Yareey:

Are you trying to tell me that there are no muslim men who are happy with having one wife? are you suggesting that they all have misteresses? what a load of bullshit. There are enough guys who don't want more then one wife, my father for example has been loyal to my mum and never married another. We don't have to settle with a guy who wants more wives.

This is obvious misunderstanding

Empiree:
Honestly, in my humble opinion, this is none issue. Quran comes first before anything else. The fact that it allows men to marry more than one wife makes it legal and halal.

What anyone says is irrelevant. A man just doesn't have to be rude to his first wife just because he's getting another. And first wife does not have to live at the expense of the later. That's not righteous.

First all, this seems to bear burdens on women. I understand that jealous part. That's normal but Allah comes first. Therefore, a believing woman must submit first to Allah's command whether she's comfortable with it or not. That's called Iman.

We also need to look at the whole thing from broad perceptive. We know rosul(saw) said that in the Last Age there will be more women than men. Meaning the ratio of women will be higher than men. This is happening around us today. So if every man is to marry a woman, which is what feminism is now all about, them other women be nothing but prostitute. It doesnt matter how one defines the term.

I swear, a believing woman who humbles herself and trust in Allah will accept her husband's decision to bring in another wife. Again, I can understand the frustration sometimes. But hey, this is part of Allah's mercy. You just dont know yet.

I also understand that some men, maybe a lot of men abuse it as well. No doubt about that. That's why Quran places conditions.

If you ask me if one man and one woman is the only way to go?, i tell you it's hypocrisy. Go and scrutinize those men very well, they have ex-marital affairs all the time. Many of them even bear children with different mistresses. The problem with this is they are not married (zina=haram), those women themselves are not protected (as in all benefits of marriage).They lose it. Even in the West, the least they could hold on to in most cases is "child support". The children themselves are not protected. Children will be all over places with different mothers etc.

A case study is I read about "Nollyhood" so called celebrities men struggling with sexual urges despite marrying one wife. Typical example is actor Jibola Dabo who openly said one wife is not enough. http://leadership.ng/entertainment/363307/im-ardent-supporter-polygamy-jibola-dabo.

Same thing "King" Sunny Ade, so called devout christian has many wives.
http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/11/07/veteran-musician-king-sunny-ade-shows-off-his-7-beautiful-wives/

I also remember my final yr secondary school day when I was very closed to a very beautiful classmate. But we were not into boyfriend/girlfriend thing at all. Just a friend. We go home together all the time. Vice principal of that school was a Pastor in the city. One day he called me and warned me that he doesnt want to see me with that lady EVER. I was scared as a young student. Then I secretly followed the lady after school hours to gist her what happened and why VP would say that? She said he's has been bothering the hell out of her....not to be his wife....not to be his "regular" girl friend but his valva.

It was this lady who exposed the "pastor" (VP) to me that he actually married with 5 wives in the city and he has some students in the same school that have aborted pregnancies "a million times" for him. I witnessed one of them who lived in the house i rented when she was sick after abortion.

Since then I salute my VP.

My point is men are designed for multiple wives. This is undeniable. Any man who says he can't marry one wife or detests it be it Muslim or not, I will scrutinize his private life. Trust me. Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky leaked secret was just plain example, too.

This is purely my opinion.

To sum it up

‘You haven't met a man with one wife who was faithful to her'


You are missing point here. A believing Muslim woman is no under obligation to accept anything. Do not try to turn this into a case of Iman. If that were the case, most believing women with very strong faith would have gladly submitted to it. Faith as no correlation with accepting Musinah. It would be selfishness of the highest order to compare it with our strong the faith is. Please stop swearing when you have no idea what you are talking about.


I am more concerned with how men are now having Musinah just to feel like real men. If they are looking for who to blame their emasculation on, let them direct their blame to the society.

The last IVC I attended in Nigeria, while we were getting off at the entrance of the gate. Some Abus were standing nearby, turned out they knew who the driver was. After the conversation as the driver was about leaving the next thing i heard was ‘when he was going to have his musinah'. Theybhad tk syart pointing out those who already did. Of all things to be concerned at this period. I cannot remember any historical acvount that made polygamy a norm other than culture. Our ummah do not need men who think through their manhoods.

Now there is no topic they would discuss in most lectures, some way somehow they will find a way to introduce Musinah into the subject at hand.

I guess your psycological experiment has worked, you should all be happy, more than half of all sisters who would not ordinarily consider being Musinah, do not give a damn now. Under the umbrella of faith, being second or third wife is perfectly alright.

Do you have an idea of how it has turned some women into for some fools in the name of being men to fiddle with just because Islam legalizes it.

I live my life with do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.

It is not obligatory so for Allah's sake stop trying to depict it as some serious obligation all in the name Halal.

There are many Muslim orphans out there. Ifyou think you have too much to spend, Go sponsor one!

^ of-course monogamy is also optional, tool. I dont think my post campaigns against 1+1 relationship. I do against throwing around ploy like political football. That's not my objective here. As long as you do not say or believe poly** is haram or discourage others, no problem.

The reason i simply go against those who deny it is because feminist movement will eventually outlaw what Allah made permissible. That's where they heading. You may disagree.

Justfollowit:


To sum it up

‘You haven't met a man with one wife who was faithful to her'


You are missing point here. A believing Muslim woman is no under obligation to accept anything. Do not try to turn this into a case of Iman. If that were the case, most believing women with very strong faith would have gladly submitted to it. Faith as no correlation with accepting Musinah. It would be selfishness of the highest order to compare it with our strong the faith is. Please stop swearing when you have no idea what you are talking about.


I am more concerned with how men are now having Musinah just to feel like real men. If they are looking for who to blame their emasculation on, let them direct their blame to the society.

The last IVC I attended in Nigeria, while we were getting off at the entrance of the gate. Some Abus were standing nearby, turned out they knew who the driver was. After the conversation as the driver was about leaving the next thing i heard was ‘when he was going to have his musinah'. Theybhad tk syart pointing out those who already did. Of all things to be concerned at this period. I cannot remember any historical acvount that made polygamy a norm other than culture. Our ummah do not need men who think through their manhoods.

Now there is no topic they would discuss in most lectures, some way somehow they will find a way to introduce Musinah into the subject at hand.

I guess your psycological experiment has worked, you should all be happy, more than half of all sisters who would not ordinarily consider being Musinah, do not give a damn now. Under the umbrella of faith, being second or third wife is perfectly alright.

Do you have an idea of how it has turned some women into for some fools in the name of being men to fiddle with just because Islam legalizes it.

I live my life with do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.

It is not obligatory so for Allah's sake stop trying to depict it as some serious obligation all in the name Halal.

There are many Muslim orphans out there. Ifyou think you have too much to spend, Go sponsor one!

Let me get you here. Are you suggesting that polygamy should not be practised by Muslim men who want to do it as defined in Islam?

Empiree:
^ And she quits and marries another man who "promises" or "just" want "one" wife.

But it's okay if he has mistresses behind your back?.

You will forever quit marriages.

You think polygamy is paradise for men?. Na!

It's pro women actually.

How did I misread this? You make it sound that there is no other way then polygamy.

Yareey:

How did I misread this? You make it sound that there is no other way then polygamy.

i sounded funny?

Empiree:
i sounded funny?

You sound like a man who is trying to secure the rights Allah gave men but is at the same time is failing to acknowledge the right Allah gave women. We can choose who we settle with, which means we can choose if we want to share husband.

There is no problem if the guy is honest about it and let's you know that he is not a one lady type of guy. If the lady agrees then power to them! But I hate men who lie about it before marriage and then tell the lady that she has to accept and have iman after the deal has been made.

maclatunji:


Let me get you here. Are you suggesting that polygamy should not be practised by Muslim men who want to do it as defined in Islam?

I am suggesting that it should be practiced for other reasons other than I am a man, all my friends are also doing it or I think I have got enough to feed more mouths.

It can be easy in then but for the women that is the first wives. I have first have experience on what it has done to some women who married or of love and mercy. It is not a matter to just fiddle with for the sake of ‘Oh, it is halal'. A better option is telling her you may likely marry other wives.

Justfollowit:


I am suggesting that it should be practiced for other reasons other than I am a man, all my friends are also doing it or I think I have got enough to feed more mouths.

It can be easy in then but for the women that is the first wives. I have first have experience on what it has done to some women who married or of love and mercy. It is not a matter to just fiddle with for the sake of ‘Oh, it is halal'. A better option is telling her you may likely marry other wives.

I had to ask because your exact position was getting lost in your posts.

I agree with you that many Muslim men have lost the plot when it comes to polygamy but the solution to that as a problem is not to have a blanket attack on polygamy but to continually educate Muslim men and women on how Islam has defined it: what their rights and duties are under marriage generally with polygamy just being a facet of it that may or may not apply to you as an individual.

What I have observed over the years on this topic are: the perception that most Muslim men that practise polygamy are irresponsible with it and that majority of women have decide to treat it with spiteful derision born out of fear of being swept into it by their husbands and in fact for some single ladies future husband that they have not decided on the identity.

Yareey:

You sound like a man who is trying to secure the rights Allah gave men but is at the same time is failing to acknowledge the right Allah gave women. We can choose who we settle with, which means we can choose if we want to share husband.

There is no problem if the guy is honest about it and let's you know that he is not a one lady type of guy. If the lady agrees then power to them! But I hate men who lie about it before marriage and then tell the lady that she has to accept and have iman after the deal has been made.

The bolded is wrong as it is deception and you're right, a lady should lay down her position on this and have an honest response from the suitor before marriage is agreed.

If he then fails to stick to the agreement, she has options to consider. I would only advice she doesn't act in haste or spite. It is a weighty issue indeed.

maclatunji:


I had to ask because your exact position was getting lost in your posts.

I agree with you that many Muslim men have lost the plot when it comes to polygamy but the solution to that as a problem is not to have a blanket attack on polygamy but to continually educate Muslim men and women on how Islam has defined it: what their rights and duties are under marriage generally with polygamy just being a facet of it that may or may not apply to you as an individual.

What I have observed over the years on this topic are: the perception that most Muslim men that practise polygamy are irresponsible with it and that majority of women have decide to treat it with spiteful derision born out of fear of being swept into it by their husbands and in fact for some single ladies future husband that they have not decided on the identity.

Polygamy is a good thing. I understand that there are circumstances which may warrant it but it is not a matter to engage in without all necessary considerations. I know women who were bedridden because of it (women whomarried out of love), and from all indications there was no reason as to why their men engaged in it other than it is my birthright.

The education you propose is actually doing the opposite. Most lectures in IVC today in one way or the other are hinged on marriage and Musinah. That is not education rather it is an attempt to psycologically change our mindsets.

@Yourmain

The argument that it helps curb Zina is totally out of it. If you marry another woman out of attraction then it follows that you will end up with more than 100 wives all married because you were attracted to them.

Justfollowit:


Polygamy is a good thing. I understand that there are circumstances which may warrant it but it is not a matter to engage in without all necessary considerations. I know women who were bedridden because of it (women whomarried out of love), and from all indications there was no reason as to why their men engaged in it other than it is my birthright.

The education you propose is actually doing the opposite. Most lectures in IVC today in one way or the other are hinged on marriage and Musinah. That is not education rather it is an attempt to psycologically change our mindsets.

@Yourmain

The argument that it helps curb Zina is totally out of it. If you marry another woman out of attraction then it follows that you will end up with more than 100 wives all married because you were attracted to them.

Obviously I'm speaking from a reasonable man's perspective. If you happen to fall for another woman, which happens, what would you have him do?

YourMain:


Obviously I'm speaking from a reasonable man's perspective. If you happen to fall for another woman, which happens, what would you have him do?

I understand your position and I agree that happens a lot. However based on that premise we can assume that a man would fall for more than 100 women in his lifetime, that is how weak they are. If they can withstand all the temptations before marriage who is to say it shouldn't be easier after marriage.

Justfollowit:


Polygamy is a good thing. I understand that there are circumstances which may warrant it but it is not a matter to engage in without all necessary considerations. I know women who were bedridden because of it (women whomarried out of love), and from all indications there was no reason as to why their men engaged in it other than it is my birthright.

The education you propose is actually doing the opposite. Most lectures in IVC today in one way or the other are hinged on marriage and Musinah. That is not education rather it is an attempt to psycologically change our mindsets.

@Yourmain

The argument that it helps curb Zina is totally out of it. If you marry another woman out of attraction then it follows that you will end up with more than 100 wives all married because you were attracted to them.

@bolded, IVC is not the same as Islamic Education, it is just a programme organised by a Muslim body. The teachings there may vary and not be of the highest standards of Islam. They also could but that would depend on those doing the teaching.

I am sure you are not suggesting that proper Islamic education on marriage would not teach the rights and duties of men and women within it or are you?

Are you a student because you seem to emphasize student-related constructs like the MSS and IVC?

maclatunji:


@bolded, IVC is not the same as Islamic Education, it is just a programme organised by a Muslim body. The teachings there may vary and not be of the highest standards of Islam. They also could but that would depend on those doing the teaching.

I am sure you are not suggesting that proper Islamic education on marriage would not teach the rights and duties of men and women within it or are you?

Are you a student because you seem to emphasize student-related constructs like the MSS and IVC?

I was a student in one of the Universities. Those are two major institutions that influence the Islamic orientation of most Nigerian students.

I never said lectures on marriage is not ideal.
The one I attended the last time, Marriage was the only prominent topic all through. I would take offense if out of 6/7 lectures, 4 were based on marriage and the others although not related to it, would somehow end up being connected to it.
Same with Musinah.

Justfollowit:


I was a student in one of the Universities. Those are two major institutions that influence the Islamic orientation of most Nigerian students.

I never said lectures on marriage is not ideal.
The one I attended the last time, Marriage was the only prominent topic all through. I would take offense if out of 6/7 lectures, 4 were based on marriage and the others although not related to it, would somehow end up being connected to it.
Same with Musinah.

Do you understand my point that proper Islamic knowledge is outside of the things you have experienced as far as women being suggested to accept polygamy without question?

Justfollowit:


I understand your position and I agree that happens a lot. However based on that premise we can assume that a man would fall for more than 100 women in his lifetime, that is how weak they are. If they can withstand all the temptations before marriage who is to say it shouldn't be easier after marriage.

I do not speak of infatuation. Falling for 100 women sounds like infatuation to me. Love.

maclatunji:


The bolded is wrong as it is deception and you're right, a lady should lay down her position on this and have an honest response from the suitor before marriage is agreed.

If he then fails to stick to the agreement, she has options to consider. I would only advice she doesn't act in haste or spite. It is a weighty issue indeed.

There is always going to be spite of your lied to but I get what you mean. This whole thing can easy be solved if both parties are honest about what they want.

YourMain:


I do not speak of infatuation. Falling for 100 women sounds like infatuation to me. Love.

Infactuation is when you are really aware of someone for the first time. Whether it is going to remain infactuation or turn into love is entirely up the parties involve. Love requires effort and time to become what it is.

You cannot love someone without knowing or thinking about the person. It is not something you do unintentionally. It is like every other feelings and habits, it requires mental dedication.

How many of those with second wives can you specifically identify that married out of love?

Justfollowit:



Infactuation is when you are really aware of someone for the first time. Whether it is going to remain infactuation or turn into love is entirely up the parties involve. Love requires effort and time to become what it is.

You cannot love someone without knowing or thinking about the person. It is not something you do unintentionally. It is like every other feelings and habits, it requires mental dedication.

How many of those with second wives can you specifically identify that married out of love?

Yes. I know. I'm not speaking of a one time thing. Real love. When a man marries when he falls in live with another woman.

I know a couple. Personally.

maclatunji:


Do you understand my point that proper Islamic knowledge is outside of the things you have experienced as far as women being suggested to accept polygamy without question?

You should know that once you hold a strong belief about something You will autimatically absorb other knowledge selectively. Some of these students have had strong, proper, unbiased and straightforward Islamic knowledge before coming to uni (I was one of such) while the others began their education in Uni courtesy of the MSSN.

Even though I had a great foundation because my parents who were MSSN members. They knew little about Islam until they got admitted to Uni. They joined the local MSSN afterwards, I was brought up within it. I partook in most of their activities and lectures. My ‘proper' Islamic knowledge revolve round MSSN lectures and other Islamic books I grew up reading. This also applies to some of friends. The times i have held discussions with them about this issue, thsy all seem to agree with it no questions asked. The main reason I differ from them is because I was simply curious. If within a space of time when that trend started my friends could say to me ‘Oh, I do not mind being Musinah' despite their Islamic orientation. There is something definitely wrong somewhere.

YourMain:


Yes. I know. I'm not speaking of a one time thing. Real love. When a man marries when he falls in live with another woman.

I know a couple. Personally.

The man saw her for the first tine and said ‘oh, I am going to marry her because I am in love with her'

Sorry, that is not love but infactuation which eventually grew into love. The issue of love is a thing of the mind. Falling in love requires will and that was what happened.

He wanted to and he did..we shouldn't be overflogging this issue at all.

Justfollowit:


The man saw her for the first tine and said ‘oh, I am going to marry her because I am in love with her'

Sorry, that is not love but infactuation which eventually grew into love. The issue of love is a thing of the mind. Falling in love requires will and that was what happened.

He wanted to and he did..we shouldn't be overflogging this issue at all.

No. The man saw her. Became friends with her and from there he decided he wants to marry her. Its not valid then?

YourMain:


No. The man saw her. Became friends with her and from there he decided he wants to marry her. Its not valid then?

He saw her and became friends with her. If he was looking for friendship, what was wrong with his wife.

How ouod explain a ‘friendship' between married man and a single lady. Of course he had a prior motive to have a second wife, saw her and waited to see whether she was worthy. Fortunately for her she was and that was how they happened to claim that it was love.

The reason he got close to her was because he was infatuated or attracted to her and the friendship fuelled the initial feelings. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that the relationship between the two was based on love.

She must have had such amazing character!

Justfollowit:


He saw her and became friends with her. If he was looking for friendship, what was wrong with his wife.

How ouod explain a ‘friendship' between married man and a single lady. Of course he had a prior motive to have a second wife, saw her and waited to see whether she was worthy. Fortunately for her she was and that was how they happened to claim that it was love.

The reason he got close to her was because he was infatuated or attracted to her and the friendship fuelled the initial feelings. It shouldn't come as a surprise to you that the relationship between the two was based on love.

She must have had such amazing character!

So basically the only friend a guy is allowed to have is his wife?

YourMain:


So basically the only friend a guy is allowed to have is his wife?

The type of friends he did not have until he got married but now he can have just to have fill up his home.

He pursued what that could have been avoided and when he realised that he could have treated it like every fitnah out there. I can't remember reading where it would be a sin if he had taken that step.

The man got himself into a compromising situation which could have been avoided. That situation was no different from what we all face everyday. It is a thing of the mind.


A question for you

If I as a Muslim student start a friendship with someone who is or is not a Muslim, with the knowledge of my feelings for him and his for me. What would you advise me to do? Would your advice differ if I were a guy?

Justfollowit:


The type of friends he did not have until he got married but now he can have just to have fill up his home.

He pursued what that could have been avoided and when he realised that he could have treated it like every fitnah out there. I can't remember reading where it would be a sin if he had taken that step.

The man got himself into a compromising situation which could have been avoided. That situation was no different from what we all face everyday. It is a thing of the mind.


A question for you

If I as a Muslim student start a friendship with someone who is or is not a Muslim, with the knowledge of my feelings for him and his for me. What would you advise me to do? Would your advice differ if I were a guy?

There's no talk of persuasion or any folly going on. A guy meets a girl. Married or single and they happen to become friends. They fall in love. Simple.

What? Initially there's no feelings in this scenario. Well if you want more than friendship go for it.

YourMain:


There's no talk of persuasion or any folly going on. A guy meets a girl. Married or single and they happen to become friends. They fall in love. Simple.

What? Initially there's no feelings in this scenario. Well if you want more than friendship go for it.

Therefore love is not an excuse to have another wife. Whether he loved her at first sight or not, he could have ignored the feelings but rather he chose to hold on to them.

This is so straightforward. You should have agreed to my first submission that most men do it out of 'Oh, It is permissible'

And you have not answered my question o

Justfollowit:


Therefore love is not an excuse to have another wife. Whether he loved her at first sight or not, he could have ignored the feelings but rather he chose to hold on to them.

This is so straightforward. You should have agreed to my first submission that most men do it out of 'Oh, It is permissible'

And you have not answered my question o

Well I'm sorry but I think its possible to fall in love with more than one person. I think men can have female friends. Maybe cause that's how y'all are in Nigeria. Fair play to yous then.

I Dont see a problem with you being friends with the opposite

YourMain:


Well I'm sorry but I think its possible to fall in love with more than one person. I think men can have female friends. Maybe cause that's how y'all are in Nigeria. Fair play to yous then.

I Dont see a problem with you being friends with the opposite

I never insinuated that men and women cannot be friends. But men should not on that basis claim to have fallen in love.

I would not advise it for those who cannot handle their feelings

Justfollowit:


I never insinuated that men and women cannot be friends. But men should not on that basis claim to have fallen in love.

I would not advise it for those who cannot handle their feelings

Lol its not your fault if you start catching feelings for a friend

YourMain:


Lol its not your fault if you start catching feelings for a friend

I disagree. It is your fault. I don't like when people shift their responsibilities.


Where are you from?