I sat quietly in front of my t.v screen. From all outward appearances,i seemed to be engrossed in what i was watching. But,appearences were known to be deceptive,and in my case,they most certainly were. I stared listlessly at the t.v screen,hearimg nothing,seeing nothing. Everything was a mass jumble of distorted images,kinda like my thoughts,floating aimlessly in my head. He noticed something was wrong. "What's wrong,sweetie?",he asked in that gentle voice of his. Absently,i wondered how his voice could be so gentle and so strong at the same time. 'A bit of an irony,i suppose',i thought. "I'm fine",i replied aloud. "No you're not. I know you too well". "I'm just thinking",i said with a sigh. " 'Bout what? Give it up,toots?". That endearment made me chuckle. "Y'know,you really have to stop calling me that". "Why? You like it,i like it. What's the problem?" "There isnt one. I just need to think. Alone",i added as an afterthought. "Okay. But,i'll be back",he said,doing the worst possible Arnold Schwazenneger impersonation ever on purpose,just to make me laugh. It worked. I smiled. "You know you can talk to me abt anything,so if or when you're ready to talk,i'll be here",he said,and left me after a soft peck on the forehead. 'He's right',i thought. He had been there for me,and he always would. He was like the sun,or the moon. You knew that whatever happened,every single day,they'd be there. He was my sun,my moon,and so much more. He still is. A fixture in my life that satisfied needs that i didnt even know i had. He's my rock. My gentle hunk,a quiet sentinel,watching over her. 'I love him so much',i said to myself. 'So very much'. Then,i cleared my mind,let it drift aimlessly to a long time ago. I was 14 then,but it felt like only a heartbeat away.

I was in Benin. My cousin was driving me and my sisters to our house. We'd just spent a couple of days in their house,with his parents. His elder siblings,my other cousins weren't there. I remembered sitting in the front seat of the car,my mind drifting effortlessly as it had back then. One of his sisters was doing her youth service in some faraway northern state. His other sister was abroad. His brother was abroad too,but he was dead to me. I remember sitting there,thinking of my cousin,Eghosa,cuz Eghe,as we called her. She was a thousand miles away. In a new place,new ppl,new everything. Yet,i didnt think she was as scared as i was. I didnt know being oceans apart would be that hard,and truth be told,it had'nt hit me. I'd gone with her to the airport. I remember it clearly,cos it was my first time at the international airport,heck,it was my first time at any airport for that matter. And i remember staying outside with one of my sisters cos the stupid security men wouldnt let us all in. We were six,us kids,my mom,her. I remembered staying outside and wondering;'Damn! I just had to get left out. 'Course she came to get us,but i remember being alone,looking at the sky,pitch black,wondering how the hell the pilot could see anything. 'Course i knew abt radars and air traffic control,but that didnt matter one whit. I still wondered. Then i was back to the past,in my cousin's car. When i'd been in cuz Eghe's room,i was taken aback by the scent that was uniquely her;nobody had slept in there since,and that's when it hit me. I felt so utterly alone. In my cousin's car,my mind tortured me with many scenarios,each one more horrible than the previous. I was 14. It was an age when some kids were fascinated with boobs and boyfriends. I was fascinated with things much more different. Psycho-analysis,greek mythology,the criminal mind. See,i was a wierd kid. My idea of fun was reading up something on serial killers,the Green River killer,Son of Sam,the Zodiac(who was quite possibly the only evil genius in serial killer history)

,and Ted Bundy,yessiree,Theodore R. Bundy was my favourite. I knew everything abt his case,down to the last sick detail. I was a wierd kid. I kept thinking,what if that was her? What if some insane madman decided to whack her? I guess that's what scared me the most,cos you didnt need to offend someone b4 he decided to kill you. He could just see you across the road and think;'Gee,i feel the urge to kill someone. Oh,here's a beautiful black woman,i'm sure she'll do quite nicely'. There were so many sick people roaming the streets it was so damn scary. "What is it with white ppl? There's an inherent madness in all of 'em,damn crazy white men! So what if their parents smacked them around when they were kids? What gives 'em the right to go around butchering people?",i muttered to myself in my cousin's car and continued,"If they feel so strongly abt it,why dnt they kill the ppl who 'abused' them,or better still,go jump into a river and save us all some trouble? They should come to Nigeria. People give their kids a good flogging all the time,and their kids turn out great. Heck,my own father does it all the time,and you don't see me turning into some raving,bloodthirsty,lunatic serial killer!',i thought then. But that was besides the point. My cousin was gone. She was gone,and i love her so much,but i never even told her,i thought. 14 years,never so much as an i love you. She knew i did,but still,i thought,i should have told her. When we got home,i stayed out a bit. It was dark,but it was Ikpoba Slope. Right across the moat. Nothing ever happened,and even if it did,i was essentially a loner. I could take care of myself. I looked at the footprints in the red sand. Some heeled,some messy like their heels had sunk into the thick sand,some barely even toes,like the person had been running. There was so much of life out there,waiting for me. So much to give,so much to receive. I learnt something that night. That family was important,and i should tell 'em how much i loved them as often as i could,because they might not alway

always be there to hear it.
I slowly drifted back into the present. I picked up my phone and called away. I called my sisters,and my little bro. And i called my cousin,Eghosa. The message was the same. "I just wanted to say,i love you". My sisters were a bit baffled,as were my cousin,and my brother. I guess i wasnt particularly expressive. They all said they loved me back. My brother even asked whether everything was alright. "Do you have cancer or some other life-threatening disease?",he quipped. "Not on your life bro,you're not getting rid of me that easy". "Yeah. Just my luck. You'll prolly live to 112",he replied. "Get off my line,Mikey",i said with a chuckle. "Alright. Gd'bye sir". "Bye",i replif and hung up. He came in a few minutes later,absently scratching his jaw. "Oh shit.I'm sorry,for intruding on your alone-time". "Nah. It's okay. I was done anyway",i said and walked to him. I put my arms around him and hugged him,hard. "O. . . .kay. . .? What was that for?",he asked jokingly. "Why does everybody keep asking me that? Why's everyone so suspicious? Can't i hug the man i love without anything being wrong?",i asked,playfully punching him in the shoulder. " 'Course you can. Hey,i'm not complaining. And,while you're at it,how 'bout a kiss to go with that?". "I laughed lowly. "Oh,i'll give you a kiss and a li'l something more",i said in a low and what i hoped was a husky voice. "Did that work?",i asked,my mind reeling. He did that to me. Kissed me senseless,kissed me so hard my knees felt weak. Still does. "Did what work?",he replied distractedly,his lips moist from kissing moi. "I've been working on it. My husky voice. So did it?". "Whatever you're doing,i'd say you're doing a pretty good job of it,and i can think of some parts of me are in complete agreement",he said,inching closer to make sure i understood what he meant. 'As if i could possibly misunderstand that',i scoffed,thinking to myself. He started murmuring in my ear, and his voice was deep,husky and as refreshing as a tropical breeze. '

nice. keep it coming

"Well,you're really good at this. You're certainly better than me at the whole 'husky voice' thingy",i remarked. "There's other things i'm good at. Care to find out what they are?". "Of course. I'm just dying with curiousity". "Then shall we?",he asked. "Certainly",i replied,chuckling when he swooped me off my feet and proceeded to carry me upstairs.'
THE END,for now.
P.s-anywhere you see because Eghe,know it's C.U.Z Eghe,as in cousin Eghe.

*dreamy*