

It isn't the church that is doing this it's a member.He went to Manchester with a visa and stayed longer than he was suppose to now it's expired. He is working there with no papers. I am going for a month,I'll return october 7

After getting married to him.
Well its your life.
But that is not the normal way Nigerians get married.
have they met your parents, brother sister family .?
The normal way will be to meet your people.
And if you get pregnant he may not even have to marry you.

I'm not going to get pregnant,I'm not going to have sex with him period!He says that he has told everyone in his family.When I told his sister I wasn't sure I wanted him and that I had heard alot of things about nigerians,he left me a messege saying that,why was I doing this to him and that he has already told his family and that I want to ruin his life,I was like wow. I felt so guilty. Yeah,it's my life but I still seek advice.

Be careful about the whole arrangement cos i see it as if you are too in a haste to be married.I see a desperate young man trapped and he is looking for an escape root to A merica.If u are ready to risk it,go ahead and do it.Life is all about risk!If it works for you,all da best!

Be careful, very careful girl. Marriage is a long time commitment and something just doesn't sound right with the way this is going. I personally disregard this 'born-again' bull that is mouthed by people. The sis is clearly not 'born-again' and I do not give a damn about how much 'respect' she commands in your Church, as her attitude is 'over-domineering' and not a good Xtian trait.

PS - If he is such a God-fearing man, how come he is in the UK without papers (which is illegal). Not being judgemental, but if you trust in God he will do anything for you, but properly.

Girlfriend ! As an original Naija guy I would say , take it nice and slow. You sound a bit too anxious. I believe in God just as you do and I would encourage you to wait on the Lord , Pray a little more and ask God for His devine will. I'm of the opinion no relationship really thrives from afar . You need to be close not to say you have to travel so far to find Love. Keep the faith your man is right in front of you,send out the right karma and you'll find him

erm, slow your roll young lady. Its a little early to think about marriage when you haven't met him. I'll suggest you disregard his/his family's claims that he doesn't need you for his papers. He may not need you but the fact is if you get married, you will have to file for him. And whats with the attempts at making you feel guilty. Besides if the sister is not willing to "mentor" you if you do not have a relationship with her brother then forget it, you'll get another mentor.

You do need to chill out on the rush to get married. You rush in and you will rush out. I'm not a girl but 4 almost marriages at 23 sounds high.

mamaput:

But that is not the normal way Nigerians get married.
have they met your parents, brother sister family .?
The normal way will be to meet your people.

Mamaput is right, has the Sister made any attempts to know the rest of your family

Dear TaniCarr,

One question, are you AA??
it saddens me because you know you are being used and you are willingly going into it regardless. I have seen this too many times with Nigerian men in the UK, they play dumb and act all Christianly and stuff until the get what they want and his Sister is manipulating you as well. Slow down, don't rush into marriage with this guy because he claims he is a christian and that he loves you( i wonder how you can love someone you haven't met).

Open your inner eyes stop being gullible you are 23 for crying out loud; I know some people would say you are still young, but NO you are an adult!!!

Heaven beholds, if 3 years into the marriage, papers all sorted and a miraculous wife appears from Nigeria with 2 kids.

I'm not trying to sound all pessimistic here; but meet with him first, if you fall in love and God tells you he is the one for you, then start talking about marriage!!

@TaniCarr,

Listen to the naija sisters who have replied, they give some of the best advise.

May the Good Lord guide your path to true love and happiness.

@desiree, well spoken.

Becareful Becareful Becareful says the Lord of host.

Do not let anyone intimidate you. You are old enuff to make decisions for your self

disregard the status of the woman or the so called "holiness" of the "brother". If am in his shoes I will also pretend to be a pastor/holy man.

Once Again Be careful! and shine ur eye

My dear,

when u hear church brothers, take to ur heels. They are the worst of the bunch, they pretend alot unlike others that u tell u and show u their true colours from the start, church will pretend under the name of the lord and hide their true colors and u'll be surprised wat kinda of monster they are after they've used u to get wateva they want.

take it slow and be sure this guy is not gonna change on u. As for marriage, don't force it, let things work its way in ur life.

All the best sista!

am gon make this short and sweet : this whole arrange! stinks to high heaven!, omo shine ur eyes oh!  dont let your faith in God push you into something else!.

your so called mentor dont sound like a good one to me, comma don enter am  
hummmmmmmmmmmmmm be very, very very  careful oh!

Haven't you got family to check him out for you? If he has no papers then do not marry him especially as you are not feeling him. I think God has spoken to you already by filling your heart with doubt and making you come here to seek advice.

If he was sincere, he wouldn't be rushing for marriage nor would his sister. Most people pay for papers via marriage and they want to skip all that by taking advantage of your vulnerability.

All that Glitters is not Gold

well i tried 2 read d whole story and i can see that u don't love this guy u don't want to be with him either ur heart is not in it u just doing this because u wanna get closer to his Aunt gurl all i got to say is follow ur heart so wouldn't av 2 regret it later on

She said that I would be better for him than that other girl and that I look Nigerian and she wanted us to become family,that it would be nice. I was flatterd that she felt that way about me.

No she does not think that way about you! No wonder she wanted you for her brother, you're so gullible they both find it so easy to twist your emotions around their pinkie!

So we started in febuary of this year.Up until the summer time came we had already decided to get married.

When a Nigerian man begins to push for marriage this early in a "we are yet to meet" relationship, something is definitely fishy! It is either he must love you so much he'd die if he didnt marry you or he's doing it for PAPERS!

She loves me so much and I love her too,but getting married to her brother is not apart of it. I just think she thinks I am a good girl who loves God,but needs some direction. I think that she feels that her brother could bring out more in me.She feels that I am not "already made" but I am in the position to be made a great woman.I think she feels that her brother could bring that out of me.She wants me to be on the top like her,which I don't see in me but she does

She does not love you period! IF she did the first thing she'd ask you is your oppinion before talking to her brother about you! When you voiced your objections, a woman who truly loved you would try to sit you down and explain things to you in a gentle "christianly" manner rather than blowing her top! A woman who loves you will take your oppinions into consideration before her brothers. What is clear here is the woman sees you as a gullible pawn she can use to get her brother here! It is true she can file for her brother but that will take him almost 10yrs, on the other hand if he is married to you it would take less than 3 months for him to get at least a temporary green card to move to the United states. He is not willing to wait 10 yrs! So of course the only option happens to be you! A pawn in the hands of a vicious woman and her scheming brother!

THe question is,does her brother want what she wants and is he real

Ans: The brother wants what his sister wants. The ques is do you really know what the sister wants?

She told me that she doesn't kknow why she likes me so much and that she is just lead to do these things.She said she interacts with so many women but I am the first one who she has wanted to introduce to her brother (she sells handbags,shoes,african clothing,bakes cakes,sales jewelry)She does so much and sees lots of women

Another emotional statement to put you on a guilt trip! Of course your visible desperation to get married, your too trusting attitude and your inability to see others for the evil that lurks in their hearts makes you an ideal candidate for the woman and her brother! She knows she has you so wrapped around her finger you'd do anything for her even if it means marrying her brother under duress!

I want to be closer to God,and I think getting married will help me out alot.I'm 23 in case you are wondering. I WANT TO BE MARRIED. I just want to be married for real and not for fake.

If you really are this desperate to get married, abeg marry me instead. At least i am legally in the US, i have no sister to push you around and i am a good christian too!
But wait! I dont want to be married for the next 3 yrs! Can you wait?

Tani Carr,

Don't do it ! You are being used.

As a rule of thumb, you should [b]never [/b]consider marrying anyone you have not met in person. That
word should not even exist in your vocabulary at this point at all.

If I were you, I will take the great advise given to you from mamaput. Mamaput has said
it all.

Don't bother going to England. Run away from both of them (including the church) and never look back.

I truely believe that God has allowed you guys to give me these words of direction. I was so confused and I wasn't sure on what to do. I thank God for all of you.I have read you comments and I guess I have changed my mind about getting married to him. I will not go and get married!God forbid!!!!!!!! I wil not allow good advice to go to waste,I thank God for all of you and I pray that God will continue to bless you INDEED,AMEN. I'm not so holy or anything,but I desire to be.I thought getting married to this guy would,not only bring me closer to his sister,but also put me in an environment where I can grow spiritually. It's just a struggle being single and being faced with temptations,I want to continue to be a good girl but it's alot easier sad than done. I have been told that having a boyfriend is not "of God" so I am lonely alot. I only make friends with ugly guys to avoid liking anyone and wanting a boyfriend. I guess a will just stay single a little longe,maybe I will meet a nice guy on this site. I don't know why but I want to marry a nigerian.I just feel that my husband is nigerian. I have embrace the culture so easily and I love to weat my african clothes(although it's very expensive to buy). God bless you all and wish me luck. I would like for all of you guys to be my friends,because you have an impact on my life so we are connected for life. I'm in Dallas TX and would love for you to visit me if you are ever around this way.Lets keep in touch my email is vitacarr@yahoo.com. PLEASE WRITE

Tani carr i'm glad you've decided to take the advice offered on this site.

Pls if you are ever in doubt or re- considering, go back and read davidylan's posts.

Good luck and I hope you find happiness.

three happy cheers to TaniCarr

hip hip hip hooray, hiiip, hiiip hiip, hooooooraay, hiiiiiiiiiiiip, hiiiiiiiiiiiip, hiiiiiiiiiiiiip, hoooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!.

and the naija way, three gbosas to TaniCarr,

gbogbogbogbosa, gbogbogbogbosa, gbooooogbooooogboooogbooooossssaaaaaaa!!!!!!

you go girl, we are blissfully happy for you - true love will find you.

nairaland rocks!!!!

You have received soem good advice. I saw your other post abnout going to manchester and asking about what to do there because you did nto want to stay at home. My response was like, why can't the person you are going to visit point you in the right direction. It's now beginning to make sense to me.

Girl! You were about to be taken for the ride of your life. Good thing you posted here. Think about it, someone that has not spent one night with you, or seen you live is talking about marriage. Geez! Even my 6 year old would not have fallen for that crap!

From your postings, you've come to recognize and associate with the African community. While that is a very good thing, you really have to be careful about your associations and how quickly you make them. Because these people are holding their bibles 24/7 does not mean jack! A lot of these so called pastors, married or not, will bang you at the blink of an eye, if you give them a chance.

Just be careful ma sista!

Yeah,I'm still going because the ticket is already paid for and is non refundable.Plus I has never left the states,and I just want to. I want to meet some people while I'm there so he doesn't feel like I'm just coming for him.I want him to be aware of the fact that I am independant and I do things on my own.He would be very surprised to see me having a group of friends to hang out with instead of just waiting for him to come home everyday. I thank god for this site,you guys have been a blessing in my life.I love you all.

TaniCarr,
good luck on your trip and keep an open mind.

PS - one of the brothers from this site, may be the 'true' one, so keep your options open in the UK.

UK bros', over to you.

Girl, this guy might even be the right person for you. I will only advice you to hand everything to God's care.He might not even be thinking of what you are thinking now. Just give him a chance and behave yourself when you go visiting. All those ppl you are planning on meeting as well, how sure are you that they are interested in you. Just be careful. And besides from what you wrote, I can see you are also trying to gain from the sister and they are not even thinking of such against you so how come you are thinking that they are only interested in you because you have what you think they don't have. Like he said his sister could file for him so whatelse are you thinking?

@ Tanicarr

I'm not going to get pregnant,I'm not going to have sex with him period!He says that he has told everyone in his family.When I told his sister I wasn't sure I wanted him and that I had heard alot of things about nigerians,he left me a messege saying that,why was I doing this to him and that he has already told his family and that I want to ruin his life,I was like wow. I felt so guilty. Yeah,it's my life but I still seek advice.     

Your situation does not sound normal. Your situation does sound like a trick. But, let's say it is not a trick. If this woman is so revered in the church and highly spoken for and all this stuff, wouldn't she have come at you in a more understanding and so called Christian way when you expressed your concerns? The first thing a guilty person does is pretend to be so offended at the notion of whatever it is they are being accused of and the thing is, you were not even accusing her or her brother of anything. The only thing you did was express that this situation they are trying to get you caught up in has some suspicions, nothing was wrong with that. You could have just gotten lost and never spoke to her or her brother again, causing them to wonder what happen to that girl but instead you let them know that you were not comfortable. The bible Say's when you have a problem with your neighbor, you are to confront them, You did that. Now, if she is such a Christian, she should have understood that. Even I am not a Christian and I go by that rule.

She should have understood that this is real life and in real life, some Nigerians do do all types of things including fake marriages to get their papers. She should have understood that and tried harder to comfort you and gain your confidence more so in hopes that you might see things different and if you did not see things different, She should just leave you alone. What is the rush all about? Only a desperate person would try to make you change what you feel. Why try to make you feel guilty when all you want to do is what God wants you to do? Her being a member of the church, she should have understood.

Anyway, if you want to be married, you should take your time, there should be no rush, you have not even been on a date with this man let alone a sunday church service. The sister sounds like a first class manipulator, she is tough, but you gotta be tougher. God did not say become weak because you profess me. With God you are suppose to be strong and stop feeling guilty, God is not guilt. If you are feeling any guilt, this situation is not right and it is starting out all bad.

I am not a christian but I know that much.

Sista:

The first thing a guilty person does is pretend to be so offended at the notion of whatever it is they are being accused of and the thing is, you were not even accusing her or her brother of anything. The only thing you did was express that this situation they are trying to get you caught up in has some suspicions, nothing was wrong with that. You could have just gotten lost and never spoke to her or her brother again, causing them to wonder what happen to that girl but instead you let them know that you were not comfortable.[b] The bible Say's when you have a problem with your neighbor, you are to confront them, You did that. Now, if she is such a Christian, she should have understood that.[/b]

TaniCarr where are you? That was an excellent point you need to take very good note of! Only guilty people pretend to be offended when you voice your concerns!

Sista:

What is the rush all about? Only a desperate person would try to make you change what you feel. Why try to make you feel guilty when all you want to do is what God wants you to do?

The sister sounds like a first class manipulator, she is tough, but you gotta be tougher.

Couldnt have put it any better myself! That woman is a manipulator who intends in using your own guilt to lead you by the noose to your doom!

True that she could have filed for her brother but the first question is, is she herself legal in the US? If the answer is yes, it will take her not less than 10yrs to successfully file for the brother. I dont think the fellow is willing to wait 10yrs living as an illegal immigrant on the run from the law in the UK. Marrying someone like you who can file for him to come over to the US immediately seems to be a much better plan to the scheming brother and sister!

guyz do you think a person that has been dating for a long time till the extent of getting married should be asking me if it is real or not if she oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook

Thanks for the advice.

please don't cry now I will cry too oh . Dont worry it is well. your path will be guided, and what is hidden shall be revealed unto u.